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Age, sexual identity labels, and changes therein

A-Panda

By A-Panda,
in 2020

Age, sexual identity labels, and changes therein  

69 members have voted

  1. 1. When have you "chosen" your current sexual identity?

    • ≤ 16
      19
    • 17-21
      22
    • 22-29
      11
    • 30-39
      6
    • 40-49
      2
    • 50-59
      0
    • ≥60
      1
    • I don't know what my sexual identity is yet/currently.
      8

  2. 2. Have you identified with another sexual orientation before now?

    • Yes - as one other.
      26
    • Yes - as more than one other.
      17
    • No.
      26

  3. 3. Do you believe that your sexual identity will change again?

    • Yes - sexual identity is a fluctuous thing and prone to changes.
      1
    • Maybe - it has in the past.
      2
    • Maybe - I might not hold all the information yet.
      24
    • It might get more precise, but not change completely anymore.
      12
    • I don't know mine yet, so it might reveal itself at some point.
      3
    • I hope not - this one finally makes sense.
      27

  4. 4. Do you think identifying as a certain sexual orientation at a young age (lets say ≤ 21) makes it more or less likely to change again?

    • More likely - there's so much going on developemntally still.
      12
    • More likely - the younger you are, the less likely you are to have "all the information" yet.
      20
    • Neither more, nor less likely.
      34
    • Less likely - you will automatically grow into what you chose.
      0
    • Less likely - if it shows that early, you can't really deny it.
      3

  5. 5. Would you recommend giving yourself a "label" concerning your orientation early on?

    • Yes - you will learn more about it earlier (and might realise even sooner if it doesn't fit after all).
      9
    • Yes - because finding your place and your "people" is very comforting/validating.
      10
    • No - you might get "stuck" with something (and have a harder time realising it doesn't fit).
      6
    • No - you'll be wrong 75% of the time anyway.
      1
    • Only if you make sure you stay open-minded enough to allow this might change.
      32
    • Undecided/I don't have an opinion on this.
      11

  6. 6. What was the longest time you stuck with one "label" so far (not matter if rightly or wrongly)?

    • > 1 year.
      7
    • 1-2 years.
      11
    • 3-5 years.
      9
    • 5-10 years.
      15
    • >10 years.
      8
    • I ALWAYS knew I was [...].
      7
    • My whole live, and then I found out I was wrong.
      12

This poll is closed to new votes


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A-Panda

A-Panda

Posted
Posted

I haven't been on Aven as an actual member that long. But I've read quite a number of people's stories about the changes in what they assumed was their sexual orientation/identity at one point or another - most often towards the "ace umbrella", but also the other way around.

I'm also regularly surprised by the age-difference of people who begin to look into being demi, gray, or ace. Some seem to be reasonably sure as a teen, others take literally half their lifetime to get to realise that this is what was different the whole time and made their personal life more difficult than necessary very often

 

So I was curious to see if there is any kind of correlation between the age you "come out" (to yourself, as the minimum requirement) as "not heterosexual" and the "durability" of the identity/orientation you come out as instead.

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oldgeeza

oldgeeza

Posted
Posted

I didn't discover the term asexual until I was in my 40's, prior to that I never had a sex drive, I did try it due to peer pressure and hated it, but I knew before I even tried it, I think I identify as hetero asexual, my preference is 100% towards women, but I don't get involved in relationships as women only used to go with me to cheat on their partners and boost their ego, when I came to terms with this, I gave up on relationships, now I just look but don't touch

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Grumpy Alien

Grumpy Alien

Posted
Posted

FYI you’ve got a equal to/greater than sign in #4 where there should be an equal to/lesser than sign.

 

I assumed I was heterosexual up until I was 18. I’m cisfemale and I’ve only ever been romantically and physically attracted to men. When I was 18, I saw someone use the term demisexual and thus I found AVEN. I identified as grey ace for a bit. I hadn’t known that women could have libidos. I had never given sex or sexual desires any deep thought before. I had never dated or been kissed. I’m ugly and weird/annoying so I just never got an opportunity. I had never even thought about masturbating - I didn’t even know women could get much out of it. I always thought libido was a nuisance men had. I thought teenagers got caught up in hormones. I had a very early puberty so I assumed I skipped all that.

