growing older

[mackat5]

I was watching a Frontline piece on "Living Old" and it sparked a question in me. What do we do as we get older and can't do for ourselves, and have no children to take care of us? I have no childen and am 64, so that is an immediate worry. My sister is 17 years younger than I am, but I am her sister, not mother. She shouldn't have to worry about me at all. I don't think that is fair, partly because she had much of the care of our mother as she got older. But many of us have no one that much younger. So who will take care of those?? Especially those of us who have not had high paying jobs and depend on social security to be there, which it may not be.

[thylacine]

A neighbor's mother moved to an over 55 community. He says they all look out for each other there, and check on each other.

They all take bus trips to Native American owned casinos, too, and play poker. They have a community center where they do arts & crafts, and play bingo. Sometimes they all go out for drinks.

Sounds cool. I can't wait 'til I'm elderly!!!

[mackat5]

Yeah, what if you have a stroke, and can't do anything, or have Alzheimer's? Or Parkinson's?? What do you do if you're even a little disabled or get cancer as you get older? We can't depend on being always healthy, you know. That's what sparked my question.

[Ziffler]

In God's Love

Mac

I AM a survivor!!!

Mac,

You have answered your own question.

[KAGU143]

I have always allowed for a "Plan B", which consists of renting a room out to a younger person.

I figure there will always be a need for low-cost places to live, and that it would be a simple way to at least have somebody *around* on a regular basis so they would notice if I had keeled over in a corner or something.

If I reached a point of being completely incapacitated I think I would actually prefer to go ahead and die. Being bed-ridden would be an absolute horror to me if I couldn't at least read, draw and paint, or something (and NOT just watch TV!)

-GB

[roddy9uk]

I am fortunate in living in the UK where social security means just that..security. I may not be able to live in a palace but my needs will be taken care of and unless I keel over and die suddenly (in which case I won't be concerned being dead) then I will always have people on hand or on call. One of the reasons I never seriously considered emigration was the welfare structure of this country.

Any fears I might have had of being lonely in old age are pretty much dispersed by having ready access to a PC. The internet has to a large degree ended the isolation that could be there before the computer age. People may not be present in body but with the net one can always converse.

roddy

[Tanwen]

You have more faith in the system than I. Maybe it depends on where you live, though I doubt things would be much better in a city or large town - where people are 'lost' because everyone is so busy with their own lives. The days when we looked out for each other are long gone, now it's all 'ME'.

There are so many demands made on the Social Security System that it simply cant cope, there aren't enough staff to care for the elderly/disabled/disadvantaged because there are limited funds, and the elderly come way down the list.

Although I have two sons, they have their own lives to lead and I wouldn't want them to have to care for me as I have to care for my mother - even if their wives/partners would allow it (and, yes, I hope JP finds another partner).

My retirement is not how I imagined it to be, rather than having time to indulge in solitary pursuits, I care for an extended family. Monday, my mother fell and fractured her hip, she isn't co-operating with the nursing staff, so I've had to take time off work to spend time at the hospital smoothing things over. Then, of course, I worry how I'm going to manage when she comes home. As she lives with family, Social Services expect me to cope - there's minimal help - certainly not respite care, so I have to keep going - but it's OK, because when I get old, the system will look after me. Sorry, but my experience of the system doesn't fill me with confidence.

[mackat5]

I work for an organization here in Central IL that helps seniors and the disabled stay home instead of going to a nursing home. They usually live longer and are much happier this way. Most need basic help with shopping ahd keeping the house clean. This way, it's not such a burden on the family if they live close. My sister lives in Detroit, over 400 miles away. I am called a Home Care Aide.

[M51]

I asked a 55 year old single woman friend of mine if she ever worried about that kind of thing. She said if she became incapacitated she would cheerfully check herself into a nursing home knowing she had lived life to the fullest.

{{{TOTAL, COMPLETE DIGRESSION FOLLOWS}}

....Then she added that she had slept with enough hotties to keep her mind fully engaged in fantasy for thirty years if need be - she was unapologetically highly sexual. I was 22 at the time so I would go dancing with her, and she would pick out a hot, lusty young man, and we would "sandwich" him, grinding away, and of course he thought it was great (I'm not bad looking now and I was pretty darn hot at 22), and then I'd turn him to face her, grind against him from behind for a few seconds, and then I would abandon him to her devices. HA!! Interestingly enough, she took more than a few of them home even after they realized they had been tricked!! That woman was so much fun. Ahh, memories.

[roddy9uk]

You have more faith in the system than I. Maybe it depends on where you live, .

Quite possibly it does depend on where you live.

Quite possibly it also depends upon one's expectations.

I would think a big city is the worst place to be simply because of the anonymnity there. A small community where one is known has simply got to be better (in my view) because where you are known you are cared for.

One of the ills besetting 21st Century western man though seems to be a determination to become isolated from everyone around them. We prize our independence so much we forget perhaps that we have a great need of interdependence.

roddy

[M51]

One of the ills besetting 21st Century western man though seems to be a determination to become isolated from everyone around them. We prize our independence so much we forget perhaps that we have a great need of interdependence.

Yes, we were originally social animals and "civilization" has only made us more independent. I mean, how many of us could hunt or gather food, build a shelter, defend ourselves from predators...We need our grocery stores and police departments and construction companies now more than ever in our past. And it gets worse as we age.

