Things you said before you realised you were ace

[Janus the Fox]

10 hours ago, ComingUpAces said:

Them: I feel like we have this really strong connection.

Me: Huh. I just thought we were having a conversation. 

Friends: why are you flirting with them, if you don't even want them?

Me: flirting?! That's not - I don't - I wasn't!

Friends: you just don't get what it means when you talk to someone. 

Me: What in the actual F. When does talking to someone mean something other than talking to someone?!

The hidden and often invisible world of body language, tone and non-verbal communication.  I’ve often struggled to understand this especially once directly asked about it.

[TheLadyOfBees]

Yes I am a lucky devil in that regards, even if 13 year old me didn't think so.

[Bolt The Bird]

I have, multiple times, asked friends what a weird phrase they just said meant...  Only for them to give me a weird look and eventually say something along the lines of “Its a sex reference” very awkwardly...  For the life of me, I don’t think I’ve figured out all of the ones they’ve used yet.  

 

Also, why in the world does it seem like every little thing in baseball can take on some form of sexual meaning?  I played baseball for a while, and I remember so many times when I told my baseball team something, only to find out from somebody else that what I said was SOMEHOW related to some form of sexual innuendo.  What’s worst is when I chime into a conversation, thinking they’re actually talking about the game we’re in...

[nerdography]

I remember being in HS and not understanding everyone’s obsession with sex. I assumed they all lacked self control and that’s why they talked about and wanting and having sex all the time. And people assumed since I wasn’t boy crazy that I was a lesbian. That started in middle school.

 

I struggled with my sexuality for a long time. I figured I had to either like men or women. And in my trying to figure that out I based it on whose genitals offended me the least. That thought process should have been in indication that I was asexual.

[hexingkinase]

Friend: "You know how you see a guy and uumph! you just wanna fuck em'?"

Me: "What? Now? You just met!"

 

That was two years ago, I didn't actually say it out loud but looking back that conversation was a huge sign. It hit me that this is how people really feel and when they say someone's hot, it's not just a way to emphasize how visually attractive a person is. There's more to it and I never felt the kind of attraction she was describing; HUGE sign. It got me questioning if I was ace or lesbian... then I told myself "Nah, you just haven't found your type" 🙄

 

[TheLadyOfBees]

4 hours ago, hexingkinase said:

Friend: "You know how you see a guy and uumph! you just wanna fuck em'?"

Me: "What? Now? You just met!"

 

That was two years ago, I didn't actually say it out loud but looking back that conversation was a huge sign. It hit me that this is how people really feel and when they say someone's hot, it's not just a way to emphasize how visually attractive a person is. There's more to it and I never felt the kind of attraction she was describing; HUGE sign. It got me questioning if I was ace or lesbian... then I told myself "Nah, you just haven't found your type" 🙄

 

Lol hexing, that sounds simmilar to a situation of mine. My bi best friend during an extended sexually-oriented discussion was talking about how she tried to have an orgy with her partner and another couple. I was sitting there being supportive but utterly turned off until she mentioned one of the reasons it could'nt work was because one of the people was demi. Actually decided to follow through on my questioning that time around though.

 

That moment when you realize people legitimately have that strong desire for sex and it's not all talk is just so surreal.

[semifrog]

I am so glad that there is this thread. Here are some of mine:

"Why are there so many sex scenes and why do they need to be so graphic? It makes me so uncomfortable."

When sharing my expectations about a relationship: "I need time before I am ready to have sex-as in, a really LONG time, as in, NEVER."

Feeling really uncomfortable about exchanging body fluids.

"Why is everyone so obsessed with sex? Why can't we focus on something else?"

"No, I am perfectly happy with just having a nice conversation with a guy.".

 

[Shanjace]

Friend: So whats your 'type'??

Me (flabbergasted): idk bro, I dont really wanna boyfriend just a really good friend to do life with, you know?

Friend, unsatisfied: no really, what do you look for in a guy?

Me: *incoherent noises*

 

Me: For the ball (prom whatever) people always wanna dress sexy but I don't wanna be sexy I wanna be ✧･ﾟ:*majestic *:･ﾟ✧

 

Friends: why don't you just text him back he likes you?

Me: no

 

[naakka]

5 hours ago, semifrog said:

"I need time before I am ready to have sex-as in, a really LONG time, as in, NEVER."

I relate a lot. Basically my whole youth was "extending total singleness" and finding excuses to do so. *Distressing memories.*

[BroadwayBuff26]

On 6/17/2020 at 7:25 PM, Purple Red Panda said:

All of this just further convinces me for the need of greater levels of asexual representation in the media.

