songchick Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 I've seen a couple of YouTube videos of 2 different young women saying they're asexual, but then they're dressing attractively with cleavage, tight clothes and a lot of makeup. It's really uncomfortable for me to hear this. I don't even understand why one would dress like that if sexual attention is not wanted, I mean, I guess they want to look attractive. But can asexuality define what attractiveness is, in its own way? Link to post Share on other sites
BlakeTheNightowl~ Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 Yeah I don’t get that either I dress in oversized baggy clothes 😂 so watching that would make me cringe and be uncomfortable to tbh but to each their own and yes we’re all unique in our own ways~ Link to post Share on other sites
songchick Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 Yeah I basically wear t-shirts and funky leggings. Baggy sweatshirts in colder weather. Not showing my body off really, just trying to be comfortable and stylish. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 Its all about also feeling good in your own skin not just attractiveness. They like how they look , it makes them feel good. They not dressing for sexual attention but themselves. Contrary to popular belief a shit load of people dress for themselves and love how they look, if its baggy clothes or sexy clothes its for their own comfort not for others. Link to post Share on other sites
songchick Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 2 minutes ago, DarkGloomSquid said: Its all about also feeling good in your own skin not just attractiveness. They like how they look , it makes them feel good. They not dressing for sexual attention but themselves. Contrary to popular belief a shit load of people dress for themselves and love how they look, if its baggy clothes or sexy clothes its for their own comfort not for others. Yea this is true. Different strokes for different folks. I just wonder though, like if sexual attention isn't wanted, doesn't dressing like that invite it? I personally would feel uncomfortable with people looking at me like this. Link to post Share on other sites
BlakeTheNightowl~ Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 3 minutes ago, songchick said: Yeah I basically wear t-shirts and funky leggings. Baggy sweatshirts in colder weather. Not showing my body off really, just trying to be comfortable and stylish. Same me too just cover my body up and wear sweatpants and oversized jacket lol~ Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 A lot of people dress this way to feel more confident in themselves. Whenever I go out in Vegas, I like to wear sexy clothes but I don't want the sexual attention from others. I just like how I look and I feel much more confident in myself. I also know that I will never look like the way I do for most of my life lol Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 1 minute ago, songchick said: Yea this is true. Different strokes for different folks. I just wonder though, like if sexual attention isn't wanted, doesn't dressing like that invite it? I personally would feel uncomfortable with people looking at me like this. Well thats the problem with society they think its an invite when its not. People have been so sexualized that wearing what they want seems like an invite when its not especially towards women. So anything showing more skin then the usual is seen as looking for attention when its not. Link to post Share on other sites
Acing It Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 Dressing sexy is nothing to do with sex necessarily. It's about feeling confident and that you can take on the world. Link to post Share on other sites
songchick Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 Thanks for all of the clarification! The freedom to wear what you want is something to honor, not shame. Link to post Share on other sites
weird elf Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 2 minutes ago, songchick said: I just wonder though, like if sexual attention isn't wanted, doesn't dressing like that invite it? Maybe dressing "like that" invites aesthetic attraction, which might be wanted? (agreeing with what everyone else said about feeling confident etc, and the way people dress not being an excuse for other people's lack of manners / basic human decency.) Link to post Share on other sites
Acing It Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 Mind you, dressing sexy doesn't necessarily have to do with skirt/dress length either. I don't get women wearing ultra short skirts or dresses where you can see their knickers when they only move very slightly. Not attractive at all in my opinion. It's the same with tops or dresses where your boobs almost fall out with every step you take. Maybe I'm not the best person to talk about this but too much of those flesh mountains is just meh. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 I think a big issue is that there are some people who ARE doing it to attract sexual attention, but this then became a social norm / rule which automatically gets applied to everyone else even if they aren't dressing up for that reason Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 A lot of aces see the world as over-sexed and are really sick of being pressured to have sex or hit on or otherwise exposed to it. They're probably going to go way out of their way to not appear sexy. I'm part of the other group, for me, the world seemed insanely prudish. Nudity and even nipples are often even illegal in public because of the merest hint that it might just be sexual. I have never been pressured for sex. It put me in a different mind frame, perhaps. I actually end up neurotic, wondering "what's wrong with me." Why has no one been interested in me? Am I horrifically ugly? Am I that revolting? I can imagine someone in my situation just maybe wanting to dress sexy just to make sure they aren't absolutely revolting. I've also heard women say "I dress this way for me, not for men." I don't quite get it (I think a lot of men don't get it, sexual or otherwise,) but it's certainly a thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 I have to dress attractively because of my job (I sell adult toys, and need to make customers feel comfortable and welcome, while looking professional and put together), and since I've started doing so I've noticed it does boost my confidence, even in scenarios where it brings on that unwanted attention. If some one is hitting on me when I'm dressed frumpily, I feel icky and vulnerable. When people hit on me at work, I feel irritated and a little powerful. Now, some of that power probably comes from the fact that I'm empowered by both the law and my corporate to kick people out if they harass me, and I can justifiably call the cops if they refuse to leave. But the clothes really do feel almost like an armor. I stand straighter, suck in my gut, like myself a little more noticeably. I'm not trying to draw any sexual attention, but I enjoy looking at myself in the mirror and going "You look good today, you are put together and know what you're on about!". And when the clothes do draw sexual attention, that feeling of 'knowing what I'm on about' makes it easier to calmly handle the situation and walk away feeling good about myself instead of slimy. Link to post Share on other sites
