Things you said before you realised you were ace

[naakka]

7 hours ago, Gamma/kimera said:

At around 24-25ish (don't remeber exactly when) I was over at a family members house and they loved will and grace and basically it was the episode were grace finds out that after will came out to her as gay that he tried to make it work with another women (cause he claimed he was 99 percent sure he was gay)...and without thinking I replied "I sort of understand that."

It's weird, I also used to relate to gay people, since I too wasn't sexually interested in the people I was supposed to, and I could relate to it when they talked about the stuggless with heteronormativity and exceptations. Anyhow, there was a plot twist for me: the gay people actually do desire to do everything I don't desire to do with anyone, with someone. I thought their interest in the people of the same sex was romantic at best. And sex wouldn't be a thing most of the time since you wouldn't have to do it to have children etc. I was wrong again lol.

[Janus the Fox]

2 hours ago, naakka said:

It's weird, I also used to relate to gay people, since I too wasn't sexually interested in the people I was supposed to, and I could relate to it when they talked about the stuggless with heteronormativity and exceptations. Anyhow, there was a plot twist for me: the gay people actually do desire to do everything I don't desire to do with anyone, with someone. I thought their interest in the people of the same sex was romantic at best. And sex wouldn't be a thing most of the time since you wouldn't have to do it to have children etc. I was wrong again lol.

I tried to also relate to Homosexuals, until discovering the rich after dark sexual culture is clearly not for me the same way Hetrosexual sexual culture isn’t for me either.  No interest in it personally. 

[naakka]

3 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said:

I tried to also relate to Homosexuals, until discovering the rich after dark sexual culture is clearly not for me the same way Hetrosexual sexual culture isn’t for me either.  No interest in it personally. 

Yeah. My relating to them ended soon as I realized they want to have sex too (while it also seemed absurd to me that straight people were really having as much sex as they said, I had somehow managed to hammer that as a fact to my head already) 😁

[Gamma/kimera]

15 hours ago, naakka said:

It's weird, I also used to relate to gay people, since I too wasn't sexually interested in the people I was supposed to, and I could relate to it when they talked about the stuggless with heteronormativity and exceptations. Anyhow, there was a plot twist for me: the gay people actually do desire to do everything I don't desire to do with anyone, with someone. I thought their interest in the people of the same sex was romantic at best. And sex wouldn't be a thing most of the time since you wouldn't have to do it to have children etc. I was wrong again lol.

I related mostly to the lack of certainity and the need for verification...never heard someone articulate that in any way before.

[Cee Fox]

On 7/20/2020 at 10:10 AM, naakka said:

It's weird, I also used to relate to gay people, since I too wasn't sexually interested in the people I was supposed to, and I could relate to it when they talked about the stuggless with heteronormativity and exceptations. Anyhow, there was a plot twist for me: the gay people actually do desire to do everything I don't desire to do with anyone, with someone. I thought their interest in the people of the same sex was romantic at best. And sex wouldn't be a thing most of the time since you wouldn't have to do it to have children etc. I was wrong again lol.

A lot of my friends are queer (most of them bisexual) so talking with them I could relate in the sense that women can be just attractive as men, but that I wasn't attracted to women, so I obviously couldn't be queer. I clearly didn't understand what 'attraction' meant to them. Edit: I just thought of the perfect example. My bisexual friend and I were talking about women, she was gushing and I was agreeing. My straight friend stared at me in shock wondering how I could talk about it so easily and kept asking if maybe I was hiding something. My answer was always a confident no, since it's not like I'd ever go out with the women. 

 

(Unrelated) I remember a time I was asked to describe my type. My answer was that I didn't really know and didn't really care. It wasn't the type of thing I'd want to sit around thinking about.

[Artila]

I was deadass sure that I was blocked by emotional abuse or so. (I learnt about sex through my bullies who were maliciously shipping me with "ugly people" and who verbally took advantage of my sexual naivity).

 

This thing probably still plays a part but after I conquered most of my fears I still never experienced sexual attraction until now. So whatever. 

