how did you discover asexuality

[grez]

so although asexual representation is appearing in some places in current media, it has never been overly prevalent and given the allo-normative culture which is prevalent I am curious how everyone discovered asexuality.

 

I was first briefly introduced to asexuality in bojack horseman but then learned about asexuality mainly through aven and youtube 

 

David Jay mentioned on the podcast "a ok" that early members on aven came through loads of people almost inventing the word themselves as nothing existed to describe their sexuality and i wondered if that remains the case to this day 

[Purple Red Panda]

Through the internet. Learning about asexuality through various websites got rid of a lot of preconceptions I had about it. I'd previously not seriously considered the idea that I might be asexual because I had a very limited view of what it meant to be ace, having those ideas debunked gave me the mental space to explore my sexuality in more detail and come to the conclusion that I am asexual.

[ace bookdragon]

23 minutes ago, Purple Red Panda said:

Through the internet. Learning about asexuality through various websites got rid of a lot of preconceptions I had about it. I'd previously not seriously considered the idea that I might be asexual because I had a very limited view of what it meant to be ace, having those ideas debunked gave me the mental space to explore my sexuality in more detail and come to the conclusion that I am asexual.

My experiences  were very similar to this.

[Lichley]

Well I was googling LGBT+ content to support a friend, and found this from a series that explains various identities  

Spoiler

 

 

[Low End Things]

A friend took me to a student-led talk on various sexualities my freshman year in college back in 2009.

[erichamion]

I think the first I heard of it was from a post on Facebook. The post didn't originate on Facebook, but that's where I saw it, probably shared by a filk musician I follow.

 

It started with a homophobic comment about putting all gay men on one island, putting all lesbian women on another island, and seeing how long they would last. But then people started responding with questions about how that would actually work - when new gay people are born in the rest of the world, do they get sent to the island? What if a trans man on the gay island gives birth to a straight or lesbian child? Where do bi/pan people go - maybe they're the ones who ferry people to their correct islands? Eventually they ended up describing a thriving LGBT+ ecosystem.

 

And the aces just floated above it all in hot air balloons.

 

I didn't know what it meant at the time, but I believe that was the first I heard of asexuality. (Also, to clarify: the musician that I follow didn't share the homophobic comment. He shared the whole exchange because of the way the responses transformed it.)

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Wikipedia, the font of all knowledge.

[Lie-RennyValkyrie_]

I honestly have no idea.

 

I was on a group chat with two friends who went to a different school and one day I got a message from friend 1 to tell me that friend 2 was bisexual (friend 2 was like basically never online so thats why friend 2 didn't tell me, she wasn't being outed without permission) and I think friend 1 sort of came out as well, she was never really in the closet though. I mentioned that I didn't know what I was and friend 1 said 'asexual?' and I'm like 'possibly, probably'. I think that was the first time I identified as asexual really but I think in the context being aromantic would have been a better question, I was like 13 or something and hadn't had a crush.

 

I, at this point, knew about different sexualities and genders and stuff. I'm not really sure exactly how I found out about everything. I think when I started highschool (or middle school for those who have that) I was just experiencing more lgbtq+ stuff. I had lgbtq+ positive friends and family, although at this time all but previously mentioned friend 1 identified as straight, and several people i knew were getting into fandom related stuff as well at this time so that opened up more lgbtq+ stuff because god damn fandoms are obsessed with the lgbtq+ community. I eventually also got into fandom as well and I think thats what ended up pushing my real education on the lgbtq+ community thanks to lgbtq+ books/stories/general info on wattpad. I didn't learn a whole lot there but I did my own research and talked to some people to help me figure out stuff. I kind of just searched something up whenever I found a term or flag or something I didn't know.

 

I never really had a wow yeah this is me moment for any of my identity so finding out about asexuality was just like finding out about pansexuality or something at first. I later explored it more and I found AVEN but i don't remember the specifics exactly.

 

My parents never really discussed the lgbtq+ community when I was younger and they didn't know about asexuality until I came out to them. They are actually huge allies and my mother is kind of bisexual, my father is part of the diversity thing at work despite being a white cishet male (having a nb child probably helped lol). They also have several lgbtq+ friends. It just wasn't something that was talked about a lot when i was a kid but i guess relationships in general weren't probably because I showed no interest in them. Like it wasn't something they avoided it just didn't come up. As I grew up they did more though and when my father would ask me if i was dating someone it would always go like this:

"do you have a boyfriend?"

