Some questions for genderfluid peeps✨

[Milo_idk]

hello y'all,
I found out that I am agender and while searching for the right label I also came across the term 'gender fluid'. and now I'm quite curious about what it's like to have a fluid gender. if you have the time can you (if you are gender fluid) answer the questions? i am just very curious :).
1. do you fluctuate between ALL gender identities?
2. can it also be the case that one moment (for example) you feel like a boy and the other moment (for example) a girl?
3. How did you find out that you are gender fluid? were there any signs in your childhood?
4. is it difficult to choose between the different changing rooms in public places? 
5. are you happy being gender fluid?

 

thanks in advance for answering!

 

P.s. sorry for my terrible English ^^;

[Sarah-Sylvia]

21 minutes ago, Milo_idk said:

hello y'all,
I found out that I am female demiflux and while searching for the right label I also came across the term 'gender fluid'. and now I'm quite curious about what it's like to have a fluid gender. if you have the time can you (if you are gender fluid) answer the questions? i am just very curious :).
1. do you fluctuate between ALL gender identities?
2. can it also be the case that one moment (for example) you feel like a boy and the other moment (for example) a girl?
3. How did you find out that you are gender fluid? were there any signs in your childhood?
4. is it difficult to choose between the different changing rooms in public places? 
5. are you happy being gender fluid?

 

thanks in advance for answering!

 

P.s. sorry for my terrible English ^^;

Hii. I don't know exactly how fluid I am, I wouldn't say I consider myself mainly gender fluid, but I can still answer from my experiences.

1. Yes, although I get dysphoria from male ones, and male features. I mainly identify as female (in general) even if I'm fluid.
2. Yes. But also many mixes in between, and androgynous is my second strongest gender after female. Some can last a while or just a moment.
3. I guess I never had a strong sense of gender identity, and when I started thinking I could be a girl too, it didn't seem odd, beyond the conditioning pulling me to think I'm a guy. And the flexibility is what led to the fluidity for me. The more I detach from the belief that I'm the gender I was born with, the more it can fluctuate. But in my heart, being a girl makes the most sense, and made me the happiest.
4. I care what people think, so I go with the default to not cause too much attention.
5. Yes and No. Part of it is who I am, but then another part just wants to be female and doesn't always like fluctuating. I do actually sometimes prefer a more androgynous gender, so it's not like I'm just in conflict, but I'm still learning to discover and be myself.

That's the best I can answer those for now, but feel free to ask for more explanation if something's not clear or you're curious about something.


Note: Also, I wanted to add that changing is not 'only' random, sometimes it can also be triggered by things or people. And I'm trying to learn to master more being able to consciously/intentionally change too. (not that it's always easy)

[SleeplessAndAnxious]

1 hour ago, Milo_idk said:

hello y'all,
I found out that I am female demiflux and while searching for the right label I also came across the term 'gender fluid'. and now I'm quite curious about what it's like to have a fluid gender. if you have the time can you (if you are gender fluid) answer the questions? i am just very curious :).
1. do you fluctuate between ALL gender identities?
2. can it also be the case that one moment (for example) you feel like a boy and the other moment (for example) a girl?
3. How did you find out that you are gender fluid? were there any signs in your childhood?
4. is it difficult to choose between the different changing rooms in public places? 
5. are you happy being gender fluid?

 

thanks in advance for answering!

 

P.s. sorry for my terrible English ^^;

Hey there! 

 

I'll have a go at answering your questions! (Also no apologizes whatsoever! Your English is great!) 

 

1. I do fluctuate between masculine, feminine, and neither. The way I've described my personal experience to a friend is that, sometimes, I associate more strongly with one side than the others, but they're usually all there in some degree for me. I haven't figured out if that's just because I have the memory of identifying with the others though, so I know they're still part of me even if they're not very present at the time. 

 

2. Yes, absolutely. I'm still trying to work out if there's something that causes the shifts or if I just spend some random amount of time one way and then change to another. I have found that there are certain situations that make me associate more strongly with certain identities though, and I'm pretty sure that can influence a shift. For example, when it comes to big, formal social events, I've noticed I tend to shift toward feminine/female and strongly desire to present myself as a woman (dresses, make-up, heels, jewelry, etc.). If I'm in a situation where I'm responsible for kids, I tend to shift toward masculine/male. That's not to say that I always do this in these situations: I just more often than not feel those parts of myself stronger in those situations. 

 

3. I had a long and difficult struggle with it. I grew up in a conservative religious household and area. I'm AFAB, so, while it was socially acceptable (and apparently even a bit endearing) for me to be labeled a "tomboy" as a young kid, that was not the case when I hit puberty and still liked to often wear really baggy clothes, play with male-coded things as much as female-coded, and especially (because I'm aro/ace) because I didn't have any interest in boys. (For the record, I didn't have an interest in girls, either, but that was in line with what people around me expected to see, so that was never brought up.) People in middle school were... pretty bad, if I'm honest. In high school, I felt pressured to dress really feminine to escape that. I did also find cosplay at that point, so I found a place that was safe and more socially acceptable for me to express masculinity and neutrality. I'm not sure how much of those were signs, but I can say that I also didn't really understand why gendered norms were so important to people, and I never really felt a strong connection to any gender or the concept itself. When I was questioning if I was a binary trans man, I realized I didn't have any strong feelings to one binary or the other, and, when I experimented with being binary one way or the other, it always felt like I was rejecting some part of myself. I had a harder time accepting my feminine aspect because of the pressure to conform and some resentment I'd had to it because of that, but I'm much more comfortable with it now. I'm pretty sure I found the term genderfluid after a late night anxiety-driven Google search, if I'm honest!

