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StrangeDruid

Does it help to know other ace people offline?

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StrangeDruid

I'm the only asexual person in my life. I've gone to one ace meet-up once, but didn't go back because I found the people there to be a bit elitist. My allosexual friends actually know more asexuals than I do. Sometimes I feel slightly isolated and I wonder if I'd be comfortable with my own asexuality if I knew of other asexuals in my offline life.

 

My question for AVEN is this: do you know any asexuals in "real life", and do you think it makes a difference in terms of self-acceptance/self-confidence/comfort? If you don't, then do you think you'd want to know other aces offline?

 

 

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cAROlyn

One of my best friends is ace, and from my experience it's made me a lot prouder to be friends with an ace irl.

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Caryne

I would think so. Being new to the asexual universe I haven’t met any other Asexuals offline, but I’m planning to once we can socialize again.

It’s important to me to find and connect with other asexuals. AVEN is great but I miss face to face interaction.

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Astrea

I've never met any other aces offline (that I know of ^^). I do think it would be easier to know people like me IRL.  As it is, being surrounded by couples with children, I tend to relate more to older people who tend to be divorced or widowed because we've got similar lifestyles. And, you know... it's cool, but sometimes I'd like to have RL friends who have a lot of things in common with me and aren't 30 years older than I am. 😅

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frostboot

I don't currently know any other aces that I'm aware of, but I used to know an out and proud graysexual. It was a fact that was dropped on me in a context that had nothing to do with my own sexuality and I remember being happy to hear it! It made me feel valid to know that there were other aces, just out there living their lives. I think if I more aces and aros around me irl, I probably wouldn't be so anxious to tell people about it. 

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Violet of the Stars

I'm lucky to have plenty of RL ace friends! It's certainly nice having people to relate to, but unfortunately they're all romantic aces, which isn't a good combo for someone who identifies more with their romantic identity rather than sexual (this is probably because I'm quite young, most allos my age aren't at the age where they would start having sex regularly.) I once had a pan ace friend tell me I chose to be lonely because of my lack of desire for romantic relationships.

 

Despite this, though, I'm glad for the friends I have!

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andreas1033

Plenty of sexual people i am sure, are fine to be friends with, and would be understanding, with you being ace.

 

I do not think sexuals are beyond understanding what an ace is. Maybe more hyper sexuals may have a problem with it, but everyone has a different level of intelligence, and plenty of sexuals, can see beyond there is only sexuals in the world, i am sure.

 

For me, i never met an asexual in my life. Most people tend to want to be partnered, and having some sort of sex life. Thats fine.

 

So for me, i do not think it matters. I think its more to do with if your friends are really your friends.

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StrangeDruid
3 hours ago, andreas1033 said:

Plenty of sexual people i am sure, are fine to be friends with, and would be understanding, with you being ace.

 

So for me, i do not think it matters. I think its more to do with if your friends are really your friends.

My friends are comfortable with me being asexual. It has more to do with not having someone to relate to on the sexual orientation front and feeling isolated by sex talk.

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Twigwilter

I don't know any others in real life, or at least nobody has told me they are asexual in real life (there are a few people I think might be but that's purely based on me having known them a long time and them being single as long as I've known them).

 

I'd like to be friends with another ace but I'd like it to happen by accident. I tend to make friends based on shared interests rather than a shared sexuality or lack of one (cause you can only talk about asexuality for so long)!

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andreas1033
6 minutes ago, StrangeDruid said:

My friends are comfortable with me being asexual. It has more to do with not having someone to relate to on the sexual orientation front and feeling isolated by sex talk.

Yep, i appreciate this.

 

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DarkGloomSquid
1 hour ago, StrangeDruid said:

My question for AVEN is this: do you know any asexuals in "real life", and do you think it makes a difference in terms of self-acceptance/self-confidence/comfort? If you don't, then do you think you'd want to know other aces offline?

Sort of, not friends in real life. I do have some friends Ive made on even that I know off AVEN. 

 

I don't think it does but thats cause Im not like normal aces.

 

I don't really care, Im not keen since they have such elitist attitudes. I mean if someone I know is it okay, but Im not going to of out of my way to find them.

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Skycaptain

I'm surprised that you found people at an Ace meetup elitist. I generally find them groups of friends hanging out 

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DarkStormyKnight

I have a couple friends who are asexual or a-spec in real life and it's super honestly, it's really nice to have people in your life who "get" asexuality and what asexuals go through without having to explain it.

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Plushval

I've only met one person until now, a girl from university, who identifies as asexual. It was so interesting to share experiences and opinions. It helped me of course but the best thing about it was that she got a lot of validation from our talk, because she hadn't met another ace person before either. It was so nice to give her a feeling of understanding her truly.

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Purple Wanderer

Im pretty sure you are all bots and there are no aces in real life. 

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StrangeDruid
8 hours ago, Skycaptain said:

I'm surprised that you found people at an Ace meetup elitist. I generally find them groups of friends hanging out 

It happens, I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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TwoFer

I know three other people IRL who are ace, and I will say it does help. One of my closest friends and I came out of the closet to each other simultaneously, and I think it really helped both of us come to terms with it.

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Janus DarkFox

I think it does, it helps to know somebody in the flesh and local to share asexual experiences.  Even if that is absent, online interaction and sharing asexual experiences online is also important as to not feel too along in such experiences.

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StrangeDruid
17 hours ago, Purple Wanderer said:

Im pretty sure you are all bots and there are no aces in real life. 

Jokes aside, some days it feels like this 😕 It's probably time I try local meet-ups again (after COVID).

