coping with getting older

[Nanaki]

I don't worry about getting older, but I do worry about spending the last 30+ years of my life completely alone. I'm 47 and more or less alone now. I've struggled a lot in my life and have often taken the loner path. I've made a lot of mistakes, too.

 

My parents are both gone, and my only sibling, my sister, lives overseas. I have a stepmom and I do spend time with her, but she's not in good health and won't be around forever. My friends and I have drifted apart over the years as they married and started families, which I totally understand. And it's a lot nicer to be forgotten than to be hated, which I know from some of my aforementioned mistakes.

 

I'm trying to reframe it all. It seems like a good idea to make more active decisions as to what to do with the remaining third of my life. And maybe, even looking at it as an adventure. But so far, it's easier said than done.

[Skycaptain]

@NeverLoseHope welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂

 

If it's any consolation I'm 48 and only now am I developing a relationship, and even then both of us are treading warily wondering if we want or can form a relationship, and where it may go 

[Nima]

I dont think I changed much over the years, I remember that I'm older when I look at myself in the mirror or see recent photographs, but that's just my body that changed in comparison. I don't really think ahead too much, my biggest health issues are my teeth, I'm not thrilled about the extra weight I put on after 40, sometimes I notice I'm not as strong/flexible/fast... as I used to, but that's really all. I dig my white stripe of hair that's slowly expanding 😁

[Skiver]

I'm 70 now and am more relaxed and content than I've ever been. I don't have the energy I once had and there are certainly a lot more aches and pains but I have less stress (being retired and not having to work anymore is the major reason for this) and more gratitude than at any other time in my life. I know I'm a lot closer to the end than to the beginning but I am appreciative of what I have and for the people and experiences that have gotten me to this point.

[Epitaph]

Mixed bag for me. Not quite to my thirties but my body's breaking down heavily. If it continues to do so then I can't wait to see how crippled I'll be come fourty and after, etc. For me life is very dual. There's a lot of bad days behind me, which lends perspective to seeing the good stuff while it's around. But with the bad days comes the baggage to carry. I dread having to continue my life alone day by day, hour by hour. I hate having to wait all these long years to catch the death bus and go for a ride somewhere else. 

 

But there's friends and loved ones who don't have that chance anymore. There's living people around me who need help. There's plenty of moments to see and things still left to do, so I stick it out for all of that, and for those who aren't alive and have the benefit of either negative or positive experiences. I don't imagine I'll ever like getting older and watching myself break down more juxtaposed with hoping that death finally gets my ticket. But as long as I have a job to do then I'll do it to the finish line.

[above_us_only_sky]

I'll be 58 in about two weeks. I've reached a period in my life where time is starting to seem like a parallel universe. I look in the mirror and wonder who that old, fat woman is. I can't believe I'm almost six decades old (holy hell!!). I graduated high school FORTY frickin' years ago. I've never had much disposable income, so I was not able to travel like I wanted to, and I lost all my savings and my house in the Great Recession. So now "continually broke" meets "aging in the time of Corona" and some days I feel like I'm just running out the clock. So many things I wanted to do that I'm not going to get around to. The realization that I'll grow old alone is both thrilling and profoundly sad. I don't care if I'm not partnered, but I sure would like to know that someone on this planet is looking out for me and can pick me up after a colonoscopy or get my corpse to the crematorium. 😂 Friends are having grandchildren and taking European river cruises and downsizing into smaller houses while I keep renting my crummy apartment. I will always and forever be on the outside looking in.

 

On the other hand, I'm fortunate to have a good job. Lots of people are unemployed now and I'm very lucky. I can pay my rent and I love my cats and in four years, if I choose to, I can retire, and even though Social Security will be a pittance, it's reassuring to know it will be there (as long as that talking pile of orange pig shit in the White House doesn't blow it all on hush money and legal fees).

[above_us_only_sky]

On 8/22/2020 at 5:01 PM, Shylo64 said:

My worry is not about getting old, it's about being alone when I am old. I will be 56 next month and often worry about being one of those people who never gets visitors in the hospital or old age home. I have friends, but those friends all have their own families, whether it be siblings, spouses, children or parents, and the single friend whose parents have passed, is not at the forefront of their thoughts during times for family gatherings or in times of need.

 

I am able to do things on my own and for myself, and have done so my entire adult life, but it would be nice to know that I have someone there when I need, or want, them, even if it's just to listen to me vent after a rough day at work.

Same. I'm two weeks away from 58 and I can't even find anyone who'll be the executor of my (tiny) estate. I've asked some old friends and all said no. I picture my corpse rotting for weeks before my landlord finds me half-eaten by my cats. 😂 I'm mostly joking, but not entirely! I couldn't find anyone to pick me up after my colonoscopy last month and had to hire a service. All the people around me seem to have so many friends and family members who care about them, but I guarantee it if I contracted COVID I'd die alone in some hospital hallway. I just wish I had someone to turn to, or call, or have dinner with. You're in Canada? Hell, I'm in the U.S., where I won't even be able to afford an old-age home. I'll be living in a cardboard appliance carton under a bridge. I'm mostly being tongue-in-cheek here, but I guess my point is that I get what you're feeling.

[will123]

17 hours ago, above_us_only_sky said:

I'll be living in a cardboard appliance carton under a bridge.

Kind of off topic, but that's what my nephew said after my brother and sank my UTV last year in a sinkhole on our woodlot access road. "Good thing you two did it and not me. I'd be living under the Hunter Street bridge in a cardboard box if I had done something stupid like that."

[robnrdbrd]

I'm not sad about it, even if I stay alone until the end.

 

But I, like mentioned elsewhere, hope I die of something reasonably quick so as not to have a drawn-out and painful or helpless end. I think all of my grand and great grandparents had Alzheimers in the end and, some, also other ailments which required them to be in a care home. I think it's restricted to people with terminal debilitating illnesses, but am glad Canada has assisted dying with dignity.