Spanking For Punishment

[GingerRose]

Spanking:

Open hand striking bum to cause pain as a form of punishment.

In this case from an adult to a child.

 

 

I was only spanked once.

I don't think it's okay.

[Grimalkin]

I was spanked very rarely as a kid. I don't feel it negatively impacted me, given how restrained and reasonable my parents usually were-- but I have no doubt that spanking can cause a lot of harm when it's used as a "socially acceptable" way to smack your child around for doing something you disagree with.

I'm open to the possibility that there may be cases where an occasional spank works in a beneficial way. That said, I don't think I trust most people to do it... correctly? If there is such a thing. 

And honestly? While I don't think it negatively impacted me, I don't think it benefited me either. I was such a mild child that a time out probably would have done the trick. As a nanny (who couldn't have spanked my charges to begin with), the kids all listened to me just fine through the use of positive reinforcement and occasional time-outs. And once the kid hits about 7 or 8? They're old enough to talk about and understand the rules in a more nuanced way. Spanking really shouldn't be happening after that. 

 

Funny anecdote: I have a very distinct memory from when I was around five years old. I asked my mom to get me a muffin. In my barely post-toddler brain, she wasn't doing it fast enough, so I yelled "Faster mommy! You're too slow!" and spanked her. I was never spanked for anything other than serious rule infractions, so I can't imagine why I decided to do it for not getting a muffin fast enough. My mother was not pleased. (And no-- I wasn't spanked for it!)

[LeChat]

Here's one discussion about it, if you're interested in reading it. I don't feel I can, though, in case I come across comments that are in support of it; it's just too upsetting to read that people think hitting others, children, etc. is okay, especially if one knows how much it damaged them and their relatives' mental health, for their entire lives, and is aware of scholars' research confirming how badly it ends up affecting others.

 

I can't even believe some answered that it's okay "sometimes," as though, "Yeah; it's perfectly okay to treat others like garbage and cause them to develop depression, low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts, etc."

 

https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/189490-whoopingspanking/page/3/?tab=comments#comment-1063494555

[SithLord]

Oh, should've read your definition.

With that definition, I don't think I ever have been spanked. My parents had a paddle they would (half-heartedly) threaten us with and I think they maybe used it on us once? Like ever. They preferred other forms of punishment. Say a bad word: get your mouth washed out with vinegar. I forget other forms though. 

 

I don't think it influenced me? But they rarely did it if ever, remember. And I also wouldn't blame my mom. Since my dad was in the navy, she was home alone with three toddlers and sometimes that's just too much to have to do the more reasonable route of explaining to kids why what they did was wrong. 

 

But no, I don't think it's okay. Health care workers, social workers, psychologists, and basically everyone who studies it, as opposed to parents whose view of it is relatively limited, say it negatively impacts children. And while once or twice total might not affect the kid, saying it's acceptable opens the door to those who would use it as a go-to punishment and make it abuse. 

[SithLord]

1 minute ago, LeChat said:

https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/189490-whoopingspanking/page/3/?tab=comments#comment-1063494555

The comment you linked to is actually a good example, in my eyes, of how spanking could be "good". I wouldn't ever say it's actually good to hurt a child, but the example has clear limitations that prevent it from being full-on abuse in my eyes.

[Salmakia]

12 minutes ago, Grimalkin said:

In my barely post-toddler brain, she wasn't doing it fast enough, so I yelled "Faster mommy! You're too slow!"

This is hilarious. Thank you for lighting up my day.

 

 I think that spanking is part of a generally flawed philosophy that fear of punishment leads to positive actions. The fact that people still commit crimes despite a fear of going to Hell should suggest that this philosophy doesn't work as well as it should. I believe in positive reinforcement and natural consequences. Oh, you stole some cookies from the cookie jar? Well, you're going to have a stomach ache tomorrow, and we're going to have a conversation about why stealing is wrong. Kids are amazing--they'll understand morality if you actually take the time to talk about it with them. Ageism just dictates that no one who hasn't reached the magical and arbitrary age of adulthood can possibly understand anything about the world or make good choices, so hitting them must be the only way to get through to their undeveloped prefrontal cortex. 

[GingerRose]

7 minutes ago, LeChat said:

aware of scholars' research confirming how badly it ends up affecting others.

We did a research project and debate on it in college and it was almost impossible to debate "for spanking" There are a few things I can empathize with but most of the time it's just wrong.

[Aquatic Paradox]

I was spanked as a little kid occasionally, but it was just a simple tap on the arse. I think it is justified if it’s for something that puts the kid in danger when they have no concept of danger (like I did).

 

Spanking for ‘backchat’ and stuff like that is never justified, however.