You should read the book "Loveless" by Alice Oseman. It's about a girl who is obsessed with romance and although she's never had a crush thinks she will eventually find someone but when she goes to university, she starts to realise that maybe love isn't what she is looking for. It is so good and the aro/ace representation is incredible especially because the author identifies as aro/ace. 

[nonononono]

that's a nice question, haha. i think i've spent most of my childhood and teenage years saying thinks like "i don't want to ever marry anyone", until i realized and can't really picture myself in a relationship at all. and since i'm kinda sex-positive, i usually said "kissing seems fine, i just don't want to kiss anyone" and "what's so appealing about it all?" or "why should i want to do it?". guess there's always been a lot of ????????

[Guest]

Things I thought before I realized I was aroace:

• I'll never be ready for a relationship.
• Relationships sound like so much trouble, and they often don't work! It'd be more pleasant to just not...
• Why do people wear what is essentially underwear to the beach? Everyone can see them!
• Don't people who want to be sexually active have to know someone for several years before they actually do it?
• If the only surefire way to not get pregnant is to be abstinent, then why don't teenagers just do that?
• I'd rather spend all my time studying, thank you very much.
• When I grow up, I will be a research chemist and live in an apartment by myself.
• I want to die a virgin!

A few other items:

 

1) Thinking I had a crush when it was really a squish or just aesthetic attraction.

 

2) Puberty books: At this age, girls start getting interested in boys. It's normal!

Me: Pretends to be interested in boys at school to appear normal

[inactive userrr]

"You wanna have sex with that girl? You see her for first time, tho!!! Why tf?"

"He's hot? I don't find him even handsome... Btw, what does 'hot' mean?"

"Me? To do IT? NO FCKING WAY"

"Why is everyone so crazy about sex?"

[hexingkinase]

1 hour ago, cAROlyn said:

I'd rather spend all my time studying, thank you very much.

I relate so much, I have a committed relationship with my physiology textbook; it was love at first sight and nothing can come between us.

[Guest]

47 minutes ago, hexingkinase said:

I relate so much, I have a committed relationship with my physiology textbook; it was love at first sight and nothing can come between us.

Me with my real analysis textbook 💜

[WrenIsNotMyRealName!!]

An ex-friend doesn't accept that I'm ace. She calls me gay(because that's what I had initially came out as) and she tried to tell me I was sexually attracted to certain things all the time.

 

Like, I catfish people on omegle and stuff. I'm a control freak and have a superiority complex so I feel morally superior when around people clambering for sex since I'm the only one not. So, and I'm sure you've figured it out by now, I get pictures of genitalia a LOT. Again, it makes me feel like I'm in control of the situation since I've convinced them to send me something without offering anything in return.

 

Anyways, she's told me to my face that I get sexual pleasure from the pictures and I told I don't(cause I don't) and she's just all "Yeah, sure." Very annoying.

[brbdogsonfire]

15 hours ago, WrenIsNotMyRealName!! said:

An ex-friend doesn't accept that I'm ace. She calls me gay(because that's what I had initially came out as) and she tried to tell me I was sexually attracted to certain things all the time.

 

Like, I catfish people on omegle and stuff. I'm a control freak and have a superiority complex so I feel morally superior when around people clambering for sex since I'm the only one not. So, and I'm sure you've figured it out by now, I get pictures of genitalia a LOT. Again, it makes me feel like I'm in control of the situation since I've convinced them to send me something without offering anything in return.

 

Anyways, she's told me to my face that I get sexual pleasure from the pictures and I told I don't(cause I don't) and she's just all "Yeah, sure." Very annoying.

That's called being sexually manipulative no matter what kind of nice spin you try to put on it. 

[Janus the Fox]

16 hours ago, WrenIsNotMyRealName!! said:

An ex-friend doesn't accept that I'm ace. She calls me gay(because that's what I had initially came out as) and she tried to tell me I was sexually attracted to certain things all the time.

 

Like, I catfish people on omegle and stuff. I'm a control freak and have a superiority complex so I feel morally superior when around people clambering for sex since I'm the only one not. So, and I'm sure you've figured it out by now, I get pictures of genitalia a LOT. Again, it makes me feel like I'm in control of the situation since I've convinced them to send me something without offering anything in return.

 

Anyways, she's told me to my face that I get sexual pleasure from the pictures and I told I don't(cause I don't) and she's just all "Yeah, sure." Very annoying.

I’d recommend to discourage that.  To me I donno... using Omegle like this, seems not all that healthy to me.

[always. singing.]

Okay here's a few things I've said. (For context, I've grown up in a Christian environment) 

 

-Why can't the girls and guys sleep in the same room? It would be so much more fun! 

 

- I wish I wouldn't have to have sex on my wedding night. I feel like it will ruin the entire day cause I'll be so nervous for that part. 

 

-Why would you want to sleep with more than one person? 

