Spanking For Punishment

[Alex.]

I was  considered a willful child (I challenged authority on blind directives) and was spanked often. I definitely think spanking made me more rebellious. Causing physical harm and pain on a child does not seem an effective means of punishment or lesson teaching. All I saw was "Do what I tell you because I said so or else you will feel pain." I needed to understand why I was told to do or not do something. I did not accept the invisibly assigned authority of a parent and "because I said so" - When I was spanked for not listening, it didn't sink in as punishment because I never grasped a logical concept of why I should blindly listen in the first place.

[Guest]

23 hours ago, GingerRose said:

I do understand the rare instance that a child is about to or does do something very dangerous to themselves like touching an outlet or a burner, to smack their hand lightly, to scare them so they remember that touching those things are scary, not to cause them pain. This is only when the child is very young like a toddler, so they understand fear rather than reasons why something is dangerous. But even in this case, I wouldn't smack them on the hand, rather raise my voice or something very quickly to let them know, it's dangerous.

Well, I think the smack on hand is more an instinctual "NO!!!!!" reaction from the parents, more than anything. Fight or flight my kid is about to die action to physically stop their hand going somewhere. 

 

My mom had issues with impulse control, so growing up the rule was basically: If you're gonna smart off at me, stand out of my reach, if I have to take a step towards you then I'll think better of hitting before I reach you. My brother did forget the rule one time and got slapped for it, but then she felt guilty doing it. 

[PupperDoggo]

14 hours ago, GingerRose said:

I'm really glad to have you in the discussion. But I don't want to make you stressed! ❤️ Take a break  friend, do some yoga, drink some tea. ❤️ 

Hahahahaha thanks! Don’t worry, I promise you are not making me stressed! Thank you for your concern! You are very kind! ❤️🙏🍰🍰🍰🍰

[GingerRose]

4 hours ago, Serran said:

Fight or flight my kid is about to die action to physically stop their hand going somewhere. 

Yep, I think it serves as both a protection and a lesson.

[Guest]

11 minutes ago, GingerRose said:

Yep, I think it serves as both a protection and a lesson.

Yeah, just not a thing most parents control, as far as how they react. Even at school, we have all these rules about you can't touch the kids and all... but one runs into the street and all bets are off, that kid might get tackled if it gets them away from a car. 

[GingerRose]

10 minutes ago, Serran said:

Yeah, just not a thing most parents control, as far as how they react. Even at school, we have all these rules about you can't touch the kids and all... but one runs into the street and all bets are off, that kid might get tackled if it gets them away from a car. 

Yea, I think but with smacking a child's hand away from something dangerous, there are three different mindsets with these impulsive actions. One is to protect, then the other two blur together between teaching a lesson with surprise and with in pain. I think the teaching impulse the is stronger than a flick or small smack on a hand is the one associated with pain, is more of an impulsive action that needs to be controlled, rather than a thought out flick or smack that the parents sees as a rare moment in their teaching. If the parent already is used to giving into the impulsive to teach the child and cause pain then it's not thought out in that instance, and more of instinctual. To say overall that impulses of causing pain for a child are not okay, and the parent should get help for this impulse of their own.

[SorryNotSorry]

To hell with spanking kids. Here in the US we need to start ass-caning adults convicted of white collar crimes.

 

I think Malaysia has the right idea in this regard. Do a YT search on "Malaysia prison caning" and you'll see videos in which the ass-canee is definitely not enjoying getting his behind whipped.

[Marrow]

Yes, mostly by spoon or belt. My parents only used it if I was being extremly unruly or disrespectful. There was one time where my dad kicked me square in the ass with steel toes though, but I was a lot older then. (I was being really snarky to him and flipped him off) 

[Mostly Peaceful Ryan]

3 hours ago, Marrow said:

 I was being really snarky to him and flipped him off

 

[InkMaster]

My step-mother is the kind of person who believes in wooden paddle with drilled out holes on bare skin any time you do anything she believes as a slight so I've first hand witnessed what happens when someone gets power hungry. 

I also did grow up in my grandfathers house and he believed in an open hand to the clothed back end so you felt it for a few minutes but it was nothing like what she did.  

I'm okay with a quick pat if there is a reason. Nothing that hurts, but your kid notices. The kind of force you'd use to brush dirt of their behind. 

[pickles.]

I raised three kids without spanking them.  Before our first child was born, my husband and I agreed to not spank.  I don't think there is ever a good reason to spank a child, and I put spanking children right up there with elder abuse.  Anything you think you need to teach a child by spanking can be taught in a better way.

