I figured it out kinda!

[doawaywith]

Last year around June I made my account and posted an introduction where I said I thought I might be grey-ace but was a bit confused about it. You can read that here if you like: 

 

Well I figured out why nothing stuck with me. First of all, I'm not ace in any capacity, so that's the first thing. I realized my feelings about sexuality were actually me repressing my gender and being trans and gay. Uh... Suprise!? 🎉 Turns out I've been repressing that for about 10 years since I first saw my first hints of trans people existing. 

 

I was actually looking for another forum to ask some questions on and saw this one pop up in the search results. Figured it wouldn't be an awful thing to check back in and say what's up... (besides my sister came out to me as ace and I wanna keep a toe in a place like this for her.)

 

Anyway honestly all my confusion just boils down to "everyone's experince is individual and if you know for yourself that you're X then you're X." And yet... I wish someone would just tell me "yeah that's okay," that I didnt even feel like I had to ask the questions and need to feel validated somehow.

 

The questions themselves are rather TMI type sexy stuff so I'm not really sure of that's allowed here lol. Honestly if you tell me I can ask them then I will anyway. Mostly I wanted to check in and say I figured it out for the most part, and that I'm happy for my sister who now feels like she has a valid name to call her personal experience with her sexuality.

 

Cheers!

[Rynn]

First, congrats! 

 

Second:

8 hours ago, doawaywith said:

The questions themselves are rather TMI type sexy stuff so I'm not really sure of that's allowed here lol. Honestly if you tell me I can ask them then I will anyway.

Not sure what the questions are about, but if they are about sex, then maybe the subforum The Grey Area, Sex and Related Discussions would be the place to ask. If they are especially graphic, probably put them in the Sex Talk

If they are about transition and or gender, you could spoiler them and put content warnings? Or you could opt to go to Susan's place, a forum for trans people, instead.

 

[Guest]

On 7/30/2020 at 12:28 PM, doawaywith said:

I realized my feelings about sexuality were actually me repressing my gender and being trans and gay. Uh... Suprise!?

Same thing happened to me!

 

I was always attracted to boys growing up, but when I tried to play the role of a "straight girlfriend", any feelings of romance or attraction totally disappeared. It was me experiencing the gender dysphoria of wanting to be someone's boyfriend, but not being allowed that space. Everything felt wrong, and very frightening. I couldn't be a girlfriend, I didn't want anyone to touch me, and I didn't feel like I actually owned my physical body. I felt like I was playing a role, like my life didn't belong to me. It sucked. It was a very awkward, humiliating, and confronting phase of life.

 

Identifying as asexual was an easy way for me to justify my inability to be attracted to anyone. It was an escape. At one stage, I even tried to force myself to date girls, thinking that was the "reason" I was gender non-conforming and apparently unable to date men. Spoiler alert, that didn't work, and I really did not fit in with the lesbian community. Identifying as asexual didn't work, either. It wasn't correct. I was too attracted to men; I just needed to let myself feel that desire. And I could only do that once I had become my true self... a gay man.

 

For me personally, I'm currently celibate, and will be unless I meet a man who I feel comfortable with. Honestly, I'm mainly attracted to other trans men, as there's an amount of empathy/safety there that really appeals to me. But I'm not in any rush!

 

On 7/30/2020 at 12:28 PM, doawaywith said:

The questions themselves are rather TMI type sexy stuff so I'm not really sure of that's allowed here lol. Honestly if you tell me I can ask them then I will anyway.

I'm happy to talk with you about stuff! Also happy to discuss trans sensuality and sexuality in more vague terms, if that'll be comfortable. I can privately share some sexually liberating articles and stuff with you, if you confirm you're a legal adult...!

 

TW for sex talk (no genital terms used, dysphoria-inducing words avoided)...

Spoiler

If your question relates to feeling somewhat in the "grey area" between being fully sexual and having one foot in the asexual community, I can relate to that.

 

While I absolutely do experience sexual attraction, years and years of abstinence and genital dysphoria have conditioned me to not need sex. I want it someday, but I'm not willing to sacrifice my personal safety and comfort to experience it.

 

I also want to be with someone who knows how to treat me, as a trans man. Even aside from my emotional baggage, I don't want to be with a cis man who is used to having sex with cis bodies. I'm more interested in other trans men, specifically because they will view me as a man despite my pre-bottom op status, and because they'll know how to treat me. Then again, I'm not opposed to dating a cis guy... We'll see!

 

There are actually many sexual people who are virgins until later in life, or who abstain from sex for a variety of reasons. 

 

[Grey-Ace Ventura]

On 7/29/2020 at 10:28 PM, doawaywith said:

Well I figured out why nothing stuck with me. First of all, I'm not ace in any capacity, so that's the first thing. I realized my feelings about sexuality were actually me repressing my gender and being trans and gay. Uh... Suprise!? 🎉 Turns out I've been repressing that for about 10 years since I first saw my first hints of trans people existing.

AYYYYY ME TOO DUDE

 

I had the same problem because I knew I was attracted to guys, but I repressed it because I couldn't go through with being with a guy as a girl, so I ended up identifying as ace, then lesbian, then homo-ro ace, until I knew I was trans and I unrepressed my feelings towards guys and realized I'd want to be with a guy as a guy myself. Also honestly, if you wanna ask me any of your questions, just pm me, I'd be down.