I'm going to have a fulfilling life through friendships

[Purple Red Panda]

Sod it! I'm going to be a positive panda!!!!!

 

I'm ace (probably an autochorissexual) and I do experience romantic attraction. Discovering my asexuality has on balance actually been a very life affirming and positive thing but I was feeling a little down earlier when I was musing about the potential prospects of ever having a successful romantic relationship. I know being asexual doesn't mean I can never have that kind of relationship but I think it is realistic for me to say that it will probably make it a lot harder.

 

I have been thinking about how much my life has been enriched by friendship though. I used to feel very lonely but a few years ago I moved in with my best friend and it really was one of the best things I ever did. I'd never heard the term Queer Platonic Relationship before a couple of weeks ago but if I look at the relationship I have with her it does seem to be a form of that. Hopefully I'm going to buy out her soon to be ex-husband's half of the house and we are both content to share a home with each other in the same way more conventional couples would. My friendship with her fulfills most of my emotional needs for companionship and I'm getting better at reaching out to other people and developing friendships with them, screw you social anxiety!!!!!

 

I don't need/want sex so that is not a problem and although I may sometimes get a little wistful about the idea of having a romantic relationship I'm coming around to seeing how I can have a perfectly happy life just through platonic relationships with others. I have love that I can share with people in non-romantic ways and that is no less a beautiful and profound thing. I've grown a lot of as a person in in the last eight months or so and I can view my sexuality in a positive light in a way that I would have struggled to do so at previous stages of my life

 

I know this is somewhat random musing but I don't care, I'm looking on the bright side of life 💜

 

 

[SamiLynn]

I can relate.  Sometimes I can feel a bit down thinking about the fact that even though I would like a romantic relationship that it probably wont happen.  It's okay though because it doesn't mean that I'm lonely because I have my friends and people to talk to.

[Snao Cone]

oh no, not friendships!

 

 

 

 

 

....sorry, I'm drinking and can't control myself. Friendships are great.

[Memento1]

I can relate!  Not having a romantic relationship is not the same as being or feeling alone.  For too long I equated the two.  Heck, I know many married people who feel terribly alone.  Everything I've read, studied, and experienced says that people are happiest with a variety of strong, deep social connections of all varieties, not just romantic/sexual.  That's how humans lived for millions of years - in tribes of many intensely strong connections.  I realize how much time I wasted feeling lonely and being discouraged about my romantic prospects when I should have been strengthening my friendships.  I decided that was my next big task - to go out more and make friends - just in time for COVID to shut that all down.  *LOL*

 

Yay positive panda!

[Purple Red Panda]

11 minutes ago, Memento1 said:

I decided that was my next big task - to go out more and make friends - just in time for COVID to shut that all down.  *LOL*

The universe does seem to have a rather perverse sense of humour

[Púca Caife]

I'm really happy that you came to that decision and have someone you are comfortable with pursuing  a friendship like that with. I recently came to the conclusion that a romantic relationship was likely not in my future, unless I came upon a good match with another ace, but right now I'm just focusing on finding good friends who I can gain the companionship I desire, without the need for romantic attachments. It's quite freeing really. And if the right person comes along, then I'm here, otherwise, I can focus on being happy with what I have ^^

[Gloomy]

Yep there's no one size fits all for what makes life fulfilling, it's whatever works for you.

[Purple Red Panda]

Yay! Had a little bit of an emotional wobble a few days ago (nothing major) but I'm still trying to reach out and connect with people where  possible. I'm really enjoying my various friendships at the moment even though Covid is making seeing people difficut. I feel that coming out as asexual has really helped me. Discovering who I am has made me more confident and open. I'm shedding some of the sef-loathing that I've carried around for years because I had a terrible sense of alienation about my sexuality that I could never get to the bottom of. I can now honestly say I'm proud to be ace 💜

[QuoVadis]

Good on you! One of the biggest factors which lead me towards a comfortable asexual orientation for myself was reflecting on what I considered a failure of my prior two serious relationships: in both cases I felt like spending so much time around my partner was holding me back from what I really felt passionate about, which was spending time with my close friends at places like concerts and doing shared activities. I felt like I had to hide certain parts of myself around my partner, but found myself seeking the company of my friends just because I could be authentic. and even though I could be relatively authentic with my partners, it was marred by the fact that you have to do a little bit of compromising and adjusting when you're in a relationship, because that's just how they work. 

 

When I had a hard chat with myself, I made a big chart breaking down the pros and cons of being single and being in my at the time current relationship. A big focus of that was trying to grade on a scale the validation and happiness I get out of being with my partner vs. validation and happiness I get out of being accepted for my genuine authentic self with my closest friends. And when I really thought about it, the number was always higher when I considered friendship only. If the fulfillment was even greater surrounding myself with friends then why even be in a relationship? especially if you can access your friends when you'd like to and not have to deal with the drama and baggage that comes with monogamous/exclusive relationships. Definitely an important takeaway for me.