songchick Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 I really feel uncomfortable with sharing my life with a partner. I have aphantasia @Marlow1. That means I have a blind mind's eye. I cannot fantasize about anyone, and I have frequent fears of not knowing what my sexuality is. There's just nothing, so I definitely am on the asexual spectrum. I also consider myself to be demisexual, although the sexual attraction component is disappearing. Sometimes I feel like I might be better with women, but I have internalized a lot of homophobia for whatever reason. (No one around me is homophobic.) With friends, I prefer friendships with men. Women are less compatible with me. These inner conflicts cause me distress when I am partnered. Therefore, I really envision my older years to be something of solitude. Living alone in a nice condo, socializing online, working a fulfilling and well-paying career. No kids. Hanging out on occasion with a trusted friend. I guess I have social anxiety? I realize that I am just different from other people, and cannot really connect. I have a mental illness disability also, and that causes my mind to work very differently. Question: How do you envision your future to be like, as an ace? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 I envision it to be frustrating and painful as I struggle with romance in the future. A lot of tears and binge eating. No kids though. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 I don't have much fears in terms of romance/partners because no matter what, I have always wanted to remain on my own. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 I envision my future to be boring most of the time because of work. At least this is what I fear the most right now because I am easily bored by repetition and routine. This vision does not depend on my sexuality at all. But, I think there will be no partners and no kids and that is fine for me. Link to post Share on other sites
songchick Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 Just now, Jade Cross said: I don't have much fears in terms of romance/partners because no matter I have always wanted to remain on my own. I ultimately feel this way, or at least I should embrace this. Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea KF Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 I'm an old lady in a rocking chair Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 I don't do "labels", but I'll likely be gone before I'm old and it'll take a while until I'll be found. Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 1 hour ago, songchick said: @Marlow1 Question: How do you envision your future to be like, as an ace? As an aro-ace? Blissful! 😀 But who knows what other problems may arise? Sickness? Old age? Death? Not having as much money as one would like? Shit beer? Actually, that last one is enough to put the frighteners on anybody! 😯 🤫 🤭 Link to post Share on other sites
SkyWorld Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Honestly, this was always kind of difficult for me. It's hard for me to imagine my future when I'm not sure I'll have a future... oof that's depressing. 😂 I try to have realistic goals so that it can seem more obtainable, but it's still difficult for some reason. I'm not sure if I could get that. I would like to have a small house, townhouse, or condo. I'd definitely want at least one cat and one dog. It would be nice if I had a partner that I could binge watch shows/movies and cuddle are honestly what I'd want the most. Don't really want kids, but if financially well-off, I might consider adopting a kid or teen so that they could have a home and loving family. Link to post Share on other sites
oldgeeza Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 I'm already in my mid 50's, last had a partner in 1991, I live in a small, single persons house, work very long hours, so, I guess I'm single forever 20 minutes ago, Real Jazz Hands said: Shit beer? Actually, that last one is enough to put the frighteners on anybody! 😯 🤫 🤭 @Real Jazz HandsTry some Polish beers, Okocim, Debowe, you'll never look back!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Pidge_Holt Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Right now, I plan on adopting a cat when I'm eighteen, going to college for a Dramatic Arts and Fashion Design degree, then when I get out I'll go on to write novels and start a business designing clothing. I plan on adopting three children in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
andreas1033 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 My future was destroyed at school back in 1992. Something came into my life, and still has not left my live, and never will till i die. They wanted me to do something i could not do, to be left alone. They wanted me to have sex with some female, and for some reason they would of left me alone. They ignored, that i could not. Just shows how being asexual as a male can absolutely ruin your life, and you done nothing. Gov can destroy anyones life, and its absurd to expect people to do something they cannot do, to get there own life back. Just shows you being male and single, and if you have what was done to me happen, they expect you to be like everyone else, or they will not leave you alone. I gave up on life along time ago, and do not envision being ever left alone to just live out my life. This will continue till i die. Just be glad you have your own future in your hands. My adult life was taking away from my control, and i can never get it back. Being asexual, i cannot do what they wanted. Mad, that they expect you to do something you cannot do, and they will not leave you alone because of it. Just be glad if you have your own future. I never had any chance of living my own adult life. Being asexual, proved a nail in my coffin, at 16/17. Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 4 minutes ago, oldgeeza said: @Real Jazz HandsTry some Polish beers, Okocim, Debowe, you'll never look back!!! I lived in Poland 3 times between 1993 & 2001 so you might be surprised how many Polish beers I've tried! Okocim certainly rings a bell. The best one I've had in recent times was a dark one from Fortuna. Link to post Share on other sites
