Has anyone else done this??

[Rena𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦]

So I’ve recently just labeled myself as asexual and although I’m almost certain that I don’t feel sexual attraction for anyone, I still tend to question myself. 
 

Sometimes I’d see someone very attractive  (it’s mostly just fictional characters) and they’d be what many would describe as “hot”, “sexy”, or “seductive”. I’d start feeling tingly inside and I’d make myself imagine them in a sexual manner with me juuuuust to check whether I’d like that. And sure enough, it’s always “ughh.... no, thank you 😐”

 

Does anyone else do that or has done something similar before or is this just me?

[nisse]

35 minutes ago, 𝙍𝙚𝙣𝙖𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 said:

(it’s mostly just fictional characters)

this is, in my experience, very common among aspec folks!! 

 

as for your other points, i'v experienced that as well. not often, but sometimes. i've chalked it down to sensual/aesthetic attraction personally - but also remember, even if you think you sometimes get sexual feelings/attraction, you can absolutely still ID as ace, if that's what you feel fits you best!! labels are tools, and sexuality is rarely set in stone. if you feel like asexual doesn't fit you after all, you could try out some of the others under the umbrella - grey-ace, for example!

[WaywardHeroine]

Yep, yep, yep. I do that

[always. singing.]

I totally get this. I can see a hot guy and think "Wow, that guy is REALLY hot" and get my heart racing faster, but there's nothing sexual behind it. I've realized recently that it's most likely aesthetic attraction, so maybe it's the same for you?  

[Rena𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦]

2 hours ago, always. singing. said:

I totally get this. I can see a hot guy and think "Wow, that guy is REALLY hot" and get my heart racing faster, but there's nothing sexual behind it. I've realized recently that it's most likely aesthetic attraction, so maybe it's the same for you?  

Yeah, I feel it’s the same way for me as well. I just really like looking at them and admiring their looks but thinking of anything sexual is super unappealing for me.

[BlakeTheNightowl~]

“Fictosexual” 

[WellThatsDebatable]

On 7/2/2020 at 9:01 AM, Rena𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 said:

Sometimes I’d see someone very attractive  (it’s mostly just fictional characters) 

So, I've never quite had the 'tingly inside' feeling, but I do have kind of a similar experience. So, just as a disclaimer, my experience is a bit different and I don't know if my explanation for it is the same as yours. However, it seemed relevant so I'll put this here, and my thoughts about it:

 

If I'm imagining a relationship between two fictional characters (including ones I project onto) I almost always imagine it to be a sexual one, even though I'm sex repulsed, don't experience sexual attraction, and don't have any libido. Sometime's I'd even read erotic fanfiction despite it not turning me on. In my imagined scenarios, there was always something missing. Before I realized I was ace, I think it was sort of a way to try and fit into the norm of sexual relationships and having sexual fantasies, while being able to distance myself from it by virtue of the characters being fictional and the relationship unobtainable. This ran through my mind while reading the 'but I like fictional men/male celebrities' section of the am I a lesbian doc (Am I a Lesbian), which I mention because if you replace men with 'everyone' and lesbian with 'asexual' is really good at clarifying some confusing feelings I've had about sexuality and I recommend it to everyone. One concept in there is comp het, which I think especially has aro/ace parallels that might explain a lot of these experiences. While I'm sure this is not everyone's experience, certainly to this degree of specificity, I suspect things in this vein and aro/ace parallels to other aspects of what the doc calls comp het aren't uncommon. 

[binary suns]

On 7/2/2020 at 12:01 PM, Rena𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 said:

So I’ve recently just labeled myself as asexual and although I’m almost certain that I don’t feel sexual attraction for anyone, I still tend to question myself. 
 

Sometimes I’d see someone very attractive  (it’s mostly just fictional characters) and they’d be what many would describe as “hot”, “sexy”, or “seductive”. I’d start feeling tingly inside and I’d make myself imagine them in a sexual manner with me juuuuust to check whether I’d like that. And sure enough, it’s always “ughh.... no, thank you 😐”

 

Does anyone else do that or has done something similar before or is this just me?

yeah for like sevral years I kept trying to imagine myself in sexual scenarios to "check" if I'd like it. alwaays, nope... 

[Acyn]

On 7/3/2020 at 2:01 AM, Rena𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 said:

So I’ve recently just labeled myself as asexual and although I’m almost certain that I don’t feel sexual attraction for anyone, I still tend to question myself. 
 

