Jump to content

:( sadness


yay

Recommended Posts

I'm feeling kind of down... the whole asexual thing. It's great to find security in knowing what you are, but being asexual is difficult and seemingly hopeless in the relationship world.

Have you ever felt like the fact that you're asexual held you back from lots of good opportunities with people? I'm not even looking for a bf, but I tend to fall in like with guys. I really liked this guy but I knew we couldn't work out because I'm asexual. I told him I was and after that he cooled it off. Paid less attention to me and even said something like "Well why hit on you, there's no point now." or something. Not to be an asshole, but he was right. Why should he go out of his way to entertain me when nothing much will come of it. It's not just that, but I told him I was a very busy person and it was pretty much hopeless.

I just feel bad. I feel like I got his hopes up and he really wanted a girlfriend too. I know everyone says if he really liked me, he'd put up with it but the thing is I don't even know if he would have because I drowned him in (truthful) excuses about me being way too busy making it all seem hopeless. What if he would have put up with it? He said the last time he did have sex was like February. And he went out with a girl who wanted to wait, and they waited like months (but they broke up so yeah, he never pressured her im assuming). What if I just missed out on someone who would have gone along with the asexual thing?

I guess since I don't invest in relationships or chasing guys, I busy myself with so many other hobbies. Then when something comes along, I'm all booked. I don't want to drop these important things to me to try going out with someone. Then when it fails 3 weeks later (which is usualyl does) I'll be mad at myself for throwing away what i had.

I thought I was over regretting or questioning my choice of telling him, but today we were talking about whatever on msn. And he found some old pictures and felt sad. He said he missed having a girlfriend and then it got all awkward. I felt like he was expecting me to jump up and say "Ooh! me me!" but instead I said something like "Maybe there'll be nice girls at your new school." Then he was like "well that was awkward, good night" and went offline.

Gah. I like him but part of me knows he's not my type and the other part knows that I'm asexual. But something in me makes me still care about him. I've always done this thing with guys where I go out with them for 2 weeks, then cool it off and run away once they start to get touchy feely or start interfering with time I have with my friends.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like that situation had less to do with the reality of being asexual than with your busy schedule. That schedule may (consciously or subconciously) be a mechanism to keep you from having a relationship so that you don't have to try and deal with the (a)sexual nature of them. Just my 2 cents of psychoanalysis.

As long as you believe something is hopeless it will be. The biggest issue is confidence, if you don't believe it'll work most other people won't either. If you have unwavering confidence in your ability to make things work, then many people will mirror that confidence.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with Kallan. It sounds a little like you're letting your fears keep you from trying something, or from knowing what you want. One way to work through that would be to be really honest with this guy - essentially telling him what you've told us here.

Link to post
Share on other sites

hmm sounds like something I would do. Maybe at this point in your life you aren't ready for something like that. It is ok if you are not... but don't let the fact you are asexual hold you back from anything

Link to post
Share on other sites
NeitherSparky
Have you ever felt like the fact that you're asexual held you back from lots of good opportunities with people?

I do, in a way that I could not explain to most people. I am different from *everybody* I know in my day-to-day life. I don't feel its right to "allow" a sexual guy to fall for me because I don't think it's right to "deprive" him of sex or at least, mutually-enjoyed sex, so instead I always act uninterested, and have even apparently subconciously taught myself over the years to ignore advances (so often my friends have said "That guy so obviously liked you and you didn't do *anything*!" - and I nevr noticed him flirting in the first place). This extends into all my other relationships as well - I place myself at a distance because I know my differences will always make me "alien" in a way. This is why I hope I can be part of asexual meetups because I need that, to be physically in the same space as others like myself, almost as a kind of therapy. I've never been in your situation yay, because I've never even gotten THAT far in a relationship. I won't even allow myself to come anywhere near starting one in the first place.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...