Got into a political fight with my family:

[AspieAlly613]

Before I begin, let me state that I'm looking for advice, but not necessarily for reassurance.  I don't need to be told that I'm right, I need to be told how to resolve things.

 

I'll also mention that, to a large extent, the issues have been resolved, but the few loose ends are still problematic.

 

For background:  Part of my family (including me) has a weekly zoom chat and a group text chat.  The cast of characters:

 

--Me (32 Y.O. male who lives alone with his cat)

--My adult sister and her BF (29 Y.O. and her BF is around that age as well), who live together

--My adult genderfluid sibling (29 Y.O. who lives with 8 other people in a large house)

--My significantly younger half-sister(16 Y.O. who lives with our mother)

--My mother (we all have the same mother, except my adult sister's BF.

 

We're all left-of-center, by USA standards.  However, some conversational remarks (mostly from my significantly younger half sister and from my mother who lives with her) have seemed inappropriate to me.  Some of those remarks:

 

--Stating that President Trump may be a threat to the Constitution

--Discussion of whether or not my mother and half-sister should leave the country "if President Trump wins and the country goes to shit."

--Talking about a T.V. show set "in an imaginary world where not all cops are bastards"

--My half-sister sharing a conspiracy theory (as if it were corroborated fact) about police in NYC going undercover and selling commercial-grade fireworks on the street to make people tired and angry.

 

In a zoom chat yesterday, we talked about Dr. Fauci's ceremonial first pitch, and that apparently President Trump was going to throw out the first pitch at an August Yankees game.

 

Today, when my sister's BF shared a news story via text saying that President Trump was apparently not actually invited to throw the ceremonial first pitch, my sister replied "muahahaha".  I decided it was time to speak up, also via text.

 

"That's enough!" I said, and proceeded to talk about the inappropriateness of Republican-bashing, and how it was our responsibility to call out Republican-bashing, not contribute to it.

 

After some initial reactions and my clarifying that I wasn't objecting to sharing the news story itself, my adult sister, her BF, and I at least agree (as we did going in) on the general sentiment there is such thing as being too negative toward the other political party, and haven't discussed whether our family conversation has gotten problematic (nor do I care to discuss those details, as we can't un-say anything.  I'm more interested in going forward.)

 

I haven't heard from my genderfluid sibling.

 

The unresolved issues are with my significantly younger half-sister. 

 

First, she texted me, saying "I put up with this for three weeks while I was at you house, but you've gone too far. "

 

Apparently, my center-left views are something she had to "put up with"

 

My mother called me to tell me that she was interrupted while working (she works from home for safety reasons) by my half-sister throwing an index card at her that said "deal with your son."

 

I responded with a tone that I soon apologized for.  "DEAL WITH ME?  DEAL WITH ME?  WHEN SHE WAS HERE VISITING ME A FEW WEEKS AGO, SHE SHARED A CONSPIRACY THEORY ABOUT THE NYPD, CITING IT AS FACT!  THIS IS A BLACK POT CALLING A GRAY KETTLE BLACK!"  I calmed down after a minute or so.  

 

As things currently stand, my half-sister texted me saying I owe her an apology for my "that's enough!" statement via text.  I responded with "what I need to do is talk to people and give this some time."

 

She closed with "you do that."  She's probably still expecting an apology.  I do not think I owe her one, and I think there are behaviors she needs to change.

 

Any advice on how to proceed, even advice that says I'm wrong, would be appreciated.

[SorryNotSorry]

Question: how important is it to you to maintain contact with family members who say things that piss you off?

 

I can only speak for myself, but I prefer to keep my family members at arms' length. My aunt on my father's side of the family is a nice enough person, but what really ruined the relationship for me was when I figured out her idea of a perfect world is pretty much like the Handmaid's Tale. I send her a card on her birthday and on Christmas, text her to say hi and show her pics of things I'm working on, but I learned to avoid getting sucked into any discussions with her which even remotely touch on science, theology, or politics.

 

My cousin on my mother's side seems like she's turned into the female version of Archie Bunker the last time I called her to wish her a Merry Christmas a couple of years ago. I had to listen to her gripe and lament about how much those baaaaaad liberals have it in for her and are trying to wreck her quality of life, blah blah blah. The only difference between her POV and my aunt's is that with my cousin, at least religion with all its whistles and bells is out of the picture.

 

When you have to deal with those types who hate everything, please know that they all tend to share the same lame sense of humor and can't laugh at themselves. They're just bitter, resentful assholes deep down inside, regardless of how nice and sweet they may behave in your presence. They're right about everything and can't stand to be told otherwise—evidence be damned! Keep them at arms' length if you don't want them to drag you into their miasma of misery.