Sometimes I’d see someone very attractive  (it’s mostly just fictional characters) and they’d be what many would describe as “hot”, “sexy”, or “seductive”. I’d start feeling tingly inside and I’d make myself imagine them in a sexual manner with me juuuuust to check whether I’d like that. And sure enough, it’s always “ughh.... no, thank you 😐”

 

Does anyone else do that or has done something similar before or is this just me?

Yeah I've been doing this recently since I worked out I'm ace. I never did it before but now I'll think "ok now let's fantasise about sex to see if I like it" and it just feels like so much mental work for really no benefit at all. The fantasy really doesn't mean anything to me.

[Peachier]

sometimes. i mean it's mostly out of boredom and to "test" if i feel different but it always ends up the same.

my mind would be like,

"okay. you don't know them but that person is physically attractive. what if you did...this...with them...no. nevermind. sorry i proposed you to think about that."

[Guest]

On 7/2/2020 at 11:39 AM, nisse said:

even if you think you sometimes get sexual feelings/attraction, you can absolutely still ID as ace, if that's what you feel fits you best!! labels are tools, and sexuality is rarely set in stone. if you feel like asexual doesn't fit you after all, you could try out some of the others under the umbrella - grey-ace, for example!

I respectfully disagree with the first statement, since asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction. If someone "sometimes get sexual feelings/attraction", it would be more accurate, and more respectful to those who actually feel no sexual attraction, to use another asexuality-related term (depending on whether the sexual attraction isn't as strong or as frequent as what allos have (grey-ace) or whether it only comes into the picture when a relationship has formed (demisexual), to name a few).

 

As for the second point, it is absolutely true that labels are there for the benefit of those who use them, and that sexuality can change over time. I was just saying that it's important to make sure that it makes logical sense to use a given label.

[nisse]

@cAROlyn i meant it more as, ace is frequently used as an umbrella-term for the aspec experience. asexual, yes i agree is a lack of attraction. the label ace, however, can be used by demis and grey-aces if they don't feel like going into the nitty-gritty of their identity, e.g.!

 

ETA: and sometimes, people who experience a sexual attraction *very rarely* and would technically fit better into grey-ace, still feel much more at home in asexuality. i've sometimes had both that and romantic attraction, but it felt much much better to settle into the aroace label, than to have an identity crisis all over again. i'm comfortable here! 

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, nisse said:

@cAROlyn i meant it more as, ace is frequently used as an umbrella-term for the aspec experience. asexual, yes i agree is a lack of attraction. the label ace, however, can be used by demis and grey-aces if they don't feel like going into the nitty-gritty of their identity, e.g.!

Now that you cleared it up, I understand what you mean. Since I only use the term 'ace' for those at the ace end of the sexuality spectrum (while fully respecting that people often use it as a more general term that also includes demis and grey-aces), my judgment was clouded by the terminology difference. I also understand why a lot of people use it as such; like you said, not everyone is in the mood to lecture to the public about their sexuality, so an umbrella term is more practical despite being less precise.

[nisse]

@cAROlyn it's also why i often just use queer, especially in cishet spaces. i'm just not in the mood to educate sometimes haha. 

 

also i added a bit there, it might go a bit against your point? didn't mean to just slide it under the radar, just felt better to edit it into my post than create a new one:)

[Guest]

34 minutes ago, nisse said:

@cAROlyn it's also why i often just use queer, especially in cishet spaces. i'm just not in the mood to educate sometimes haha.

Good point. I don't identify with the 'queer' label since I could just be a non-queer person in an acquaintance's mind until they (a) see the pin on my backpack and ask me about it, or (b) find out that I've never been romantically or sexually attracted to anyone. However, I still use 'queer' to get a point across when I don't want to pull out the Ace/Aro Terminology Toolbox. Although it's inevitable that people will disagree with me on this next one, I actually don't consider aces/aros to be queer per se, but that's not to say that other aces/aros shouldn't be able to think of themselves as queer.

 

41 minutes ago, nisse said:

also i added a bit there, it might go a bit against your point? didn't mean to just slide it under the radar, just felt better to edit it into my post than create a new one:)

It's great that you're comfortable identifying with what you identify as, and it's no one else's job to tell you what terms to use. AVEN users have varying philosophies regarding terminology and its usage, and that's completely fine, even when it sparks Definition Debates. The only reason for concern is when the Definition Debates become Invalidation Orations.

[nisse]

11 minutes ago, cAROlyn said:

The only reason for concern is when the Definition Debates become Invalidation Orations.

i agree 100%!!