 

-Can he stop hip thrusting please? You were more attractive without that. 

[WrenIsNotMyRealName!!]

8 hours ago, brbdogsonfire said:

That's called being sexually manipulative no matter what kind of nice spin you try to put on it. 

And? It's not like I go and pester unwilling people. They want to send so I capitalize on that.

[WrenIsNotMyRealName!!]

6 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said:

I’d recommend to discourage that.  To me I donno... using Omegle like this, seems not all that healthy to me.

It actually if for me. It's my outlet. If I don't get my control issues out on there, then they'll bleed into my personal life and cause issues like screaming at my dad because he wanted to see my phone for a second.

[Janus the Fox]

12 minutes ago, WrenIsNotMyRealName!! said:

It actually if for me. It's my outlet. If I don't get my control issues out on there, then they'll bleed into my personal life and cause issues like screaming at my dad because he wanted to see my phone for a second.

Is there any other outlet possible that has a more beneficial level of personal control?

[brbdogsonfire]

9 minutes ago, WrenIsNotMyRealName!! said:

It actually if for me. It's my outlet. If I don't get my control issues out on there, then they'll bleed into my personal life and cause issues like screaming at my dad because he wanted to see my phone for a second.

If you work to better yourself, and build yourself to be a respectable person you can influence people to do what you want in a healthy way that will build yourself and the other up. It's a hard path to walk but strong people will take the more difficult path for a better outcome.

 

Justifying abuse towards a group to stop abusing another group is an endless spiral of abuse in which you will only sink further into and become less respected causing further control issues.

 

One is short term and self destructive, and one is long term and self beneficial. Become someone you are proud to be and influence will follow.

[WrenIsNotMyRealName!!]

4 minutes ago, Janus DarkFox said:

Is there any other outlet possible that has a more beneficial level of personal control?

No. Well, yes. I could just start arguments on every forum I'm part of.

 

Jk, I used to do that all the time and it was soooo toxic. This is genuinely the least toxic way to outlet these issues until I'm at a point to actually deal with them.

[brbdogsonfire]

3 minutes ago, WrenIsNotMyRealName!! said:

No. Well, yes. I could just start arguments on every forum I'm part of.

 

Jk, I used to do that all the time and it was soooo toxic. This is genuinely the least toxic way to outlet these issues until I'm at a point to actually deal with them.

If you have a path forward and are using it short term as a bridge you will have to do what's best for you. Just don't let yourself fall into a long term trap. I am sure your path will be difficult and I hope you find your way through.

[Raindrops]

I don't think I ever said anything out loud, but I remember playing games with someone I was dating and then they wanted to cuddle and kiss and I just remember being so bored and wishing we could just play games all night instead 😐

[Janus the Fox]

Based on advice, while it is not in the rules but in the spirit of the AVEN ToS, I’d have to strongly discourage members ‘sexually’ exploiting sexuals for any gain.

 

Janus DarkFox

Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator

[Atlantis]

5 hours ago, always. singing. said:

Okay here's a few things I've said. (For context, I've grown up in a Christian environment) 

 

-Why can't the girls and guys sleep in the same room? It would be so much more fun! 

 

- I wish I wouldn't have to have sex on my wedding night. I feel like it will ruin the entire day cause I'll be so nervous for that part. 

 

-Why would you want to sleep with more than one person? 

 

-Can he stop hip thrusting please? You were more attractive without that. 

All of this. Especially the second one, except I decided I didn’t want to get married bc of that 😅

[BlueAce]

15 hours ago, Raindrops said:

I don't think I ever said anything out loud, but I remember playing games with someone I was dating and then they wanted to cuddle and kiss and I just remember being so bored and wishing we could just play games all night instead 😐

Me too. I would get bored after a couple of kisses and think "are we done with the kissing?"

[Gamma/kimera]

At around 19....."I wish I was asexual...it would all make so much more sense to me." in response to someone on a atheist forum discussing sexual stuff.

 

At around 24-25ish (don't remeber exactly when) I was over at a family members house and they loved will and grace and basically it was the episode were grace finds out that after will came out to her as gay that he tried to make it work with another women (cause he claimed he was 99 percent sure he was gay)...and without thinking I replied "I sort of understand that."

 

16...telling someone abstinence was easy

 

18 someone asked me why I never had a girlfriend....I reply "meh to much work"

 

15 and had my first crush and remeber asking to myself "why do I not feel the need to kiss her or anything yet I adore her and want to spend every second I can around her?"

 

A friend of mine points out a women he likes and goes "MILLLLLLLFFFF" and I reply "huh!" and get really confused.

 

Same friend a couple months later talked about how his girlfriend won't sleep with him and how it bothers him....I think to myself "huh!"