[Mostly Peaceful Ryan]

My advice is figure out family member's political belief, and if there will be a fight avoid politics like the plague. I have family members saying rather extremely offensive things about groups they know I am in. These comments come from a hatred directed a certain politicians. I just ignore it. If they were not my family I might not be so polite about the sitituation. 

[RoseGoesToYale]

The political stuff aside, throwing an index card at an adult and demanding them to deal with their child isn't exactly a mark of maturity. So at the very least, she's acting immature. Taking time away is never a bad thing, and see if she calms down or reaches out to you. It all depends on how important her presence is in your life vs if you think your political opinions will continue to be a problem.

[SithLord]

I think a measured apology would not be out of place. She's being immature, but she's 16. Responding "That's enough!" is like yelling at someone. My family also has a group chat and if someone were to respond that way to me, I'd be mad. Even more so if they followed it up with a lecture about how what I did was wrong and I need to be better and all that jazz.

 

You can always say something like "I went too far and should have responded in a more measured/mature way." Meaning you're not apologizing for your actions or feelings, only how they came across. 

 

 

For the record, I side with your sister here.

Making fun of Trump isn't "Republican bashing." I don't engage in that with my family as I understand they are former Republicans and I'm honestly wondering if they're still right of center like they used to be (judging from people on AVEN and the Republican party, I think they're more left-of-center now which is strange). My dad stopped being a Republican when Trump was elected, just so you know what I mean.

Meanwhile, my mom will be making the "muahaha" statements if one of us shares something about Trump not being able to do something or him failing or whatever. She hates him and I was honestly shocked by her using swear words to refer to some of the "idiots" in his cabinet (her word, though I agree). And this from someone who was basically a Republican 5 years ago! 

[gisiebob]

sounds like you a making quite a big deal over not a  very large problem.

 

folk, even your own, are their own people, and don't have to share your understandings on things. 

[Guest]

Honestly, this is why most can't engage in political conversation with one another. 

 

I work with far right and far left politically standing individuals. 

 

I need to accept that not all will share my views. 

 

I am closer to the right side of the middle, regarding my views. I prefer logic over emotions, for the bulk of how politics are run. 

 

My fiancee is a leapfrog  into the right. 

 

She believes in things I don't agree with. For me, it was easier to try to understand her views than to dismiss them as wrong because we don't agree. 

 

We are both individuals who are fiercely independent and are iron strong minded. You just won't budge me on my political views, but I will respect yours and hear you out without putting any input into things unless you open the display. 

 

Luckily, we are identical in that sentiment, as I have seen politics divide relationships. 

 

You don't owe her an apology for your that's enough comment. You strongly felt that way.

 

However, you shouldn't be having political conversations with someone that young if you have polar opposite stances. Maturity likely won't be there. 

 

Personally, if you yelled at her  you owe her an apology for that. 

 

Tell her while you don't agree with her on things, that there wasn't a place for the tone you took. 

 

Leave politics out of the picture, take note to avoid future headaches. 

 

Long story short it will boil down to this. 

 

What do you value more?

 

Your pride, or your relationship with her?

[Aquatic Paradox]

As others have mentioned, I think you should apologise for yelling and try to come to an agreement where discussions about domestic politics/the news are avoided.

The political situation in the UK isn’t much better and my mental health has improved since I started ignoring the news (the way the media frames it is worse than the news events themselves).

[nanogretchen4]

I believe people have both a legal and a moral right to freely express their true opinions, no matter how negative, about political parties and issues. Furthermore, public figures and especially politicians are fair game for sharp criticism. I think it would be crossing the line to knowingly lie about a politician or to use slurs based on the politician's race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, etc. The term "Republican-bashing" is an attempt to equate legitimate political criticism with bigoted hate crimes, such as gay bashing, which is often used to refer to actual violent crimes, by the way. Political parties are absolutely are not protected classes and never should be. The single most important reason for freedom of speech is to permit political criticism.

 

 

[Marrow]

I think its best to just drop it and let things settle. Also she's 16, which means shes full of that teen angst and entitlement (if she acts the same as I did back then). Also political arguments happen it just depends on how you talked to her.

 

Regardless of the argument she is way out of line at this point. Saying she has to "deal with you" is a pretty shitty thing to say to a sibling and to throw a card at her mother saying "deal with your son" is incredibly disrespectful not only to your mother, but to you as well.

 

You stated your opinion, you dont owe her anything.