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Daysinthewake

Asexuality on 5 Live

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Daysinthewake

I just listened to the guy from AVEN on 5 Live, the presenter was quite open minded actually. It should be listenable on http://www.bbc.co.uk/fivelive/programmes/nolan.shtml in a few days, or tomorrow, depending on how efficient the ICT dept of the BBC is.

It did occur to me however, that AVEN could probably have sent someone who was more interesting - David Jay is great, don't get me wrong, but this guy made time seem to be slowing almost to a halt. I'm sure it helped a few people, but surely there would be more attention given if we could get a few less dull people do this kind of thing?

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Cacille
It did occur to me however, that AVEN could probably have sent someone who was more interesting - David Jay is great, don't get me wrong, but this guy made time seem to be slowing almost to a halt.

Okay, while it seems like i'm sticking up for David here, I am not so much doing that as I am wanting to correct some really interesting ideas you seem to have gotten from our site after being here almost a year now. You reference AVEN here as it is some sort of company or business. As if AVEN is a professional organization that sends out spokespeople.

I'm afraid that is extremely wrong.

David Jay is the FOUNDER of this site. He is the main spokesperson because of this. I am one of the other spokespeople, however I am still in training as well as a few others here. We are nothing but a messageboard of people with an unusual "interest", which is growing and getting interest from media.

Also...AVEN could have sent someone? Wait...far as I know AVEN hasn't sent anyone anywhere. For one, AVEN does not operate on funding which is enough that it can "send" people places, and two, there have only been TELEPHONE interviews requests from England/Britain/EU. These interview requests came directly to...guess who? David!

Also that is really rude of you to post such a comment and I highly suggest you visit us a little more often to learn more of who we are and how far we are into the process of gaining visibility.

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Live R Perfect

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find people in this community who are willing to put themselves forward as media contacts?

All the people who have consented to be interviewed in the newspapers, magazines, on radio and on TV are volunteers who want to do their bit to increase visibility. It takes a lot of courage and they deserve more respect for stepping forward. They are not trained or told what to say by anyone - they can only speak from their own experience. And being grilled live on radio or infront of television cameras can be a nerve-wracking experience, I can tell you.

David Jay has been doing interviews regularly for several years now and has also spent a lot of time formulating his own theories about human sexuality, so it is no wonder that his interview skills are more polished.

I think that Mark did an excellent job tonight on Radio 5 and coped with some questions that would have left me floundering. If anything, it was the presenter that made time stop still by allowing huge pauses in the conversation.

If you think you could do better then you should really put yourself forwards as a media contact by emailing David Jay.

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Daysinthewake

Well, to Cacille i've gotta say that yes, I know. I've been around this internet principality for some time now, watching, and reading mostly. I even moderate a myspace community, i'm not a newb as such =) Well, I haven't logged into here for a while - every post starts to drift into one after a while.

I was inaccurate to be fair, although you did miss the point a bit. It probably is true that not all requests come directly through here, but this is the central hub of of our little anti-fetish, and this is the ocean to which all asexual rivers rivers run. It's how endemol uk contacted me for their documentary on alternative sexuality - of course, they decided not to use me when I told them I was a guy.

When I say "send," I mean "recommend to," or "put in contact with."

I wonder why nobody has tried to claim Micheal Jackson as our own, or at least Morrissey. It would help promotion, and might even start some debate outside the internet community, which is probably more insular than it has to be.

Well, maybe claiming Micheal Jackson is debatable ^_^

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Parth
Well, maybe claiming Micheal Jackson is debatable ^_^

Indeed!!

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PollyB

Not even "recommend" is accurate. As you presumably know if you've experienced it, what DJ does with requests for interviewees in the UK is put them out on the "Announcements" board seeking volunteers. It's entirely down to who's prepared to do it, and at the moment I wouldn't have the courage to go into a live broadcast (I have met Maverick TV though, so I'm not a complete failure). I didn't hear Mark because I was out, but know he's normally cool, articulate, level-headed and courageous. So possibly he wasn't perfect but in-fighting about this isn't helpful.

