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gray-a girl

Are cupiosexuals considered gray as?

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gray-a girl

I think the answer is probably yes but I’m not sure if cupiosexuals are their own category or not (on the asexual spectrum). I originally created my username before I had heard of cupiosexuals so I don’t know if I can change it or if it’s appropriate.


Note: please do not tell me I’m not asexual and that I’m sexual. Cupiosexuals are considered to be asexuals. Also- It’s against AVEN rules and I’m also tired of hearing it. Please stay on topic.

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Mackenzie Holiday

If I understand cupiosexuality correctly, I wouldn’t think of it as gray-A. Gray-A usually indicates experiencing sexual attraction to some potentially negligible degree or only under some very rare circumstances. It sounds like cupiosexuals don’t experience sexual attraction at all, but have another reason for desiring sexual interactions with another person, which I would personally think of as just asexual. There will never be a consensus on such things here, but that’s my point of view. :)

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frostboot

I agree with Mackenzie! When we're talking about graysexuality and the spectrum, it's about having differing degrees of sexual attraction. Attraction is not the same as behaviour and there are plenty of asexuals who choose to have sex for whatever reason. It doesn't make them any less asexual. 

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Star Lion

I’m not understanding why you’re asking where on the sexual attraction spectrum cupiosexuals fall on but then tell people not to tell you that cupiosexual isn’t asexual but I’ll give my opinion anyways.

 

So my understanding is that a cupiosexual person is someone who desires sexual intimacy but the desire is not aimed towards anyone to where it would be considered an “attraction” (sexual attraction specifically). I see that as asexual rather than graysexual considering it technically fits the definition. But at the same time, it’s practically sexual when you think about the type of relationship that a cupiosexual is looking for. So there’s my personal answer: asexual but sexual in practice. I don’t see anywhere where “graysexual” would be inserted

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Homer

What's the difference between "cuopio" and "hasn't found the right person yet"?

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Star Lion
1 minute ago, Homer said:

What's the difference between "cuopio" and "hasn't found the right person yet"?

I believe even when they do obtain that sexual relationship, they still don’t exactly have their desires even directed at their partner

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Janus DarkFox

Moved to The Grey Area, Sex and Relate Discussions

 

Janus DarkFox

Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator

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Snao Cone (me)

An oversimplification of cupiosexuality is a lack of feeling carnally attracted to people in spite of longing for sexual connection on some level. If this makes you feel much more similar to asexual people (meaning, if the longing for sexual connection isn't strong enough to make sex an important thing for you) then I would think that's one of the options under the grey umbrella. 

 

Anyway, come at me. 

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frostboot
29 minutes ago, Homer said:

What's the difference between "cuopio" and "hasn't found the right person yet"?

The lack of sexual attraction.

 

What's the difference between "asexual" and "hasn't found the right person yet"? How do you know the one isn't right around the corner? Your question is just recycled aphobia.

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Snao Cone (me)
4 minutes ago, frostboot said:

What's the difference between "asexual" and "hasn't found the right person yet"?

There isn't an ongoing yearning to find a satisfying sexual partner. 

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Serran
35 minutes ago, Homer said:

What's the difference between "cuopio" and "hasn't found the right person yet"?

Cupios can desire sex, have it with lots of different people and will never say they experience sexual attraction. Those of us who had to "find the right person", didn't desire sex until we found them and only desire it with them. Whereas, a cupio could maybe go have a different ONS every night as long as they qualified it with "was not sexually attracted to them, just was horny". 

 

Whereas... an asexual that just chooses to have sex for whatever reason (making a person happy, etc) doesn't desire the sexual relationship, they desire whatever it gives them.

 

Personally, I'd see cupio as under grey or sexual part of the spectrums if I experienced it and was trying to choose a label. But, different people put it in different spots. *shrug* 

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CBC

So because cupios don't feel ravenous, overwhelming lust or whatever, they're asexual?

 

Actually... maybe they are, in which case I would just call that 'wishing they felt something that they don't'. How is that different from simply not wanting to be asexual?

 

I wish I liked camping. The romanticised ideal sounds great. I fucking hate it though. It's kinda filthy, there are bugs, you can't control the temperature, even the smallest task can be a major inconvenience, and it's often very uncomfortable. No thank you, imma just stay home, or take a trip where hotels are involved. But when I see photos of people seemingly loving camping, I wish I could experience that. I've tried it. I'd love to be a camping-lover. But that doesn't make me one.

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Borderline
Posted (edited)

Huh, this topic is way more complex than I thought, and way less set on stone. You always learn new, even if it is learning that you know less than you thought.

 

Cupiosexuality is its own thing. Whether it is a subcategory of ace or grey-ace, I have no idea. It might even fit both or neither, depending on the person and their feeling.

 

If you worry about your nick: do you feel that GreyAce represents you well enough. Do you like it? How do you see your own sexuality? The labels should serve us people, we made them up to describe how some people have similar feelings. They are tools to find out that you are not alone and tools to help identify who you are. And as you can see, seems like none of us really know what is the "right way" to think of these labels.  There is no right way. Only the way that helps you.

