Master Zaydoo Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 Just out of curiosity. I'm a writer. Link to post Share on other sites
Salmakia Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 First of all, I am a firm believer in Shakespeare's "love all, trust few, do wrong to none." I'm not being facetious, I literally have strong feelings of love for other human beings in general, although certainly not romantic love. In terms of people I am romantically in love with, the best way I can describe it is mutual passion for shared experiences over time. If we get to talking for hours on end and we both lose track of time and our conversation winds its way through dozens of barely related topics, that's a good sign. If we can just sit together in the garden or under the stars or on the beach and NOT talk for hours on end and just enjoy each other's company, that's a good sign. If we play board games or go on hikes for hours on end, that's a good sign. If we cuddle for hours on end that's a good sign. If we don't speak to each other for months, come back together and find our relationship is the same as when we left off and we can still spend hours on end together without getting bored, that's a good sign. You'll notice that most of these ideas involve doing something "for hours on end." Romance for me is a lot about time. Do I really want to spend time with someone? How much time? Hours? Days? Weeks? Years? If I don't spend enough time with them, do I feel an overpowering urge to see them or give them a call? Note that these thoughts are not "criteria" for a romantic partner, they don't make up any sort of checklist. I know that I have been romantically in love before and these were some of its manifestations, but they are neither exhaustive nor exclusive. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 Well that depends on the person and the relationship and I would think its no different from anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Ace_SouthAfrica_87 Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 Love comes in many various forms. I love many of my friends who are there through thick in thin. I personally find it difficult to love from a sexual perspective, but I easily fall in love with someone's soul and spirit or attitude towards life if you will. I also have been in love before while in a relationship, but it didn't work out because of my fear for intimacy. Love for me is when you find someone who you just want to spend as much time as possible with. Someone loyal and trustworthy and makes you laugh and smile a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Purple Red Panda Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 1 hour ago, DarkGloomSquid said: Well that depends on the person and the relationship and I would think its no different from anyone else. Pretty much my thoughts. I don't think my asexuality has any real bearing on my falling in love. In terms of how I know, it's complicated. I don't assume my experience is somehow the standard asexual experience because I don't believe there is one. I've been in love twice in my life, in both cases it was to people I knew I was already attracted to. For me the feeling of being in love crept up quite slowly and I didn't recognise it at first, this is especially true the first time around as it happened whe I was about 33 and was beginning to doubt I was actually capable of being in love. It was mainly a case of noticing that I would think about them all the time and desire to spend as much time as possible with them, after a while it just kind of dawned on me that I was in love and wanted more than just friendship. Sadly neither of the two people had the same kind of feelings towards me as I did towards them but in both cases I've remainded friends, I've actually moved in with the first person I fell for and although I love her dearly as a friend I'm not in love with her anymore. She's my best friend and because she's the first person I've ever loved romantically she will always be special to me. For me although falling in love was painful because of the rejection I don't regret it because it was a times very beautiful to experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Artila Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 Unless you are aromantic, a crush might feel just as described in the songs, movies etc. The only difference I noticed when I googled infatuation was that - despite my feelings and desires being very, very physical - I did not want to have penetrative sex with this person. Everything else? Yes, yes yes! But that one? Nnnahhhhh. Can't speak about the mature version of love yet as I have not experienced it. Link to post Share on other sites
Master Zaydoo Posted July 10, 2020 Author Share Posted July 10, 2020 45 minutes ago, Artila said: Unless you are aromantic, a crush might feel just as described in the songs, movies etc. What if you are aromantic, and you are doubting yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Artila Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 21 hours ago, Z-7Cupcakes said: What if you are aromantic, and you are doubting yourself? I cannot speak for aromantic people since I am greyromantic at best. However if you have an actual crush that thing is so intense and so "in yo face" it's hard to mistake it for something else except mental illness maybe. Crushes are only one way to love afaik though, heard there is this "real" love thing aside of crushes that sometimes develops after a crush and sometimes comes by itself. I never experienced this so I have no idea. I wish you success on finding out who you are! Link to post Share on other sites
