Aggressive promotion of menstrual cups

[Guest]

1 hour ago, MakeupJunkie444 said:

A relative of mine went through it a couple years ago - she says IT SUCKS. BIG TIME. NOT a pleasant thing to go through at all (even though the upside is no more periods). Just saying.  

Yeah apparently menopause sucks but I suppose it depends on how much distress your monthly causes you?? Because if it's causing you real, serious, prolonged distress then the discomfort of menopause might be a welcome change!

[Guest]

On 6/13/2020 at 10:46 PM, Nowhere Girl said:

Since this stuff has become an option, producers are pretending that it's an option for absolutely everyone and aggressively push their products. They try to guilt people into using cups through enviromental concerns. They always use the language of "why you should switch to a cup". I feel a need to rant, but generally, does anyone else feel that it isn't right? Does anyone feel shamed for using pads?

The discourse around mentrual hygiene products is also very often sex-normative, equating "anatomical virgin" with "teenager" and "mature woman" with "someone who can't possibly be a virgin".

To be honest, I haven't even tried mentrual cups, but I have all reasons to believe that I would fail. I have tried a tampon once and couldn't use it. I have even, as a libidoist asexual, experimented with sex toys and found myself unable to insert anything above 2 cm in diameter. It doesn't even hurt much, but it feels like my vaginal corona is too thick to break. And I'm extremely nudity-averse, so a surgical solution is not an option. I won't let anyone see or touch my private parts and that's final. I feel that I'm considered Unthinkable, I'm considered a case which can't possibly exist.

Do others have a problem with infantilisation of virgins, with implicitly being told that a virgin is not a "real woman"?

Sorry - again, I needed to rant, I find the menstrual cup propaganda horribly one-sided.

Can't say I've ever seen an ad for menstrual cups. Didn't even know they existed til .... 5? years ago, maybe 6? 

 

When I did try them, they were easier to insert than a tampon, since you can squish it into a tiny flimsy piece of plastic that is much thinner than a finger and very soft. More like putting a piece of plastic wrap / cling film up there than anything (I was using the thin ones though, designed to be tossed after one cycle). However... 1) Having to shove my finger up there to put it in while I'm bleeding is quite gross 2) They leaked quite badly over night for me, so had to use pads anyway 3) Having to empty the stupid thing every couple hours is just annoying, even using the kegel trick that means you don't have to remove it (if you squeeze your muscles right you can break the seal and empty it while it's inserted, then when you relax it seals back up). 

 

If I was worried about the environment, I would just go with period panties or something that are washable and skip the cup. The cup might be useful for like swimming or something during, but.... eh. I hated it. There are a lot of ways to handle your period beyond cups or plastic lined disposable pads. 

[everywhere and nowhere]

2 hours ago, PanFicto. said:

Here it's recommended yearly for all females, and pushed once you're over 30. Apparently cervical c-word can be caught very early from the pap and it's saved a lot of women, but I've heard whispers that the smear itself can contribute to cervical c-word due to the internal damage it does 😕 So I don't frikken know.

Iatrogenic damage is certainly possible, so it's logically a good idea not to perform the test if someone has an extremely low risk (and remember that 99% of cases are HPV-related - being celibate for life means, at least, no risk of getting HPV). And regardless of that, anyone has a right to decide that the distress is just too great for them. I would rather die than spread before a doctor and I will never allow anyone to see or touch my private parts. My body is my sole property and I have decided that nobody is allowed in.

[everywhere and nowhere]

Why is quoting from more than one page not easily possible? How could I have known that moving to next page means deleting the text already typed?

Anyway...

2 hours ago, Serran said:

Having to empty the stupid thing every couple hours is just annoying, even using the kegel trick that means you don't have to remove it (if you squeeze your muscles right you can break the seal and empty it while it's inserted, then when you relax it seals back up). 

As a non-sex-haver with weak pelvic floor muscles I quite certainly couldn't do it.

2 hours ago, Serran said:

When I did try them, they were easier to insert than a tampon, since you can squish it into a tiny flimsy piece of plastic that is much thinner than a finger and very soft. More like putting a piece of plastic wrap / cling film up there than anything

Still, later it has to be removed - when unfolded, it's much wider and also if someone can't insert more than one finger, it's a real problem.

[Guest]

11 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

. I would rather die than spread before a doctor and I will never allow anyone to see or touch my private parts. My body is my sole property and I have decided that nobody is allowed in.

