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Hetero-romantic Demisexual


Dandelionsandroses

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Dandelionsandroses

Hi,

 

I’m new to this forum from lovely old England. 

I’m so happy that I found this website, it’s been really helpful reading more information about the context of Asexuality.


I finally realised this year after so so many years of thinking something was “wrong” with me, that I fit on the asexual spectrum. It’s such a liberating feeling especially to be surrounded by likeminded individuals ☺️For me, I think that I fall somewhere between Demi sexuality and gray sexuality as I  feel small bouts of sexual attraction only when I am in a relationship with someone and have built a strong emotional connection. 
For a long time, I have felt like there is something wrong with me for not wanting sex often at all and have got really anxious about the state of my relationship even though my partner is considerate and never pressures me in to doing anything I don’t want to sexually or otherwise. I’ve suffered with OCD ever since I was a child and have been through/am currently going through a bout of relationship themed OCD where I am questioning whether my partner is the one for me. I love him so much and feel romantically attached to him most of the time but I rarely feel the urge to have sex with him ( sometimes I do and it’s great, but most the time I don’t) and don’t really consider him to be sexually attractive (or anyone else for that matter). I have seen a Therapist previously which really helped but the OCD monster rears its head often... I think at the end of the day I just need to accept that I’m someone who has very low sexual desire and does not experience sexual attraction in high intensity 🙂 

Would love to hear back from anyone who has had/currently has any similar experiences. 
 

Keep safe and well 


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Sarah-Sylvia

Heyy. Welcome around @Dandelionsandroses 🍰

 

Pretty similar here, though I did have times in my life where I was sexual. Not that it always worked out, but the more I accepted that sex isn't that important to me, the more I could focus on what does, love. and at this point I don't really care if I have sex or not, though I am sensual and want to touch and hold and kiss :P If you can find what matters most to you and focus on that, maybe the rest won't really be as much of a concern.. There's still lots to figure out, especially in a relationship, but I think it's good to know where you stand ;)

 

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Dandelionsandroses

Hi 👋🏼 @Sarah-Sylvia! Thank you for your reply, nice to meet you! And thanks for the cake 🍰 sending some back your way 🧁 🎂 🍰 

Thanks for sharing your story, I totally get where you’re coming from as I am a very sensual person also (kiss, cuddle and hug my  boyfriend pretty much every-day). I suppose the lack of sex/sexual activity is made up for ten fold by the amount of times I show sensual affection to him. Absolutely agree with you about finding what you think is important in a relationship. To me it’s definitely the emotional and sensual affection. But understand that for others it might be different and that’s absolutely okay, I guess that’s why there’s a spectrum! 😁

Take care of yourself! 🤗
 

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@Dandelionsandroses, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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Dandelionsandroses
16 minutes ago, Skycaptain said:

@Dandelionsandroses, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

Thank you! 👋🏼Lovely to meet you ☺️🧁🎂🍰

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  • 1 month later...

I identify as heteromantic and demisexual too!! Also same, I have never really been sexually attracted to someone but I wanted to do some romantic things with my now ex-boyfriend. I get the feeling something was “wrong”, I felt that way when I was still using the heterosexual label. I don’t have OCD, but I do have autism and ADHD do I guess we aren’t as similar in that respect. 

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Dandelionsandroses
On 9/24/2020 at 3:19 AM, Isa20 said:

I identify as heteromantic and demisexual too!! Also same, I have never really been sexually attracted to someone but I wanted to do some romantic things with my now ex-boyfriend. I get the feeling something was “wrong”, I felt that way when I was still using the heterosexual label. I don’t have OCD, but I do have autism and ADHD do I guess we aren’t as similar in that respect. 

Sorry for the late reply @Isa20 😊

Thanks for taking the time to message me on this thread. It’s nice to virtually meet a fellow hetero-romantic Demi-sexual!

 

Yeah I was the same, I constantly scrutinised for a period of time what was wrong with me and why I wasn’t feeling sexual attraction to my boyfriend or I guess to anyone in that matter so I’d engage in sexual activity with him (all consensual) to try and “fix” myself. It’s never worked though as I still feel no natural inclination/drive to engage in sex. I have to force myself, a bit like with normal exercise! Looking back though I’ve never been a highly sexualised person and lost my virginity quite late, so i think I just have low sexual interest/attraction towards romantic partners. I’d rather cuddle and kiss any day! 

That’s fair enough, perhaps not in that respect then but having autism and adhd doesn’t undermine what you have felt in relationships 😊

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