WaywardHeroine Posted July 14, 2020 Share Posted July 14, 2020 On 7/10/2020 at 8:49 PM, Z-7Cupcakes said: What if you are aromantic, and you are doubting yourself? Hello! I may or may not be aromantic, and am currently doubting myself. On 7/10/2020 at 12:04 AM, Salmakia said: In terms of people I am romantically in love with, the best way I can describe it is mutual passion for shared experiences over time. If we get to talking for hours on end and we both lose track of time and our conversation winds its way through dozens of barely related topics, that's a good sign. I experience a lot of what Salmakia said^ But I don't often miss these people (unless we haven't seen each other for a loooong time). Even if I love spending time together, I still need a generous amount of time away from them to do my own thing. I don't feel an overwhelming urge to be around them 24/7. I feel a similar way about my current partner as I do towards my best friend, so either I'm in love with my best friend or I'm not romantically inclined. No clue. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted July 14, 2020 Share Posted July 14, 2020 How does a sexual know know if they are in love? Link to post Share on other sites
WaywardHeroine Posted July 14, 2020 Share Posted July 14, 2020 15 minutes ago, SithApprentice said: How does a sexual know know if they are in love? My partner has described it as feeling like they can't possibly be close enough to a person. I think there's probably more to it, but that's just one feeling they experience. So I don't know exactly what it feels like to them, but I know what it looks like. Their voice softens, and their eyes get this look that seems like I'm the only thing they're seeing, all glazed-over with affection. They don't verbalize it so much anymore (because I've told them how it makes me uncomfortable), but just from that look I can tell. I don't think I've ever looked at another person like that. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted July 14, 2020 Share Posted July 14, 2020 23 minutes ago, WaywardHeroine said: My partner has described it as feeling like they can't possibly be close enough to a person. I think there's probably more to it, but that's just one feeling they experience. So I don't know exactly what it feels like to them, but I know what it looks like. Their voice softens, and their eyes get this look that seems like I'm the only thing they're seeing, all glazed-over with affection. They don't verbalize it so much anymore (because I've told them how it makes me uncomfortable), but just from that look I can tell. I don't think I've ever looked at another person like that. My thinking was more along the lines of "How is it different?" since as far as I'm aware, my partner can feel love for me without having sex with me, though obviously that's one way to express it. The only way I see the two being different is if someone is under the strange misconception that a sexual person knows they're in love because they want to have sex with the other, or they want to have sex with them and only them. Link to post Share on other sites
WaywardHeroine Posted July 14, 2020 Share Posted July 14, 2020 6 minutes ago, SithApprentice said: My thinking was more align the lines of "How is it different?" since as far as I'm aware, my partner can feel love for me without having sex with me, though obviously that's one way to express it. Oh, yeah in that case I agree with you. I don't think there would really be that much of a difference between how allo's and aces know they're in love. Link to post Share on other sites
Salmakia Posted July 14, 2020 Share Posted July 14, 2020 6 hours ago, WaywardHeroine said: Oh, yeah in that case I agree with you. I don't think there would really be that much of a difference between how allo's and aces know they're in love. Love is all the same, some people just incorporate sex as a means to express and share that love. Link to post Share on other sites
SunlitMoonlight Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 For me, love basically comes down to living and dying for someone. I know I love someone very very very much when I realize just how fragile their life is and how much mortality they actually have. I realized I loved my best guy friend very platonically when he mentioned how close he'd been one day to self-harm. Like my heart just kinda went OH HECK NO YOU CANT DIE WITHOUT ME TRYING TO SAVE YOU FIRST. I know I love(romantically or platonically) someone when I can imagine myself volunteering for them in the Hunger Games, or even sacrificing myself for them before I win(cause I'd totally win otherwise). Maybe that's just me, but that's how I know I love someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Raindrops Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 I've never been in love, but I assume it's something you'll just know. I don't think it can be defined accurately, could feel different for different people. 🤔 Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 The same way anyone else does. Asexual doesn't necessarily mean incapable of love; there's only a difference in how we might prefer to express it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted October 27, 2020 Share Posted October 27, 2020 Why does this thread exist? Did you mean aromantic people? Well even then it wouldn't make much sense. Link to post Share on other sites
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