 

Oh also I used to call myself "prude" and "limited" while actually I am quite far from being prude, I just have never longed to put my words into actions.

[naakka]

On 7/21/2020 at 3:23 PM, Cee Fox said:

My bisexual friend and I were talking about women, she was gushing and I was agreeing. My straight friend stared at me in shock wondering how I could talk about it so easily and kept asking if maybe I was hiding something. My answer was always a confident no, since it's not like I'd ever go out with the women. 

Yeah, like you can relate to how good people (some of their characteristics) are on some ways and still not wanting to have sex with them 😁 I guess the difference is, for allo people, if they're not bi/pan, they'll never see the good qualities of people of one gender as "exciting" as the good qualities of people of another gender. So even if they did notice the good qualities of the people they're not attracted to, it might not be as motivating for them to talk about them, compared to the people they are attracted to. While to ace and bi/pan people, it really doesn't matter, good qualities of people of one gender do not "overshadow" the good qualities of anyone else.

 

On 7/21/2020 at 3:23 PM, Cee Fox said:

(Unrelated) I remember a time I was asked to describe my type. My answer was that I didn't really know and didn't really care. It wasn't the type of thing I'd want to sit around thinking about.

This alone, seems to be a common thing to lot of aces. You don't spend time womdering your type since... you don't have one 😁

[Karekare]

While watching porn to see if it did anything for me (it did not)

 

"Why does she keep making the same moan over and over again? Where's the variety? It's making my ears bleed"

[pluuto]

Me, an asexual who is probably also aromantic:

"Do people actually want to have sex for reasons other than making their partner happy?"

"Don't other people get tired of hearing love song after love song on the radio?"

"What does hot mean?"

"Kissing is overrated"

"Why can't I just live in one big house with four best friends and we can all love each other platonically forever?"

"I like the first part of dating. You know, the getting to know someone and eating food, but not the actually being in a relationship thing or the whole sex thing"

[naakka]

4 hours ago, pluuto said:

Me, an asexual who is probably also aromantic:

"Do people actually want to have sex for reasons other than making their partner happy?"

"Don't other people get tired of hearing love song after love song on the radio?"

"What does hot mean?"

"Kissing is overrated"

"Why can't I just live in one big house with four best friends and we can all love each other platonically forever?"

"I like the first part of dating. You know, the getting to know someone and eating food, but not the actually being in a relationship thing or the whole sex thing"

I'm aroace and I relate so much on everything on this post it's weird (or it isn't, given we're on the AVEN forum 😁). I've always dreamed of dating, but (before I knew ace is a thing and I should not feel guilty for being one) I couldn't picture it go any further than a the first dates. Since, after that you would be expected to at least kiss to "prove" your interest... let alone the "sex on the third date" thing, which I definitely thought must be a myth. I wanted to get know someone well, become emotionally very close to them and practically bound to them, living together and stuff, but I just felt like I could never have that without sex and romance. If I entered to a serious relationship and refused having those things, would I be a misleader? And I couldn't do that compromise and have sex & romance, so I never really tried to date someone. It felt like I had no right to waste anyone's time for my own desires and needs.

 

Apologizes for the off-topic 😅😅

[Theacechemist]

I legitimately thought I needed to go to the doctor because things weren't "normal" 

Also I had several conversations with a friend of mine about his dry spell and I just couldn't relate, I told him it was because I was too focused on doing well in school. partly true. 

I said this before I realized and say it all the time. "why is sex in every movie and show and song?" 

[Guilli Milli Mu]

"When I feel something, I'm going start to dating and kiss... but I will feel! I'm just to young for it."

[obstaclez]

i'm a christian so i always said that i wanted to wait for marriage. got called a prude a lot though.

[Cee Fox]

I always wondered why people thought the worst part of going into priest/nunhood was the celibacy. I always thought "well they're kind of getting the better deal since they haven't got that to worry about".

 

On 7/27/2020 at 12:01 AM, obstaclez said:

i'm a christian so i always said that i wanted to wait for marriage. got called a prude a lot though.

