People who don't use any labels

[Guest]

I think I might be somewhere between bi and asexual. When I was younger, I thought I'm heterosexual, then gray-ace, I went to asexual/autochorissexual and now I'm confused again and I thought "Ok, enough". I don't know if I feel sexual attraction or not, I have some feelings for both guys and girls but they aren't so strong to want to go to bed with any boy or girl but I don't reject, that something like this might happen someday. I mean okay- sexual fantasies are pretty pleasure sometimes (I enjoy them less and less) but idea of having real sex? Hmm-no, thanks. But (rarely) there are  days, that idea of having real sex feels good. 

Sorry if it's complicated, whole sexuality thing is complicated. If you stopped labeling yourself- you can tell your story and what made you do this.

[Scottthespy]

I became disenfranchised with the whole 'labels' thing when I saw some one who genuinely appeared to be unironically using the label 'orb gender' (a gender which feels round), and gave up on it entirely when I caught some one defending 'wafflegender' (a gender which feels light and fluffy) as valid and enforceable. I've come to see labels as loosing their two main functions, and gaining a new function that I dislike. 

Labels are good for condensing a more complex concept into a quick descriptor (eg: doesn't eat or use any part of an animal or any animal byproducts = vegan), but when there are so many labels that no one can keep them straight, you end up needing to explain what your label means, meaning you've taken more words than if you had just explained in the first place.

Labels are also good for finding a sense of community, you can find like minded people, who you'll know right off the bat you have something in common with. But when the labels are so exact and particular that they only describe a handful of people, they become isolating instead, showing you that you are alone.

And the new function that labels have, the one I'm not a fan of, is 'feeling special'. Like slapping a 'new and improved' sticker on a product in a store, some people are using labels to feel unique and garner attention. Obviously this isn't everyone with an unusual label, but its enough people to be a problem. A bigger and bigger problem as children are being brought up by 'special label' seekers, and are being given the impression that they need a 'unique' label to be valid and content, or having these labels forced on them. I see a lot of well meaning 'find yourself' pushing here on aven, and out in the rest of the internet as well...people telling others to go search their soul, unintentionally implying that certain things aren't 'normal' and need to be called attention to. You're not a girl who likes football, you're a demiboy. You're not a perfectly normal person with a few fictional crushes, you're a fictoromantic. Ect ect.

 

I've almost entirely stopped using labels for myself, though people who ask me respectfully to use certain pronouns I'll oblige. Mostly 'he' and 'she' irrespective of plumbing, and 'they' for nonbinary. I've taken to using 'folks' and 'people' as my default. "Hey folks, how can I help you today?" "Do those people need anything?". I'm finding it works pretty well, and my own life feels so much freer and simpler in comparison to the lives of those I see obsessing over labels.

[Philip027]

Quote

I became disenfranchised with the whole 'labels' thing when I saw some one who genuinely appeared to be unironically using the label 'orb gender' (a gender which feels round), and gave up on it entirely when I caught some one defending 'wafflegender' (a gender which feels light and fluffy) as valid and enforceable. I've come to see labels as loosing their two main functions, and gaining a new function that I dislike. 

Let me guess, tumblr?

[AlphaGodith]

how you feel about EVERYTHING changes over time, sometimes even short periods of time. while labels can be useful for finding like-minded people, they're also highly limiting, and sometimes pointless since people can have different definitions for the same word. i started describing myself in more words instead of labels to get rid of preconceived notions that come with those labels. plus, i'm married now, so i have no reason to share my sexual preferences, as i'm not looking to date. i'm more than just my labels, and i no longer feel like i need to explain why i am the way i am to everyone i meet. if me 'not liking sex' doesn't make sense to them, calling it asexuality isn't going to get it in their head any better.

[KiraS]

Labels are good. But I'm feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the way label discussions are increasingly medicalized, pseudo-scientific, and involve some form of biological essentialism. 

[Karst]

15 minutes ago, KiraS said:

Labels are good. But I'm feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the way label discussions are increasingly medicalized, pseudo-scientific, and involve some form of biological essentialism. 

Good point.

Even though we know, from a scientific point of view, that phenomena like gender dysphoria have real effects, there's no way to objectively quantify them.

It's virtually impossible to categorize social and psychological phenomena as neatly as things that we can directly observe.

[Karst]

1 hour ago, Scottthespy said:

I became disenfranchised with the whole 'labels' thing when I saw some one who genuinely appeared to be unironically using the label 'orb gender' (a gender which feels round), and gave up on it entirely when I caught some one defending 'wafflegender' (a gender which feels light and fluffy) as valid and enforceable. I've come to see labels as loosing their two main functions, and gaining a new function that I dislike.

It's Poe's Law- with any subjective topic on the internet, it's impossible to distinguish particularly extreme examples of a viewpoint from people parodying it.

[Ace_SouthAfrica_87]

I'm just an emotionally broken human being on my way to recovering from the past that haunts my thoughts, therefore I choose to not worry about labels for now. I am learning to love myself before I can love anyone else. I know I have a fear of intimacy and that I will overcome this fear soon. Labels are not important to me just like not forcing any societal pressures upon myself. I will eventually find my way in this world and accept that love is a difficult concept for me to grasp as I haven't had much love in my childhood, not even from family. I am completely open and honest about my personal problems with close friends and they are showing me what love and acceptance is. Grey-ace / straight / asexual for now I don't care. That magical day I meet someone might be around the corner or it might be years away. For now I am not overly concerned. 

 

Thank you. 

[Galactic Turtle]

While I have a clearly apparent lack of orientation that has persisted my entire life, I'm less inclined to discuss it through labels (or at all, really) because of how discussions around it have evolved. It seems to be more like a traveling circus of validation-on-demand to the extent that no matter how many labels are created, it will eventually get to the point where having any of the words meaning something concrete will be impossible because it will hurt someone's feelings. There's even debates about what "lesbian" means these days. The "alphabet people," so to say, have become a running joke even if most people won't say it out loud. So the more ridiculous it gets, the less I'm inclined to care or actively participate with "the community" with AVEN being the rare exception. At the end of the day I'm just as fine being called "asexual" as I am being called "not interested." Whatever helps get the point across best on the off occasion where I even need to discuss such things. In online spaces especially, I do think it's safer to just state what you're feeling rather than claim a label.

[Gifted With Singleness]

8 hours ago, KiraS said:

Labels are good. But I'm feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the way label discussions are increasingly medicalized, pseudo-scientific, and involve some form of biological essentialism. 

There also seems to be a weird tendency to ascribe pseudo-religious significance to labels. As if "finding your label" allows you to achieve nirvana or something.

[Skycaptain]

If you find a label that fits, great, but don't make yourself fit a label, that ain't gonna work 😋😋

 

7 hours ago, CBC said:

Fuck labels.

That would be difficult 😂😂

[Scottthespy]

On 7/27/2020 at 10:37 AM, Philip027 said:

Let me guess, tumblr?

Actually, right here on Aven, a few years ago.