And by the way, Michael Jackson?????

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Jean Grey
It did occur to me however, that AVEN could probably have sent someone who was more interesting

Wow, what a mean thing to say!

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Jean Grey

I just listened to the thing, and I think it went great. Mark didn't sound boring at all but very nice!!!

Concerning the occasional silences: like Live R Perfect said, all Nolan's fault! A person on the radio should be a little more eloquent!

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M51

Well, the show is at the link provided above, just click on Friday's show and fast forward to 2:18:10 on the timer.

The interview did seem a little dry but for the same reason that a lot of interviews about asexuality seem dry - the sexual host just could not grasp asexuality and kept asking questions like

"Is something wrong with you?"

"What do you mean you don't want to have sex?"

"But most people want sex, why don't you?"

"Wanting sex is normal, right?"

"Have you ever had sex?"

"Do you masturbate?"

"Who do you fantasize about when you masturbate"

"Have you been to a doctor about this? Maybe you could be fixed!"

....In other words, they are constantly trying to put our asexuality into sexual terms rather than allowing asexuality to be something that just is. Which of course is why we need visibility and this kind of thing is good. Eventually the shock will wear off and interviewers will start asking us meaningful questions, and the interviews will be more interesting. I kind of feel like we can't get OUR message out because the host is so fixated on his/her disbelief that we really exist, or that our feelings can be real.

He did start to get it at the end, asking about relationships (yeah, good message, good job, Mark) and making the distinction between an older man who lost his sex drive and Mark who never had one (though the former type is of course still welcome at AVEN with full asexual status).

But the host said several times that the idea of asexuality was fascinating - I thought he was happy with the interview and I think Mark (whoever you are!) did a great job.

Mark - Was it a call in or pre-arranged? Did you solicit the interview or did bbc ask for one? Did you get a list of questions beforehand to think about or was it all on the fly? Did you talk to the host off-line before the show or just go live right away? Did you have an opportunity to talk to the host or producers or whoever after the interview, or did they just say thanks and hang up?

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Placebo

I thought it was a good interview. The host asked questions that probably lots of people were thinking, so I can't blame him for asking them, but the interviewee did a good job fielding his questions intelligently. No one got stressed or freaked out, but it wouldn't pass along the right message to appear defensive or upset about asexuality anyway, IMHO. I agree that the call in was a bit odd though.

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thebrightside
I wonder why nobody has tried to claim Micheal Jackson as our own, or at least Morrissey.

Morrissey has been brought up before. Quite often, actually.

But that might just be because he's awesome. :) I'm a fan, obviously!

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anticulus

It did occur to me however, that AVEN could probably have sent someone who was more interesting

Wow, what a mean thing to say!

Not to mention completely wrong. I just listened to it online. I thought Mark did a great job, just as he did on Channel 5 a little while back. The only thing that was slowing the interview down was the long pauses from the interviewer while he tried to get his head round the concept.

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rosegirl
Not even "recommend" is accurate. As you presumably know if you've experienced it, what DJ does with requests for interviewees in the UK is put them out on the "Announcements" board seeking volunteers. It's entirely down to who's prepared to do it, and at the moment I wouldn't have the courage to go into a live broadcast (I have met Maverick TV though, so I'm not a complete failure). I didn't hear Mark because I was out, but know he's normally cool, articulate, level-headed and courageous. So possibly he wasn't perfect but in-fighting about this isn't helpful.

DJ regularly receives lots of requests from media in the UK. These he posts on the forum, and also emails anyone who has expressed a willingness to do them. They can be for radio, TV, magazines, or lectures. The people who do them give up their free time to do them, because they believe they are helping to promote awareness and acceptance. Anyone willing to do that should be applauded for their bravery, not picked apart and insulted.