My favourite excuse 'til this day when I don't feel like explaining that I'm ace.

[QuoVadis]

On 6/26/2020 at 12:10 AM, Anommamous said:

@QuoVadis, if you are having pain when attempting to insert a tampon or regularly when attempting PiV sex, I highly encourage you to consult a gyno.

I've already had a hymenotomy surgery (2% of women are born with a microperforate hymen - that was me), and have done extensive pelvic floor therapy. Still doesn't feel great but I can at least use them now. Penises though, or even most toys? NAH FAM, that shit hurts. 

[Less.is.more]

On 7/28/2020 at 1:53 AM, QuoVadis said:

I've already had a hymenotomy surgery (2% of women are born with a microperforate hymen - that was me), and have done extensive pelvic floor therapy. Still doesn't feel great but I can at least use them now. Penises though, or even most toys? NAH FAM, that shit hurts. 

Sounds like vaginismus?

[SunlitMoonlight]

...oh gosh...

things i said before i knew i was ace

1. *watching tv show* *sex scene exists* Why do they even have to include this? They could literally just skip over it and show them waking up together and have me avoid being bored watching the heated make out and the flopping into bed and the moans.

2. Mom: So you've thought about kissing him, right? Me: *literally hasn't* WELL NOW I AM THANKS MOM

3. Friend, who is dating the boy i crushed on for a long while but am over: Oh my gosh he's so hot. Me:*doesn't know why she's so worked up about it cause i never was in any way shape or form* Uh. Okay. 

4. *writes long diary entry about how gross the mechanics of sex are*

5. I don't hate myself enough to emotionally be attached to someone permanently enough through sex before marriage. When we have sex he's gotta forever be mine.

6. Every friend of mine ever: *makes sex joke* Me: *laughs and pretends that i got it immediately instead of probably the next day at 5:34 p.m. whilst looking it up on the internet*

7. *looks up what 69 means because apparently there's something interesting about it that everyone gets except me*

8. Wait, so there are people who don't experience sexual attraction? Interesting. Wait. What is sexual attraction?

9. *couples are cuddling at a movie night* Me: *spends entire movie talking to sort-of-boyfriend about the plot and the science and the parallels and character developments and how it's all working together*

10. *goes to chastity talk because Christianity* Speaker: It's very important to abstain from sex until marriage because reasons a, b, c, d... Me: Ah. So I'm going to want to do that someday. Interesting. I wonder when this will be relevant to me.

11. *Male friend mentions briefly dream about gf that was not entirely pg* Me: Is... are sex dreams an actual thing people have??? Oh gosh I hope I don't get any they sound gross.

12. *rereads book scenes repeatedly to figure out why anyone would want someone's tongue in their mouth and why anyone would ever want to have sex*

13. *finds romance without sex as the climax(no pun intended i swEAR I SWEAR MY VOCAB WONT FIND ANOTHER WORD) of the story line or even a plot point* This is the best book ever i can't believe it it's so amazing i want this book im going to cry im so happy they kissed and its all pg ahahahah

14. I think if i die without ever having sex i will be absolutely fine with that.

15. *calls boyfriend a masterpiece repeatedly and thinks of him as something so beautiful and lovely that i've just gotta draw him*

16. Mom: Any cute boys? Me:... I mean... not really? 

17. *watching show* THEY'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR THREE DAYS.

 

So yeah. 

that and so many more that i can't think of rn lol

 

[Anommamous]

4 hours ago, SunlitMoonlight said:

Wait, so there are people who don't experience sexual attraction? Interesting. Wait. What is sexual attraction?

Me last year, when I was just starting to figure this out 😂

[RosePhoenix]

6 hours ago, SunlitMoonlight said:

17. *watching show* THEY'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR THREE DAYS.

AHAHHAAHA, YUP. This will never cease to astound and frustrate me.

[andreas1033]

When i was at school, back in early 90's, i worried that i would get a load of hassle about not being interested in females in my life. I assumed most hate i would get was from males.