Yeah see I have a bit of a conundrum because I have kids who dont have anyone else to care for them adequately, so it leaves me in a difficult position about what to do 😕 But I totally understand where you're coming from and agree. It's just complicated when it's more than just your own life you have to worry about.

 

2 hours ago, Serran said:

if you squeeze your muscles right you can break the seal and empty it while it's inserted, then when you relax it seals back up

I'm so confused about my life right now (but I'm also slightly drunk which probably doesn't help)

 

 

[everywhere and nowhere]

1 minute ago, PanFicto. said:

Yeah see I have a bit of a conundrum because I have kids who dont have anyone else to care for them adequately, so it leaves me in a difficult position about what to do 😕

As far as I have read - pap smears may become a thing of the past. I have read something about a urine test for detecting abnormalities and this kind of test would indeed be much more accessible and non-invasive. But really, it's horrible that women are taught that they have no right to intimacy, that their bodies are for men to be used, for doctors to be monitored... No. I have a right to personal freedom and for me it necessarily includes no sex ever.

[RandomPotato02]

4 hours ago, Serran said:

was using the thin ones though, designed to be tossed after one cycle)

Did you try a menstrual disc maybe? Because they are thinner, but a bit more conplicated to use than cups.

4 hours ago, Serran said:

even using the kegel trick that means you don't have to remove it (if you squeeze your muscles right you can break the seal and empty it while it's inserted, then when you relax it seals back up). 

Only heard about that for disks. Cups typically have a stronger seal (and are less likely to leak).

 

1 hour ago, Nowhere Girl said:

it's logically a good idea not to perform the test if someone has an extremely low risk (and remember that 99% of cases are HPV-related - being celibate for life means, at least, no risk of getting HPV).

My mum wanted me to get a HPV vaccination last year, so... I'd be like "I'm vaccinated, virgin, asexual, why am I even here?" or something... Good to know.

 

[Guest]

5 hours ago, RandomPotato02 said:

Did you try a menstrual disc maybe? Because they are thinner, but a bit more conplicated to use than cups.

Only heard about that for disks. Cups typically have a stronger seal (and are less likely to leak).

 

*shrug* it said cup on the box and it was in the shape of a cup once unfolded, just was really squishy so easy to manipulate shape and came to its regular shape once inserted.. And the kegel trick was on a how-to for menstrual cups. So..  as far as I'm aware it was cups. It leaked overnight for me because it filled up, because I'm a heavy bleeder and wasn't willing to wake up after like 4 hours to empty it. I often go anemic during my period, only bleed a couple of days very heavily and then its done. The cup was meant to last 8-10 hours, it filled in 4-5. And it was also hard to tell when it filled, so I got to just randomly feel a gush of blood coming out like I just peed myself after it filled and leaked out the excess... 

 

7 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

 

As a non-sex-haver with weak pelvic floor muscles I quite certainly couldn't do it.

Maybe not. But, don't have to have sex for kegel mucles to be used. Alternative is having to remove it, which is gross and leaves you blood covered hands in public restrooms... ew. One time I took it out, I spilled some of it on the floor. It was just such a gross way of handling my period that I only used it for one cycle.

 

7 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Still, later it has to be removed - when unfolded, it's much wider and also if someone can't insert more than one finger, it's a real problem.

The ones I used you could empty inside and fold again, but yeah, best to remove them in shape. I think it would likely be possible with just one finger to empty it and hook it and let it fold as it comes out but likely difficult and not very comfortable. 

 

 

I mean, I personally found them very useless, uncomfortable, messy, gross and invasive. I also can't use tampons because last time I did freaked me out (some pink long flesh looked like some sort of tube became wrapped around my tampon when I tried to remove it and came out of my body with it, but was still attached... so had to unwrap it, which painfully pulled on it and shove the whatever it was back inside and never used a tampon since). 

 

Pads are my go to. And, never really see ads for anything but pads and tampons here.  They dominate the feminine care aisle as well. So, no one pushes the others or cares. *shrug*

[Tea_Time]

9 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Iatrogenic damage is certainly possible, so it's logically a good idea not to perform the test if someone has an extremely low risk (and remember that 99% of cases are HPV-related - being celibate for life means, at least, no risk of getting HPV). And regardless of that, anyone has a right to decide that the distress is just too great for them. I would rather die than spread before a doctor and I will never allow anyone to see or touch my private parts. My body is my sole property and I have decided that nobody is allowed in.

