Trying to get by without an animal companion...

[mouth brooder]

meaning nonhuman animal. I am trying to get by without a human companion too, but I haven't had trouble until my feline significant other passed on a few weeks ago.

I've always had animal companions. I shared my crib with a cat.

When I could afford it, I would share my home with many cats and dogs, all neutered and well tended.

Last year I lost a very special kitty to old age, but I still had one left, and he was just past his prime. A hidden degenerative disease suddenly took him recently. He had been romping just the day before.

I have been fighting the urge to go to the shelter and adopt because now that I am back in school my life style really wouldn't be fair to an animal companion. I am not home enough and my apartment is very urban.

What I am faced with is how emotionally dependent I have been on animal companions my entire life.

The withdrawal is a little overwhelming at times, home alone. But, since I wrote a consoling letter to myself, at least I no longer suffer guilt that there may have been something I could have done to prevent his death.

My collection of house plants has suddenly increased.

I am posting here merely to express that I know I am doing the right thing now, but it is very difficult, and I imagine that others here can relate very much to my situation.

Dio

[M51]

I am so sorry to hear about your kitty passing away.

I wish I could have more pets but I also have to draw the line as to how many and what kinds of pets I can give good care to. It's a tough decision - I constantly want to bring home another cutie - but it is the right decision. So I applaud you for not being irresponsible with another creature's life. But I also sympathize. Pets are great. Yay for pets.

[dyyanae]

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your kitty! I know that is never easy :cry:

I also sympathize with trying to live without one. About ten years ago, I had to do that (for pretty much the same reasons as you). It was difficult but, thankfully, did not last forever. Eventually the situation changed and I had time to take care of a new kitty. So, hopefully there will be another animal companion in your life sooner than you imagine!

In the interim I made do with extra plants, more stuffed animals than I would ever normally have (i.e. one), and a small fish tank with easy keep goldfish :)

Again, my deepest sympathy!

[Cacille]

I know this sounds silly, but it may help you for a while.

Get a virtual pet. An online webpage one, where you hatch it then have to feed it and such? It may help you keep up a sense of responsiblity yet wind down your sense of loss a bit, because you still are trying to remain responsible for something.

Try it, just to see...you may find out that a silly kid thing to do, can provide some help.

[KAGU143]

Virtual pets aren't real.

I think an aquarium would be a nice substitute if you can't have a more interactive type of animal for a while. Fish are quite interesting in their own way, and they don't suffer from being left alone.

-GB

[mackat5]

My sympathies, I've lost my cat companions a couple of times.

Last time I had a cat companion die, I had friends down the street who had many cats. I got my "cat fix" from them. Having several, they understood. Even with that, I lasted only 2 weeks without a cat!! I now have 2, a brother and sister. They keep each other company while I work. Would this work for you?? Yet I know that having pets doesn't always work for people for one reason or the other.

[mouth brooder]

Thanks all here for the feedback during my especially lonely time.

For me, house plants work a lot better than a virtual pet would. It is like I need something alive to get attached to. I like the kind of communing one can do with plants in the house.

I do think about getting an aquarium. Cichlids have personalities, and so do Oscars. But, my parents are aging and live a long day's drive away and will need me to be visiting more and more often. I was able to take my kitty. Fish I would need to have someone come in and care for--except I know there is a feeding system that works for about a week unattended. That might be workable.

I have also thought about two kitties. But this place is too small for two kitties and me. I know some people think it is fine to leave an indoor cat alone all day and even all night, but in my experience they suffer separation anxiety just like a dog does. Two is the way to go if one isn't going to be home all the time, but as I said, my apartment just isn't big enough. I'd be vacuuming and changing litter boxes every spare moment and that is no life for me. With a multiple room house and even screened in porch, one can accomodate a couple cats without stress, but a three room apartment means one has no room away from the occupational hazards of being employed by cats. They need to romp and jump and rule from on high. In my last apartment, the one I left after I lost my baby just a few weeks ago, the bedrooms were upstairs, so the stairs provided him with lots of climbing and romping space. In this single floor apartment I would need to erect a cat jungle gym in the living room. I am in school for computer electronics. I need an office and plenty of space to spread out my books and paperwork and tools and such when I am home. I am facing the reality that my needs and two kitties' needs would clash too much.

What is my biggest concern though is maybe I need to learn to live without an animal companion. I've NEVER done it.