 

But it turns out the main hatred i got was from females, who just hated me, for not being interested in females.

 

I always found that weird.

 

When i was at school, i was not really that interested or caring that i may get hate from females for it. I knew that not being interested in females would cause me problems with males, and this was something i worried about.

 

But weirdly in my adult life, the main hate i got was from females, who just absolutely hated that i had no interest in females.

 

I was not gay, so that is why i assume it did not work out that way, as i found as long as you are not gay around males, they are fine with you. I just really found it weird, that the absolute hatred i got from females for not being interested in females.

 

Its like there attitude is

 

"That no male is allowed to say they have no interest in females, and you should of been jumping for joy that females liked you"

 

I found that attitude from females. When i was at school, i just never really considered i would get hatred from females for being alone and not being interested in them. I assumed, because of males being massively anti gay back then, that not being interested in females, would make males assume i was not straight, so i assumed that would bring me problems.

 

But like i said, i found in my life, that as long as other males do not think your gay, its ok. They are mostly fine with you not being interested in females, as long as your not gay around them or something.

 

The weirdest thing i found, as i never really considered how females would hate on me for it. But i found females are the worst to me in adult life, for not being interested in females.

 

Its like. that they assume, that no male can openly say they are just not interested in females.

 

I just found this weird, and bizarre. The more hate i got in adult life was more from females that would hate me for not liking females, in a sexual way, like mostly males do.

 

Thats the weirdest thing about being asexual as a male for me, in my life.

[Sometimes Jack]

"I don't get why people can't relate to asexuals.  I have no problem relating at all."

 

You would have thought that would have been a clue.  Still took me several years to make the connection.

[SunlitMoonlight]

i just thought of another thing.

once, i was arguing with my sort of friend(more an aqquaintance, really) about something or other and they brought up the supposed fact that "sex is the best thing in the world" and said stuff about how nothing was better than it.

Me, very confused little ace person with no clue what they're talking about, said, very easily and quickly, "Well actually, there's a mascara on the market that claims it's better than sex."

and the aqquaintance didn't even know what to do with it.

And i thought i'd been really sassy or something and so being proud of my sass i related the tale to my mother.

My allosexual mother.

And when i told her he'd said there was nothing better than sex, she NODDED in AGREEMENT. 

And when i told her what i'd said in response, she went, "Well... not really, but I guess..."

anyway that one haunted me for a while

[naakka]

22 hours ago, SunlitMoonlight said:

i just thought of another thing.

once, i was arguing with my sort of friend(more an aqquaintance, really) about something or other and they brought up the supposed fact that "sex is the best thing in the world" and said stuff about how nothing was better than it.

Me, very confused little ace person with no clue what they're talking about, said, very easily and quickly, "Well actually, there's a mascara on the market that claims it's better than sex."

and the aqquaintance didn't even know what to do with it.

And i thought i'd been really sassy or something and so being proud of my sass i related the tale to my mother.

My allosexual mother.

And when i told her he'd said there was nothing better than sex, she NODDED in AGREEMENT. 

And when i told her what i'd said in response, she went, "Well... not really, but I guess..."

anyway that one haunted me for a while

Oh yes, little things like these, when people don't react the way you expect, or you don't react the way people expect, can stuck in your mind. You realize something didn't go as supposed, but you can't get hands on what exactly since you still don't know about aceness (and/or what being allo actually means), so it stays as an itch in your mind 😄

[Libellule]

x

[Karst]

Before I realized that I was aro, I thought that you consciously chose people to have crushes on.

[laLibby]

One time in high school I was with some friends and they were talking about sex. After a brief silence in the conversation, I said "the diddly-do is not for me" and they all laughed (not in a mean way). 

