Oriented Aro-Ace?

[Spill]

I believed that I am asexual for around 2 years now, but recently started to think that there is a possibility I could be aromantic as well. However I’m still interested in the idea of a relationship, I’m just not sure if it’s in an inherently romantic or sexual way. I came across the term oriented aro-ace (having an attraction that is neither romantic nor sexual that is directed at whatever target gender) and was wondering if anybody else knew anything about it? What is it like to be aromantic? 

[Galactic Turtle]

Hi @Spill! Welcome to AVEN!

 

Stealing from the wiki page, oriented aro ace is defined as:

Quote

An oriented aroace is an aromantic asexual (aroace) person who experiences a form of attraction that is neither romantic nor sexual, but is significant enough to warrant a place alongside their aroace orientation. They will identify with another orientation label in a nonromantic, nonsexual way. For example, oriented aroaces may identify as a bi aroace or gay aroace. Some oriented aroaces base their additional label on a form of nonromantic, nonsexual attraction, such as platonic attraction, sensual attraction, aesthetic attraction, alterous attraction, or any combination of these.

For me, I recognize that I only desire and only seem capable of forming close relationships with women. As a woman, however, I recognize that this is far from uncommon or unusual. So in the real world, I don't find it particularly useful to claim I am oriented in any specific way. I'm just here with my friends and it's all good.

 

However for "internal bookkeeping purposes  ", I know that if I were to enter into a partnership scenario (highly unlikely), it would have to be with a woman. So in that sense, you could say I am oriented insofar as having a specific gender requirement for partnership. 

[Janus the Fox]

Moved to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations

 

Janus DarkFox

Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator

[Just a Quail]

The quote Galactic Turtle brought in does a good job of explaining what an orientated aro/ace is. One thing I'd like to note is the different types of attraction listed at the end. If you haven't heard of them before, here are some quick definitions:

 

Platonic: desire to befriend someone.

Sensual: desire to do sensual things like holding hands and cuddling.

Aesthetic: admiring someone's appearance.

Alterous: desire for emotional closeness that's neither platonic or romantic. (This one is more subjective, there are varying interpretations and definitions for it.)

 

Learning about these has helped me better understand my sexuality. When I get a crush, I personally relate more to the feelings around these other attractions, so I consider myself aro/ace for the time being. I hope this helps! 

[Spill]

Your definition of alterous attraction is mostly how I view crushes I have. It’s normally pretty difficult for me to describe to others, but the phrase  “emotional closeness” just about sums it up for me

[Micacey]

I've known I'm Asexual for 2 years now but I'm still trying to figure out if I'm Aromantic. It's hard because I haven't been in a relationship, nor do I actively desire one. Do these things seem Aromantic to you?

Being in a relationship, dating seems like too much work.

I do desire having deep connections with people. Maybe more than friends? I'm not sure.

I can see myself being in a relationship only if we have a really deep connection 1st, and if there are other things we can both gain from being in a relationship together.

Hugging is the closest physical affection I'm comfortable with.

I prefer relationships where I dont have to be around them 24/7.

[Spill]

On 6/15/2020 at 3:12 PM, ItsAlwaysPrideDay said:

I just don’t feel romantic attraction, however I am an oriented aroace. I have a Queerplatonic girlfriend and I would also like to have a long-term QP relationship when I’m older. If you have any questions about what it is like, you can ask me.

What is it like being in a Queer-platonic relationship in comparison to how relationships are normally presented in the media?  I also like the idea of having a long-term relationship, but i'm not sure if its romantic or not. This is because of a couple of reasons:

1. Many things other people find inherently romantic (hanging out 1 on 1 (dates?), cuddling, holding hands, hugs, etc) isn't something that I normally register as romantic (its actually caused me a couple of issues in the past because of it). I generally register it as sensual or platonic attraction. Even 'I love you' isn't registered as something romantic to me because my friends and family are generally very expressive with showing love and affection. This has made it hard for me to distinguish what is supposed to be romantic attraction and what is supposed to be platonic. 

2. The idea of being in a relationship in the future has always been important to me, and I enjoy the thought of a romantic relationship. However if I imagine myself being in a romantic relationship, it doesn't sit right with me, at least the idea of such a relationship early on. The sort of back and forth and anxiety at the start of such relationships just doesn't make it worth it for me. 

 

I've also entertained the fact that I might be Demi-romantic, because the idea of developing a romantic relationship after knowing someone over a long period of time makes sense to me, and because the only time I've ever had a 'crush' was also after I've known someone over a longer period of time. 

 

Because of all of this I considered the idea that I might want a QP relationship instead of a romantic relationship, but i'm not fully aware of the differences between the two (because a lot of the stuff I see as platonic people see as romantic). I know that each relationship is unique, but I figured you may be able to give me  some insight into this. 

[Nael]

Welp, first of all, now "altered aroace" is a better description, to be inclusive of gray-asexual people.

 

This is only my guess — and I may be wrong, but I feel like people created "oriented aroace" as a way to defy the gender anonimity that being aro and ace brings.

 

Being an alloromantic asexual means you don't feel sexual attraction, but still feel the romantic attraction, thus probably desires a relationship. This way, you can define what gender you feel attracted to and identify as homoromantic, biromantic, etc. Being aromantic and allosexual means you can also identify as pansexual, heterosexual... simple as that.

 

Like it or not, when you say you're aro and ace to people, you kill the gender inclination, which ends up with people thinking you're not available to pursue a relationship of any kind with anybody. Unless the person is more educated about a spec and aromanticism, they might think "ok well, they're aromantic but maybe they'd like to be in a QP relationship with someone?", and now the question arises: "do they have any gender preferences?". Being oriented/altered is super helpful regarding this and expands our notions about types of attraction. 

 

I think the necessity of identifying as altered comes from the interest, be it pure curiosity or not, to engage in a relationship. QPR is the best candidate, since you're aroace. 

This can also be helpful to fight off stereotypes being aromantic brings. Like people who think we're "broken", or that we "don't wanna develop any emotional closeness to anybody", that we want to spend our whole life alone, etc. 

 

 

Also desiring a romantic relationship and feeling romantic attraction is different. You may want to be in a relationship with somebody, be it romantic or not, and still be aromantic. For example, Cupioromanticism (romance-favorable aromantics) — still in the aro spectrum, though.