SamiLynn Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 So I've been doing a lot of thinking about rather or not I should tell my family about being Asexual. I'm not entirely sure how well they would take it. It can only go two ways right? They will either understand and be cool with it or they won't. I think my mom would certainly be confused if I told her but she would probably try to be understanding. My dad probably wouldn't care one way or the other I don't see very much him. My eldest sister I'm not entirely sure how she would react she probably would mock and ridicule me or possibly accuse me of being a lesbian when I'm not. My second oldest sister would probably tell me I need to pray and also probably say that it because I have Turner Syndrome and since I didn't go through normal puberty that it's probably a hormone imbalance that I'm just fine and dont need to be labeling myself as anything. My youngest sister I don't think she would care if anything she would probably be the one most likely to be like "I knew it". I'm nervous of what might happen if I say anything because I can't be sure of how they will react and my mind will play out all these different scenarios of how things might go down. The idea outcome of course is that they would be accepting. I worry that if I tell them they will just try to tell me that it's because of the Turner Syndrome and that because of not going through normal puberty is the reason why I'm not interested in having sex that I'm being ridiculous. I've only told a few friends and they seemed to take it well. I just hate feeling like I'm keeping a secret from them like I've gotta hide or I've done something wrong. I always tell myself if the opportunity presents itself or I've just gotta wait for the right time, but is there ever really a right time? I'm not even sure how I would even approach the topic. I'm not really sure what I should I do. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted June 17, 2020 Share Posted June 17, 2020 You don't have to tell anyone anything - it's your own business and no one else's. Link to post Share on other sites
SamiLynn Posted June 17, 2020 Author Share Posted June 17, 2020 @thylacine I also feel that way too but, there are certain things that would easier if they did know. Link to post Share on other sites
Plushval Posted June 17, 2020 Share Posted June 17, 2020 For me there is only one way in telling your family about asexuality, which is all or nothing. If you decide to tell them, you have to start by explaining sexual/romantic attraction in general and the ace spectrum, then tranfer that to you, so they really get the whole deal. That's how I did it. Of course you would also have to be sure about it, so they don't try and convince you that it's not true or not real or something. And another thing that's probably common in coming out as ace, you have to tell them again and again. Because our sexuality is complicated, and a wide spectrum. In certain situations, they won't understand, even though you already told them everything. You probably have to explain things based on situations, so they truly get it. Another thing I got from a member here at Aven that might help, take a look at this: http://www.whatisasexuality.com/family-and-friends/parents/ ❤️ Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted June 17, 2020 Share Posted June 17, 2020 I'd refrain from throwing terms around and just stick to "not interested" instead. Other than that, you could just keep it casual and mention it when the subject comes up naturally. Most of the time people will be occupied with something else at that moment; they won't have the time/energy to stop what they're doing and have a convo about not wanting to bang. If you still want to have this "I need to talk about this to you" pep talk thing, you might want to pick a situation where these people were present and you thought that not wanting sex had an impact. Something like "Remember when we sat down and watched that TV show the other day? When X happened?" That way you'll have everyone on the same page. Totally on board the no need for "labels" train though. You're not a bag of potatoes Link to post Share on other sites
SamiLynn Posted June 17, 2020 Author Share Posted June 17, 2020 @Plushval @Homer Thank you both I have thought too that it would be best to just say something if the topic came up naturally. I don't think it should matter one way or the other if they know or not but sometimes I feel like it would be easier if they did know and if they could maybe understand. Like when the topic comes up of having a boyfriend and am I going to be single my whole life. It doesn't come up too often but it does come up. I do my best to brush off these conversations if I can. I know I need to find the courage the next time one of these conversations pop up to just explain things to them and hope for the best. Also I know that labels aren't a big deal 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted June 17, 2020 Share Posted June 17, 2020 In that case... I just turn things around. Ask why you would want to do that. People are free to give me a convincing reason for a romantic relationship or to breed. I'd love to hear one, but so far I haven't. Link to post Share on other sites
SamiLynn Posted June 17, 2020 Author Share Posted June 17, 2020 @Homer Lol I agree with that. I have actually tried that tactic before. I already can't have children because of Turner Syndrome so I've actually used it before and said why would I want to have sex if it's purpose is to reproduce and I can't have children anyways. I was met the response of because it's fun and it feels good Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted June 17, 2020 Share Posted June 17, 2020 You walked right into that one tbh Link to post Share on other sites
Plushval Posted June 17, 2020 Share Posted June 17, 2020 37 minutes ago, Homer said: In that case... I just turn things around. Ask why you would want to do that. People are free to give me a convincing reason for a romantic relationship or to breed. I'd love to hear one, but so far I haven't. That's a good point Like... of course it's essential to most people because they know the feeling of this attraction and want to fulfill some urge (same with romantic attraction and relationship) and we just.. don't feel it, so why would we want it if it's never been part of our lives or wishes?! I've never asked that question to my family but now I want to, even if they already know what's going on. Unfortunately, there will always be a certain doubt or misunderstanding after all. Link to post Share on other sites
SamiLynn Posted June 17, 2020 Author Share Posted June 17, 2020 @Homer That I did I was like well that can't be proved by me. I've even used you can't miss what you've never had. Link to post Share on other sites
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