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Things you said before you realised you were ace


Purple Red Panda

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1 hour ago, WaywardHeroine said:

-(when kissing) Alright, how much longer until I can politely excuse myself?

-(when cuddling)  My arm hurts.

-No, I don't want to kiss/cuddle.  We're supposed to be going to bed.

-Why do you "miss" me?  Can't you just be happy where you are?

Relatable lol

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Valentine Loren

"Why does everyone love sex so much?"

"This guy is hot? What do you mean? He doesn't have a high temperature"

"I saw that she was wearing a beautiful dress, but her body doesn't interest me"

"I really don't know how it feels to be horny"

"You feel IT every freaking day??? How???"

"I'm straight but... Maybe not"

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Peace_of_Ace

-When I'm older, I'll understand what all this obsession with sex is.

-Welp, I'm older, but it should kick in any time now right?  .... any time now.
-I didn't feel anything when I finally got to kiss my crush.  Maybe that's normal.  Maybe it takes time for that to develop.

-Why is everyone so horny all the time?  They are gross.  This whole thing is gross.  I want to be a kid again.

 

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27 minutes ago, Peace_of_Ace said:

I didn't feel anything when I finally got to kiss my crush.  Maybe that's normal.  Maybe it takes time for that to develop.

Omg, that is literally what I thought when I got into a "relationship" with a boy for a week, thinking my feelings will just suddenly develop in time. I realized quickly that that wasn't the case and then I had to tell him which was hard but necessary eitherway. Later I understood that there is a general attraction from the beginning actually, which I didn't ever experince. But well, that has been my first step in realizing my asexuality/aromanticism three years ago.

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Less.is.more

Hi guys! New here but it's such a relief to be able to relate to so much!

Here are some things I remember saying :)

 

"The book/movie was good ... There's just a bit/lot of sex" Implementing that that obviously downgraded the whole thing.

"Latebloomer ... or never really ..."

"Just not as keen"

"I'm bisexual ánd asexual ... But mostly asexual." I knew it was a thing but ever since I realised this I pretty much carried on on my own without properly informing myself as ... I'm just not that keen :) biro though, now I understand the difference! 

 

Excuse my prejudice in advance, this was in a very sex-positive masculine environment where I got hit on frequently:

"I don't understand what the fuss is all about! Why don't men just fuck each other to get rid of their frustrations and leaves us women alone!"

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"Why would anyone want to put their tongue there?" (First time I learnt about cunnilingus)

"But why do you have to take all your clothes off?"

 

 

 

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7 hours ago, Less.is.more said:

Excuse my prejudice in advance, this was in a very sex-positive masculine environment where I got hit on frequently:

Hi! And welcome to the community, I'm happy for you! 🍰

 

I just want to point out that sex-positive/ negative/ neutral is one thing, sex-favoring/ repulsed/ indifferent is another :) the former refers to you supporting/opposing (anyone having) sex, the latter refers to your inner reaction to it.

 

So, ace can be both sex positive (supports open discussion and education about it for the people to whom sex is important), and sex-repulsed (doesn't want anything to do with it or discuss about it personally). Or any other combination. Sex-negative doesn't want anyone to have/discuss about it, wants it to be treated as a taboo. And sex-favoring person wants to take part in sexual activities personally.

 

In general, sex-positivity in the society is a good thing, it makes things easier and more open to all of us :)

 

Apologizes for nitpicking 😅

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Less.is.more
15 minutes ago, naakka said:

 

I just want to point out that sex-positive/ negative/ neutral is one thing, sex-favoring/ repulsed/ indifferent is another :) the former refers to you supporting/opposing (anyone having) sex, ...

 

😅

Thank you!

Exactly the kind of environment I meant so ...

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I didn't say this but my friend once said this when we were talking about doing it and she was like 'when you get older, you'll have those feelings', i'm like 'you really think so?'

^this was before i knew asexuality was a thing and before i found out i was ace

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On 6/22/2020 at 4:59 AM, WaywardHeroine said:

-Why are there so many love songs?  Do people really feel that strongly?

-Why do you "miss" me?  Can't you just be happy where you are?

 

Recurring theme in love songs: "I can't live without you" - well, I can.

Moreover, check the lyrics of "Every breath you take" by The Police, I always thought they were kind of creepy ...