If you believe you could do better, feel free to pass your details onto DJ. I am sure he would love to hear from you, as we are receiving a lot of media requests at the moment.

All my love,

Kate

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M51

That is why I think it might be useful to talk to the host before hand, so he can digest the idea and keep the questions flowing and relevant. Maybe even tell him you'd like to get certain information across, and maybe he would be willing to give you a leading question.

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Amcan

Mark stepped up tot he plate and volunteered to tlak baout asexuality. For that he deserves a pat on the back and our thanks.

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M51

Oh, definitely. I don't mean to come across as critical.

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zyralm

.

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PollyB

No, Zrylam, missing the point - constructive criticism is good, but most of this thread, including Cacille's post, is not about how Mark was, but about how the AVEN process works.

Cacille got it a bit wrong when she said there are only telephone requests from the UK - DJ himself does telephone interviews, but also passes on the other requests, as described by myself and Rosegirl above. Those of us who have ever put our head over the parapet as volunteers receive them in group emails from DJ as "the UK media team". It is true that we are learning, and maybe we could talk among ourselves about accessing some kind of local media training (there, see? Responding positively to criticism) as well as encouraging each other.

Mark is so far the only UK Avenite, as far as I know, to take on the uncertainty of a live broadcast, and that's why we're defending his courage.

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fern

Personally I find it quite exciting that it's even being talked about in the media like this. The point is to increase awareness, no? So, mission accomplished.

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Damien Day

I've just seen a Youtube video of David Jay, and I have to admit he did extremely well. People like me would just get stage-fright and stutter and mumble or whatever in such an interview, but he was pretty straightforward. I'd rather have a Joe Ordinary bloke like him being "representative" of asexuality, to be honest, as celebrities are often too shallow to be decent examples to follow. I should add that Michael Jackson has been accused of paedophilia, and it's been pointed out that Morrissey, copying some other pop-stars, just pretended to be asexual, for publicity purposes. It would be better to choose more reliable people to be symbols of asexuality.

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AotoSora

I...can't find the interview...

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jellycat
I thought it was a good interview. The host asked questions that probably lots of people were thinking, so I can't blame him for asking them, but the interviewee did a good job fielding his questions intelligently. No one got stressed or freaked out, but it wouldn't pass along the right message to appear defensive or upset about asexuality anyway, IMHO. I agree that the call in was a bit odd though.

My thoughts exactly. The questions were good because they were exactly the sort of things I would imagine strangers to the topic thinking as they listened. The answers were honest and relevant. I recently attended a media training workshop and as part of that we were taught about radio interviews by an ex broadcaster. Based on what he taught us, the interviewer had done a typical amount of prepration and research, and Mark kept control of the interview well. For radio journalism it was actually quite a long slot - it impressed me that they gave it enough airtime to cover the issue with enough depth and frankness.

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Jean Grey

It did occur to me however, that AVEN could probably have sent someone who was more interesting

Wow, what a sincere thing to say!

fixed

This goes out to Cacille, too.

HELLO??? THIS IS NOT WHAT I WROTE! WHY WOULD YOU QUOTE ME WITH SOMETHING THAT I NEVER EVER SAID NOR EVER WOULD SAY???

It's not that I'm mad about this ( :evil: ), I'd just like to know!

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horrorshow

It did occur to me however, that AVEN could probably have sent someone who was more interesting

Wow, what a sincere thing to say!

fixed

This goes out to Cacille, too.

HELLO??? THIS IS NOT WHAT I WROTE! WHY WOULD YOU QUOTE ME WITH SOMETHING THAT I NEVER EVER SAID NOR EVER WOULD SAY???

It's not that I'm mad about this ( :evil: ), I'd just like to know!

Don't worry, it's a quirk found on forums like 4chan and Fark. It's like, when an opinion is posted, someone who disagrees with that opinion will quote it, but change a couple of words so that it matches their own opinion on the matter, then will write "fixed" after it. It's not about misquoting someone but really about showing that you have a different opinion to what has been said, though the wording can be confusing to people not familiar with it.

