I wasn’t asexual before marriage but after marriage (specially after having baby) I feel that i become asexual.

[Sddm0090]

I will shortly describe all my sexual experiences from early life till now. I would like to know if I am an asexual person (i feel I am but I am confused) :

age 13- 20: i got my period around age of 13, and I remember i used to feel

attraction towards my female friend before I experienced period. I used to touch her and feel good, and she too. We were kids, I don’t exactly remember how i felt that time (since there was no libido question on that age)

After period kicked in, i became very sexual and i remember my first porn video that I watched, gave me direct orgasm in 5 minutes of watching it whiteout touching any private part of mine. I used to master-bade myself Frequently those days and really enjoyed it. I felt attracted to guys too. 
Age 21- 30: i had 5 romantic / no strings attached partners during these age frames. I felt physical attraction to most of them, except one. So at this point i would still consider myself sexual. Around age of 28-30 I actually understood my sexuality in more depth. For me sexual attraction would come with romantic feelings for my partner. Otherwise i would not find him attractive even if he is Owen Wilson. The more i am in love, the more intense is my sexual feelings for the person and the better the sex is! 
age 31- now: i got married in 30-31 ish with a guy that my parents fixed. I didnt like him at all (mentally and physically) i hardly have enjoyed sex with him. Most of the sex session that I might have enjoyed was while thinking about my last romantic partner (during sex with husband) whom I loved so much and till today I love this guy. 
after i had my baby suddenly my sexual desires are 98% gone. Meaning my body is ok not having sex, and my mind wants it sometimes and that too only with my ex. Then I burry my feelings and go to sleep. Till today sometimes i think about him and feel good and thats all. I dont really masterbade anymore. I dont enjoy it anymore, same as I dont enjoy sex anymore. Its been 1.5 years i dont feel

desire to have sex just do it for keep the married life on balance. I feel that I am asexual. 

[Grimalkin]

I'm not going to tell you one way or another what you definitely are, but I have a feeling you are not asexual. Asexuality is an orientation. Most people who use the title "asexual" are born that way; they have never felt sexual desire, and they never will. You clearly have.

I think instead, you're going through a very natural process. You've had a baby; that messes up the body big time, and a lot of women don't feel very sexual afterwards, especially if other areas in their life are in disarray. More than that, if I understand it, you're in an arranged marriage with a guy you don't particularly like. It's no wonder sex doesn't seem that great right now. You've had a baby AND you've never sexually desired your partner. That's rough, and sexual interest is probably going to have a hard time springing back from that one. 

I don't have any particular advice for you other than to take care of yourself. Make sure you get some quality time to yourself, away from the husband and the baby. Maybe you'll start to feel more like yourself again.

[SithLord]

I generally agree with Grimalkin. Unless it's for a period for longer than a year or two (which would be dramatic for many sexuals, but not really for grey-sexuals or asexuals), I don't really think it would be something like asexuality which is an orientation. More likely it's something about having the baby and not desiring the partner. I've heard from a lot of people that sex drive drops after having a baby, so if I were you I'd look more into that. 

[AceMissBehaving]

Typically asexuality is something that’s always been how a person has felt. I’m sure there are maybe some who found themselves asexual later in life, but what you describe sounds more situational than it does orientation.

 

Like @Grimalkin says, having a baby can make things much harder, and it sounds like you have historically felt stone attraction for other people, just maybe not your husband.

 

This might be one situation where seeking professional help might work, or even maybe time. Personal therapy, couples therapy, or even talking with a medical professional if that’s possible.

[R_1]

7 minutes ago, AceMissBehaving said:

Typically asexuality is something that’s always been how a person has felt. I’m sure there are maybe some who found themselves asexual later in life, but what you describe sounds more situational than it does orientation.

There certainly are those who found themselves asexual later in life (I'm one of them). But yes, in many cases, it's more situational than not, and not a representation of vanished sexuality. Completely vanished sexuality is more or less involves apathetic feeling for having sex and reckoning those feelings before it vanished, and then losing the ability to relate to what's it like to be sexual, and it is just out of nowhere.

[- Saph -]

I see sexuality (will to have sex) and libido (physical arousal and pleasure) as different things but they can influence each other. Having a baby to take care of can inhibit the libido of any parent (lack of sleep, hormones,...). High libido may increase sexual behaviour for sexuals. When it drops you could care less about sex. Also you are current in a relationship with a person that was not attractive to you to begin with. This situation is not ideal and it does not help anyone feeling sexual. I would confirm that you are not attracted to sex with really anyone before concluding about an asexual orientation. 

 

In your case, keep in mind that identifying or coming out as asexual is not mandatory: it can help sometimes but with some people it can do worse than good. Couple therapy may be an option if you feel that your lack of interest in sex is a problem to him. Individual therapy would be the best in case you would feel unhappy in your marriage.

 

Take care of yourself and I wish you the best.

[Guest]

Pretty your libido has just crashed hardcore. People don't become asexual. They are born with that orientation. 

[Janus the Fox]

Unfortunately by the rules, I’d have to remind commentators to be exceptionally careful to call out anybody as any sexuality.

 

This is also to be moved to The Grey Area, Sex and Related Discussions.

 

Janus DarkFox

Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator

[blarghbleh]

account deleted

[QuasiSquirrel]

Ask yourself this. If you were in a relationship with a man you loved and felt attraction towards, would you want to have sex with him?

Or, if you had the option to have a relationship with an ace partner that you loved and felt attraction towards, would you actually be fine not being sexually wanted for the entire duration of the relationship?

[KowaiEli]

I believe that you are certainly an asexual person. You stated that sexual attraction comes with romantic feelings which leads me to believe you are closer to demi-sexual. Asexual individuals don't feel sexual attraction. We can think people are hot but we tend to not feel a pull to have sex. I believe that due to not feeling attracted to your husband and being trapped in a marriage with a child with him, you are probably showing signs of depression. Or at least some type of chemical imbalance. Labido isn't connected to sexuality. If you were lacking in labido before I wouldn't state this but from all the context clues you've given, you don't seem happy. Subconsciously you feel trapped in a marriage without love, It's scary and It can cause psychological issues to be in a loveless marriage. I don't believe your asexual but on the scale and closer to demisexual.