 

As a teacher I am positively horrified that corporal punishment is allowed in some states.  That should be outlawed immediately.

[pickles.]

I never "flicked" or did any of the other physical things mentioned either.

[MakeupJunkie4]

On 7/26/2020 at 11:12 PM, Woodworker1968 said:

To hell with spanking kids. Here in the US we need to start ass-caning adults convicted of white collar crimes.

Lol'd at this 😂😂

[Karst]

On 7/25/2020 at 2:35 AM, Skycaptain said:

 

When kidlets call the police saying that their parents are abusing them by confiscating their video console as punishment for some delinquency you know something has gone wrong 

There was a case in my hometown a few years ago that was exactly the reverse-

a woman called the cops because her son wouldn't eat his vegetables or go to church.

[Karst]

On 7/27/2020 at 2:12 AM, Woodworker1968 said:

To hell with spanking kids. Here in the US we need to start ass-caning adults convicted of white collar crimes.

 

 

It sure would save money, as opposed to throwing people in prison...

[Karret]

I was spanked with an open hand, a belt and a switch before that I can recall. Apparently, it never phased me, even as a child. It was effective on my older sister though, but she really thinks it was wrong to do, like it was TOO much for her.

 

I think like... in most cases, it's probably not the most effective way to punish a child. It scarred my older sister and was totally ineffective on my wild ass. But at the same time, I won't wholesale condemn it or the people who do it [assuming certain standards are adhered to and it's not just wanton spanking that's disproportionate to the misbehavior or done for stupid reasons like asking a question].

[Alaska Native Manitou]

Spanking has nothing to do with discipline; it's just an abusive adult taking out their frustrations on a small person who can't get away.  No matter what I did, my stepmother always had an excuse to hit.  She hated my biological mother, so she took it out on me.  My arm is still scarred from being held against the woodburning stove.  The rest of my family did nothing to help.  I haven't had anything to do with them in years.

 

My school had paddling.  No amount of beatings could stop me from acting autistic, though.  One day I snapped.  They never did it to me again, fearing the violence they themselves had taught me.

[MakeupJunkie4]

13 hours ago, 2SpiritCherokeePrincess said:

My arm is still scarred from being held against the woodburning stove.  The rest of my family did nothing to help.  I haven't had anything to do with them in years.

I'm so sorry.  I'm glad you left them behind - you don't need toxicity in your life.

[PupperDoggo]

On 7/25/2020 at 3:04 AM, Mostly Peaceful Ryan said:

Agree to disagree, I have been punished using exercise since I was around 5 years old and I run everyday, I also go out for walks or run when upset. At a young age boys tend to misbehave due to too much energy the goal is not to make them feel pain. It is to burn off the extra energy. It is also not the only exercise I did as a child. I played almost every sport there was growing up.

 

I think you and I had different PE experiences.

Ahhh! I concede! Healthy emotion regulation is awesome and I encourage that 100%!!!! But doing it so that your kid feels pain or other bodily discomfort (nausea/vomiting, passing out, etc. or doing it excessively is abuse)....teaching kids that exercise is a good and healthy way to burn off energy and stress, totally for it!!!!! 
I played sports throughout my childhood and I credit that for helping me socially and mentally/emotionally and of course physically, so much so that I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was 17 because I was active all the time! Hahahaha 

[PupperDoggo]

On 8/9/2020 at 11:13 PM, pickles mcgee said:

I raised three kids without spanking them.  Before our first child was born, my husband and I agreed to not spank.  I don't think there is ever a good reason to spank a child, and I put spanking children right up there with elder abuse.  Anything you think you need to teach a child by spanking can be taught in a better way.

 

As a teacher I am positively horrified that corporal punishment is allowed in some states.  That should be outlawed immediately.

I’m glad you and your husband agreed to that! I am definitely looking for that in a partner/potential father for my kids!!! Hahaha and yes I am horrified that CP is still legal in schools, but of course “states’ rights”...but I wish they would all abolish it! It’s so outdated, it does no good, only harm! I HATE it! It boggles my mind and makes it really upset and angry every time I hear about it! There’s an organization I belong to called “The Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children” and they’re working to have this banned in all countries, and they’re actually having a great impact, along with UNICEF and Save The Kids! Just some positive news for all y’all! 

[Guest]

6 hours ago, PupperDoggo said:

“The Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children”

Honestly, it will not stop a parent to put hands on their kids. 

 

People will find creative ways of doing so. You can still slap a kid behind the head, and inflict pain without leaving a mark. 

 

On 8/9/2020 at 11:13 PM, pickles mcgee said:

I don't think there is ever a good reason to spank a child, and I put spanking children right up there with elder abuse. 