songchick Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 I'm almost feeling like now I have values of religious conservatives. I feel like sex is a phase I'm over. I have a lot of resentments and hangups that I have to work through. Of course I have dressed nicely and worn makeup, it makes me feel good to look at myself. But it requires too much effort from me. I know I live with a great mom who dresses like a slob, so I guess maybe that rubs off on me? Hm. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 Thing is that you (general you ) can dress in a bag of potatoes and there'll be someone out there whose jam is just that. Personally I'm a lost cause because potato, but from what I read, dressing up is mainly about feeling good about oneself. Others being attracted to that is merely a fallout product. Also, it's Youtube and people on Youtube are gonna peopleonyoutube. Link to post Share on other sites
songchick Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 5 minutes ago, Homer said: Also, it's Youtube and people on Youtube are gonna peopleonyoutube. lol! Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 It's possible that those that dress attractively as Asexuals do not even realize they are attractive to others. Link to post Share on other sites
songchick Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 3 minutes ago, Janus DarkFox said: It's possible that those that dress attractively as Asexuals do not even realize they are attractive to others. Yeah I have a couple of "fans" who tell me this, it doesn't bother me much. It's sort of like an alien frequency, people finding me attractive, I can't sense it. Maybe with dressing attractively, it still is an alien frequency...actuallly it is! Happens when I dress nicely too. Ok I'm rambling here. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 2 hours ago, songchick said: I've seen a couple of YouTube videos of 2 different young women saying they're asexual, but then they're dressing attractively with cleavage, tight clothes and a lot of makeup. It's really uncomfortable for me to hear this. I don't even understand why one would dress like that if sexual attention is not wanted, I mean, I guess they want to look attractive. But can asexuality define what attractiveness is, in its own way? Does it make you feel weird an uncomfortable when sexual people don't dress sexy? Link to post Share on other sites
Burgundy Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 If how someone dresses makes you feel uncomfortable, don't look/dress that way. Asexuality is a spectrum, some will want to wear 'sexy' clothes, and some won't. And that's OK. Link to post Share on other sites
Purple Red Panda Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 People tend to dress in the way that feels most comfortable to them. Because we infer a message from how someone is dressed it doesn't automatically mean they were trying to send that message. Maybe someone who is wearing sexy clothes just like to feel glamorous, maybe they wear lots of make up because they think it's fun and they like to use their face like a canvas to display their creativity. Personally I dress in a way that makes people think I'm some sort of goth viking metalhead but I'm not, it just happens to be the look that I feel is me. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 The reasons vary but dressing in that way is generally done for validation, for asexuals and sexuals alike. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloomy Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 Personally I often think form fitting and scantily clad clothes are actually more comfortable than big baggy clothes, especially when the weather is hot. That’s why I sometimes just sleep in my underwear. And like others have said it can be a confidence thing. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 I think that's the mindset that leads to victim-blaming in rape cases. Just because a woman dresses in clothes that reveal her body doesn't mean she's doing it to invite attention, and especially doesn't mean she wants to sleep with anyone. I like to dress in a way that makes me feel good. I've had bad body image issues since I was little and it took me a long time to be comfortable in a bikini or skinny jeans or a shirt that comes down low (not "boobs hanging out" low, mind you). I've wanted to be pretty and attractive because I wanted to feel that way, and while frumpy clothes are comfortable, sometimes I want to be good-looking, not just comfortable. It gives me confidence. Also, the level of clothing and covering-up decided necessary is based on society. Muslim culture and many middle eastern countries require much more for women to be considered appropriately dressed. Many cultures in the past wore much less clothing, and some even allowed women to go topless. Nudists enjoy their bodies and I don't know much about them, but I know they don't consider it innately sexual to be naked around others. I think the idea that someone dressing in a certain way clearly is trying to tell you something is pretty limited in scope. Link to post Share on other sites
Alejandrogynous Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 Not everything we wear is for the benefit of others. Lots of people put on makeup to not even leave the house, are they trying to attract attention? Also, even if it IS for attention, what of it? I'm asexual, that doesn't mean I can't enjoy a good flirt or that it doesn't feel good to have someone find me attractive. I like looking nice and if people think I look nice, it's a confidence boost. It's fun. It still doesn't make it an invitation or a promise to follow through. Being asexual means I don't want sex, it has nothing to do with how I dress. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 I don't get it either. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 3 hours ago, LibraGirl said: Whenever I go out in Vegas, I like to wear sexy clothes but I don't want the sexual attention from others. I mean, if you wear sexy clothes then it logically follows that you're going to attract that kind of attention.. That's why they're considered sexy clothes, because people think they're sexy. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 18 minutes ago, Moon Spirit ☽ said: I mean, if you wear sexy clothes then it logically follows that you're going to attract that kind of attention.. That's why they're considered sexy clothes, because people think they're sexy. Very true yes. We are aware that this is the attention we are likely going to get, but the intention is to feel confident and good about oneself. Some but not all asexuals can look past the likelihood of receiving sexual attention from others. Link to post Share on other sites
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