 

I eventually decided I didn’t agree with the term grey asexual. So I figured I must be asexual. Until I was 23? 24? When I met my now husband. When we entered a serious relationship, it became sexual and we finally understood that being sexual does not mean being a nymphomaniac. I decided to not identify as any particular label from then on. I don’t find them useful. I only feel like they’re constrictive. Since then, I use heterosexual to describe myself when I have to on AVEN but generally avoid labels whenever possible. I consider myself straight and sexual but I feel like sexuality is very complex and unique to each individual and relationship so I try not to box myself in.

 

I think teenagers and young adults especially should be open to change. Don’t limit yourself to one answer. You might only ever identify as one particular label or you might go on several journeys of self discovery. Just let whatever happens happen and accept yourself for who you are.

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SiegeDragonfly

SiegeDragonfly

Posted
Posted
14 minutes ago, Kimchi Peanut said:

FYI you’ve got a equal to/greater than sign in #4 where there should be a equal to/lesser than sign.

I was actually gonna mention that.

 

Anyway, after I gave relationships the "old college try", I just spent the next 20 years in limbo.  No relationships at all.  It wasn't until I went to the doctor and they asked my orientation that I actually thought about it again.  I was honest and said that I didn't know.  A few years later it was pride month and I saw the acronym and wondered what all of it stood for.  Asexuality stood out to me, so I did research.  I read The Invisible Orientation and I just knew.  It took a while for me to completely claim it, but I understood everything about my real orientation after I read that book.

 

I highly recommend that book if you haven't read it.  It's even an audiobook.  If you have a friend who's confused, have them read it.

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fooledbysecrecy

fooledbysecrecy

Posted
Posted

i thought i was more or less straight until 25.... so i don't know if it really "changed", i've been asexual all along, just didn't know it. and don't think it's gonna change (although can't be 100% sure about anything really) it'll just probably get more refined as i work out my romantic orientation and gender identity.  for me personally labels are helpful but idk how i would advise anyone on it, just go for what feels right.

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ace bookdragon

ace bookdragon

Posted
Posted

While I was questioning, I spent about a year thinking I was bisexual, but I didn't come out because it didn't fit quite right. Bisexual was more of a possible label, as in I thought "I want options, and for nobody to be surprised if I date/have sex with someone of the same gender too" even though I wasn't really attracted to anybody in any way. Since I didn't fully identify with it I marked "no" on question two.

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Skycaptain

Skycaptain

Posted
Posted

I always identified as heterosexual until I was 42, mainly because I hadn't heard of asexuality 

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Homer

Homer

Posted
Posted

[X] IDGAF about "labels" and do not have a "sexual identity". (Wait, does "meh" count?) Also, no point in worrying about what the future holds.

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GingerRose

GingerRose

Posted
Posted

I was bisexual then I was pansexual now I am panromantic...questioning asexual.

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verily-forsooth-egads

verily-forsooth-egads

Posted
Posted

Started identifying as ace at 13 and haven't changed in the seven years since, albeit I might be an outlier.

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Artila

Artila

Posted
Posted

I figured I might be bi at age 16 but never wore an official label. At age 21 I had my phase of labeling myself as asexual. Now I am labelless and open for everything and anything. 

 

...I still think I am pretty bi tho lol.

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  • 11 months later...
iff

iff

Posted
Posted

@A-Panda

 

This poll is being locked and moved to the read only Census archive for it's respective year. As part of ongoing Census organisation, and in an attempt to keep the demographics of the polls current with the active user base at the time, the polls will last for one year from now on. However, members are allowed and even encouraged to restart new polls similar to the archived ones if they like them.

  

iff, Census Forum Moderator

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