Animal companions have animal needs that must be compromised and subjugated to their human companions. I would want it to be a fair deal. My last cat didn't have quite the fair deal I would have liked for him to have. He was an indoor/outdoor cat who had to adjust to being totally indoors for his own protection, but of course he never saw it that way. I even grew grass for him indoors in flower pots and had a big cage for him out on the back stoop so he could get sun and fresh air and watch the birds every day for a few hours. But even though he was neutered, he wanted to roam and leave his calling card. He wanted to go out for walks with me like we used to when we lived in the country. He was humiliated by a harness and leash and there were too many feral critters in the neighborhood to avoid if I walked him on leash.

The next kitty might have to start out totally indoors to be more content, and the next kitty will have to wait until I have accomodations for a fair deal for both of us.

Or, I might become someone who used to need animal companions, and no longer does.

I will continue to feed the wild birds in the trees around the complex. They sing for me and that is so gratifying. There are no outdoor cats roaming around here to prey on the birds. The management does not tolerate roaming or feral cats at all. This might be a good thing. I moved here to be closer to school and because they do allow indoor kitties like the last place did. Now lets see how strong I can be.

[PollyB]

Diogena, your posts are beautiful because you clearly know exactly what you are doing, to try to be fair both to yourself and to other living things, but it is hard, so be gentle with yourself.

I always had cats up until two years ago, but they had both grown old, and happily become indoor cats once they had less energy, and my current home is too small and too high up to take on a young one. I had a couple of years being tied to home with special diets and pills for various old cat ailments - but didn't then have family commitments as you do - I was involved in my mother's final disability and death but it happened sooner, she died in 1999 - so for myself, I'm not rushing to take on other "dependents". I enjoy birds and squirrels in the wild. I love both dogs and cats (and come to that, children, not necessarily in that order) in my friends' households. I don't want fish, I view them with respect rather than affection, probably because you can't hold them, and don't always do well with houseplants, though I try. The closest living thing in my current life is probably the tree outside my kitchen window - it really is. And I'm addicted to good wildlife documentaries, the only way to feel safely connected to wolves and whales.

[mouth brooder]

Wordwitch,

You help me so much to not feel alone.

Thank you.

[Ziffler]

Diogena,

I hope things are getting better for you. I wish I could say I know how you feel, like many others have already done, but to be honest, I have no idea how you feel. Not only do I not get attached to people, I don't get attached to animals either. I have a very cold heart and have always thought it silly how people treat their animals better than the people around them.

But that said, it is my sincere wish that you be able to find yourself another animal, whether it be cat, dog, fish or bird, that will satisfy your need for companionship and lessen your loneliness.

Maybe a nice gerbel, with one of those gerbel habitats, where you can watch it play and run and climb. Get one that expands. So you can continually make it bigger and more interesting. Just a thought.

[Rin]

Maybe a nice gerbel, with one of those gerbel habitats, where you can watch it play and run and climb. Get one that expands. So you can continually make it bigger and more interesting. Just a thought.

You mean gerbil? Yeah gerbil's are pretty good low maintenance pets, they're favourable rodent pets for the fact they keep odour under control more and so on. They're highly curious animals so they can make a toy out of most things. As long as they have some cardboard to chew etc. then they're happy, and another gerbil companion of course as they're social animals. I'd advise against Rotastak/Habitrail and those other interconnecting tube thingys, as gerbils love to chew plastic and they're always made from plastic, plus the spaces are small and gerbils are pretty active and like their space and room to dig. They might OK though if very well secured as an *extension* to something else. Just make sure they can't chew their way out (anything not metal or clay is fair game to them). The best home for a gerbil is funnily enough an aquarium (no water! just the tank and of course just a mesh/wood frame lid) due to the space and also depth for bedding to dig in. You can still watch them climb etc. since there's alot of wooden/clay/plastic rodent houses/toys, rocks, branches, and other stuff you can put in. Some suggest even bird toys.

Rodents in general may make good pets since they're small, often lower maintenance than cats etc. and as long as they have a companion they're usually content. They could easily be moved in a smaller cage whilst journeying, there are smaller tanks called Dunas that you can get that are perfect, if you have to journey *alot* though it may be stressful, if the smaller tank is a good substitute though then they may not mind as much, you'd have to ask people on a rodent or gerbil forum regarding it. You might also consider reptiles, they seem pretty laid back and content by themself. Tortoises or something like that also probably wouldn't notice as much being moved around but I don't know alot about them. There's so many animals out there, many exotic ones too (there are other species of gerbil and other animals that are quite exotic), that may fit your new lifestyle.

[Ziffler]

Rin Wrote:

You mean gerbil?