 

I'mma go sleep. Hope this mess has been partially decent to you, OP/gray-a girl. .

Edited by Borderline
Grammar
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Serran

You can change your display name from profile btw

 

1 hour ago, CBC said:

So because cupios don't feel ravenous, overwhelming lust or whatever, they're asexual?

 

Actually... maybe they are, in which case I would just call that 'wishing they felt something that they don't'. How is that different from simply not wanting to be asexual?

 

I wish I liked camping. The romanticised ideal sounds great. I fucking hate it though. It's kinda filthy, there are bugs, you can't control the temperature, even the smallest task can be a major inconvenience, and it's often very uncomfortable. No thank you, imma just stay home, or take a trip where hotels are involved. But when I see photos of people seemingly loving camping, I wish I could experience that. I've tried it. I'd love to be a camping-lover. But that doesn't make me one.

No.... they would go camping, love it, want to do it again and again, take friends on camping trips and just not like the look of the photos. 

 

Cupios actively desire a sexual relationship. Many seek these out. Some only with trusted friends, some only with partners. They just qualify these sexual relationships with "but im not sexually attracted".

 

There have been cupios on AVEN before that loved going to bars for random hookups. Their reason for IDing as such is they didn't mind much who accepted, as long as they weren't repulsive, so didn't consider themselves sexually attracted, just horny. 

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CBC
4 minutes ago, Serran said:

Cupios actively desire a sexual relationship.

Then they're sexual, with some common component of human connection missing. But that doesn't make them ace since they still desire sex. It seems insane to call people who desire sex 'asexual'.

 

Otherwise they're 'desiring' the ideal of something without truly feeling an inner drive for it. Which means... asexual.

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Lichley

It feels like walking into hot box all over again. 

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gray-a girl
4 hours ago, Star Lion said:

I’m not understanding why you’re asking where on the sexual attraction spectrum cupiosexuals fall on but then tell people not to tell you that cupiosexual isn’t asexual but I’ll give my opinion anyways.

 

So my understanding is that a cupiosexual person is someone who desires sexual intimacy but the desire is not aimed towards anyone to where it would be considered an “attraction” (sexual attraction specifically). I see that as asexual rather than graysexual considering it technically fits the definition. But at the same time, it’s practically sexual when you think about the type of relationship that a cupiosexual is looking for. So there’s my personal answer: asexual but sexual in practice. I don’t see anywhere where “graysexual” would be inserted

Hmmm, I think the confusion comes from the way I am using the term asexual. I am using asexual = aspec. I realized recently that some people use it differently, others don't. So, for example, how I understand it... a gray- a is a type of asexual. Personally I think using the term this way is most useful when talking to non-aspecs. It just makes the most sense to me that asexual = aspec.

I am considering using the term aspec while I'm here at AVEN instead of asexual (even though, if you forced me to choose asexual or sexual with nothing in between, I would relate more to asexual).

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Snao Cone (me)

aspec = anything starting with the letter a

 

 

(i know what it actually means and don't need an explainer, thank you)

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gray-a girl
2 hours ago, Serran said:

You can change your display name from profile btw

 

No.... they would go camping, love it, want to do it again and again, take friends on camping trips and just not like the look of the photos. 

 

Cupios actively desire a sexual relationship. Many seek these out. Some only with trusted friends, some only with partners. They just qualify these sexual relationships with "but im not sexually attracted".

 

There have been cupios on AVEN before that loved going to bars for random hookups. Their reason for IDing as such is they didn't mind much who accepted, as long as they weren't repulsive, so didn't consider themselves sexually attracted, just horny. 

I cannot relate to that. It's not something I'm interested in doing.

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gray-a girl
2 minutes ago, Snao Cone (me) said:

aspec = anything starting with the letter a

 

 

(i know what it actually means and don't need an explainer, thank you)

I point this out because it seems like some people are only using the term asexual in the narrowest sense of the word. As people who are either sex repulsed or sex indifferent, and also lacking attraction. They are not equating the term with aspec, and they are not the same thing for some people. So for some, it seems that gray-as are aspec, but not asexual. Whereas when I use the term, asexual means the same thing as aspec. 

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PanFicto.
4 hours ago, Homer said:

What's the difference between "cuopio" and "hasn't found the right person yet"?

The difference is that a cupio still wants sexual relationships with other people and will seek those sexual relationships out, ergo they find the right person many times. They just have a weird way of defining sexual attraction is all. 

 

Anyway to answer the opening post:

 

If one desires partnered sexual contact with other people, that's sexual.

 

If one has no innate desire to engage in sexual contact with other people, that's asexual.

 

Grey falls somewhere in between, but many agree it's on the sexual part of the spectrum, not the ace part (it's just that greys often have more in common with aces is all).

