AnonymousPerson123 Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 I recently found out I was aroace (still not 100% sure but I think) and I started thinking - How can I be sure I am aroace and not gray ace/aro? How often do most sexual/romantic people feel sexual/romantic attraction? How often do most gray aro/ace people feel romantic/sexual attraction? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
always. singing. Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 While the difference between the two isn't massive, it's still there. Being fully aro/ace would mean you basically never experience sexual or romantic attraction, and the concept would probably feel foreign. Being gray aro/ace means that it does happen rarely. I would say that most likely, if you've experienced sexual or romantic attraction, you would land on the grey scale, and if you haven't then you're probably fully aro/ace. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AnonymousPerson123 Posted June 25, 2020 Author Share Posted June 25, 2020 1 minute ago, always. singing. said: While the difference between the two isn't massive, it's still there. Being fully aro/ace would mean you basically never experience sexual or romantic attraction, and the concept would probably feel foreign. Being gray aro/ace means that it does happen rarely. I would say that most likely, if you've experienced sexual or romantic attraction, you would land on the grey scale, and if you haven't then you're probably fully aro/ace. I am still 14, that's why I am asking about the numbers (if the range isn't too big). Also the main thing that prevents me from identifying as ace is that I am not sure if something I have experienced a few times in the past year is sexual attraction or just aesthetic attraction (only started questioning my sexuality around a month ago) and the main thing that prevents me from identifying as aro is my age (I am more sure that I am aro than ace). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ortac Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 I don't think that anyone who has never experienced sexual or romantic attraction can be 100% sure. I fretted over this for ages before finally deciding that I identify as aromantic, but having made that decision, I feel very comfortable with it and I am 95% sure that it's right. In the unlikely event that I ever do feel romantic attraction towards someone, it's no problem; I'll then know that I am actually gray aro. But I don't think it is likely that will ever happen. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AnonymousPerson123 Posted June 25, 2020 Author Share Posted June 25, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Ortac said: I don't think that anyone who has never experienced sexual or romantic attraction can be 100% sure. I fretted over this for ages before finally deciding that I identify as aromantic, but having made that decision, I feel very comfortable with it and I am 95% sure that it's right. In the unlikely event that I ever do feel romantic attraction towards someone, it's no problem; I'll then know that I am actually gray aro. But I don't think it is likely that will ever happen. So you can never be 100% sure but you just kinda know at some point? Edited June 25, 2020 by AnonymousPerson123 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Plushval Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 I personally think you should definitely give yourself some more time to figure stuff out. Also don't pressure yourself to choose a label just yet. If that's what you desperately want then that's okay, I did too. But I'm also 21, so there's slight difference . Maybe find some sexual people to exchange your experience with attraction. That's what helped me realize what I felt (or haven't felt) and the difference between an actual attraction and aesthetic appreciation. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AnonymousPerson123 Posted June 25, 2020 Author Share Posted June 25, 2020 5 minutes ago, Plushval said: Maybe find some sexual people to exchange your experience with attraction I don't feel comfortable talking about this stuff, especially with people that know me (but also with people that don't know me, for example when I wrote my first post which was much more personal than I would have allowed myself to talk about if there was a way to know my normal online/irl identity here) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Plushval Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 40 minutes ago, AnonymousPerson123 said: I don't feel comfortable talking about this stuff, especially with people that know me (but also with people that don't know me, for example when I wrote my first post which was much more personal than I would have allowed myself to talk about if there was a way to know my normal online/irl identity here) Hmm, well then I suggest you just stay here first and look through some other topics, you'll probably get the answers you're looking for! Just a basic thing I can say about attraction/appreciation is, that attraction apparently happens involuntarily. I've never had it. I don't know what it feels like to suddenly feel "pulled in" by a person. If you've experienced that sorta thing, it was probably attraction, you just have to find out what you want from that person, how far the attraction goes. If you just saw people in your life until now and thought to yourself "oh, that person's really beautiful and kinda nice" it's more like an appreciation that you choose to have for them. That's at least how I define it. But in the end, I only know appreciation, and no forms of attraction. Maybe this helped. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AnonymousPerson123 Posted June 25, 2020 Author Share Posted June 25, 2020 (edited) 43 minutes ago, Plushval said: Hmm, well then I suggest you just stay here first and look through some other topics, you'll probably get the answers you're looking for! Just a basic thing I can say about attraction/appreciation is, that attraction apparently happens involuntarily. I've never had it. I don't know what it feels like to suddenly feel "pulled in" by a person. If you've experienced that sorta thing, it was probably attraction, you just have to find out what you want from that person, how far the attraction goes. If you just saw people in your life until now and thought to yourself "oh, that person's really beautiful and kinda nice" it's more like an appreciation that you choose to have for them. That's at least how I define it. But in the end, I only know appreciation, and no forms of attraction. Maybe this helped. Boobs started catching my eyes around a year and a half ago (I am a boy) and I am still unsure if it counts as sexual attraction (I don't think it does). Edited June 25, 2020 by AnonymousPerson123 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Plushval Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 If I'm honest, I really like boobs as well 🤣. I just think they're attractive and.. cool. But I don't ever feel attracted to actual people in my surroundings. It gets complicated there... cause you can still have kind of kinks and things, and a libido/sex drive, but no attraction to anyone. So you'd still be aro/ace. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
always. singing. Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 1 hour ago, AnonymousPerson123 said: I am still 14, that's why I am asking about the numbers (if the range isn't too big). Also the main thing that prevents me from identifying as ace is that I am not sure if something I have experienced a few times in the past year is sexual attraction or just aesthetic attraction (only started questioning my sexuality around a month ago) and the main thing that prevents me from identifying as aro is my age (I am more sure that I am aro than ace). I totally understand the confusion of if something is sexual attraction or not. I'm not entirely sure either, but I think it would be a desire to be in intimate situations with a specific person. Ascetic attraction for me involves kinda a desire to be close to the person, and most likely thinking they're really hot, but still not wanting to kiss them or anything sexual. This reddit post helped me out. "In the same way that the other forms of attraction feature a sense of longing, so too does it remain in aesthetic attraction. Experiencing aesthetic attraction is also cathartic - it makes you feel a kind of way. Aesthetic attraction prompts you to want to act - it makes you want to express how beautiful a person, or whatever you're beholding is. It's intense and this sub frequently diminished what it is. Aesthetic attraction is more than looking at a model and thinking they're good looking. It's more than viewing a pretty picture!" As for being aromatic, I can't really help you out in that field since I am definitely not aro, sorry. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted June 26, 2020 Share Posted June 26, 2020 @AnonymousPerson123, just run with it. A label isn't a ball and chain, people can and do change their identity as they go through life. I identified as Aromantic for decades until events lead me to conclude that grey-A was more accurate. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bikingbed Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 Can it be that 100% aro/ace don't even know what that attraction is like, but graces do? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
confusedgrayaroace Posted May 5, 2022 Share Posted May 5, 2022 On 6/25/2020 at 8:27 PM, AnonymousPerson123 said: I am still 14, that's why I am asking about the numbers (if the range isn't too big). Also the main thing that prevents me from identifying as ace is that I am not sure if something I have experienced a few times in the past year is sexual attraction or just aesthetic attraction (only started questioning my sexuality around a month ago) and the main thing that prevents me from identifying as aro is my age (I am more sure that I am aro than ace). I know your comment is two years old but i just wanted to say thank you because i don't know anyone who feels like me and you made me feel less lonely. i'm 15 and on the ace-aro spectrum but there is this fear to be wrong and that i'm just a late bloomer, and i guess i can feel sth similar to sexual and romantic attraction or i even feel it but the concept of romantic relationships and all that stuff seems so wrong... On 6/25/2020 at 8:27 PM, AnonymousPerson123 said: I am still 14, that's why I am asking about the numbers (if the range isn't too big). Also the main thing that prevents me from identifying as ace is that I am not sure if something I have experienced a few times in the past year is sexual attraction or just aesthetic attraction (only started questioning my sexuality around a month ago) and the main thing that prevents me from identifying as aro is my age (I am more sure that I am aro than ace). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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