See. I don't know enough about animals to even spell it right. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :D :D :D

Thanks for the correction and all that knowledge.

After posting that, then I though of a nice soft cuddley animal.

How about a Chinchilla?

Definition: A squirrellike rodent (Chinchilla laniger) native to the mountains of South America and widely raised in captivity for its soft, pale gray fur.

Have no idea what kind of pet they would make? But they got to be the softest pet you could ever have? :D

[T_Hinker]

Diogena,

I sure feel for you. I will soon have to make some very hard decisions in which I will cast off everything. Even my dogs. A father and son black labs. Great and wonderful friends they are. If I fail to place both on the short notice I may have, I will have to consider putting the father down in order to get the son adopted. He is 9 years old and labs only live to be 10 or 12. It will be the hardest thing I ever do. I can cope with the loss of everything else but I don't know how I'll deal with that one.

Hug your plants for me

[mouth brooder]

I sure like what this thread has turned into--the whole animal companion issue is so complex and people can explore all its different directions here.

Ziff, I'm not so sure I would call your heart cold just because you don't get attached to other living things. What I have been facing lately about myself as I said before is my past emotional dependence on animal companions. I think there are different kinds of love, and emotional dependence is certainly one kind, but caring about how others feel, as you have expressed toward me, doesn't seem like a cold heart to me. Your suggestion about gerbils made me smile.

Rin, your information about gerbils could be helpful to me or anyone else finding themselves too alone when not sharing living space with another creature. I will share here that I have shared my home with reptiles before, snakes, to be specific. I took on a couple from someone who could no longer keep them, but having to feed them rodents troubled me. I ended up adopting them out to a science teacher colleague of mine. People say that reptiles are cold. I knew a big bearded dragon lizard who loved to be held, and my corn snake flattened her head under my petting finger and curled around my wrist in what certainly seemed to me a gesture of attraction toward pleasure!

T Hinker, I have been in a similar situation. One challenge is to resist beating yourself up about the worst choice you may have to make. I chose to euthanise a dog, Moon, who I had since she was a pup until she was about ten years old. She was a Chow mix, and had some breed in her that made her very sweet. She was still wonderful toward me, but she had become extremely aggressive toward everyone else. She couldn't be trusted to be left free in the fenced yard because she would charge at passers by and give them quite a fright, and sometimes would manage to escape and chase children, threatening to bite.

When she was younger, where I lived before, she used to pull me along on my skates. Whenever she saw me putting on my skates she would practically jump somersaults in the air. She would just hold still while I attached her harness, and then we would blast down the smoothly paved streets, the neighbors often pausing in their yard-work to watch and wave.

The kitty I just lost, Figgy, had been born right into my hand on a stormy night. When we used to live out west, he went for long walks in the desert with me almost daily. When I moved into town, I had to keep him indoors. I think he developed his urinary tract blockage as most neutered male cats who do, not only from mineral imbalances, but also just because he wasn't outside spraying like a male cat is meant to do, keeping himself clear. The total blockage developed suddenly, and the vet said that even with surgery he would most likely develop the problem again. I just could not put him through the trauma of surgery--kitties don't know that their hospitalization is temporary--and the ordeal of catheterization and IV for at least a week. He was eight years old. He was just barely showing signs of age. Within hours after he was dead, I was in true hell over my decision.

Some people seem to channel some kind of special maternal/paternal energy into a relationship with an animal companion, and it is hard enough when the animal leaves us by its own devices, but when we have to make the choice to relieve its suffering or worst of all relieve it of its life because we can no longer support it, the agony is boundless. The web between us and our animal companions is tangled indeed. Many threads lead to joy, but so many also lead to pain.

I keep thinking of Wordwitch's tree. For some of us, it has been the animal companions who have taught us to love all life forms, and to set them free. Some of us, like Ziff, arrived at a sense of compassion without the aid of an animal teacher.

A ghost kitty's meow still wakes me up every morning, but I am beginning to realize that the sound is really coming from all the creatures who live in my heart.

[sakura_alice]

I know this sounds silly, but it may help you for a while.

Get a virtual pet. An online webpage one, where you hatch it then have to feed it and such? It may help you keep up a sense of responsiblity yet wind down your sense of loss a bit, because you still are trying to remain responsible for something.

Try it, just to see...you may find out that a silly kid thing to do, can provide some help.

lol, at first I thought you meant a tamagotchi, one of my friends loves those things, he has a collection.

[mouth brooder]

Ziff,

I took a good look at some websites about chinchillas.

