A funny analogy for how I feel towards sex

[Acyn]

For context I think I'm a heteroromantic, sex-indifferent asexual. This is the analogy I use to describe my attitude towards sex to friends, I think it's pretty apt.

 

Sex for me is like playing in a game of field hockey. Am I capable of doing it? Yes. Do I want to do it? Not really. I don’t care about field hockey. If you absolutely completely want me to play field hockey, and I *have* to do it for whatever reason, then fine, I’ll play field hockey. But I’d rather watch a movie or really do tons of other things than spend 20 minutes playing a round of field hockey. And obviously you gotta play field hockey with someone else, but I never really look at someone and think "oh damn I wanna play some field hockey with them". In fact, playing field hockey with people is never really something I consider when I'm talking to them, even if I'm romantically or aesthetically or even sensually (which is rare) attracted to them. Of course in the back of my mind I'm always aware that it's possible to play field hockey with this person - I just don't really care. If I had to play field hockey I would probably choose someone I’ve previously had a romantic crush on. But I don’t really want to play it. I’d rather do something else with someone I’ve had a romantic crush on. I can also fantasise about field hockey, just like I can fantasise about doing anything else – but I don’t really care much about field hockey so it’s the equivalent of an allosexual person thinking about playing – well – field hockey when they fantasise. I would happily live the rest of my life without playing field hockey, and if someone told me I'd never be able to play field hockey again I really wouldn't care. If I got in a relationship with someone and they told me "I don't want to play field hockey, ever" I would be absolutely fine with that, in fact I'd be happy because I don't really want to play field hockey either!

 

Hopefully some of you can relate to this

[Acyn]

3 minutes ago, CBC said:

I imagine one could replace 'field hockey' with countless other activities as well. I thought perhaps there was going to be something very specific to field hockey that made it especially analogous.

 

But ok, fair enough. That's probably more or less how my ex would describe his feelings on sex too.

Oh no I literally just thought of field hockey completely randomly when I was trying to come up with things that the average person is completely indifferent towards

[Faleeria]

I've seen an example like this online too and I think it might really help people who question whether they're asexual or not. I know I considered it quite well explained and understandable when I discovered a similar example.

[Acyn]

1 minute ago, Faleeria said:

I've seen an example like this online too and I think it might really help people who question whether they're asexual or not. I know I considered it quite well explained and understandable when I discovered a similar example.

Do you happen to remember where you found it? I'd love to read it! And yeah even writing this has helped me with questioning whether I'm asexual, because I'm sure no allosexual person could relate to this (or at least not all of it), but I can swap out "playing field hockey" for "having sex" and it's equally true.

[everywhere and nowhere]

44 minutes ago, Acyn said:

Hopefully some of you can relate to this

I can't because I'm strongly sex-averse. But you have inspired me to try coming up with some interesting analogy for how I feel towards sex. I'm heading off to cook my dinner and I will be thinking about the analogy.

 

And just by the way, it reminded me of a self-quote; it used to be my signature on a forum once... There used to be a quite forgotten 60s band Misunderstood, one of the precursors of psychedelic rock, and the non-self part of my self-quote comes from their song "I Can Take You to the Sun":

Quote

I speak of love but you do not see

'Cause words are words and they mean nothing more

With half the mind you laugh at me

'Cause I speak of colors you've never seen before

(Misunderstood)

That's how I feel about ski jumping

It is all tied in a big knot - my great support for women's ski jumping, which often reached the level of very passionate - and unfulfilled - platonic love, the way psychedelic experience and ski jumping became entangled in my thoughtfeeling due to my desperate desire to experience both... (In case of the first, it happened, but after 18 years of waiting; 12+18=30. In case of the second, it didn't. At least, I find these both examples very useful now, because they allow me to say that there is a clear distinction between pure fear and aversion - in my case: sex; and desire struggling with fear - in my case: psychedelic experience and ski jumping.) The phrase "...how I feel towards..." just evoked that memory in my mind.

[Faleeria]

17 minutes ago, Acyn said:

Do you happen to remember where you found it? I'd love to read it! And yeah even writing this has helped me with questioning whether I'm asexual, because I'm sure no allosexual person could relate to this (or at least not all of it), but I can swap out "playing field hockey" for "having sex" and it's equally true.

Yes, I do remember because it wasn't too long ago!

It was in this book: http://www.asexualityarchive.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/AsexualityABriefIntroduction.pdf

Generally speaking, the book helped me a lot to get closer to my personal understanding of asexual and how I relate to it. I actually managed to finish it within less than one day because it was so well written and interesting (I skipped a few parts that weren't too important for me but read most of the "chapters"). So I would totally recommend it to you if you're interested!

[Fraggle Underdark]

Very very similar to the analogy I use for how I feel about sex with almost everyone. (Being demisexual there's been a handful of exceptions.) Which is that sex is like rolling back and forth on a stack of blankets, clothed and alone, for 20 minutes. The stack of blankets alternates between 2 colors, say white and blue. (Why alternating colors? Good question. It represents how arbitrary some details of sex seem to me, usually.) I'm not sex averse and sure, I could roll back and forth on a pile of blankets, I wouldn't say it's unpleasant, but I'm never going to choose that when there are more interesting things to do. And I don't think about rolling on a stack of blankets of alternating color, or get at all excited by the idea, even if I know someone has a stack of blankets they might enjoy me rolling around on.

[Gifted With Singleness]

To me, having sex is like picking another person's nose.

 

Why on earth would anyone want to do that? It's pretty gross if you think about it.

 

Oh, you think partnered nose-picking is the most powerful form of intimacy there is? You're weird.

 

Why are there so many videos on the internet of people picking each other's noses? What the hell?

 

Apparently, a lot of people think that it's literally impossible to pick your own nose without fantasizing about someone else picking your nose. I don't get it.

 

According to many religious people, I should never be alone in a room with someone of the opposite sex that I'm not married to, because that will invariably lead to the temptation to pick their nose. Wut?

 

Now imagine that partnered nose-picking is where babies come from, and that it can give you some pretty terrible diseases. The solution? Just make sure to wrap your finger when picking another person's nose.

 

"Oh, you don't want to pick anyone's nose? Maybe you just haven't met the right person yet."

[Acyn]

2 hours ago, GiftedWithSingleness said:

To me, having sex is like picking another person's nose.

 

Why on earth would anyone want to do that? It's pretty gross if you think about it.

 

Oh, you think partnered nose-picking is the most powerful form of intimacy there is? You're weird.

 

Why are there so many videos on the internet of people picking each other's noses? What the hell?

 

Apparently, a lot of people think that it's literally impossible to pick your own nose without fantasizing about someone else picking your nose. I don't get it.

 

According to many religious people, I should never be alone in a room with someone of the opposite sex that I'm not married to, because that will invariably lead to the temptation to pick their nose. Wut?

 

Now imagine that partnered nose-picking is where babies come from, and that it can give you some pretty terrible diseases. The solution? Just make sure to wrap your finger when picking another person's nose.

 

"Oh, you don't want to pick anyone's nose? Maybe you just haven't met the right person yet."

That's a really good analogy for sex-repulsed people! Even I can relate a bit to it as well.