Here's a really lame example featuring two people discussing the merits of football:

Original post: Football is fun.

Disagreeing post: (quote)Football is boring.(/quote) Fixed.

Haha, that's enough of me showing my internet nerdiness for today. :D

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anticulus

Still just looks like deliberate misquoting to me.

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Jean Grey
Don't worry, it's a quirk found on forums like 4chan and Fark. It's like, when an opinion is posted, someone who disagrees with that opinion will quote it, but change a couple of words so that it matches their own opinion on the matter, then will write "fixed" after it. It's not about misquoting someone but really about showing that you have a different opinion to what has been said, though the wording can be confusing to people not familiar with it.

Here's a really lame example featuring two people discussing the merits of football:

Original post: Football is fun.

Disagreeing post: (quote)Football is boring.(/quote) Fixed.

Haha, that's enough of me showing my internet nerdiness for today. :D

Thanks for the explanation! I've never come across this kind of thing before. I must say, I don't like it and don't want it done to my posts.

I still stand by my opinion: It's very rude and hurtful to call someone boring to their face, whether it's true or not.

If someone is of a different opinion, I expect him or hear to say it in their own words and not in mine.

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abbadis
I've just seen a Youtube video of David Jay, and I have to admit he did extremely well. People like me would just get stage-fright and stutter and mumble or whatever in such an interview, but he was pretty straightforward. I'd rather have a Joe Ordinary bloke like him being "representative" of asexuality, to be honest, as celebrities are often too shallow to be decent examples to follow. I should add that Michael Jackson has been accused of paedophilia, and it's been pointed out that Morrissey, copying some other pop-stars, just pretended to be asexual, for publicity purposes. It would be better to choose more reliable people to be symbols of asexuality.

I just want to second that!

David Jay is a good looking man and that keeps people watching and I donĀ“t think I could speak in front of rolling cameras without making myself a fool.

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Goonie

*moving to world watch*

Goonie -- admin

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AVENguy

Hey,

Just to chime in, we're low on active Media Team members in the UK right now. Mark has been a trooper, but when things like the Daily Telegraph aricle come out it's often more than one person can handle. (And press in the UK is pretty much only interested in talking to in-country people, as is true most places.) Anyone interested in chipping in should definitely drop me a line, I'll send over a copy of the AVEN Media Guiebook for you to peruse.

-DJ

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TheSMMG

Thanks for sticking up for me people!

I'm happy to admit that I'm neither charismatic nor particularly quick of wit thus not a brilliant choice for representing anyone/thing on radio or TV.

I do think that raising awareness is very important at this stage and will do my best.

Mark - Was it a call in or pre-arranged? Did you solicit the interview or did bbc ask for one? Did you get a list of questions beforehand to think about or was it all on the fly? Did you talk to the host off-line before the show or just go live right away? Did you have an opportunity to talk to the host or producers or whoever after the interview, or did they just say thanks and hang up?

I have no idea about the call in as nothing was mentioned to me about it other than it's a show where people are encouraged to call in about the various topics raised.

The BBC asked for the interview - the original message has been posted in Announcements in the thread "UK Presstravaganza". I said I was willing to help then got a phone call asking if I could come on the show that night!

There was no list of questions - I just had to think of the "tougher" ones they would likely ask and have answers ready prepared.

Once I was set up in the studio - on my own as the show goes out from London, I was at the BBC's Monitoring Station in Caversham - a producer spoke to me (through the headphones) telling me what to expect, that I was on after the item currently on air, adjusting levels etc. then I was handed over to the presenter, live. Afterwards, the same producer came back on to thank me and actually apologised for some of the questions asked. He was also very interested in what I 'd had to say and was asking me about it.

The only time I spoke to the presenter was on the air.

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