songchick Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 25 minutes ago, andreas1033 said: My future was destroyed at school back in 1992. Something came into my life, and still has not left my live, and never will till i die. They wanted me to do something i could not do, to be left alone. They wanted me to have sex with some female, and for some reason they would of left me alone. They ignored, that i could not. Just shows how being asexual as a male can absolutely ruin your life, and you done nothing. Gov can destroy anyones life, and its absurd to expect people to do something they cannot do, to get there own life back. Just shows you being male and single, and if you have what was done to me happen, they expect you to be like everyone else, or they will not leave you alone. I gave up on life along time ago, and do not envision being ever left alone to just live out my life. This will continue till i die. Just be glad you have your own future in your hands. My adult life was taking away from my control, and i can never get it back. Being asexual, i cannot do what they wanted. Mad, that they expect you to do something you cannot do, and they will not leave you alone because of it. I'm so sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Quail Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 42 minutes ago, SkyWorld said: Honestly, this was always kind of difficult for me. It's hard for me to imagine my future when I'm not sure I'll have a future... oof that's depressing. 😂 I try to have realistic goals so that it can seem more obtainable, but it's still difficult for some reason. I'm not sure if I could get that. I feel the same way too sometimes! I fantasize about things like living on my own in an apartment, having a pet, working at home in an art studio... but they feel distant and disconnected to my reality. I'm not very confident in my abilities to be independent, and struggle to determine what I want to study and dedicate my life to. I feel more stuck than anything. Still, I try to be optimistic. Even if it feels like I'm going nowhere, I know that I'm still learning and growing. I can still become the person I want to be, even if I'm not sure what that is. 😅 Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Hopefully not in the past. However if it is anything like the general trend as of late...bleak? Link to post Share on other sites
Purple Red Panda Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 The future is future Purple Red Panda's problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Tsareena Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 My sibllings are in the PNW right now so I envisioned my future as moving there and working hard to get a house on the west coast for my family and making life easier for them. Not sure about wanting to live in that area cause it just seems rife with crazy left wing, self hating, race obsessed people (I am a poc I don't want these people giving me immigrant, poc, using my skin colour as suffering capital. Hell I lived in hill billy states before and people treated me like a human, all of my racism experiences were in CA & WA) and the house prices there are sky rocketing there so i have no idea. I don't want kids or to get married. I just want a peaceful and easy going life for my family. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 I envision my future much like a boring straight person would, though probably with more adopted kids than bio kids (I'm willing to have more kids if they're adopted, but I don't like the idea of popping out more than one or two myself). We'll either be living in Europe or stay in CA near the bay area, depending on some decisions we'll make in the next few years. We'll both be working and doind all the boring stuff a married couple does, probably with a few trips abroad if we can save up enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 I'd like to think there'd be some sort of better than friends "but without benefits 😋😋" where we can share experiences (and cats) Link to post Share on other sites
QuasiSquirrel Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 Dead. Or have my head chopped and cryo-frozen only to be revived by advanced tech hundreds of years later. And at that point, who knows?! Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 16 hours ago, Homer said: I don't do "labels", but I'll likely be gone before I'm old and it'll take a while until I'll be found. Same, though if I do outlive family and that of my partner, I’d like to think neighbours are at the very least concerned enough about the smell to do something about it, if my street don’t become desolate with unoccupied housing, having had that experience of finding a neighbour like that. But like the OP I do have psychological and neurological mental illness and disability (along with a history of physical health/lifestyle problems that will have to be managed for the rest of life). While I’ve been medically retired before work life could even start, at the least my life is only one of keeping healthy as I age and little else. It is like I haven’t the real time to worry about relationships either. Link to post Share on other sites