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cAROlyn
15 hours ago, Purple Wanderer said:

Im pretty sure you are all bots and there are no aces in real life.

That reminds me of what someone once said to me as a joke.

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Real Jazz Hands
On 6/30/2020 at 3:57 PM, StrangeDruid said:

I'm the only asexual person in my life. I've gone to one ace meet-up once, but didn't go back because I found the people there to be a bit elitist. My allosexual friends actually know more asexuals than I do. Sometimes I feel slightly isolated and I wonder if I'd be comfortable with my own asexuality if I knew of other asexuals in my offline life.

 

My question for AVEN is this: do you know any asexuals in "real life", and do you think it makes a difference in terms of self-acceptance/self-confidence/comfort? If you don't, then do you think you'd want to know other aces offline?

 

 

I know loads of aces irl and go to meets as often as possible. 🙂 I've made quite a few friends that way. 😎In fact, I'm currently on the way to stay with a friend I met at a meet, prior to attending a meet tomorrow. 🙂

 

However, I have had some 'difficult' experiences at meets. 😐 Some of the more introverted and socially anxious people at meets can be incredibly hard work to be with, especially if there are quite a few of them. Perhaps because they are so focused on their own problems, they don't seem to realise just how awkward they can make the experience of attending a meet for others. (I know from conversations irl that I am by no means the only person who feels this way.)

 

I wouldn't say people like this are deliberately elitist but they can certainly be very excluding, even if they don't mean to be. 😑

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Rena𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦

I would absolutely LOVE to meet a fellow ace irl. I’m very introverted and socially anxious so it’s difficult for me to form a close bond with someone in general. It’s even harder for me to meet people online because of the distance, time difference, lack of face to face interaction, etc. I’ve tried a few times but they all just ended up lasting a week at most. Having a fellow ace friend irl would be amazing because then I’d have someone I could easily share my experiences with and we could physically be there for each other.

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BlakeTheNightowl~
On 6/30/2020 at 7:57 AM, StrangeDruid said:

I'm the only asexual person in my life. I've gone to one ace meet-up once, but didn't go back because I found the people there to be a bit elitist. My allosexual friends actually know more asexuals than I do. Sometimes I feel slightly isolated and I wonder if I'd be comfortable with my own asexuality if I knew of other asexuals in my offline life.

 

My question for AVEN is this: do you know any asexuals in "real life", and do you think it makes a difference in terms of self-acceptance/self-confidence/comfort? If you don't, then do you think you'd want to know other aces offline?

 

 

I only have 1 other ace friend in rl and one offline show I’ve been talking to for bout 6-7 yrs now ahah who I want to meet someday

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Catserole

I think it would be nice to know other aces in real life, I think it must help in some ways. Apart from being an unsociable git I also worry a bit that if I went to a meet-up I'd be way older than everyone else there, and COVID will limit things I suppose, but it might happen one day.

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Float On

I knew some people who are asexual, but at the time I didn't identify as asexual. Actually, knowing them is part of why I didn't identify as ace as soon as I heard it - they were all of them very repulsed by sex, and I'm not, so I mistakenly thought I wasn't ace because I liked at the time the idea of sex. They were very unlike me, so I thought I was different, kind of noobish of me really! lol. 

 

I think though, if I knew IRL aces now, I would be totally happy for it. I feel kind of alone; it would be nice to know others like me! AVEN is good for that, plenty of alike people here to get to know :) 

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Nylocke

I have only met 1 other asexual person in my life but I never really had the opportunity to get to know them. I did see another person with the asexual colors on a hat they had but also didn't have the opportunity to talk to or get to know them. While I know they exist offline since they're are people on the other side of the computer it just sucks that they always end up being far away or on the other side of the world or something.

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Peachier

i don't currently know anyone who also identifies as asexual in my life, but i feel like if i did it would help me accept that what i'm feeling is valid and not a phase (which is how some people think about asexuality)

i've already come to terms with it a long time ago but i only told select people two years ago and ever since haven't really expanded on asexuality to other people due to exhaustion of trying to explain it to them

i love my friends and they were all supportive when i told them i was asexual, but it would be helpful knowing someone who actually understands the concept

i'd like to go to a meetup in my city sometime when this whole quarantine calms down so i can meet other fellow aces

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Low End Things
On 7/3/2020 at 6:49 AM, Real Jazz Hands said:

However, I have had some 'difficult' experiences at meets. 😐 Some of the more introverted and socially anxious people at meets can be incredibly hard work to be with, especially if there are quite a few of them. Perhaps because they are so focused on their own problems, they don't seem to realise just how awkward they can make the experience of attending a meet for others. (I know from conversations irl that I am by no means the only person who feels this way.)

This has been my experience too. I've found talking to them and making them realize it in a way that isn't accusatory helps to mellow out the situation. Plus it shows you notice their discomfort and makes them more likely to keep coming back!

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Low End Things

I absolutely believe meeting people in person makes a massive difference. Even calling someone or doing a video chat. It makes the other person/people feel "real" which helps with validation.

 

I know lots of aces IRL and online, and I really love my online friends but I'll always be closer to the people I've had a chance to have a few drinks with and hang until 1 in the morning.

 

I know I'm extremely fortunate to live in a big city with several nearby cities/towns, which makes meeting people very easy. I've also yet to meet a truly bad person so I'm also lucky that the people in the community are decent.

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AceQueen.dj

I think it helps a lot to have ace friends irl. My best friend is ace and I can definitely say its made me more comfortable to be myself and I feel like there's a bigger support since we're alike. It maybe hard to find ace friends irl, but when you do it definitely makes things easier in my opinion. 

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