 

 

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Snao Cone (me)
1 minute ago, gray-a girl said:

I point this out because it seems like some people are only using the term asexual in the narrowest sense of the word. As people who are either sex repulsed or sex indifferent, and also lacking attraction. They are not equating the term with aspec, and they are not the same thing for some people. So for some, it seems that gray-as are aspec, but not asexual. Whereas when I use the term, asexual means the same thing as aspec. 

Yeah, that's definitely part of why disagreements pop up over terminology, and go on for as long as they do.

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gray-a girl
1 minute ago, PanFicto. said:

The difference is that a cupio still wants sexual relationships with other people and will seek those sexual relationships out, ergo they find the right person many times. They just have a weird way of defining sexual attraction is all. 

 

Anyway to answer the opening post:

 

If one desires partnered sexual contact with other people, that's sexual.

 

If one has no innate desire to engage in sexual contact with other people, that's asexual.

 

Grey falls somewhere in between, but many agree it's on the sexual part of the spectrum, not the ace part (it's just that greys often have more in common with aces is all).

 

 

Would you use the term aspec for gray-as?

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gray-a girl

I don't like using the term sexual because I don't really relate to people who are sexual. So it's not a useful term for me. But if it avoids arguments, I can use the term aspec.

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Star Lion
19 minutes ago, gray-a girl said:

Hmmm, I think the confusion comes from the way I am using the term asexual. I am using asexual = aspec. I realized recently that some people use it differently, others don't. So, for example, how I understand it... a gray- a is a type of asexual. Personally I think using the term this way is most useful when talking to non-aspecs. It just makes the most sense to me that asexual = aspec.

I am considering using the term aspec while I'm here at AVEN instead of asexual (even though, if you forced me to choose asexual or sexual with nothing in between, I would relate more to asexual).

 

6 minutes ago, gray-a girl said:

Would you use the term aspec for gray-as?

Yeah, I personally don’t think greysexuals are asexual or that aspec is an accurate term to describe the asexual community. I’m more on board with the idea that graysexuals (the “aspec“ people) are sexual but just very close to the asexual end of the sexual attraction spectrum. I also define asexuality, as an aroace, as not experiencing sexual attraction

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CBC
3 minutes ago, Star Lion said:

I’m more on board with the idea that graysexuals (the “aspec“ people) are sexual but just very close to the asexual end of the sexual attraction spectrum.

Exactly. It's perfectly fine for someone to feel much closer to the asexual end of the whole thing without being asexual, of course. Such an individual would probably have more in common with an asexual person (sexuality-wise; obviously I don't necessarily mean as a general whole) than they would with me. It's just that that doesn't make them ace.

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Star Lion

At the same time though, I wanna know what the OPs feelings actually are because they never explicitly told us. They could literally just be asexual even by our ideas of the definition, if we were to dig deeper on the topic

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SithApprentice
31 minutes ago, gray-a girl said:

I am using asexual = aspec. I realized recently that some people use it differently, others don't.

Huge problem with these kids of talks. On AVEN especially. Anywhere else you might be able to get away with that kind of generalization (and I wouldn't really be opposed to it if the specification wasn't necessary), but not on AVEN where we're a bit more laser-focused on asexuality and the nuance of anything similar or related or a subset of. 

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SithApprentice
20 minutes ago, gray-a girl said:

I don't like using the term sexual because I don't really relate to people who are sexual. So it's not a useful term for me. But if it avoids arguments, I can use the term aspec.

That's generally what I see from those who fall into the aspect or grey- or demi- labels. They don't feel a lot of connection to sexual people and so choose to use their less common (at least in the larger society, for now) labels because it fits them better. 

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PanFicto.
1 hour ago, gray-a girl said:

Would you use the term aspec for gray-as?

A lot of people here don't like the idea of an ace spectrum (aspec) because the way some people define it, it implies asexuals can actively desire partnered sexual activity for their own pleasure - which goes against AVENs definition of asexuality.

 

I just say 'grey' for grey-identifying folks and don't use the term aspec personally.

 

1 hour ago, gray-a girl said:

I don't like using the term sexual because I don't really relate to people who are sexual. So it's not a useful term for me. But if it avoids arguments, I can use the term aspec.

I don't either in that I have a natural preference for celibacy, and don't desire sexual intimacy for the most part (only occasionally when I have strong feelings for someone) and I never seek sexual activity out for pleasure. I've been celibate for 9 years now and don't miss sexual activity at all! However even though I don't relate to most sexuals, I also know I am not ace (due to the fact that I can enjoy the idea of some sexual activities enough that I could actively desire them under the right circumstances) so I just stick with 'sexual' because it would be disingenuous of me personally to claim I am some kind of asexual. However I do admit I probably fall in the grey area of sexuality as I generally relate more to asexuals than sexuals.

 

47 minutes ago, Star Lion said:

At the same time though, I wanna know what the OPs feelings actually are because they never explicitly told us. They could literally just be asexual even by our ideas of the definition, if we were to dig deeper on the topic

The OP has explained their feelings in a lot of detail in the past so there's quite a bit of background to this for some of us. Hopefully they will reiterate their feelings for you here so you can get the background for this convo that some of the rest of us have  :)

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