They are so cute! They even live almost as long as kitties do. I think they are about as smart, but maybe more independent.

I just can't get past the idea of keeping any critter in a cage. Even if they do get to come out and play every day....

I'm gonna be tough and wait until I have a real house and yard again before I get any more critters....*crossing fingers*

[Tanwen]

http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d75/Tanwen_/HPIM0068.jpg

I've posted this one before, but he is soooo cute. He's litter trained and loved to run round the lounge of an evening. Unfortunately, he disgraced himself the other night by 'humping' my son's leg. Psycho - how could you?! :shock: :shock:

[mouth brooder]

Bunny Wabbit!!!

My bro and I had a bunny when we were kids. She would play chase with the cat and little dog we had. She loved to be chased so she could change directions mid air. She was way too big for the cat or dog to hurt her, and they never seemed to want to, just as happy to be chased by her. Interspecies play can be awesome.

About your bunny...boy bunnies will be boy bunnies? I had a kitty that started doing that to my arm, so it was time for you know what...but I guess they don't routinely do you know what to bunnies, and I think just as well.

[Tanwen]

We all love li'l Psycho. He's such a laid back boy (most of the time, except when my son's leg is around! :shock: )

My other son collected their puppy yesterday - no photos yet but I've been promised soon. He's part Cavalier King Charles and part shitzu.

[mouth brooder]

A classmate of mine was showing off pix of sugar gliders. She was very excited because she has been saving money to buy her husband one for a long time now and almost has enough.

I have always liked birds of the parrot family.

Tanwen, sounds like the new puppy will grow to a be a little dog, yes?

If I ever get another animal companion, I realize it will have to be something that responds when I talk to it. Animals that respond to vocalizations with vocalizations hold a special fascination for me.

All the cats in my life learned to hold conversations with me. The birds too. Not all the dogs would, but many did. My horse used to emphatically nod his head at me and often nicker. Our milk goat was very talkative.

[Tanwen]

Iain's fiancee has an African Grey parrot, called Ratbag, he moved in with them a couple of weeks after they moved in - apparently they had to leave it a while because it's a brand new apartment and they had to give time for fumes to dissipate. He was upset at being left behimd at Linda's mum's house and pulled his flight feathers out, but they're growing back now.

[mouth brooder]

Parrots are so fragile emotionally!

Have you seen the documentary The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill? About the homeless man who became guardian to a flock of feral parrots in an upscale neighborhood of downtown San Fransisco? It has both a sad and happy ending.

[sakura_alice]

All the cats in my life learned to hold conversations with me. The birds too. Not all the dogs would, but many did. My horse used to emphatically nod his head at me and often nicker. Our milk goat was very talkative.

wow, you had all those animals?? that's so awesome!! I want a milk-goat, lol. Aren't their pupils square? I remember when I was little and I stared a goat in the face once it scared me o_o now I think it's cool and creepy at the same time XD

[mouth brooder]

Their pupils if I remember correctly are horizontal.

Our milk goat and all of her kids were very friendly and playful. Mama, her name was Louella, loved to go for walks...but then I have seen many 4H goats that got walked and loved it.

We had Louella for about seven years.

My parents were both very receptive to critters. We had acreage and lived out in the country so it was possible.

My brother and I both became very emotionally dependent on our animal companions because our parents, though kind and generous, were both totally emotionally inaccessible. They both had too many of their own problems to have any time for ours.

In later years, when both my brother and I had left home, the only really safe subject for talking with our parents was about our animal companions.

The milk goat was a huge responsibility. As long as she was producing, no matter what the weather or how we felt, she had to be milked on schedule twice a day. And whenever she had kids, they had to be bottle fed for many weeks. When her kids were girls, we sold them to be milk goats elsewhere. When her kids were boys, we sold them to be butchered...there is no market for pet billies and we didn't have enough space to keep them too. That part of the responsibility was quite painful. We would take her by car to a big goat farm to be bred. She would jump right into the car with us.

My brother was the primary care taker of all the goat chores. The horse was primarily mine, but the whole family spent time with him. His name was Teq and he and Louella kept each other good company in the little pasture.

So, these days I do feel kind of like a nonperson from not even sharing my home with one animal.

I keep having dreams that Figgy got better instead of dying, and then I wake up very depressed because he isn't there telling me to get out of bed.

[2tabbymom]

I understand how you feel, I lost my 17 y/o cat to kidney failure four years ago. I thought it would be possible to not have another, but I was at the shelter within three weeks. The best thing I did was adopt two kittens, because they are great company for each other while I'm at work (mostly sleeping and eating, LOL). They are talkative and playful, even as adults.