"No"

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No"

and then jokingly because my favourite animal used to be cats and we had two

"Do you have a catfriend?"

with a reply of either an eye roll and a no or a yes and giving my cat a hug which said cat hated me for XD

The lgbtq+ community is now a common topic in our household but thats because of my influence mostly. hell I have an asexual flag hanging behind me whenever I do video calls for school so i'm not shy about it. Still without me I'm not sure my parents would know about asexuality really.

 

anyway this was long and most other people replied with a sentence oops lol

[SithLord]

I was googling how I felt and looking for something that fit. Along the lines of "feeling the same about boys and girls" but knowing bisexual didn't quite fit. One of the many stupid quizzes I came across had asexual as an option and I started googling that instead to see what it was. I found AVEN and a couple other sites, read through some articles and posts, and found it fit what I was feeling pretty well. 

[ace bookdragon]

41 minutes ago, SithApprentice said:

Along the lines of "feeling the same about boys and girls" but knowing bisexual didn't quite fit.

Same. For almost a year I indentified as bi, but since it didn't feel quite right I never came out. I heard the word asexuality a few times and didn't think much of it until early this year, when I couldn't get the word out of my head. I did some research and realized that this is what I am.

[SithLord]

1 minute ago, Ace Bookdragon said:

Same. For almost a year I indentified as bi, but since it didn't feel quite right I never came out. I heard the word asexuality a few times and didn't think much of it until early this year, when I couldn't get the word out of my head. I did some research and realized that this is what I am.

I actually did identify as bi for a little while. I think I said that to one of my friends? I was actually trying to convince myself I was bi and trying to think of girls I liked as much as boys. It was when I realized I was trying to force it that I knew I wasn't bi and that it was something else. 

Also having my friend also start questioning herself as bi at the same time helped. Turns out she is bi! 

[Lie-RennyValkyrie_]

4 minutes ago, Ace Bookdragon said:

Same. For almost a year I indentified as bi, but since it didn't feel quite right I never came out. I heard the word asexuality a few times and didn't think much of it until early this year, when I couldn't get the word out of my head. I did some research and realized that this is what I am.

I think thats a common thing for asexuals and aromantics. Its like 'i feel the same way about boys and girls i must be bi/pan' and then you look back and go no idiot you felt the same thing because you didnt feel anything for either.

 

I had that too. i kept being like im bi/pan because i feel the same about both and then being like no im a lesbian because i don't like guys, spoiler alert yr 7 me I'm definitely not a lesbian, im not even a girl.

[ace bookdragon]

27 minutes ago, Lie-RennyValkyrie_ said:

Its like 'i feel the same way about boys and girls i must be bi/pan' and then you look back and go no idiot you felt the same thing because you didnt feel anything for either.

Oh definitely. 

[rainbowocollie]

A friend on dA said they were asexual, and I didn't know what that meant, so I looked it up. I may have found old AVEN when I did, I found some forum where people were talking about being ace. This would have been back in 2009 or 2010

[Guest]

I love this topic lol, mine is pretty weird tho. So I was watching an episode of Sex Education (S2 E04). There was this thespian who was pressured to like hook up with the school captain who was co-starring in the play (I don't know how to explain it exactly, sorry). So towards the end she went to like this sex therapist in the school and was like, 'I don't wanna have sex!'. Then she sat and talked to her about it. She was like, 'I don't want to have sex. I think I might be broken'. Then the therapist was like, 'Sex doesn't make you whole, so how could you be broken?'. Then she told how she still wanted to fall in love and get married so she replied about how some asexuals are interested in love. I just related to that so much, then I researched about t, talked to a few people who were ace and I found out I was asexual. 

 

this link has the screenshots from that scene - https://trustnoufos.tumblr.com/post/190307960130/sex-education-season-2-episode-4

[Skycaptain]

Indirectly through my doctor on the NHS, and a counselling service 

[Plushval]

I discovered it mainly through experiences and decisions I've made. I suddenly realized I was... different. Then I talked to friends, my sister and did my research until I could truly say that I identify as aro ace. Before I went on the internet (mainly youtube) I didn't know what asexuality really was. As soon as I understood, it all kinda made sense.

[doggalogga]

I thought I was broken, or cursed. I'll start there.

 

Anyways, one night I'm walking with a friend through his front door, and he was making comment about asexuals.

I knew "asexual" as an organism that can fertilise itself, or something vague like that.

He then explained that they were people who "don't like to have sex". It sort of struck a chord with me

 

That night, I went home and looked it up. Fucking bingo.

