Jump to content

coping with getting older


artemisia

Recommended Posts

Do any of you feel sad about getting older? (I mean, I know there's only one alternative to getting older, and that's being dead...) But it's kind of like I wonder how I got to this age, and I feel sad knowing that most of my life is behind me, and that it will end one day.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Every year I feel lucky to have survived another year. I know I have a strange sense of aging.🤭

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm happy about getting older. The older I get, the closer I am to moving out of my parents' house. I want that freedom and I want to be able to have the chance of feeling like someone isn't breathing down my neck 24/7.

Link to post
Share on other sites
RoseGoesToYale

For me, childhood and grade school (and my first round of college) sucked so bad, each day that I get farther away from that feels even better. No more bullying, I'm finally free of my mother, and I'm able to do all the things I couldn't when I was younger. With my luck my memory would probably remain intact (no one in my family ever got Alzheimers or dementia), but if there came a day in old age where I could finally forget what happened back then, I wouldn't complain. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
abandoned-account
31 minutes ago, RoseGoesToYale said:

For me, childhood and grade school (and my first round of college) sucked so bad, each day that I get farther away from that feels even better. No more bullying, I'm finally free of my mother, and I'm able to do all the things I couldn't when I was younger. With my luck my memory would probably remain intact (no one in my family ever got Alzheimers or dementia), but if there came a day in old age where I could finally forget what happened back then, I wouldn't complain. 

I feel this deeply. Except I do want to remember my past so I can do what I can to prevent it from happening again in the future to myself or others. After all they say those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Divide By Zero

I have mixed feelings about growing older.

 

On one hand, I do feel sad knowing that my life is probably about half over and that my parents will likely die within the next 10-15 years. I also feel sad about declining health and the current state of affairs in the world. I'm also worried about what will happen when I'm a senior and who will look after me because I don't have any children and really no other family. Also, my father has Parkinson's disease and so did my maternal grandfather and with having Parkinson's on both sides of the family I'm at higher risk for the disease.

 

On the other hand, life does get better as you get older (I know it sounds cliche but it's true). As an adult and with being single and living by myself I can do what I want whenever I want. For example, if I want to spend my day sitting on the couch in my underwear watching TV and movies while eating popcorn and drinking beer I can do that and no one is going to stop me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
AceAnimeFan

I kind of dread getting older, my great grandmother had Alzheimer's so I'm at risk for it and my grandmother has bad arthritis and can't move very well (she doesn't actually take care of her health or it probably wouldn't be as bad); my other grandmother is perfectly healthy, physically and mentally, for her age (89) but I fell like this is pretty rare. Honestly, I would really like to dye before my body falls apart and I loose my mind. I do my best to stay healthy and I don't currently have any health problems but based on family history I constantly worry that it won't last

Link to post
Share on other sites
Diana DeLuna
1 hour ago, StrangeDruid said:

The mortality aspect isn't what gets me. It's the idea that one day my body, and even my mind, will become less functional.

My body is becoming less functional. Since my late 40s, I've had nothing but injury after injury, as well as chronic back pain. That's what has been scaring me. I live alone with no one to contact in the event of an emergency, and no one to go, "Damn this looks bad, Diana. I'm taking you to the ER." I'm left to my own judgment, which led to some bad medical consequences in the past few years.

 

Another thing I can't help feeling sad about is that I didn't come around OFFICIALLY to asexuality until late last year. How was I supposed to know that a QPR was even an option? It's what I've always wanted but never had a word to express it. Where has that option been my whole life? And what difference does it make to learn about it now, after so many lost opportunities?  Now that whatever youthful beauty I had is fading behind extra chins and thinning hair?

 

There is no past, only present and future.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's hard to know what to say about aging. Unless you're suddenly going to pass away it's to some extent inevitable. You can grow in all kinds of ways as a person, have experiences good and bad that you never imagined, and at the same time still feel much the same as when you were 16 years old. I'm now in my early 40s. For the moment I am in reasonable health, and would like to keep my faculties and my dignity into old age, though I know this isn't guaranteed. Do I feel sad? Sometimes, sure. But I also feel more accepting of myself as a person than I did when I was young, and more content in a way.

Link to post
Share on other sites
andreas1033

For me, i am glad, you get older.

 

I can understand if you have some sort of life, and you liked this world, you probably regret you could not of done more in your years.

 

But my life was awful, and i do not care one bit about getting older. I do not regret having a rubbish life, as you learn alot from it, you probably would not, if life was easy and kind to you.

 

I would say to people that are young, enjoy your younger years, as one day, there will come a time, when you are not that same person anymore. You have no idea what time in your life it will come, but it will.

 

I can understand some people regret getting older. I do not, i am glad, the process of being young is gone, and you get older. I am sure i am probably in a minority on that though.