The other option would be to adopt an adult cat, there are so many of them because they are not as popular. They don't require as much care (kittens are just like babies, needing lots of time and attention) and can still be extremely loving, plus it is usually already "fixed". As long as you don't have one that dashes for the door each time it's opened, you should be okay in an apartment.

Good luck with finding your companion.

[Calla_Lily]

hi diogena,

i'm sorry about the loss of your cat companion; losing a four legged family member is so painful. do you have friends and/or family members who have animals? if so, maybe spending extra time at their homes and getting in as much interaction with their animals as you can, might help ease your void until you can get another companion animal. the fact that you're so concerned about leaving a cat alone during the day says that you're a very caring person who puts the welfare of the animals above your own needs. when you are in the position to adopt an animal, it will be very fortunate to be chosen by you! :)

[mouth brooder]

Check your messageboard, 2tabbymom.

Calla Lily, my sweet sister, thanks for the consoling words. I love your Viktor Frankl quote.

Aside from being concerned that my apartment is not suitable to share with a kitty or two right now, I am also still in a bit of agony about animal companions and illness. These days, dogs and cats suffer from so many degenerative diseases because of their life styles and genetic weakening from being domesticated for so long. If they do get one of these diseases, veterinarian treatment seems to so often just prolong their agony. Euthanasia may be the humane alternative, but sometimes I wonder about the humanity of pet ownership. And how often do animal companions age gracefully and then die peacefully in their sleep? About as often as humans do, which ain't very. Euthanasia becomes a horrible specter for years before the moment of truth for so many humans with animal companions. I've been there too many times now. I don't want to go through it again if I am alone like I am now.

What I think today is that it is very important for some people to share their lives with animals, regardless of the ethical debates, and that it is also very important for some of us to try to do what I am trying to do, get by without an animal companion. And for all of these people to help each other in their journeys toward increased humaneness.

Check out Dr. M. W. Fox's website for a humane vet's P.O.V.

http://tedeboy.tripod.com/drmichaelwfox/id51.html

If you think you can stand to burn like Frankl says to, read Fox's rabbit story.

[Calla_Lily]

hi diogena,

thanks for the link to the article by dr. fox. sad but true, humans have damaged the planet that sustains us. if our 4 legged friends ran the planet, it would be in much better ecological condition. animals live in harmony with their environment...we can learn a lot from them, if we choose to.

the possible decision of euthanizing an animal is one of the most difficult, i agree. i have wrestled with the thought that it may not be "fair" to an animal to domesticate it. part of my decision to have companion animals IS selfish, i love the company of animals. i do make the choice to adopt animals from rescue facilities and support the no kill facilities. those animals are already here so i choose to give them a loving home where i feel they are well cared for. there are far too many animals and far too few homes for them. spaying/neutering them is imperative.

true, few companion animals die peacefully in their sleep, but if they were to live on their own, surely they would not die a better death. personally, i never consider myself a pet "owner". i cannot own an animal anymore than i can own a person. i'm just grateful to share my life with them. losing a loved one, whether they're 4 legged or bipeds, is always painful, but when we open ourselves up and become vulnerable there is always the risk for pain. i think it's worth the evetual pain of loss, to have them in our lives for whatever amount of time we're given.

whatever your final decision is, i wish you peace with it, diogena! be well.

[Ziffler]

if our 4 legged friends ran the planet, it would be in much better ecological condition. animals live in harmony with their environment...we can learn a lot from them, if we choose to.

:lol: :lol: :lol: I'll ask the next dinosaur I see, what happened with the whole ice age thing? :lol: :lol: :lol:

[mouth brooder]

...true, few companion animals die peacefully in their sleep, but if they were to live on their own, surely they would not die a better death. personally, i never consider myself a pet "owner". i cannot own an animal anymore than i can own a person. i'm just grateful to share my life with them. losing a loved one, whether they're 4 legged or bipeds, is always painful, but when we open ourselves up and become vulnerable there is always the risk for pain. i think it's worth the evetual pain of loss, to have them in our lives for whatever amount of time we're given.

Wow, Calla. I can't think of a more open-hearted way of looking at the relationship. :!:

:lol: :lol: :lol: I'll ask the next dinosaur I see, what happened with the whole ice age thing?:lol: :lol: :lol:

I bet if any other creature were to have evolved as much "intelligence" as humans have, they would have made the same mess of things. Unless their hearts would have evolved faster than their brains rather than the other way around.