Things you said before you realised you were ace

[oops_eddie]

"Why do people get crushes so often?"

 

"Why would you want to date / have sex with someone you just met?"

 

"How can you even CONSIDER being in a relationship with someone? We're too young!!" (me from 5th - 12th grade)

 

"Wait, what's wrong with being a virgin? 😕

 

"I'd rather do anything else."

[MoonSedai]

"Love is Barfy." "Yes, even my relationship is barfy."

 

[BunchOBees]

‘Surely someone could think of a more universal theme to use in songs than romance.’

Trying not to stare at the gorgeous ladies walking out of Costco while I was with my mom and thinking ‘no no no, bad, you aren’t lesbian, don’t think how cute they look in those outfits they chose simply to go out to Costco’  -It was obviously aesthetic attraction

’I’ve seen Gnomeo and Juliet, I understand how romance works.’

’If I went to a movie with some dude and our hands touched in the popcorn I’d slap his hand, cuz I ain’t sharing my popcorn and he should know better’

Wow, health class was fun, most of the teens there were either awkward, thought it was funny, or were just fine with it, and I was sitting in the back of the classroom like ‘oh my freaking gosh, I want to vomit and smash my head into the wall, why is she making us watch actual footage of a human egg being fertilized?!’

or when she asked everyone what the most attractive thing we found in a guy or gal was and everyone had to answer and I just said ‘not making jokes about other groups and thinking it’s funny that they’re so sensitive to them’ -I just answered in what I’d want in a friend.

[Guest]

I’ve said/thought a lot of things before i knew i were aro/ace(especially when i was a teenager), both negatively and less negatively:

 

The less negative ones:

 

- Sex?! EW EW EW!!

 

- Is sex even pleasureable? 

 

- Kissing, cuddling, hugging, dating and relationships? No thanks, not my thing. EW EW EW!! 

 

- Cats are the best!!!

 

- I don’t wanna get married or have kids 

 

- Virgin life eeeeeeeevveeeeeerr!!!

 

- How can someone be in a relationship so young?

 

- How can someone have sex so young?

 

The negative ones:

 

- My am i not interested in sex or relationships? I’m so weird!

 

- Everyone is in a relationship and i’m only attracted to fictional characters? Why?! I should get myself a life! 

 

And i actually also thought something i know now isn’t true at all, but i thought that as a teenager.

 

- Why am i so different, so weird and so kinky? I’m so useless and dumb. Why do i even exist? Why can’t i be interested in sex and relationships and be normal like everyone else.

 

- I wish i didn’t had any weird kinks and weren’t so kinky. What people say about kinks is true and i should change 

 

-I would be bullied for being a 100 year old virgin 

 

 

So yeah i had some really negative and really positive thoughts and feelings about myself(mostly negative)as a teenager before i knew i were aro/ace(21).

 

It has been better now and i still try and work hard to be more accepting of myself and more positive. 

 

 

 

 

 

[ShantheTato]

• If I married someone and for some reason they weren't able to have sex ever again I would be completely fine/happy
• If I married someone and they realized they were transgender I would support and love them if they wanted to stay with me
• I would be fine with being a nun or priest if I was serious about Catholicism
• I would love to live with a significant other, have our own bedrooms and have sleepovers all the time
• Sex isn't the most important thing to me in a relationship
• I would rather take a nap, walk or read a book
• I like to express my love in other ways
• I enjoy sex for the intimacy 
• I want a child but from a sperm bank

[Aimee03]

“I’m not interested in dating at all.”

 

”Why do people act like sex is such a big deal?”

 

”I don’t understand why all these people claim to be so miserable just because they’re by themselves.”

 

”Why am I so weird?”

 

”I’m an alien.”

 

 

 

 

[a little annihilation]

"Why does there have to be a sex scene in every book and movie?"

"I'm mad at Hazel for sleeping with August" (it ruined the whole vibe of the book for me)

"nOt AgAiN" (while watching Black Swan which is heavy in sexual themes)

"What's so great about sex anyways?"

"Wait, why though?" (about when people are really desperate to have sex/ wanna lose their virginity)

*realizing that lots of nice people I know have had sex and being weirded out*

 

 

[Barbio]

Me, internally, anytime I'd hear about a woman desperately wanting to get pregnant and/or trying but failing: Has she considered adoption? Frankly, I don't understand why adoption isn't more popular; I mean, who in their right mind would actually want to experience pregnancy?? I don't care if my kid doesn't share my genes if it means never having to go through labor! (I honestly thought the only reason anyone would want to go through pregnancy was so that their kid would be their biological relative)

 

A friend who I had just met during my freshman year of high school: "See that guy over there? He's my ex."

Me, internally: ...You're only 15 and you have an ex already???

 

That same friend a few months later: "If you don't mind my asking: how come you don't date?"

Me: "Uhh.... umm...." Internally: Am I supposed to be dating at my age?? *Clears throat* "I just haven't met the right guy yet ('cuz I still thought I was hetero), I guess. He'll come along when it's time."

Friend: "Oh, ok. Well, if you decide you want to try dating, I think I know someone who might be a good match for you!"

Me, internally: Oh, dear God...

 

A different friend in high school who I later found out was actually flirting with me when she said this, but I didn't realize it until much later because I'm basically oblivious to flirting: "Who (in this school) do you think is 'cute'?"

Me, after a long pause and several Umm & Uhhh's: ".........Nobody??"

 

Some stranger who I overheard talking in the hallway at the same school: "Wow, they were dating for seven months?! That's such a long time!"