I feel this so much. I've been to the gynecologist a few times in my life, and I find it really traumatic. The doctors I saw were both nice people, but that doesn't change the fact that it is horribly horribly invasive. They also seemed surprised that I was terrified to be there - people treat it as something unpleasant, but not that big of a deal. But for me, it causes massive anxiety. To make matters even more frustrating, I've been lectured by GPs before about not going regularly, which has made me nervous about normal physicals, because I'm afraid I'm going to get lectured and badgered about it (to be fair, it hasn't come up yet with my current GP). This all happened before I identified as ace, so I didn't have the vocabulary to describe my relation to sex and was ashamed to admit that I wasn't sexually active at all - I just let my doctors assume it was just a dry spell. Now at least if it comes up, I can talk to the doctor more easily about my lack of sexual activity which of course plays into risk factors for disease. They have got to find less invasive ways to test for reproductive health - no one should have to be traumatized by what is considered a routine doctor's visit.

[everywhere and nowhere]

3 hours ago, Serran said:

But, don't have to have sex for kegel mucles to be used. Alternative is having to remove it, which is gross and leaves you blood covered hands in public restrooms... ew.

No, the alternative is simply not to use menstrual cups... That's the point - they are really not for everyone, particularly not for people with a narrow and "unused" vagina.

[Guest]

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[Skycaptain]

If someone admits they were wrong on this subject would that be a mea cupla? 😋😋

[Cee Fox]

On 6/15/2020 at 11:38 PM, Nowhere Girl said:

Let me link to a very enlightening article. Someone already suspected it of being anti-male without reading... no, it isn't, but even if it was... I have again found an Obligatory Sex Scene in a book (you can see one of the reasons why I prefer non-fiction and higher quality literature... but every now and then I also feel interested in reading a criminal/spy novel and there it is, disgusting romanticisation of a young woman's first time. Arrrrgh, zero times should really be shown as an equally valid option) and I feel so disgusted with what men do to women... at least I know that exactly why the world is the way it is, I have a right to be proud of putting up Resistance to compulsory sexuality instead of treating my sexual inactivity as an insignificant aspect of my life.

 

The female price of male pleasure

My goodness even when I was young and didn't know that much about sex I was determined to prove that it didn't have to be painful and bloody for women the first time. I refused to accept that if I ever had sex I would just have to grin and bear it the first time, since that was clearly what people said you were supposed to do. It's an incredibly harmful narrative, especially for young teens who want to be sexually active and assume it has to come with a cost.

 

 

On 6/16/2020 at 4:34 PM, Serran said:

I mean, I personally found them very useless, uncomfortable, messy, gross and invasive. I also can't use tampons because last time I did freaked me out (some pink long flesh looked like some sort of tube became wrapped around my tampon when I tried to remove it and came out of my body with it, but was still attached... so had to unwrap it, which painfully pulled on it and shove the whatever it was back inside and never used a tampon since). 

 

Pads are my go to. And, never really see ads for anything but pads and tampons here.  They dominate the feminine care aisle as well. So, no one pushes the others or cares. *shrug*

Around here pads are usually marketed as 'the beginner's kit for period' and tampons are 'for adults', which is good in a way since I never had to force myself to try tampons because someone told me that's what I should be using... I just found out on my own that they weren't for me.

 

 

On 6/17/2020 at 1:31 AM, Hanas said:

Hey, TMI but:

 

When I was 12 (and already very much "weird autistic kid") (and very uninterested in sex, unlike my friends...) I had to undergo a surgical procedure to "fix" my uterus, basically. So I had to, yeah, have grown ups trying to stick their finger in my v all the time. But every time it hurt a horrible amount. And later I figured out it was because it wasn't lubricated at all. And that their attempts at having, uh, people of different genders and ages insert their fingers in me was probably related to trying to get it lubricated naturally and it failed.

Big yikes! Women's health really does remain an untactful and closed-minded field. Most gynaecologists are still men, most studies are still performed by men and most of the literature is by men. Information on variation between women is limited and it's pretty infuriating.

 

On 6/17/2020 at 9:40 AM, Skycaptain said:

If someone admits they were wrong on this subject would that be a mea cupla? 😋😋

Nice.

[Guest]

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[everywhere and nowhere]

8 minutes ago, Cee Fox said:

My goodness even when I was young and didn't know that much about sex I was determined to prove that it didn't have to be painful and bloody for women the first time. I refused to accept that if I ever had sex I would just have to grin and bear it the first time, since that was clearly what people said you were supposed to do. It's an incredibly harmful narrative, especially for young teens who want to be sexually active and assume it has to come with a cost.

