solemnly_swear Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 Hi! I stayed up until 4 AM this morning researching more about asexuality (which has pretty much existed on the edge of my universe for a little while now) and I’m starting to think it might fit me, but I’m unsure how to go about all this. The one thing I know for sure (well, not even, but it seems like sexuals are fairly adamant you’d know if you’d experienced sexual attraction?) is that I’ve never experienced sexual attraction before. I had one crush that lasted 5 years and was more about his personality (the furthest my fantasies ever went was maybe going to a school dance or holding his hand). This crush ended abruptly and I haven’t had another one since. More recently, I’ve become aware that I’m romantically attracted to a very close friend (I want to cuddle her and be close to her all the time, and I would love to spend the rest of my life with her living in the same place and being emotionally intimate). I’d assumed that I’d figure out what the heck sexual attraction was as I got older (and I’m still sort of doubting myself because what if I just haven’t experienced it yet? I’m only 18 and haven’t been in a relationship). But I guess for now I identify as ace (still questioning my romantic orientation 😅). Thank you for reading if you made it this far ☺️ Link to post Share on other sites
CodyRandom Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 Welcome to the Ace club lol hopefully you'll enjoy your time here Link to post Share on other sites
ace bookdragon Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 Welcome to AVEN! It's a tradition here to give new members cake. As I can tell you're a fellow Potterhead, here's a Marauder's Map cake. Link to post Share on other sites
SleeplessAndAnxious Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 Hey there! Welcome from another newbie here and, as is tradition, have some cake! It sounds to me like you've got a good thing going there! I can understand being a bit unsure of something like that though. And, hey, if you later on figure that a different identity fits your experience better, that's totally fine, too! If it helps to hear some solidarity, while I've personally been pretty confident in saying I'm very much asexual, for me, it was the aromantic part that I struggled with doubting some. In the end, I decided that I really don't experience romantic attraction, and what was confusing me so badly was that I'm totally fine with basically being "super emotionally intimate best friends who also might get married for the social perks" with someone who is comfortable with having that with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 Hi and welcome to AVEN! Hope you enjoy it hear and get to find out your romantic orientation too (it doesn't matter much but if you want to have that in your label too, go for it) Now enjoy this cake! Link to post Share on other sites
solemnly_swear Posted July 30, 2020 Author Share Posted July 30, 2020 Thank you for all the Harry Potter cake! Definitely one of the best kinds 😌. And @SleeplessAndAnxious, I totally feel that last part, thank you for sharing ☺️ Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 Welcome! Well I can’t not give you the piece Link to post Share on other sites
solemnly_swear Posted July 31, 2020 Author Share Posted July 31, 2020 😍 so beautiful, love it. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 Welcome to AVEN! My experience was very similar! Wow! I Had a crush on a guy for years too, I actually came very close to dating him. We shared some intimate moments (holding each other in romantic hugs for a long time). Even with him pressed against my skin so close, never thought sexual things. And I had a crush on a girl in my final year. Same as you, my fantasies of her too were purely romantic. 18 is a great time to figure out you're ace! I took on the label at around the same time as you, and I truly believe it saved me from some potentially bad situations. A lot of asexuals discover late in their life, and unfortunately had to go through some very uncomfortable situations before they knew themselves. Some were pressured to have sex, went through painful breakups, didn't know how to explain their feelings, felt broken. You now have the vocabulary to describe who you are, and you can avoid these situations and find a partner who truly is compatible with you. Don't worry about being unsure if you are truly asexual. Use the label for as long as it suits you! I was around your age when I figured it out and it's been almost 10 years and I'm still ace. Trust yourself, use the label in situations it will help you, and live your life without worry too much about labels! And most importantly, feel proud of who you are! Link to post Share on other sites
solemnly_swear Posted August 2, 2020 Author Share Posted August 2, 2020 @NightLight Hello! Just wanted to say that you made my day and thank you so much for sharing your experiences ☺️. It’s really nice to hear about someone who’s felt similarly (really nice is an understatement but seriously, thank you). Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 4 minutes ago, solemnly_swear said: @NightLight Hello! Just wanted to say that you made my day and thank you so much for sharing your experiences ☺️. It’s really nice to hear about someone who’s felt similarly (really nice is an understatement but seriously, thank you). Awww, you are so welcome! I was worried that maybe I was rambling too much! I'm so happy to hear it made your day! 💖💖💖💖 Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted August 6, 2020 Share Posted August 6, 2020 @solemnly_swear A very belated welcome to AVEN! I define sexual attraction as leading to the desire to have sex with someone (this is different from arousal, which doesn't always lead to desiring sex). I hope that helps! And I wish you luck with figuring out your romantic orientation! You might find this helpful if you haven't read it yet: https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/76092-romantic-and-aromantic-lexicon-and-faq/ Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's another "Harry Potter" cake, https://cakesdecor.com/cakes/338063-harry-potter Link to post Share on other sites
solemnly_swear Posted August 7, 2020 Author Share Posted August 7, 2020 @MichaTannock Thank you very much! The link was helpful (and so was the differentiation between arousal and sexual attraction 😁). And I love the cake! Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted August 7, 2020 Share Posted August 7, 2020 @solemnly_swear You're welcome! I'm glad the information was helpful, and that you love the cake! Link to post Share on other sites
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