 

I discovered AVEN, and for a bit I was around. I then entered a relationship. The other half was sexual, and didn't really respect asexuality.

When that ended after a couple of years, I came here as a way to process the entire experience.

 

I discovered the term at one point in time, but it took years for me to fully process it all and accept it all

 

I also realised that some of my friends have too much of their ego in their casual sexual conquests.

 

Being Ace ain't all that bad.

[Guest]

9 hours ago, Lie-RennyValkyrie_ said:

hell I have an asexual flag hanging behind me whenever I do video calls for school so i'm not shy about it.

Me too! High five 🤚

[MonsterTurtle]

I never really thought about my sexuality and didn't define as anything before really.
Just never thought about it even though I've felt left out in some conversations - figured it was just a few of them being wierd.

I stumbled over the asexual flag looking for drawing inspiration to be honest😂
And then got sucked into reading further about the topic
 

[FJO8]

First of all, tumblr. But that only brought the term to me, not the deeper meaning.

I stumbled across a youtube video by a german youtube channel called "Auf Klo" who does sex ed and they were mentioning Aven. That was two months ago and a big relief

[FJO8]

10 hours ago, ItsAlwaysPrideDay said:

Some was from my life-ed classes and some was from the internet.

You had LIFE ED?! where can I get that please?!

Excuse me if I am an nonscient german coward unaware that it may be just some american class or something, but it sounds like a great concept

[Janus the Fox]

Can't remember all that well and I've definitely mentioned my discovery years ago here, in a very similar question some 8 or 9 years ago.  I think it was due to the fact I was learning about Sexuality in College and further research on attractions eventually lead to me finding Asexuality.  A question like "what Is Sexual Attraction" and "I don't feel sexual attraction".  This was an International Baccalaureate Class.  No real mention of Hetro/Gay/Ace/Gender etc themes in such a class.

 

I've probably remembered it differently back every time answering the same question over the years since.

[LawNeut73]

On 7/5/2020 at 9:20 PM, SithApprentice said:

I was googling how I felt and looking for something that fit. Along the lines of "feeling the same about boys and girls" but knowing bisexual didn't quite fit. One of the many stupid quizzes I came across had asexual as an option and I started googling that instead to see what it was. I found AVEN and a couple other sites, read through some articles and posts, and found it fit what I was feeling pretty well. 

Similar here. Found a demisexual, then asexual, quiz on this woo-woo site called Lonerwolf. Took the quizzes, and I thought, 'Yea, that fits.' Then started reading as much as could about ace stuff and decided that it fit. 

[ShyBunny]

Two or three years ago, i was looking on some lgbt+ stuff on Pinterest. Then i stumbled across some posts explaining asexuality and i was like oh, this is interesting and read more about it. At first i didnt believe that i could be ace. It took me almost two years of questioning to come to full terms with my (a)sexuality. When i think about it, Its kinda weird way of discovering you sexuality, but Pinterest really helped me a lot.

[Meowmocha]

I didn't even know the concepts existed until 19-20. In my old writing guild on Neopets, some of the members were having a conversation, and one person said they were asexual and aromantic. And that's the first time I recall ever hearing those terms. I don't recall if they really explained the definitions, or if I just inferred the meaning.
But I looked at it and thought, "Hey, that totally describes the character I recently came up with! This is June!"  And I also thought, "Well, I've always been kind of a prude, so I can kind of understand this. Actually, I can really relate to this. Wait a second, am I..."
Cue me being confused about whether I was heterosexual or asexual for the next few years. I mean, maybe I'm just reading too much into this. What if I'm mistaken? What if... 

Later, I joined NaNoWriMo, a writing site. I would browse the forums, and I followed a few threads relating to writing aspec characters. (It's for character development, really! Not at all because I find this relatable, or because the topic of asexuality is ✨fascinating✨ to me!) So I learned about it in greater depth there.

[Ailepho]

I knew I was queer in some way, but all the labels I knew were gay, lesbian, and bisexual. I thought I was possibly bi, although forced myself to think I was straight for some reason (all my friends were straight, so I didn’t understand that I myself may not be straight).

Finally, I read a book called Dumplin’ and after that, I read the sequel called Puddin’ . In the sequel, a character came out as biromantic asexual. I decided to look it up, and my mind exploded (in a good way)

[Artila]

Discovered in online and only was interested enough to learn more about it when I watched Hazbin Hotel and found their asexual Radio Demon pretty cool and relatable.