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rainbow_skittles

biromantic, demiromantic, or romantic?

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rainbow_skittles

Okay so, I'm really unsure about my romantic orientation. For a while, I thought I would possibly be biromantic, cause I wouldn't mind dating/marrying or being romantic with someone, though I do have more of a preference towards binary genders, I don't have a problem with dating nb people. Honestly, ever since 7th grade, when I had a crush on this kid, but I really didn't want to kiss him. Honestly, the idea of kissing him or anyone I think I have a crush on just seems kinda gross to me now. It didn't bug me at all before when I was younger, but suddenly, I just stopped wanting to kiss people. I truly love making friends and being close with them and all that, but kissing just isn't something I like doing anymore. Is that bad?

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Sceptik

I think if you focus too much on what label fits your romantic orientation you won't be giving yourself the freedom to understand yourself. 

 

You can just focus on making friends and enjoying your time with them, because that's something that makes you happy. 

 

26 minutes ago, rainbow_skittles said:

but kissing just isn't something I like doing anymore. Is that bad?

Nothing bad with that, you do you. 

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rainbow_skittles
1 minute ago, Sceptik said:

I think if you focus too much on what label fits your romantic orientation you won't be giving yourself the freedom to understand yourself. 

 

You can just focus on making friends and enjoying your time with them, because that's something that makes you happy. 

 

Nothing bad with that, you do you. 

Thank you! I agree a lot with this tbh.

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Just a Quail

It's not bad to not like kissing! Your experience and feelings are valid. 💖

 

Wanting to kiss someone is generally seen as part of romantic attraction. So maybe it's right to consider yourself demi or aromantic. I can't say for sure. But like mentioned above, I wouldn't try to get too hung up on labels. It's best to learn these things from experience, so give it time and you'll eventually figure it all out. There's no rush! ;)

 

If you are still curious and wanting to learn more, you could check out some info on different types of attraction. The way you describe wanting to make friends and be close to them sounds like platonic attraction to me! Our fellow member @MichaelTannock has a nice way of briefly describing them: 

 

Quote

There's romantic attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship (I still don't know what that is, I'm aromantic).

There's sensual attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like cuddling and sometimes kissing.

There's aesthetic attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty (you can't take your eyes off them).

There's platonic attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a close friendship with someone.

And more.

I hope this helps!

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rainbow_skittles
2 hours ago, Just a Quail said:

It's not bad to not like kissing! Your experience and feelings are valid. 💖

 

Wanting to kiss someone is generally seen as part of romantic attraction. So maybe it's right to consider yourself demi or aromantic. I can't say for sure. But like mentioned above, I wouldn't try to get too hung up on labels. It's best to learn these things from experience, so give it time and you'll eventually figure it all out. There's no rush! ;)

 

If you are still curious and wanting to learn more, you could check out some info on different types of attraction. The way you describe wanting to make friends and be close to them sounds like platonic attraction to me! Our fellow member @MichaelTannock has a nice way of briefly describing them: 

 

I hope this helps!

Thank you! Honestly, I wouldn't mind kissing somebody, but I'm the type of person who would need similar circumstances to stuff like "Love, Simon" and "Jumanji: Welcome to the jungle". By that, I mean as in I'd need to be really close friends with them in order to want to kiss them. I wouldn't wanna just kiss a stranger, or someone I've only known for a bit. It's also kinda the same with dating. I've always been like that. I'd have a crush on someone, but I always want to see how we are as friends before dating. My rule is simple: "If we don't work out as friends, then we can't work out as anything more." Also, my friend told me she had a crush on the guy I had a crush on, so I just thought might as well let her have him since they're closet friends. I did get jealous of other people with my 4th grade crush, only cause I already imagined us being best friends. As for my 7-8th grade crush, I would get jealous simply cause I knew her better, and was a closer friend to her. It is possible that I'm demiromantic for kissing and dating, but I'm definitely able to get a crush on someone easily.

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Lichley

I’d say look into the concept of Squishes, because maybe you start off with platonic attraction and later develop romantic attraction which is when you start to want to kiss them? If so then you’d probably be demiromantic.

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rainbow_skittles
2 minutes ago, Lichley said:

I’d say look into the concept of Squishes, because maybe you start off with platonic attraction and later develop romantic attraction which is when you start to want to kiss them? If so then you’d probably be demiromantic.

Yeah. I'm starting to think I might actually be demiromantic. Though it's weird cause I'm able to get crushes on people easily. Just don't wanna date or kiss them until I know that they're a good friend.

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SithApprentice

Sounds like it might be demiromantic, but the only way to know for sure is to experience it. 

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rainbow_skittles
7 minutes ago, SithEmpress said:

Sounds like it might be demiromantic, but the only way to know for sure is to experience it. 

Yup!

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Philip027

Want to point out that demi is more of a qualifier rather than an actual orientation, as it does not specify which sexes/genders one is attracted to (which an orientation must do, by definition).  This means that you can be demi in addition to, say, bi.

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rainbow_skittles
9 hours ago, Philip027 said:

Want to point out that demi is more of a qualifier rather than an actual orientation, as it does not specify which sexes/genders one is attracted to (which an orientation must do, by definition).  This means that you can be demi in addition to, say, bi.

Yeah that's true I guess. Honestly, I do feel like I might be bi in some way.

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AnM123
On 6/28/2020 at 9:24 PM, rainbow_skittles said:

Okay so, I'm really unsure about my romantic orientation

Okay lol I'm probably late to this thread because I literally just created this account and started having a look around the forums a few minutes ago. 

 

Although I questioned my romantic identity longer, I had that figured out long before I realized I was ace because I basically figured out dating someone of any gender works for me and bi seemed like the term that I might be(didn't quite fit but that could be because I hadn't thought about sexualities and stuff) and then I learned the term pan and how it means attraction to someone has nothing to do with gender (or preferences, etc.) and that was me XD. 

 

Meanwhile, it could have been about a month later that I thought: would I ever want sex? Nah. 

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