[fgdsayshi]

Ah man, I dunno where to begin with my post. I'm embarrassed to even speak on this, but...I think of AVEN as a judgement-free zone. Here we go, lol. 🤡🤡
(T/W: mentions of sex)

 

I remember wanting kids for a while when I was younger, I eventually decided that I wanted six kids because that's my favorite number & I wanted to have kids in order to give them what I didn't have while treating them how I wish I was treated by my family. As I got older, my siblings started having kids of their own while getting married & moving out which led to me becoming an aunt more than once. When I actually had to help take care of my nephews & got to know the kids in the families my siblings were making, I realized I truly didn't want any kids at all. I love my nephews & nieces, even the ones I don't see/talk to anymore, but one of the main reasons I didn't want kids was because I knew I wasn't into having sex at all.

 

In high school & during my first year of college, my friends at the time made a bet with me regarding our virginities. When we met up at a Burger King somewhere near my old campus, we talked about some topics that I now wouldn't really relate to in the least. There was a point in our conversation where we brought up the "losers" of our bets treating the winners to a meal of some sort depending on how long they lasted in our bet, "losing" meant whoever lost their virginity. Thinking back, I realize that the bet probably is long over since I felt out of place with those friends since I felt as if I had to force my way in so that I could be part of the group.

 

I remember talking about things like "wet dreams" or fantasies involving weird places we'd have sex, but the dreams I had weren't as x-rated as my friends might have depicted them to be. In fact, I mostly had domestic sorts of fantasies where I was my true self with someone who loved me as much as I loved them; I didn't dream much about sex as much as I did about just being affectionate & kissing someone with as much love as I could convey. I forced myself to believe quite a bit during high school before accepting that I'd be more than comfortable not having sex with any person on the planet.

 

I don't remember every single foolish thing I've ever said in regards to my sexuality before realizing I was ace & becoming comfortable enough to speak about it, but I do know now that not being like my peers didn't make me any less normal or any less amazing. ^^

[FaerySilverwings]

As a child:

 

• "I never want to get married!"
• "I never want to have kids!"

As a teen/young adult:

 

• "Mom, you're never getting grandchildren out of me. You will have grand kitties, that's it." (thankfully for me, mom is okay with this)
• "I'm just too busy with school to get involved with anyone"
• "Why is there so much romance in this plot??? I just want to see them save the world???"
• "I think everyone should try to be single for a while at some point in their life so they can figure out who they are outside of a SO's needs/wants"
• "giving up on your dreams because you don't want to be at a different university from your SO is just... sad and kinda stupid." (not in those words, but that sentiment for sure)
• "I just want to be the cool aunt with cats, okay?"
• "Why does everyone act like being abstinent is so hard?"
• "If I were catholic I would have ended up as a nun by now."
• "I'm not interested in acquiring a mate"
• "I don't plan on using these organs, why do I have to keep them? Can't I just donate my womb to science or something?"
• "Why would you stay in a relationship with someone if you're not happy?"

In the last year or two:

• "I'm borderline asexual" (said as an offhand I'm-not-interested-in-your-relationship-drama sort of statement without realizing I'd said it)
• "Well, I can give you advice based on my observations since you've asked, but please remember that I have never been involved in any sort of romantic relationship..."
• "No, really, I just... don't have any interest whatsoever in sex or relationships." (in a conversation with a friend I worked with who was constantly perplexed by me for a variety of reasons)
• "I'm a birdlike fae creature of sunshine and sparkleyness!" (said in response to a friend referring to me as an "asexual muffin" as part of a "you realize, other friend, that you are the only straight-and-in-a-relationship person in this group" sort of conversation. Said friend was very amused when I came out to her last week, as she had totally called it.)
• "Wait, why did your housemates think I was your girlfriend? She's half a person taller than me and they've met her! ... and I'm not exactly interested in girls." (said to same friend, because apparently we were seen together enough that her housemates genuinely got me confused with her girlfriend)

 

... I really should have figured out that I was aroace a lot sooner, huh? 

[GHOST12345]

On 6/19/2020 at 2:03 AM, Liah_ said:

[GHOST12345]

• My friends are the time had the biggest crush on Cole Sprouse & Harry Styles lol. I saw their attractiveness but I didn't feel anything towards them.

 

• I forced relationships 😬

 

• I felt like something was off about me but I didn’t know exactly why