[Missing]

My parents were firmly against spanking, but I remember one time my dad spanked me out of anger when I was really little because I wasn’t being quiet like he kept telling me to be. I was very little and was honestly just forgetting that he had told me to be quiet and I was just getting carried away. I’m hindsight he was probably drunk when he did it (not an excuse, but explains why he acted so out of character). I told my mom (who wasn’t in the room at the time) about it, but she firmly denied that it happened, which I honestly think was worse for me than the spanking itself.

 

I was only spanked the one time.

[RoseGoesToYale]

I cant recall how many times I was spanked, but it was definitely less than 10 and more than once. Usually with a hand, sometimes with a wooden spoon, only by my mother. I remember her frequently threatening to simply go get the wooden spoon, that was enough to get me to shut up and stop whatever.

 

As for what I think about it, inflicting physical pain on a child (apart from what's necessary to sustain health/life, like medical procedures) is the lowest form of evil a person could possibly commit, because children are basically helpless and defenseless against adults more than twice their size. Once spanking is justified, so goes slapping, then intense beatings, until you've got full-blown potentially lethal child abuse.

[Guest]

I had my hand slapped once as a kid, cause I was about to put a fork in a power outlet. That was a justified "NO!" response, imo, cause ... shock value makes the kid stop and death from electrocution is worse than a slap.

 

However, in all other forms, I do not agree with spanking. My dad did it to my step-brother and the kid got so used to it, he just turned his butt up at you and told you to do it whenever he did something bad. He didn't care. 

 

I know parents get frustrated and just want instant "OMG stop", but... sorry. If me hitting an adult isn't acceptable, why is me hitting a kid acceptable? I have had kids in my job walk up and ask me what I do to my kids when they're bad, with the most heartbreaking look on their face, hopeful that I give them some other answer than hitting. I've had students cling to me for dear life because they did something "bad" and knew they were going to get spanked when they got home and so were absolutely terrified of their parents. I've had students have panic attacks over simple mistakes because of it. I have to go out of my way to go talk to parents and try to convince them their child was good, they just had an accident or made a mistake, it wasn't their fault, they did their best, etc and the utter relief from the child is... enough to make you want to hug them and take them home. I shouldn't have to spend an hour of my day, when I should be teaching them, trying to calm them down from a full blown panic attack cause "mommy is gonna whoop me when I get home" cause they accidentally peed their pants in class, running to the bathroom and just didn't make it in time. Or, spend my last 30 minutes of class trying to get a kid to stop holding onto my leg / the table leg because they are so fearful of going home that they are holding on with a death grip to where they feel safe, because they know a paddle/hand/belt/flip flop are coming when they get home.

 

Also, "fun fact", the police officers that work at our school informed me that hitting a child to the point it leaves marks is OK if you do it with a flip flop, or other soft instrument like that. They cannot prosecute for it. Even if the child is coming to school with the brown criss-cross imprint of a shoe on his bottom/lower back from it. 

 

I am extra careful with handing out "punishment" that the parents get informed of. Cause I honestly can't stand knowing I got a kid hit by giving them a sticker saying they fell asleep in class or something. 

[Lord Jade Cross]

23 minutes ago, CBC said:

I thought this was going to be about spanking as part of sex.

 

I'll see myself out...

it was posted in the philosophy subforum...

 

Anyways, spanking, by the definition provided didn't technically happen at home. Now if you change it to using a belt, shoe, other objects, well that brings up a different story that happened, which definitely shaped behavior in earlier days. My parents weren't exactly restrained in the use of force, and I still have memories such as my father literally grabbing my brother by his mouth, forcing him to open it and force feeding him the food that he didn't want or nearly punching me (his hand was halfway open) and knocking me to the floor. 

 

The use of psychological punishments were also employed. Basically there was no boundary my parents didn't break until they got what they wanted.

 

How it shaped or affected me is complicated because once I grew older and displayed the same aggressive attitude I was brought up with, demanding nothing but absolute perfection, even from my parents, whom I had very heated discussions with, it scared them.

 

Would I say it's acceptable in using the same method to raise a child today? Well maybe not to the degree I got, but I'm also not a fan of letting kids just run around doing as they please.

 

 

[MarRister]

38 minutes ago, CBC said:

I thought this was going to be about spanking as part of sex.

 

I'll see myself out...

To be fair that was what I thought it was going to be too before I clicked on it 😂🤦‍♀️

[Gloomy]

I was at least a few times. I was mostly yelled at and/or sent to my room, although I don't think getting yelled at was much better since I ended up walking on eggshells to avoid getting yelled at and it probably led to a lot of the anxiety I still have. My sister was spanked a lot more since she was the less behaved of the two of us, but that honestly didn't make her more behaved. One time when our mom spanked her she even turned around and hit our mom back.

 

I don't think it's okay. I know some people think if you don't spank kids they'll end up spoiled and badly behaved and will grow up fucked up, but like I said in my sister's case it didn't even work. We're both kind of fucked up adults now.

 

[Guest]

My parents were awful. They essentially used weapons to spank my siblings and I with. There was this toy microphone and stand and my dad took the toy apart and started using the stand to spank us, as if an adult hitting a child without a weapon isn't bad enough.