Yes, but still for some people it will hurt. It's not like in case of anal sex, where there is a strong assumption that it must hurt at first, but in reality any pain can be avoided by going slow and using fingers and toys before actual... you know what. In case of vaginal sex it, unfortunately, depends on how someone is built... for some people it won't hurt at all and for some it will hurt a lot. At least one thing can be done: reminding that never having sex is always a valid possibility and that giving up sex due to being afraid of pain is legitimate too - because others are not the ones to judge it.

[Guest]

On 6/17/2020 at 12:31 AM, Guest said:

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Uhm. What ? 

 

Never been to a gyno (male or female) that expects you to be turned on and lubricated naturally, especially a minor. And no way would a responsible doctor be sending in multiple people to attempt to gain that response from a kid. If I were a parent and some weird sick doctor tried that on my 12 year old, I would be filing every complaint possible and attempting to get their license revoked. Responsible gynos and doctors get that it is a non-sexual, uncomfortable procedure and add a ton of lube to anything they do down there. And, if it is still very uncomfortable / painful, a lot of them will add in a prescription for muscle relaxers and/or painkillers so it isn't as bad. 

 

Like... I've literally had a male doctor say "if you were male, I would know what's wrong, but women have a lot more parts so ...." but they still were professional and not a pedophile so wouldn't have ever tried to gain a sexual response from me, like getting all lubed up by fingering me... he used a ton of cold lube on cold instruments and was as professional as a doctor should be, especially with a minor. 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Yes, but still for some people it will hurt. It's not like in case of anal sex, where there is a strong assumption that it must hurt at first, but in reality any pain can be avoided by going slow and using fingers and toys before actual... you know what. In case of vaginal sex it, unfortunately, depends on how someone is built... for some people it won't hurt at all and for some it will hurt a lot. At least one thing can be done: reminding that never having sex is always a valid possibility and that giving up sex due to being afraid of pain is legitimate too - because others are not the ones to judge it.

Anal is always painful to some as well. So, don't spread a false message trying to counter another false message. No amount of taking time or being gentle makes it not hurt for me, I also bleed every single time after, even if it was a very small toy or finger or something. Reason I made it a hard no for every partner. Anything going up there = pain and blood for a day or two. You just have to do what is right for your body type. 

[Madao]

Menstrual cups aren't heavily advertised here, but I do see ads online and I even considered using them once. But just the thought of me intentionally trying to insert such a thing inside me scares me. Also, it hurts me a bit when I try to put anything inside. It's quite an unpleasant feeling. And as someone who especially isn't really fond of their genitalia, I am not comfortable. As Ficto referred earlier, cotton pads seem to be a much safer and comfortable option. They are worth investing.

[Carbon-12]

Even before I started using cups, I didn't feel slighted by tampon/cup/sponge?? advertisements at all. They're just ads, they have no effect on my life. Just my two cents. But it's neat to read others' perspectives on them too. 

 

[ryn2]

On 6/16/2020 at 12:02 AM, PanFicto. said:

Yeah apparently menopause sucks but I suppose it depends on how much distress your monthly causes you?? Because if it's causing you real, serious, prolonged distress then the discomfort of menopause might be a welcome change!

I thought this, as I had bad cramps and PMS and the like, but I was so wrong.

[Guest]

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[Guest]

1 hour ago, ryn2 said:

I thought this, as I had bad cramps and PMS and the like, but I was so wrong.

Oh when I was saying discomfort, i didn't mean the average kind. I meant.. well once when I explained it a mod spoilered my post 😕 But if your monthly is triggering extreme discomfort psychologically (deep repulsion, gender dysphoria, makes you suicidal etc) then I can see why the discomfort of menopause is worth escaping that. I didn't mean just PMS and cramps, I meant crippling repulsion and depression, prolonged suffering. It's hard to explain but apparently it's called PMDD? Though for me it went even beyond the feelings explained by that. I still have trouble when writing the P word (hence my use of the word monthly) and can't speak about it out-loud. I'm much better than I was though!

[Guest]

On 6/17/2020 at 12:31 AM, Guest said:

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Hi there, did anyone confirm this to you, about the arousal? I feel you may have made an assumption about a medical procedure (them trying to check your uterus) because 1) they just use a lube the doctor has if it's not slippery enough, And 2) if they were actually trying to get you aroused for lubrication they would have been rubbing your clitoris gently (that's the female sexual pleasure organ).