 

So for me, i am glad we get older.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't like getting older. I get that uncomfortable feeling that life is passing me by. Years have passed during which I have not done most of the things that I feel I want to do and ought to do in my life, all the time thinking "there's plenty of time for that, no rush". Well now I am coming to the realization that is no longer the case, and time is rapidly running out. It's not a nice thought. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

For me there's not really anything to cope with. It's simply a fact of life. And I enjoy every day of life. :) 

Link to post
Share on other sites
BlakeTheNightowl~

not reallii life's to short to worry 'bout things we've got wrong so hug all your friends and let them know you're not letting go  ~ live life to the fullest live young die old make memories live out your life do crazy things 😜 

Link to post
Share on other sites
42 minutes ago, Ortac said:

I am coming to the realization that is no longer the case, and time is rapidly running out. It's not a nice thought. 

It may not be a pleasant thought, but it can be a motivating thought toward figuring out what your priorities are, and what activities or accomplishments are most important to you, and trying to focus your time on those to the extent possible.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I hate getting older. Psychologists say that you are happier because you've achieved most of what you wanted to achieve, and you know the rest doesn't matter. What a load of crap. Might be that way if you've been a huge success but when you've failed at most of what you've done, and you realise you're running out of time, it's not so great.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm late 40's, and sort of relieving my 20's😋😋

Link to post
Share on other sites

I just turned 58 this past week. More and more I realize I am closer to retirement than my high school and college days. I see posts daily on Facebook from various former classmates. Another high school classmate just became a grandfather this month. Others announcing their adult children are getting married. A girl I was sweet on in Kindergarten just celebrated her 35 year anniversary. My elderly mother commented "that could have been you" though she fails to remember that we were in different classes after Kindergarten and did not see each other much after that though our families were involved in community activities through scouting. Another girl from high school just had her 30th. I realize now that I had strong romantic crushes on these girls and honestly I think they have had better lives than they would have had with me. However, for me I feel like I am just running out the clock now. The only milestone I see as a possibility in my future is some of my nieces or nephews get married and having kids making me a great uncle. The oldest ones are in their 20's and show no signs of romantic interested or getting married (which has made me wonder if our shared genetic heritage may be at play). The others are in their mid-teens now.

 

So, yes I am having to cope more and more with getting older. And in ways I would not have dreamed of 40 years ago.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

@Techie Happy birthday! Same as me. I try not to dwell on the negative aspects of getting older. Just read where one of the chaps I apprenticed with back in the 80s passed away. He was older than the rest of us young guys, so I guess it shouldn't have been unexpected.

 

My maternal grandmother lived at home until she passed away at 92. My mother is still very active at 86 so I'm hoping that helps. My father was 78 when he passed away from leukemia.

 

I dont smoke and average one beer a day so hopefully that counts for something.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Diana DeLuna
On 6/28/2020 at 9:00 AM, Techie said:

A girl I was sweet on in Kindergarten just celebrated her 35 year anniversary. My elderly mother commented "that could have been you" though she fails to remember that we were in different classes after Kindergarten and did not see each other much after that though our families were involved in community activities through scouting.

 

As someone who's spent way too much of the past year dwelling on the woulda-coulda-shoulda, I get how hurtful is it to hear those words from someone else, and not just from inside your own harsh mind.

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/1/2020 at 9:52 AM, Diana DeLuna said:

As someone who's spent way too much of the past year dwelling on the woulda-coulda-shoulda, I get how hurtful is it to hear those words from someone else, and not just from inside your own harsh mind.

The irony is that over the decades it has become background noise to me.  I remember a conversation I had with my youngest sister (six years younger) about 8 years ago where she told me how angry she was at my mother when we were much younger (I may have been 18 or so at the time) after my mother had uttered a usual derisive comment to me comparing me to one of my uncles who she was not fond of at all. The thing was it has been repeated so often since I had been a young child that I was pretty much oblivious to it. Apparently it made enough of an impact on my sister that she said she got very angry with my mother. I only found out about the whole incident when my sister told me 8 years ago. I do know from my mother's own admission she had no clue about how to raise a son. She was an only child and had no real experience with young boys. My father had three older brothers so he had no younger siblings.  Plus he was 40 when I was born (first born) and I often suspect he was just overwhelmed by the whole experience not to mention some serious health problems he had four years later that really put a crimp in his life and pretty much put everything on my mother.

 

So whether or not I was born ACE or it just came about due to the fluidity of sexuality I do not know. What I did decide after watching my parents was that I never wanted to be dependent on anyone. Especially if/when I get ill. Seeing my father's health issues over the many years drain my mother made me of a mind never to want to put anyone through that with me (unless they are a paid to do so as in a health aide).  On the plus side, it has been an incentive for me to exercise regularly, keep my blood pressure under control and over all work to maintain my health as best as possible against whatever genetic surprises lurk for me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Rejoice in every year accumulated, as it shows you know more then the year before! You’re your own encyclopedia of unique life knowledge!

Link to post
Share on other sites

@ADR Welcome to AVEN! Raspberry Chocolate Layer Cake | Chocolate Cake & Ganache Recipe

 

Lots of friendly and helpful folks here.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I do sometimes get sad about it. But it's mostly because I feel like there have been so many things i should have done by now.

I try to remember that so long as I keep working on them, that's what counts. 

I worry about looking older every now and then....yup, I beez vain. I've always been told I look way younger than my age but it feels like my face is catching up to my age now lol.