Yui-Drakon Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 18 hours ago, SkyWorld said: Honestly, this was always kind of difficult for me. It's hard for me to imagine my future when I'm not sure I'll have a future... oof that's depressing. 😂 I try to have realistic goals so that it can seem more obtainable, but it's still difficult for some reason. I'm not sure if I could get that. My exact feelings defined in that sentence. I did have many plans, some being more realistic, and some not at all, now i just mostly hope I can get out of my current situation. Link to post Share on other sites
QuoVadis Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 Damn, well I'm not trying to flex on everyone here but I'm pretty darn happy with my life at the moment. I have a great job which I enjoy doing and do it well, a house in a decent neighborhood, and have made lots of improvements to my health. I've gotten on a new medication that's helping me be more content and in better control of my ADHD and anhedonia, and since coming to terms with my asexuality after my last relationship ended in April, I've become way more in tune with what I actually want from my life. When I was contemplating whether or not to break up from that relationship I consulted some of my very closest friends and family, and one of my good friends from high school grilled me on the fact that I really couldn't say what I genuinely wanted, that all the years she's known me she recognized that I'm very in touch with what other people think and want but very out of touch with what I genuinely want in my own life. She said she never saw me as a person who would get married and settled down, because I'm extremely passionate and independent and I'm good at relying on my own opinions and talents to get by. It's not that I don't like sharing experiences and romance with another person, but the older I get the more I appreciate the fact that the only person I can rely on is me. Some may call this selfishness but I prefer to call it self reliance. Therefore, to really answer this question I'd say I see myself continuing to progress at the job I have right now (which I love), and perhaps making some improvements to my home, but really staying in the general area I live in now, continuing to enjoy myself and express myself through music and my other hobbies, maintain my relationships with my awesome friends, and try to give back to the world somehow by volunteering time to as a citizen scientist and in some historical interests. if it suits me I could see myself getting into a romantic relationship later on down the road, but at the time being I appreciate my freedom, mobility, an ability to decorate and organize my space and take up my time as I please WAY more than I feel some innate drive to be a partner to someone, or be "someone's girl." I think most of my life I've always gotten just as much validation from close friends, if not more so, from the exclusivity of romance. And then clearly sex is a sour point so that's out of the question. I know how to get myself off just fine, thank you 😉 To the rest of the world I'm probably boring because I don't really drink, I don't enjoy having pets, and I've known for years that I loathe and never want to have children. but having authentic and deep conversation with close friends is the spice of life, so I'd like to keep doing that as long as I'm around. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 Pretty much like my present (or at least the last couple of years before 2020 struck) Link to post Share on other sites
QuoVadis Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 On 6/23/2020 at 6:41 PM, Tsareena said: Not sure about wanting to live in that area cause it just seems rife with crazy left wing, self hating, race obsessed people (I am a poc I don't want these people giving me immigrant, poc, using my skin colour as suffering capital. Hell I lived in hill billy states before and people treated me like a human, all of my racism experiences were in CA & WA) and the house prices there are sky rocketing there so i have no idea. Much respect for your response. I can only imagine what the world feels like to you right now with everything going on. Where did you live before? I was going to say, places like Missouri, Kentucky, and Pennsylvania seem to be some of the only affordable living options left in the US Link to post Share on other sites
MonsterTurtle Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 Short version: I have no clue. I'm really not sure what it will look like, because while I am asexual and aromantic and therefore do neither want a romantic partner in life, I found out that i really dislike living alone during the last years. However with everybody around me pairing up romantically and bad experiences with sharing an appartement with an acquaintance(not really friend) during my studies.... I would really love living together with a best friend or platonic partner but I am not sure if that's a real possibility Link to post Share on other sites
Elf_Ranger Posted June 26, 2020 Share Posted June 26, 2020 Right now my short term plan is to just survive high school and continue to talk to my friends who have already graduated. Long term is always going to be a bit blurry, but I’m hoping to go to college for either genetics or Victorian history (IDK why my ideas are so different, but these plans give me a lot of happiness either way), getting a PhD, successfully pay that off, and move back to where I grew up to retire. It is quiet here and I don’t have to deal with the claustrophobia that cities give me. Romantically, I’m hoping for a fellow nerd who can wake me up in the morning (I don’t know how do that by myself yet). It may take a while, but I’m feeling hopeful. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.