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Help? Could I Be Aro?


Starlightslaughter

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Starlightslaughter

First off, I'm really sorry if I put this in the wrong area- I have no clue how to use this site, but it seemed like a good place to get answers.

 

Ive known that I'm ace for a while now- but I'm not entirely sure if that's where it stops? I've always found men/women/etc. aesthetically pleasing and really love personalities- but it's more like to the extent someone would love spider-man. I'm also currently in a relationship with a guy I really care about for 7 months and we do semi-normal couple stuff.

 

My problem is though, whenever i see or read about 'love' its never the same for me. I have crushes on people and enjoy some physical attention, but that's about it. Dates make me uncomfortable, I feel weird (in a bad way) most of the time when I say 'I love you', and in general it really feels like anyone i date is just a very close friend. I think I'm more in love with the idea of love then my actual partner.

 

The possibility of me being aro kinda scares me, I want to love but it feels like I can't in the same way others do. It just feels like there's more disconnect between me and whoever I'm dating then there should be, even if I'm ace. I want to know if its a possibility for me to be aro/aro people to want to date and be with someone else? Or is there something else going on with me? Have I actually just not found the right person?

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Aquatic Paradox

You sound like you could be aromantic (or grey romantic). I had a period where I didn't want to be aro due to the negative connotations associated with it, but I have accepted it now.

 

How do you feel about the physical aspect of romance (touch, kissing, etc)?

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45 minutes ago, Starlightslaughter said:

The possibility of me being aro kinda scares me, I want to love but it feels like I can't in the same way others do.

Hey, same hat! When i was figuring myself out, I easily accepted the ace bit. The aro bit was super duper scary and took me many years. I still struggle with it sometimes, even though i find i ID with that bit more than the ace bit.

 

50 minutes ago, Starlightslaughter said:

if its a possibility for me to be aro/aro people to want to date and be with someone else?

YES for sure! in the same way ace folks can want and enjoy sex. some aros are romance repulsed, neutral, or positive! i'm neutral myself, but i've def had times i wish i had a romantic relationship.

 

for me, personally, it sounds like you could be aro or grey-aro. maybe, as  you say, you just need to find the right person; in which case, that's fine!! i subscribe to the philosophy of labels being tools (no, you can't choose what you are, but you can choose the label that most accurately communicates what you are, to others and to yourself). if you find that exploring the aro label, and using that for a bit, comforts you and accurately puts to word what you are, you are so very free to use it; and if, later, that wasn't correct after all, that's fine! 

 

we have a forum too:

https://www.arocalypse.com/

it's p neat:) 

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Starlightslaughter
58 minutes ago, Cassowary92 said:

You sound like you could be aromantic (or grey romantic). I had a period where I didn't want to be aro due to the negative connotations associated with it, but I have accepted it now.

 

How do you feel about the physical aspect of romance (touch, kissing, etc)?

It depends on the day, most of the time i'm whatever about it. But i can go from being neutral to not wanting it at all. The one thing I almost always want are hugs but thats about it.

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WaywardHeroine
1 hour ago, Starlightslaughter said:

Dates make me uncomfortable, I feel weird (in a bad way) most of the time when I say 'I love you', and in general it really feels like anyone i date is just a very close friend. I think I'm more in love with the idea of love then my actual partner.

^yep yep yep, same!  

I assumed I was bi-romantic and just hadn't found the right person, until recently when I met my current partner.  They're the kind of person I would have absolutely fallen head over heels in love for, if I were at all capable.  That's what has me leaning more towards aro lately.

 

Things were a little rocky between us at first because I was still figuring stuff out.  My partner was very supportive and willing to compromise by altering the way they expressed their affection, which made me a lot more comfortable.  We're doing pretty well right now!  So, I think it's definitely possible for you to find a partner eventually, if you decide that's what you want.  If you decide you don't, then that's okay too!

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@Starlightslaughter

It's possible for an aromantic person to want to date for platonic reasons- I believe this is called a QPR.

 

Also- Welcome! Have a cake (its an aven tradition)

panda-cake-8.jpg&f=1&nofb=1

It's a panda kitkat cake (because I think that your profile pic is a panda?)

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Starlightslaughter
40 minutes ago, crazy ace said:

@Starlightslaughter

It's possible for an aromantic person to want to date for platonic reasons- I believe this is called a QPR.

 

Also- Welcome! Have a cake (its an aven tradition)

panda-cake-8.jpg&f=1&nofb=1

It's a panda kitkat cake (because I think that your profile pic is a panda?)

it is! thank you. also ill make sure to look into that

 

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On 7/15/2020 at 4:51 PM, Starlightslaughter said:

I feel weird (in a bad way) most of the time when I say 'I love you', and in general it really feels like anyone i date is just a very close friend. I think I'm more in love with the idea of love then my actual partner.

I get that. I have a hard time saying "I love you" to any human being and being sure that's how I actually feel, whether it be a friend/romantic partner or a member of my family; especially if it's during one of the times I feel more disconnected from my emotions.

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I’ve been struggling with the same thing!! I know I don’t feel sexual attraction and I doubt I’ve felt romantic attraction. I just don’t ever really see myself in a relationship with anyone. I’m struggling with this vague vision of me WAY in the future where I somehow find the one person with whom I am sexually and romantically attracted to, but as I get closer and closer to the future it feels further and further away.

With the kissing/hugging/etc, I just mostly want a close friendship QPR type thing. My “fantasies” (if you can even call them that🤪) are literally just deep conversations with no pressure to make small talk. There is never physical contact, even though I’ve tried to envision that. I never realized that people actually think about kissing/hugging/etc... it kinda freaks me out😂

What a world. 

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