 

You've just reminded me of those I-miss-you text messages I would get in the morning after dating a guy the previous night: Seriously? We met eight hours ago, how can you possibly miss me?

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That's also a thing I was always kind of annoyed by. Almost all songs in the charts or in the world literally, are about romance and/or sex and I always complained about that. Like, there are so many other things you could write about. I understand now that it is in fact a big topic for most people in their lives, but it isn't for me, so I also noticed that all the music I listen to consists of everything but that. Mostly. And I think that's funny. :D

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I remember in my teenage years at school my friends looking at pornographic pictures of a women showing her vagina all getting so excited talking sexual about it and I just remember looking at it not saying anything but thinking to myself “do they really wanna lick there or are they kidding?” 
It’s mad because I had crushes on cute girls etc at school but I never thought about sex with them I just wanted to be with them like kissing, cuddling and hanging out. 
To be honest I didn’t have a clue what was wrong with me I thought everyone else was crazy lol.

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On 6/22/2020 at 2:28 AM, Iago said:

"I relate to how difficult dating feels"- the whole getting dressed up, solely to get undressed is enough to put me off...

This reminds me of a couple.

 

"Why would you wear lingerie/item of clothing for someone else? It's seems pretty uncomfortable to me."

"I don't know why you need to go out of your way to wear something like that."

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19 hours ago, Iago said:

"Why would anyone want to put their tongue there?"

Me reading (i.e. skimming quickly over) an oral sex scene in a novel: "Why is this even a thing?!"

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Hmm, let’s see. Thoughts before I realized I was ace:

 

-I just want to hold hands and spend time together.


-(When I was married because of pressure from my mother) Why can’t you be okay with only having sex like twice a year?

 

-I really don’t like looking at people without clothes on, it grosses me out. 🤢

 

-Why do all these other girls get so excited by shirtless men?

 

-I think I would rather use toys than be with an actual person.

 

-Why am I not sexually attracted to my partners?

 

-Maybe I’m just not attracted to men?

 

-You know, maybe just getting a sperm donor to have a child wouldn’t be so bad. No sex involved.

 

-Or maybe I could just be a foster parent or adopt kids instead.

 

-Yeah, I think you’re cute/handsome/beautiful, but I don’t care to mess with you sexually.

 

-Why do I hate intimacy so much? Maybe I have a hormone imbalance.

 

-I really don’t like people touching my arms, legs, shoulders, or back. I want my personal space!

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"I don't understand why everyone is so worried about what people look like and not about how smart or good they are"

 

I couldn't put a tampon in for years and I always thought I was just a late bloomer, or that I would "learn how to do it eventually," and then somehow magically it wouldn't hurt anymore.

 

(Frequently said to my ex fiance:) "if sex was a class, I'd be failing it"

 

"Aren't aren't you concerned about being on birth control long-term?" (Queue debates with friends about how birth control is totally harmless and how totally normal it is getting a weird copper sprinkler-looking thing jammed up your hoo-ha so you can have sex on demand and how despite how feminist they claim to be, they have no problem with altering their body and putting it at risk for a somewhat patriarchal and outdated societal expectation for women to have sexual proclivity, *cough*)

 

"Sure, I have a sexual paraphilia, but if I just keep practicing at sex I can find a way to line up the fantasy with "real sex""

 

 "I bet if I just get pelvic floor therapy my boyfriend's penis won't hurt"

 

"Wait, wait, so... You mean you'll go have sex with a person you just met? Why?"

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@QuoVadis, if you are having pain when attempting to insert a tampon or regularly when attempting PiV sex, I highly encourage you to consult a gyno.

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19 minutes ago, QuoVadis said:

"I don't understand why everyone is so worried about what people look like and not about how smart or good they are"

I can relate! Also, "why is everybody SO worried about not finding a boyfriend/ girlfriend? It's not like there was nothing else to do in life?"

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3 minutes ago, naakka said:

I can relate! Also, "why is everybody SO worried about not finding a boyfriend/ girlfriend? It's not like there was nothing else to do in life?"

Since you mentioned it... You know, just yesterday I realized that I never went out of my way to look for a partner. There did often just happen to be someone I wanted to spend time around, but I never intentionally prospected for potential partners. 

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AmusedSkeptic

- Why does the media think all this sex stuff is so interesting to us?? 