 

Most of the time, I try not to think about it; rather focus on what I gotta do. Not rush to keep up with some preconceived idea of what I should do, where I should be by that age. Just go with it as it comes along, plan accordingly, adjust where needed. It seems to be working right now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...

I used to be happy about getting older. I liked having more independence. But working a bunch of dead end jobs through the years has sucked the life out of me. I was aimless when I was younger because I hadn't really identified clear goals coming out of university. I was also a loner, and I've realized too late that living like that is a mistake. I need other people. Now I wish I could go back in time and give some advice to my old self. I would do things a lot differently if I could redo them. Oh well.

 

Now I'm 38 and dreading getting older. I never thought I'd have to worry about my health until my 60s or so. Lucky me, I have health failing in my 30s from a genetic condition I'd never heard of until my doctor told me a few years ago. It's not going to kill me, but it makes life unpleasant and causes a degree of disability. I had to cut my hours at work and I dread the day I can't work at all. Especially after seeing how awful the social safety net is in the U.S., with all the problems magnified by the COVID pandemic. Thank god I'm still able to work, but for how long I don't know. The older I get, the more afraid I get of being able to afford healthcare and keeping a roof over my head. It's hard to enjoy life when I'm constantly afraid. Trying to be less pessimistic all the time, but I admit it's hard.

 

All that said, getting old doesn't have to be bad. I have older relatives who are healthy and doing great in their 70s and 80s. They are happily retired and loving life. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know how to feel, to be honest I don't feel like I'm aging at all, I don't feel anymore mature than when I was teen and the fact that most people still confuse me for one doesn't help, while I often think about growing older I can't help but feel like it's in slow-motion and that I age at a different rate than normal people even though I know that's not the truth.

 

I guess that's the weird thing about being AroAce in a society in which progress is mostly tracked by relationships and sexual maturity as well as physical appearance, and since you know I'm one of those people that looks younger than they are it just adds to the confusion, to be completely honest I feel immortal and I don't particularly like that.

 

And yes I'm very aware that I'm neither immortal nor do I age slower it's just the way it feels.

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/26/2020 at 1:20 PM, artemisia said:

Do any of you feel sad about getting older? (I mean, I know there's only one alternative to getting older, and that's being dead...) But it's kind of like I wonder how I got to this age, and I feel sad knowing that most of my life is behind me, and that it will end one day.

What is rather bizarre for me, is that when I'm telling an acquaintance about a new experience, i'll frequently say, for the first time in my life… and I feel like I need to follow it up with …and probably for the last time in my life…

 

Example: I was at a live performance of Beethoven Symphony #9 last year, for the first time in my life. I've told several people For the first time in my life — and probably the last time in my life — I heard a live performance of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, kaygee said:

for the first time in my life… and I feel like I need to follow it up with …and probably for the last time in my life…

Welcome to AVEN! Here's some :cake: .

 

First times are good. Why do you feel the need to add "probably last time" though? I mean, there are probably plenty of things people do at almost any age that might be a once in a lifetime experience and/or things we just won't repeat for a variety of reasons. When you get down to it, does it really matter if you only do it once? My take on it is to enjoy the experience for what it is, and if I really enjoyed it and ever do have an opportunity to experience it anew I can cross that bridge when I come to it. :D 

When I'm 100 years old I hope I am still occasionally having some good experiences I never had before. :) 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers
On 7/3/2020 at 1:38 AM, CBC said:

Not really sad, no, but sometimes I get scared. I've wasted the last 20 years of my life being... unwell and dysfunctional... and I don't know how to fix that before I'm dead. I don't want to die before I fix it.

You are who you are now, don't you think? But as you change, so - up to a point - do your memories, in the sense that if you weren't who you are now you'd remember the past somewhat differently, don't you think? In that sense I think you can use right now to leverage the past.

 

You resonate with your memories and they with you. But whatever you can fix can only be fixed here and now. In that sense the present is - paradoxically - before the past, because we live in the present. There's no going back because memories, if they live, live with us in the present. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers

When I look down the path of memory I see me in my childhood not paying attention. But in a sense, because I can see that childish me not getting things, I'm right there then and now. In that sense the past is in the present. In that sense the child is the father of the man because I know I still am him when I look back - down the 'wrong' end of the telescope. In my beginning is my end. And vice-versa. 

 

All time is redeemed in the present. Past memory and the moving through present experiences are two sides of the same coin. One side is usually uppermost, and one hidden, but in a sense nothing is ever lost or found because both are always present. I am the drowned and the saved, or however you want to put it. 

 

Don't you think? 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

My worry is not about getting old, it's about being alone when I am old. I will be 56 next month and often worry about being one of those people who never gets visitors in the hospital or old age home. I have friends, but those friends all have their own families, whether it be siblings, spouses, children or parents, and the single friend whose parents have passed, is not at the forefront of their thoughts during times for family gatherings or in times of need.

 

I am able to do things on my own and for myself, and have done so my entire adult life, but it would be nice to know that I have someone there when I need, or want, them, even if it's just to listen to me vent after a rough day at work.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...