 

This wasn't something that only happened a few times either, and started when we were too young to understand why we were being spanked and ended when we were way too old to still be being spanked. I was 14 or so when it finally stopped.

[Guest]

Anyone else noticed how the thread title means it's displayed as "Spanked by [username]" on the index? 😸

[AspieAlly613]

2 hours ago, SkyTuneRein said:

Anyone else noticed how the thread title means it's displayed as "Spanked by [username]" on the index? 😸

LOL

[GingerRose]

5 hours ago, CBC said:

s part of sex.

The one thing you'll think of when on an ace website? LOL 😄❤️ 

[GingerRose]

5 hours ago, Serran said:

death from electrocution is worse than a slap.

Thus my one argument in favor of slapping a kid's hand, in the rarest of agreeable situations.

[GingerRose]

4 hours ago, SkyTuneRein said:

Anyone else noticed how the thread title means it's displayed as "Spanked by [username]" on the index? 😸

Great *I just can't win*

[GingerRose]

4 hours ago, Moon Spirit ☽ said:

used weapons to spank my siblings and I with.

Not spanking then, since it's done with a hand. Thus abuse. (although to me even spanking can be considered abuse) I'm sorry that happened to you.

[GingerRose]

Just now, CBC said:

Well I'm not asexual, sooooo...

I know  :-)

[Skycaptain]

I was occasionally given a single flat of the hand spank as a child, usually to reinforce the message that I'd done something dangerous or hurtful repeatedly - playing on railway embankments, getting into fights throwing half-bricks at kids from rival schools etc. 

This was only used after reasoning or "Sit on the landing and think about what you have done" failed. It probably made the difference between being a hyperactive brat and scourge of the neighbourhood, so did more good than bad

[Guest]

I wasn't spanked a single time as a child. 

 

Was I ever whooped, though. I had immigrant parents, and to many immigrant kids, this was just the way it was. 

 

Personally, I was a tough child to deal with so don't blame my parents. 

 

I am incredibly rebellious and stubborn.  Nothing has changed on that front. 

 

Put it this way. I went on hunger strikes, and outlasted my parents showcasing I was willing to die to make a point. 

 

I don't believe in hitting a child, however there are settings where I wouldn't question a parents integrity for doing so. I just don't believe it should ever be the first line of defense. 

 

I.E I remember a Dr. Phil episode where this boy told his mom to shut up, and slapped her across the face. 

 

I could see millions of immigrant parents telling themselves: "Send that kid my way!"

 

To me, that level of disrespect would warrant a single, and final warning if it's me. Another slap, and you're getting heavy return fire. 

 

Put it this way. I am slapping you so hard, you will land into next week. 

 

My mom put her hands on me, but depends on the child. For me, am non violent. She sternly taught me the imperative importance to respect my parents. Most my warnings were verbal. Cross an extreme line and warnings would turn into a slap in the back of the head. 

 

I extend the same respect to my elders, and superiors say in a workplace. 

 

I respect everyone, really. 

 

I cringe when I see a child tell their parents to "f off" or levels of disrespect that likely would have had me murdered. 

[Guest]

I just can't state hitting is wrong no matter what, as would be lying. 

[Mostly Peaceful Ryan]

I prefer exercises as punishments for children, mainly running. Typically children misbehave because of too much energy, this form of punishment solves that problem. I like running so I will just take them for a little run. In the end I either get a well behaved child, or a kid that will be able to run marathons. I see it as a win, win.

[GingerRose]

14 hours ago, Mostly Peaceful Ryan said:

I prefer exercises as punishments for children, mainly running. Typically children misbehave because of too much energy, this form of punishment solves that problem. I like running so I will just take them for a little run. In the end I either get a well behaved child, or a kid that will be able to run marathons. I see it as a win, win.

Would the child not grow up viewing running as a negative thing then if it were always used as a punishment? Not saying you're wrong, just wondering.

[Mostly Peaceful Ryan]

26 minutes ago, GingerRose said:

Would the child not grow up viewing running as a negative thing then if it were always used as a punishment? Not saying you're wrong, just wondering.

I think it is more likely they will view being angry, or upset as a sign they need a run. Which is a better way to deal with these emotions. Also how many adults do you know who enjoys running most I know hate it.

 

I would rather find out they hate running, rather than to find out spanking them was the start of their sexual kink, that seems like a more disturbing thought for a parent. Or that putting them in time-out has made it so they are unable to be alone.

[GingerRose]

12 minutes ago, Mostly Peaceful Ryan said:

who enjoys running most I know hate it.

I mean like in school for gym, if a teacher asks the students to run laps the student will see it as a punishment and be confused, perhaps.

[GingerRose]

13 minutes ago, Mostly Peaceful Ryan said:

start of their sexual kink,

Hmm, I'm not with Freud on this one.