Question for Allosexual People (From an Ace Person)

[Rainy Robin]

So I've never experienced sexual attraction, but I'm super curious about it and think that (maybe) other aces on this forum have similar questions. Please let me know if my questions are insensitive or rude, because that's not my intention at all. I'm just curious and not sure how to ask these questions

 

Is it only possible to experience sexual attraction to someone of the gender(s) you're attracted to when you know their gender? Or could you be attracted to a person of the gender(s) you're attracted to without knowing for sure that they identified with that gender? 

 

For example, if you identified as someone who is sexually attracted to women, would it be possible to be attracted to someone who identifies as a woman if that person did not explicitly communicate their identity to you? This question comes from the idea that gender identity and gender expression aren't the same thing, which made me wonder how sexual attraction plays into this. 

 

 

 

 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

24 minutes ago, Rainy_Robin said:

So I've never experienced sexual attraction, but I'm super curious about it and think that (maybe) other aces on this forum have similar questions. Please let me know if my questions are insensitive or rude, because that's not my intention at all. I'm just curious and not sure how to ask these questions

 

Is it only possible to experience sexual attraction to someone of the gender(s) you're attracted to when you know their gender? Or could you be attracted to a person of the gender(s) you're attracted to without knowing for sure that they identified with that gender? 

 

For example, if you identified as someone who is sexually attracted to women, would it be possible to be attracted to someone who identifies as a woman if that person did not explicitly communicate their identity to you? This question comes from the idea that gender identity and gender expression aren't the same thing, which made me wonder how sexual attraction plays into this.

I hope it's ok for me to butt in, lol. I think gender expression is what makes the most impact, especially people who're quick to get sexually attracted. It's possible for a guy to be attracted to someone crossdressing if they dont know that's the case. (probably the same the other way around) If they're insecure about their sexuality, they can feel bad about it when they find out, lol.

I've had some guys be attracted to me as a trans woman, even though I still looked like a guy (or didn't know how I looked sometimes online), so I would say that sometimes the identity definitely can matter quite a bit regardless. But they knew I was trans. I really don't think they'd been attracted to me if they didn't know. Can some people just 'feel' someone's identity even if they don't look it? I don't know. Maybe sometimes, but most of the time it's because they can relate to the feelings to some degree.

[Guest]

I have only experienced sexual attraction once - to my wife, who is trans. She is pre-op and not out IRL (she said it's OK to talk about on AVEN though) so mostly presents as male. I find her wildly attractive in both her true gender expression (presenting female) and presenting male (her sex assigned at birth, that she dislikes).  

 

But since I don't have any other experiences with sexual attraction... *shrug* 

 

A lot of people in the trans partner group I am in though lose attraction once their partner begins presenting more femme or masculine, against their birth sex. So, gender presentation certainly has a lot to do with attraction for some people (rather than strictly just the sex of the body). 

[Rainy Robin]

1 hour ago, Serran said:

So, gender presentation certainly has a lot to do with attraction for some people (rather than strictly just the sex of the body). 

Thanks for sharing your experience! 

 

2 hours ago, CBC said:

I'm attracted to personality more so than appearance, and also happen to be bisexual so I don't have a preference in that sense, but I've only ever been attracted to cisgendered people who more or less present as they identify.

Ok, that's interesting to hear! I guess I hadn't really thought about how personality would play into this question, so it's good to hear about how you experience that.  

[Guest]

51 minutes ago, Rainy_Robin said:

Ok, that's interesting to hear! I guess I hadn't really thought about how personality would play into this question, so it's good to hear about how you experience that.  

Personality plays a key role in sexual attraction for a lot of people.