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And now part of my mind has just decided I should probably have sex


Purple Red Panda

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Purple Red Panda

*sigh*  Having spent the last couple of weeks feeling genuinely positive about my newfound sexual identity my brain has randomly decided that such a state of affairs is not permissible and has flicked its doubt generators on. I keep having the recurring thought that I should try sex again just to be sure. This in itself isn't that bad a thing as I always assumed I'd experience a bit of doubt and confusion so I'm not hugely suprised but because I know I don't actually desire sex the thoughts are basically intrusive and unwelcome.

 

As an abstract idea sex sounds great but I'm just not wired for it, that isn't something that upsets me nor is it something about me I feel needs to be fixed, it's just the way things are. I think I'm somewhere between neutral and positive when it comes to sex, I wouldn't rule it out completely but it would have to be as part of something more and even then I know I wouldn't be into it the same way sexual people are.

 

So basically because I'm asexual I have never really sought out sex and as such have not had very much of it and now part of me wants to double check by having sex even though it is not something I actually want to do. There is zero possibility that this is a thought I'm going to act on so I just feel like I'm torturing myself for no reason and the fact that I recognise this doesn't actually seem to help or make the thoughts stop. Today has been one of those days where my mind is just an utter bastard and can't just leave me in peace, no doubt I'll feel better in the morning and everything but I just wish my brain wasn't so into trying to sabotage stuff for me.

 

End of ramble/rant

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 Yeah, compulsory sexuality - or compulsory understanding of sexuality - really takes a toll on all of us. 😕

In a world that revolves around sex it's pretty difficult to not... get down sometimes, but hang in there? There's not much more I can say sadly...

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I can totally see where you're coming from. I still have thoughts like this sometimes, that I should have sex again - not to confirm my asexuality, but just to fuck things up more. I just need to shake it off. All it means is that I'm incredibly bored and/or feeling destructive.

 

I hope you find a way to shake this feeling off.

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Purple Red Panda
2 minutes ago, Snao Cone (me) said:

I hope you find a way to shake this feeling off.

Stuff like this comes and goes for me all the time. I just happen to be rather pissed off about it at the moment especially as I was feeling so positive yesterday.  I'll be fine though 🙂

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1 hour ago, Purple Red Panda said:

Stuff like this comes and goes for me all the time. I just happen to be rather pissed off about it at the moment especially as I was feeling so positive yesterday.  I'll be fine though 🙂

I go back and forth with whether I am asexual or grey-asexual because I don't really know if I feel sexual attraction or not. I understand analyzing one's own sexuality and how tiring it can be. Hang in there :)

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8 hours ago, Purple Red Panda said:

*sigh*  Having spent the last couple of weeks feeling genuinely positive about my newfound sexual identity my brain has randomly decided that such a state of affairs is not permissible and has flicked its doubt generators on. I keep having the recurring thought that I should try sex again just to be sure. This in itself isn't that bad a thing as I always assumed I'd experience a bit of doubt and confusion so I'm not hugely suprised but because I know I don't actually desire sex the thoughts are basically intrusive and unwelcome.

 

As an abstract idea sex sounds great but I'm just not wired for it, that isn't something that upsets me nor is it something about me I feel needs to be fixed, it's just the way things are. I think I'm somewhere between neutral and positive when it comes to sex, I wouldn't rule it out completely but it would have to be as part of something more and even then I know I wouldn't be into it the same way sexual people are.

 

So basically because I'm asexual I have never really sought out sex and as such have not had very much of it and now part of me wants to double check by having sex even though it is not something I actually want to do. There is zero possibility that this is a thought I'm going to act on so I just feel like I'm torturing myself for no reason and the fact that I recognise this doesn't actually seem to help or make the thoughts stop. Today has been one of those days where my mind is just an utter bastard and can't just leave me in peace, no doubt I'll feel better in the morning and everything but I just wish my brain wasn't so into trying to sabotage stuff for me.

 

End of ramble/rant

relatable. I would just not force it, like: If the opportunity occurs and you feel like it, try again, if not, that is fine too. I guess, sexuality also may change over lifetime, since it is a spectrum, so don't be too hard on yourself for worrying. Those are maybe just instincts you don't need no longer or they prove your decision wrong, just focus on living your life instead of prooving your sexuality I'd say

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Purple Red Panda

I'm feeling more settled today 💜

My problem with what has been going on in my head is that it doesn't feel like serious doubt, it's more just a case of my mind indulging in one of its usual bouts of crappiness. I can't know if I could make sex work in some way as part a relationship but that is not something that is currently likely to happen so it's not something I'm that bothered about. I was just frustrated by the idea that had been going around in my head that a causual sexual encounter might be instructive in some way. I have no doubt that a hook-up would be alienating, weird and awkward if I had one and it is not even something I actually want to do, the temptation just isn't there. I'm frustrated by the unhelpful thoughts not by a worry that I might not be ace.

 

Anyway, not as stressed out today, so all is moving back towards being well.

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