Me, internally: ...It is?? Then what's the point of casual dating if most people don't even make it that far? Surely your parents weren't together for less than seven months... Or... were they??

[sweet potaylor]

On 6/20/2020 at 6:47 PM, naakka said:

I'm just currently focusing on my studies you know.

This was totally me. I was always so focused on academics in high school. That was the reason I didn't date (or talk to anyone or do anything I actually enjoyed for that matter🙃 ). I was always like, "I don't have time to date, what with all this homework!" You can see my priorities😑. There was also, "I'm just waiting for marriage." I never could picture myself getting married but I thought that was something I'd have to do.

 

On 6/21/2020 at 10:59 PM, WaywardHeroine said:

I'm just scared of sex.

I really was disgusted and scared by sex. It was a weight off my shoulders to realize not everyone has to have/want sex. Now I can talk handle sexual conversations/topics while knowing I don't have to have it.😉

[sweet potaylor]

On 8/2/2020 at 10:42 AM, SunlitMoonlight said:

*looks up what 69 means because apparently there's something interesting about it that everyone gets except me*

bro, same😆 

[Barbio]

Just thought of a couple more:

 

(This might sound a little more aro, but) : "I don't get why so many marriages end in divorce. Personally, I'm so picky when it comes to selecting a partner that anyone who's actually capable of winning over my heart could only possibly be my forever soulmate. Maybe more people should just follow my example and start being pickier." 

 

(After learning what asexuality was for the first time, years before I started identifying as such) : "Huh. Well, good for them, I guess. I know I could never be asexual, though, because after learning about sex in health class, I think I kinda want to try it at least once someday. That's about how often couples ever have sex in their lifetimes, right? Once or twice?"

[Foxy7]

"why do people do these things? It's not even necessary. Why do they have to make everything about sex? What's wrong with people? " 

 

These were all i could think of. Funny thing is, before i even knew there was such thing as being asexual, i never thought i had any kind of problem. I always thought there was something wrong with others for wanting these things. So the best thing about knowing that i'm asexual, is that i can understand the differences between people and what they are attracted to, so i can fully respect them.      

[HakunaKatana]

Some of these thoughts I didn't stop having after I discovered my identity, but whatevs.

 

- "She's gone through so many boyfriends and ended up hated all of them. How many girlfriends will I have to go through before I find someone I don't hate?"

- "Is sex the end goal of a relationship? Is there no purpose to the relationship after you have sex?"

- "That girl over there's cute, but I'm too shy to talk to her." (That was my excuse, but I realized that I never even wanted to talk to her in the first place)

- "Ugh, I can't believe I'm still a virgin." (Now I consider it sort of a point of pride; I set a new record for myself every year)

- "Do girls really find regular guys attractive? We're all so gross!"

- "But I masturbate, I can't be ace."

- After hearing that your brain makes you desperate for reproductive sex at age 18 because of early humans' life expectancy: "I guess that makes sense from a biological standpoint. So why am I indifferent about sex and despise the idea of raising children?"

- "Dating sounds like a huge emotional and financial investment that I can't be bothered with, even if I could afford it."

[k_ace]

When I was a freshman in college I would sometimes say aggressively sexual things to both "fit in" with what I thought was college hook-up culture and also intentionally be off-putting to men. I was fresh out of a bad relationship and I was afraid of men coming on to me (and couldn't really properly distinguish when they were or weren't- the whole flirting thing, you know). I remember one time walking out of a seminar with a male acquaintance who I thought might have feelings for me- he asked me what I was doing that afternoon and I reflexively (thinking he was going to try to ask me to hang out) said something along the lines of "I could be going to sleep with someone, you don't know." It was aggressive and kind of a dick move but it definitely got the message across. If I had known about my asexuality at the time it would have been a whole different ballgame for 18 year old me. 

[Scylactic]

A classmate asked me if I'm celibate sometime freshman/sophomore year (9th/10th grade). At the time, I've never heard of the word before, so I asked him what it is. He said that it's someone who doesn't mate, and I said, "Isn't that everyone here?"

[Possum Party]

Watching a movie with a cheating/hooking up by mistake subplot: "just don't f***, it's not that hard!"

 

Being grilled by friends about what I find attractive: "idk I don't really care, people aren't really that attractive? I really just care about if they're genuinely nice to me."

 

When I was a teen "Why would I even want to date anyone at my age? Like what would even be the point?" 

 

I honestly should have realized sooner.

[Cowgirl_Kat]

"I'm definitely straight..."

"Did this movie really need a sex scene?"

"Seriously author, chill on the sex scenes. I get it."

"How do you guys have the time to devote to a relationship?"

"Why are you still with him if you hate him? That doesn't make any sense."

(When asked during a game of hot seat what my wildest sexual fantasy was) "I don't really have those kinds of fantasies..."

[Barbio]

This isn't so much something I said, but something I created: Back in middle school, I made a couple of personal characters who were absolute best buddies, who lived together, and who were both in their 30s but had never dated and didn't feel the need to date anyone because they had each other, and they were happy together, despite not being "in love" with each other (like bros, basically). It wasn't until nearly a decade later that I realized that I had basically created an aroace queerplatonic couple, without even knowing what that was. I still have both of those characters, and now that I know that there's actually a word for their relationship, I've found that it's really helped me a lot in writing about their dynamic! (And in all the years that I've had them, I've always thought to myself, "Man, if I could just find a best friend like this, then I wouldn't care about dating, either".)

[a little annihilation]

"what's so great about sex anyways?"

"why are people so set on having sex"

"why do movies and books always hafta have a sex scene?"