I don’t feel as if my friends believe me when i came out as ace

[Anon15]

 

So i have been very confused about if i was ace and have come to accept the label as part of who i am. Looking at my memories from my childhood there has been countless times where it is apparent that anything sexual is not in my interest or something that I would want to do. The only times i have done something sexual is due to my partner wanting me to and i wasn’t really keen but wanted to make them happy and because all my friends made it out like it was a “cool” thing to do it seemed like it would help my social status (which i do feel bad for doing but is just something that as a teenager is something that everyone does so I don’t feel as bad). After i came out as ace many people accepted it but i feel many don’t understand about me feelings and/or don’t believe me. I know it’s something that shouldn’t bother me due to it being my sexuality and not theirs but it still hurts to think that my friends do not believe me. I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on my situation or if anyone had been in the same situation and how they dealt with it. Many thanks. 

 

[Guest]

Hi and welcome to AVEN! 

I'm sorry about your friends not believing you. I think maybe you could try telling them why you feel you are an ace and tell them that you know yourself better than they do and they're nobody to give you a label. If they still don't believe that, I'm sorry but I guess friends should be with you always else why are they called friends.

Anyway, glad to have you here and hope you like it! 

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[xenonex]

2 minutes ago, Anon15 said:

my friends made it out like it was a “cool” thing to do

I really relate this, sometimes I feel the need to pretend to be straight just to fit in and act "normal".

It's frustrating when your friends don't understand your sexuality (I keep having to remind mine!) but if they care about you, they'll take the time to learn more about it. Maybe you could explain to them that asexuals can be sex positive or sex neutral and that being ace doesn't mean being celibate. If they're interested you could send them a video talking about it (like this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9tSal4YyII&t=20s).

[Guest]

[redacted]

[Spill]

I've had similar issues when coming out as Ace. Usually when I tell people, they respond with laughter, tell me i'm a late bloomer or jump to gate-keeping. I've had people tell me that being Ace is just an excuse for suppressing your underlying sexuality. Back when I was questioning I had people that Demi- isn't real, or being Quoi- is just something made up from tumblr. Most people around me still continue to doubt me on whether i'm ace, and they act like they'll just play along and someday i'll experience sexual attraction.

 

Something I realized is that when you get comments like this, you just have to be firm with it. Other than that, i'm not sure what you would do.

[Demi Dad]

@Anon15 Hello and welcome 

 

you are the same person they new before you told them who you are and they should treat you the same regardless . when i told my friends who i am  ,some said ok and whats that? and i explained to them, others  "i dont beleive in labels you shouldn't label yourself," i answered  its not to help you it's to help me to know my self better, you don't have to beleive me( not angrily), after that they let it go with the accasional question or remark . there are two type of friends those who understand that as we age and grow no one stays the same ,they are worth having around .then there  are those who find it inconveniant that you are not the same as they pictured you in there head some will come around some won't ,dont feel bad you can't please every one. you are not here for your friends you are here for you and you can and will make more friends . be true who you are make you a better you. again welcome and enjoy the conversation, comunity  and stay for the cake 🍰

[Lichley]

Welcome! I mean a fair few probably just don’t understand and said something hurtful accidentally, some may be the sort of idiot who judges people based on their orientation. The important thing is to know when there’s just a miscommunication that you can work on together and when it’s time to move on. It’s not your job to explain your every descision to them, and if they start asking intrusive questions you can just tell them to mind their own business. The important thing is that you feel comfortable around your friends. If you start feeling bad about seeing them because you know they’re just going to start another debate or argument whenever they see you next then you need to re-evaluate if you still want them in your life. 

[AceMissBehaving]

Moved to Asexual Musings and Rantings

 

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