 

Either you were being sexually abused and are misrememering it as medical procedure (or they lied to you about a medical procedure to cover up their abuse) OR what was happening was a legitimate medical necessity and they were checking the state of your uterus internally, and you have now assumed that must have been them trying to lubricate you - it just doesn't work that way though because they would have been stimulating your clitoris if they were literally attempting to lubricate you, and that's sexual abuse of a minor if they were doing that (and if the penetration wasn't part of an actual medical procedure that's sexual abuse too obviously).

[Guest]

10 hours ago, Cee Fox said:

My goodness even when I was young and didn't know that much about sex I was determined to prove that it didn't have to be painful and bloody for women the first time. I refused to accept that if I ever had sex I would just have to grin and bear it the first time, since that was clearly what people said you were supposed to do. It's an incredibly harmful narrative, especially for young teens who want to be sexually active and assume it has to come with a cost.

I did know a lot about sex and was sure my first time would be pleasurable. I'd been given the false idea all my life that sex is automatically good if you're into it, and I'd masturbated all my life so assumed it would be a ride in the park. Boy was I wrong!! (for me, it turns out I wasn't able to get aroused enough in a normal sexual situation to enjoy it. Touching me down there, kissing, foreplay etc, doesn't turn me on. And I have a vaginal pain disorder on top of that. I wish this kind of thing was more well-known instead of the more popular narrative of "you'll enjoy it if you relax enough!" - would have saved me a lot of confusion!)

[Guest]

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[Guest]

On 6/19/2020 at 10:35 PM, Guest said:

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Yes and as someone with vestibulodynia I totally understand that and have suffered immensely during my life (and during gynecological procedures) because of the lack of knowledge surrounding female sexual issues. I'm just saying there's a huge difference between fumbling medical practice where men are trying to actually reach inside you to find what's wrong, and men actively attempting to arouse you to 'make you wet' when they have a bottle of lube right beside them which compensates for any lack of  natural lubrication. That's sexual abuse, not medical procedure. But also as doctors one would think they'd at least know to go for the clitoris if that's what they were attempting to do, which is why I'm wondering if they were genuinely just trying to work out what was wrong with all those insertions as opposed to 'trying to arouse you' as you assumed? 

 

It's just that what you're saying sounds like sexual abuse, not bad medical procedure.

 

 

[Guest]

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[ryn2]

1 hour ago, PanFicto. said:

Oh when I was saying discomfort, i didn't mean the average kind. I meant.. well once when I explained it a mod spoilered my post 😕 But if your monthly is triggering extreme discomfort psychologically (deep repulsion, gender dysphoria, makes you suicidal etc) then I can see why the discomfort of menopause is worth escaping that. I didn't mean just PMS and cramps, I meant crippling repulsion and depression, prolonged suffering. It's hard to explain but apparently it's called PMDD? Though for me it went even beyond the feelings explained by that. I still have trouble when writing the P word (hence my use of the word monthly) and can't speak about it out-loud. I'm much better than I was though!

The same hormonally-mediated issues, be they typical cramps, PMS, migraines, mood disorders, or other severe mental health complications, reoccur and often worsen with perimenopause.  Most of them eventually abate once menopause is complete, but the part we don’t get told often enough is that that process can last well over a decade.

[Guest]

On 6/19/2020 at 10:53 PM, Guest said:

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On 6/19/2020 at 9:52 PM, Guest said:

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On 6/17/2020 at 12:31 AM, Guest said:

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Ah okay it was just all the "using a young cute guy to try to get my pussy wet" and explaining how you thought they were tryin to get you wet despite having lube right beside them. Obviously people are going to respond to that when we are talking about a 12 year old child here because.. that is sexual abuse. Insertions should only be done to gain more knowledge about the internal issue. Lubricant is there to make insertion easier for them so there is no need for natural lubrication. You literally said you assumed they were trying to "make you wet" (which is trying to induce arousal, the vagina creates natural lubricant when aroused) and that constitutes unethical and unnecessary insertion for a non-medical purpose. But it does sound more like they were just trying to work out what was wrong, and sadly that does require a lot of uncomfortable insertions.

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

The same hormonally-mediated issues, be they typical cramps, PMS, migraines, mood disorders, or other severe mental health complications, reoccur and often worsen with perimenopause.  Most of them eventually abate once menopause is complete, but the part we don’t get told often enough is that that process can last well over a decade.

You mean like gender dysphoria and suicidal tendencies as a result of having blood leaking from your body every month? Do they get worse with menopause? 😕