Questioning gender identity

[the dark knight]

Hello, so recently with all the time I've had to myself I've started questioning my gender identity. I realized that I don't have any particular attachment to my pronouns (she/her or being referred to as female) and I would be completely fine with people using he/him (being referred to as male) or they/them pronouns to refer to me, and this made me wonder if other people felt the same way. I would really like to know if people are attached to their pronouns or if this is a normal thing, so if you can provide any insight on this I would greatly appreciate it.  (Also thank you for bothering to give this your time, and I hope you have a lovely day.)

[Galactic Turtle]

I'm under the impression that a decent portion of people don't assign much meaning/importance to pronouns. They're just sort of a... function of language.

[Rynn]

They/them is awkward because people aren't used to it. So I can't say that I'm attached to any set of pronouns in a positive way, I'd rather just avoid them. I wish they/them was more normalized, then I'd be attached to those for sure.

 

She/her just grates on me. It reminds me that that's still what people see me as, and I can't escape that, and complaining about it would a) not actually make people see me less femininely and b) annoy people, so I've kind of resigned myself to shutting up about it, and that makes me feel powerless. Especially when I know someone knows she/her bothers me, and they still use that for me, it feels disrespectful and it hurts. 

 

He/him just feels factually incorrect to me. It doesn't hurt. I don't have that history with those pronouns.

 

So I think it makes sense that most cis people wouldn't really care about pronouns either way, because they don't feel that powerlessness or that disrespect. It's not something that grated on them for years and that they can't escape.

 

Mandarin Chinese doesn't have gendered pronouns and it's brilliant. We should do that in all languages. Would solve a lot of problems.

[BluePerson]

Honestly, I feel pretty much the exact same. I don't care about my pronouns, female pronouns have been used for me my whole life and I am fine with it. Like, it doesn't bother me because that's how it has always been. Where I live there are no neutral pronouns, which is why I have never tried out they/them pronouns even though I would like to see how they would make me feel.
Male pronouns don't necessarily feel wrong for me since I look pretty masculine so many strangers use he/him pronouns for me in public like "let him pass through" or something like that. I usually simply ignore that and don't correct them because it doesn't bother me. But all this is different for everybody and just trust your feelings on this, I guess.
If you have supportive friends you could also ask them to try out other pronouns on you and find out how that makes you feel if you're really questioning your gender. Just trying something out does not mean that you really are that, everybody's just figuring stuff out. Good luck!

[ConfusedTeen.]

Literally that is the same as me, like I don’t really care most of the time. If you call me She, ok. If you call me he, ok. If you call me they/them, ok. I don’t really get too attached. just means there’s no way to offend me haha! Ultimate power!  😁👌

[Guest]

On 6/30/2020 at 1:25 PM, the dark knight said:

I would really like to know if people are attached to their pronouns or if this is a normal thing, so if you can provide any insight on this I would greatly appreciate it.

Hello! Binary trans man here! There is no "normal" or "right" way to feel about pronouns or gender. Pronouns matter different amounts to everyone ❤️

 

When I started exploring my gender identity, I was led exclusively by my masculinity. I was too afraid to use he/him pronouns, as they felt too strange and unfamiliar at that stage, but I definitely wanted to be a boy. It took years of masculine presentation and adjustment to become comfortable with he/him, and nowadays, I am 100% happy with these pronouns. I live fully as a man, and love it. I am a man, inside and out. It just took me a while to cast off my old life.

 

However, for years, I still went by she/her, even while I was actively thinking about whether I was trans. It just felt like the only option, and I was too used to it. I never, ever liked they/them. It was a deviation away from the masculinity I so coveted, and one day wanted to become adjusted to. To this day, being referred to as "they" doesn't fit, and if I'm called "she", I feel horrible gender dysphoria.

 

Good luck exploring your gender! If you would like help, feel free to message me. Always remember that there isn't a "right" way to exist as a questioning individual.

[Albine]

its hard for people we know to call us by our preferred pronoun much less people who don't know us, unless we are fulling presenting one way or another. ie  man presenting as a women or a woman fully presenting as a man. I think its on us to just deal with it and not get too caught up in what you are called by others as long as it is somewhat appropriate and not derogatory. 

but that is just me  

[no-longer-in-use]

Pronouns are weird, so it's totally fine to be apathetic about them and/or have a complex relationship with them. I relate to that a lot. She/her pronouns didn't make me dysphoric until I experienced being called by other pronouns, and all pronouns still feel different to me depending on who's saying them and what the intent is. A stranger calling me she is different than my mom calling me she. My dad calling me he is different than an acquaintance who thinks I'm a guy calling me he. The point is, a lot of people have strange relationships with pronouns. You're valid.