 

4. Sometimes, I get a little irritated that it's such a big deal. I don't really mind that much to go with what people expect me to use, but I know that for some people, both non-binary and especially binary trans people, it's such a deeply hurtful thing, the way many people treat that subject. Then again, on official forms, I also just select "female" because, while it's not my whole truth, I can get by without having a lot of resentment about it. Then again, I also live in the deep south, so... I'd personally love to check "non-binary" instead, but I always harbor a little bit of paranoia about it. 

 

5. I feel much more comfortable with myself knowing it. I'm not fighting to validate that my feelings are real, and I did. For a long time, I was unaware that non-binary and gender fluid identities existed, so I initially thought that I needed to be binary, whether that was cis or trans, and I had talked to trans men, who had some serious overlap with a number of my experiences. Some days it's still pretty hard though. I'm extremely feminine-looking, and it's hard for me to be male-passing when I want to. Like I said, I also live in the deep south of the US, so... there's everything associated with that. That makes it more difficult for me to accept myself sometimes, but I'm quite proud of me most days for fighting through it anyway. And it helps that I have a deeply supportive person who allows and encourages me to do what feels best and adapts to that happily. 

 

If you have any other questions or just want to try and get your thoughts out there in a community that is very accepting and understanding, this is a great place to do that! I wish you the best! 

[Jonathan-Lily]

Hello Milo and everyone, How are you?

 

I too am Gender-fluid. Although a pretty newbie to it all. I am a biological male in my late 20's, and until recent years i have not come to terms of how i was feeling. Feeling like a man most of the time but more feminine. it is not that i act girly or anything but like a very softy. SORRY NOT SURE HOW TO WORD THIS.

 

Always felt that there was a feminine side to me. If we are talking about souls, it feelings like half my soul is Lady-like. My mother has an old album when I was very little, baby, toddler, and around 4 or 5 yrs old. Pictures showing me being a kid although i had no notion of whats a girl or boy. This kid would pose like a girl, in my perspective mind you. Not just one picture but quite a few. that was quite interesting when i look back to seeing the pictures.

 

Forward to now I recently found the term Gender-fluid. Late 2019 to early 2020, so yeah i'm pretty new to it all. I did not come out to my Mom and her BF(10+yrs). My feminine side have been so prominent that at times i do feel like a girl/lady. . . in a different sex. Mornings I would wake masculine man then throughout the day it would be,

Masculine, masculine feminine, feminine, feminine masculine, then mixed of both masc/Fem, then sometimes i'd be EH... HUH? EH? neither? interesting. but im sure everyone going through an EH though the day right?

 

1. It does fluctuate at time of being a Man then Lady, and anywhere in between. Everyone is different. It be Mood, Feelings, situations, etc. Im still learning to cruise with it.

 

2. same as Above ^ in my Lady stage I would sometimes like to wear light makeup(new to makeup.HELP plz), Skirt, Dress, Blouse, Cute T's. Clothing not all at once haha. Very few femme clothing so im still looking. But im trying to lean toward dressing androgynous, or combination of 1 mens + 1 Femme = Meta Fashion. Haha that made me laugh. Geez jon.

 

3. Mixture of Childhood. Understanding. Philosophy. I believe I have always known, but there be times i would push it aside. With being who i am, I like to think, " I am ok being born male or female, as in my house being that. I would love it if my body was also Androgynous looking ".

 

4. As i am new to this. I have always wore mens clothing my whole life Home or Public. At home i wear androgynous clothing parents doesn't notice. For public, I am not ready for that coming out yet. I am sorry if this doesnt help.

 

5. I am Happy being Genderfluid I also believe that me being an open minded, philosophical, spacey, kinda person that it helps being my identity. Also I were to still have my NOW personality and everything about me. And being born a girl I would still be happy being genderfluid.

 

I am still having my experiences and this is not going to stop. Everyone is going through their own journey.

This experiences is what I have for now.

 

If you need anything else let us know. We are out there. If you like a new friend in your life then I'll be happy to be that friend. That goes for anyone.

[Star Crossed Loner]

1 - Not really, some gender identities are ethnic culture, that being said, we technically dont have the right to identify with all gender identities there is, even if we did.

 

2 - Yes,  but I personally identify as part of the social group of agender people most of the time, more often than when I identify as part of the social groups of men and women.

 

3 - Personally, sometimes I wanna be socially "read" (identified/recognized) as part of the sociocultural group of men, other times I wanna be socially read as part of the sociocultural group of women, and other times socially read as non-binary  (what's nearly impossible).

 

4 - depends upon your appearance (gender expression), disabled toilets can be life saving.

 

5 - well, living like that's not easy tho.

[Milo_idk]

Heyo everyone,

Thanks for taking ur time to reply to this topic! Sorry for the late reply hah😅