- Dude it really isn't that hard to be without romance. Like. What are you stressing about. Chill

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2 hours ago, TheGoodDemonKeeper said:

- Why does the media think all this sex stuff is so interesting to us?? 

"Hmm... Why are there always half dressed women at car shows? Don't they get cold? Isn't it uncomfortable lying on a car all day like that? Poor ladies."

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6 hours ago, Anommamous said:

Since you mentioned it... You know, just yesterday I realized that I never went out of my way to look for a partner. There did often just happen to be someone I wanted to spend time around, but I never intentionally prospected for potential partners. 

My only foray into online dating landed me, luckily, with a great boyfriend that I dated for almost two years. But now that I've done it I realize how rare, and how aggravating, it really was. It was something that sucked up my time (and cost a lot of money on food and gas). Not really my idea of fun, looking for courtship. 

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'I'm waiting until I'm more emotional mature before I start to date'

'I don't want to be with this this person because relationships start too much drama and I don't need that in my life right now'

'I'm obviously waiting until after high school to do this stuff'

'I'm paying for college now so I need to focus on my school work and not relationships'

'I'm attending graduate school now, I have no time for relationships'

'Why can't I start a relationship with this person? Why can't I take that next step?'

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New here too but I relate very much to the comments about amount of sexual content in media 😆

 

"There's so much casual sex! Get to the plot, damn it." 

 

"How did these people fall in love so quickly? They just met?"

 

When I was younger:

 

"Ah, everyone must be pretending to be in love or have crushes because of tv/books."

 

"I guess having a romantic (?) relationship is like, really, really, REALLY good friends?"

 

It is only very recently that I found out, no, they weren't pretending. That's when I realized maybe I'm actually different, and not that the whole world is somehow pretending (no, I don't know why i thought so for so long. I just don't think about relationships very much at all so I never gave it more than a passing thought). I'm 30. 

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Thoughts/things I did before accepting/realizing I was asexual:

 

1. Just assuming I was a late bloomer and eventually I would feel the way everyone else seemed to feel about sex and relationships, and I would "eventually get what all the fuss was about." Lol then realizing Im 22 and if anything was gonna change it probably would have happened by now. 

 

2. Getting annoyed at people for not being able to look at their own relationships and interactions objectively (I still get annoyed but I'm more sympathetic towards the intense emotional pull that I'm apparently immune to... Or Al least just better at putting my emotions aside to evaluate my thoughts and actions 😂)

 

3. Thinking aesthetic attractiveness and sexiness were interchangeable terms... Which is why I thought I had to experience sexual attraction because I can clearly see that X person is physically attractive.

 

4. Not understanding why I wanted others to see me as attractive but getting intensely uncomfortable if they voiced/acted on those opinions.

 

5. I honestly thought everyone had to be exaggerating or stupid... Because who in their right mind would put themselves in certain situations all for sex??? 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
ComingUpAces

Them: I feel like we have this really strong connection.

Me: Huh. I just thought we were having a conversation. 

Friends: why are you flirting with them, if you don't even want them?

Me: flirting?! That's not - I don't - I wasn't!

Friends: you just don't get what it means when you talk to someone. 

Me: What in the actual F. When does talking to someone mean something other than talking to someone?!

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TheLadyOfBees

This isn't really anything I ever outright said but I flipping hated sex ed as a young teen. I'm very grateful to have had it today but I labelled myself as hardly sexual and cried my way out of my first class :):):). Subsequent ones were less cry-y but about the same amount as fun.

 

Thankfully things have gotten better since then

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WrenIsNotMyRealName!!
6 hours ago, TheLadyOfBees said:

This isn't really anything I ever outright said but I flipping hated sex ed as a young teen. I'm very grateful to have had it today but I labelled myself as hardly sexual and cried my way out of my first class :):):). Subsequent ones were less cry-y but about the same amount as fun.

 

Thankfully things have gotten better since then

Well, lucky you. They don't teach sex ed anymore. At least not in Arkansas.

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QuasiSquirrel
On 6/23/2020 at 1:32 PM, BlueAce said:

Moreover, check the lyrics of "Every breath you take" by The Police, I always thought they were kind of creepy ...

The song's lyrics are very much meant to be sinister, stalker-ish. And I never interpreted any other way myself. I hate that song...

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