But on the other hand, I really prize my alone time, I love living alone, having my space and my house. So I hope maybe when I get older I'll be able to find a community that is caring and attentive without being overbearing.

[PollyB]

I think I always knew I'd be dependent on the rickety remains of the British social security system. I was an only child of elderly parents, and never felt particularly drawn to have my own children, so the family thing wasn't going to happen. I was far more stressed in the four years before my mother died, when I was partly a carer, than I am now, alone with good friends.

My employment history has been erratic for all kinds of (mostly understandable) reasons, so I can't afford to go anywhere. And in my case, my community of, in some cases, wonderful friends are in a major city. It's not ideal, and some of it's scary, but hopefully, we'll survive.

[roddy9uk]

I had always assumed I would NOT be dependent on social security..ever. I had a good job (with decent pension prospects) mortgage free house etc etc etc. But the good job came to an end. I started my own business but setting it up cost me house and family and like many many others I now face a retirement funded by the government. However things (and people) do tend to come along when needed.

I now have a council flat that in real terms is better accommodation than ever I had before when I "owned" a house...and a darn sight more secure in that if I cannot afford the rent etc..well it is paid for me. I have friends of a variety I would never have had when married. I genuinely do not have any worries about retiring "poor". As long as I have a PC in the flat I will never lack for human companionship even if there is no physical company (and there will be physical company too when needed..of that I am certain).

roddy

[Peachtree]

What to do when we get old and cannot do for ourselves? If we have been alone and lived alone all of our lives....chances are that we will die alone. Those who have family or close friends are lucky. We have to survive somehow. Many of us are just one stop away from living and begging on the streets. Hopefully somebody in Social Services will help, most societies have some way of helping the incapacitated. That is why a community like older asexuals is so important. We can help eachother. Anybody needing help desperately could just post a message here and I am sure all of us....or at least SOME of us.....would step up and lend a helping hand. Peachtree

[Ziffler]

Peachtree Wrote:

Hopefully somebody in Social Services will help, most societies have some way of helping the incapacitated.

Now those are people I wouldn't put my trust in. I have lived single and on my own since I was 12 and moved away from home. I had many people promise things but when the time came they always had an excuse why they couldnt be there. As for society and its services? Nope. I learned very early in life, Single Males are not eligible for social services. So its just me and God through my old age. Thus far He has never failed to supply my needs. So honestly, I am not worried about the future.

[Kelly]

This is actually a fear of mine. I am not yet (but close to) 50, and still consider myself to be young, but realize that I will not always be so. I also tend to live alone. I imagine that I will be home one day, and something will happen and I will be unable to call for help or be helped by a person who might happen by or be living with me.

Living alone, that might happen to me any day, really.

I do not have any children and have never been married. I do not see anyone taking responsibility for me when I am older. :(

[OzWulfer]

I certainly wouldn’t want to be a burden on family or even the state when I arrive at that dependence. I was fortunate to be around my grandparents when they finally passed away (and boy I miss them ) and seen how unique each has been. Basically lived with my grandfather last year, even though I had my own place. Would have been impossible if I had family of my own.

The unfortunate prediction in most Western societies, is that hospitals and nursing homes will be overwhelmed, in the coming decades, with people who haven’t saved enough for their retirement (living longer ). There will be a smaller pool of tax payers who probably wouldn’t want infrastructure, education, family support, defence, environment cut again to support it.

I’ve seen some of the better nursing homes, and they’re such depressing places. I would certainly hate to rely on state funded nursing places, those places are so open to abuse, and such a loss of dignity to those in there. Staff are under paid, overworked and tend not to want to be there.

I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I hope that euthanasia (under heavy legislation ) becomes more acceptable. Much rather die with some dignity, then have to rely on someone to go to the toilet all the time, having people roll you over, so you don’t get bed sores. Of course you can only hope you’re still mentally capable to make that decision. For a grandchild, I could never make such a decision for my grandparents. Have to make that clear to the generation below me. (Nephews, nieces )

Those who have family or close friends are lucky.

I’ve seen people with family stuck alone in nursing homes, and sadly pass away without them. There are no guarantees in this life, my friend.

Bah, don’t mean to sound depressing. The main thing, is I’m sure even if I go tomorrow, I’ve followed my main motto in life, of leaving the world a better place. Even just to people who matter around me, and that’s all that matters...and a little to the grand scheme of things. I’ll be happy!

[HannaWyLady]

The fact I have no family to speak of and a low paying job with no benefits and not much savings is the reason I'm moving to a small town in Wyoming. I have visited there and spoken to just about everyone in town - they look after each other and are there when needed. I'm also at 57 starting to buy things I'll need later and putting them away - things like a walker, canes, etc. I have a job now and can afford to purchase things like that but know when I have to live on SS and not much else other than the equity in my house I won't be able to afford things like that. I plan to live at my home as long as possible and will have someone come in to the house to do the things I can't. I also believe in assisted sucide - I don't want to live as a vegetable in a bed all day. I want to chose when and where to die.

[sakura_alice]

mm, I was watching a program on people growing older, and even though it's sad, I feel the same way. I would not want to spend everyday sitting or lying down and hardly being able to communicate or move. I think I would hate my life if it got to that point too, because I'm a very adventurous person. To not be able to move about in the world would be hell on earth. So, even though many people see assisted suicide as morally wrong, I don't. I will probably use it as well.