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Asexuality article in The Times magazine, 08/08/2020


allieakat

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Not my best work, quality wise, but attached are four images of the article.

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There are some things in this that bother me, like how definitions don't "tell you how long it lasts". I get that they followed up with statements from the interviewees that it's just as permanent as other orientations, but it's still so misunderstood that I cringe at the thought of a number of people reading this thinking that for most of us it must be temporary, and needs either treatment or life experience to "fix".

 

Also, capitalizing "ace" and "aro" makes me fear that problem will only get worse. 

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Diana DeLuna

Yasmin Benoit (who is awesome and I wish I'd had her confidence at her age), was interviewed for the article, and on her twitter feed, she lays out about 7 corrections or misrepresentations. WIthout even reading the article, I was bothered so much I decided not to!

 

Sorry I don't know how to embed tweets. Here is her twitter page....

 

https://twitter.com/theyasminbenoit

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1 hour ago, Spaghetti Cat said:

Here's the full article from online if it is easier for anyone to read...Beware, some of the comments are horrific.

Thanks, for the article; I liked that it included diverse people, different types of aces and aros, etc.

 

(sigh)...Still the same, ignorant comments about aces, asexuality, etc. after the article. The one about asexuals not being in danger, walking alone, especially sounded ignorant, to me: sometimes, strangers do like to harass or shout at me from vehicles, take their road rage out on me; laugh and comment about what I'm wearing, etc. Occasionally, a stranger will say they're concerned by me doing things alone, scolding me for it, saying that it's dangerous for me to be walking around/exercising alone; sometimes, people mistake me for an underage kid. And, as a teen, I was laughed at and called "gay" and thought of as trans by other teens/young adults.

 

Most other adults walk with a partner or friend, and I've never seen anyone harass them.

 

It's not my fault I'm not attracted to others or don't want or care about having a partner, being married, etc.; I'm not going to try to be in a relationship with someone else, just so that others will leave me alone and not harass me (because they think I'm an easy target, since I'm by myself).

 

 

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everywhere and nowhere
47 minutes ago, StrangeDruid said:

I really wish that articles written by non-asexual people were at least proofread/edited by members of the community or their asexual interviewees. It's great these articles exist, but there's always weird mistakes and problematic wording in them that can be easily avoided.

I remember a case when Swankivy was interviewed for an asexuality article and later discovered that the author has outright put words into her mouth that she never said. Not coincidentally, these were words meant to create an image of "Don't worry, apart from being asexual, she's a Normal Woman".

If wearing make up and high heels and "going out" is considered a measure of "being a normal woman", then I can finally be sure that I'm not. :twisted: In fact, the no. 1 topic when talking with my best friend is politics... And she's trans, so unfortunately under yet more pressure to fit into the female stereotype, with interest in politics quite clearly not being congruent with that stereotype...

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everywhere and nowhere
15 minutes ago, StrangeDruid said:

because society still views women as mothers and/or lovers first and foremost.

Which is why I'm proud to be a spinster.

In Polish there is a phrase, it was used for example as the title of a soap opera - "Mothers, wives and lovers". It's very recognisable, so it sounds powerful to say that I'm "never gonna be anybody's mother, wife or lover". The first two are becoming more and more acceptable, but finding freedom in a total rejection of personal participation in sex - this is something a lot of people are completely unable to comprehend...

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I haven't read the online version, just the photos of the print version posted here, and I'm not inclined to even try given the warning above about the comments. I wonder if that was subconsciously something intended by the publication. If they published it without a paywall, it would likely attract more asexual people to read it to feel ourselves affirmed by representation, in which case they would want that representation to be carefully accurate. However, knowing the article would be behind a paywall, they published something that would appeal to people who are already paying to read it. The paper knows the demographics, and knows what the culture of its readers is like in terms of how they behave in comments and what they react to. That's what they wanted to rile up.

 

I'm really disappointed in this article for those reasons. The people interviewed were great, and I bet they did the interviews with great hopes. The writer probably wanted something more positive as well, but articles like this often get more editor meddling to elicit profitable reactions.

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Diana DeLuna
3 hours ago, LeChat said:

Thanks, for the article; I liked that it included diverse people, different types of aces and aros, etc.

 

(sigh)...Still the same, ignorant comments about aces, asexuality, etc. after the article. The one about asexuals not being in danger, walking alone, especially sounded ignorant, to me: sometimes, strangers do like to harass or shout at me from vehicles, take their road rage out on me; laugh and comment about what I'm wearing, etc. Occasionally, a stranger will say they're concerned by me doing things alone, scolding me for it, saying that it's dangerous for me to be walking around/exercising alone; sometimes, people mistake me for an underage kid. And, as a teen, I was laughed at and called "gay" and thought of as trans by other teens/young adults.

 

Most other adults walk with a partner or friend, and I've never seen anyone harass them.

 

It's not my fault I'm not attracted to others or don't want or care about having a partner, being married, etc.; I'm not going to try to be in a relationship with someone else, just so that others will leave me alone and not harass me (because they think I'm an easy target, since I'm by myself).

 

 

Preach, @LeChat!

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Diana DeLuna
1 hour ago, StrangeDruid said:

In my opinion, society struggles with asexual women (cisgender and trans) because society still views women as mothers and/or lovers first and foremost. If you're not either of these things, then people lose their minds and call you unnatural. That's been my experience anyways

Mine too. Mood!🏅

 

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I found the title a real turn off...but I forced myself to read on, anyway. Okay, so somewhere in the article, there is a mention that older asexuals exist, but the immediate impression I get from the title is this is something that only affects younger people. That, in itself, reinforces the stereotype that the article later tries barely half-heartedly to debunk—that asexuality is a millennial/GenZ phenomenon.

 

Another problem for me is the idea that the people interviewed were all driven and successful because they are asexual. Does this mean that someone who is asexual but hasn’t reached the top of their chosen profession by the age of 23 is a failure as an asexual person? Because we haven’t channelled all that extra spare time available to us in an equally productive way? I don’t think so!

 

Thank you to all those people who allowed themselves to be interviewed. That I found the article to be disappointing in places has nothing to do with you. Just want to make that clear.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I hope I can get a print copy of the magazine for my collection.

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