I don't know about spanking as I never got spanked, but if I talked slick there was a backhand waiting for me. Needless to say, I never talked slick to my parents.

 

I can give tons of settings where a kid of a certain age and above would be fair game to get struck. I just don't think it's right to do it. 

 

Case in point. Kid around 13 or so was insulting me as I was walking past his backyard. I was with a friend and ignored the taunts. 

 

Throws a snowball my way. Misses. Next one hits me flush at the side of the head causing pain. They were in hysterics laughing and insulting us. 

 

Sure. I could have told their parents. Honestly. If you raise kids like that, that will amount to nothing. 

 

I prefer teaching consequences. 

 

I melted snow in my hands while the kid kept mouthing off as they were over confident my distance meant I would miss them. It had hardened to ice. 

 

I threw the snowball with all my might, and the sweet sound when it connected with his face, and he dropped to the ground. 

 

I casually walked away, knowing the kid had learned a valuable life lesson. 

 

Would I do something like that to my kid? Hell no. 

 

I however feel parents shouldn't be afraid to firmly discipline a child. Something that is happening in our society. That moronic child wouldn't have tried that stunt had they been raised correctly. 

 

I however agree hitting isn't the way. But I however agree with tough love. 

 

 

[Guest]

I was spanked as a child. My parents would count to 5 and if I didn't stop being naughty by 5 I got a single tap on the bottom. I have no idea how often it happened, I don't remember. I mostly recall acting out until "4" and then running away laughing.  I always found being scolded far more upsetting than being spanked (I still find sharp or raised voices extremely upsetting), while my sister was completely indifferent to scolding or shouting and a spank was the only thing that got her to behave.

 

I'm pretty ambivalent on the "is spanking ok" question. I do not think a light tap on the bum is abuse, but I think it is probably safer to ban hitting children completely than risk abusive parents using spanking as an excuse for beating their kids. 

[Raindrops]

When I was naughty I was told to hold out my hands and then I'd get a smack on them. It stung for a few seconds and it upset me, but I got over it pretty quick. It's had no effect on my later life. 🤷‍♀️ I guess spanking would be more humiliating.

[Real Estate RICO]

Ooh boy... I'm coming into this thread heavily biased based on what's been my living situation for a few years.

 

After what I've seen my cousin do to her son (non-verbal autistic to boot), I'm 100% against it now. Like.. it wasn't long ago where I heard my cousin repeatedly scream and hit him for not lying down when she wanted him to, and him screaming crying because of it. It got so bad that I had to stop her from doing it on two occasions.

 

After that, I find it hard to justify it at all.

 

 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, ManicPixieDreamFreeAgent said:

It got so bad that I had to stop her from doing it on two occasions.

 

That's the worst thing you can do. 

 

To me, I see a parent swatting a child in public, I leave it alone. 

 

Its bad enough to interfere, I call the cops. 

 

Reasoning?

 

You have just embarrassed the parent. Told them their parenting is wrong in front of their child no less. 

 

Who do you think will bear the brunt of that embarrassing moment?

 

Think of it this way. How bad do you think the beatings get if they are bold enough to do it front of you?

[Guest]

I don’t understand the concept of spanking. 

 

The butt is the most padded area.

[Guest]

Just now, Perspektiv said:

I don’t understand the concept of spanking. 

 

The butt is the most padded area.

Isn't that the point? Most parents don't actually want to hurt their child. Spanking a padded area doesn't really hurt, and won't actually injure, but the shock of it still gets the point across.

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, theV0ID said:

Isn't that the point? Most parents don't actually want to hurt their child. Spanking a padded area doesn't really hurt, and won't actually injure, but the shock of it still gets the point across.

Yelling would have the same effect. Slamming an item on a table. 

 

Spanking makes no sense. 

[Abigail Rose]

My philosophy and that of my parents was to use words and restrain from spanking. I find no way that it helps me to guide my children to be better people. If my child strikes another child and I tell them not to do that followed by a punishment that involves striking or "spanking", then the only thing they are really learning is not to get caught or that it is ok for adults to do it but not them. It's counterproductive in so many ways. Lead by example. There is certainly room for teaching them defense though. To just lash them, in my opinion, is a far cry from exposing the issue at it's core, breaking it down for understanding and rebuilding it with a stronger foundation by which they can grow.

 

Tend a garden with the hand that only wishes to see it grow.

[Iam9man]

Best saying I ever saw on this subject (forget where) went something like:

“If you hit your children because your parents hit you and it never caused you any harm, then it did cause you harm.”