Dependent Attraction

[human bean]

So I was surfing the LGBTA Wiki and I came across the term cedural attraction (also called dependent or submissive attraction) and I was just hit with "whoa, this is me!"

 

Quote

Cedural Attraction, also known as Dependent Attraction or Submissive Attraction, is a form of tertiary attraction that revolves around wanting to feel protected, covered, understood, tutored, and supported by someone else. It is the reverse of tutelary attraction. With cedural attraction one feels weak and vulnerable, the possibility that someone might protect you makes you feel an attraction towards that person. It is also based on a feeling of feeling needed or necessary.

Here's the link: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Cedural_Attraction

 

I get strongly attached to older girls/women whom I look up to and who make me feel protected. I've always been confused about this because it seems to be as intense as a crush, if not more, but it's not romantic (I'm aro). It often comes with aesthetic attraction, an intense desire for physical touch and emotional closeness, and other emotions associated with crushes. It's not a crush, though, because the fact that she's older than me and protects me is essential, so the whole "does she feel the same way about me" thing doesn't make any sense. It's way more emotional and intense than just looking up to someone. The sort of relationship I want is something like an older sister, mother, or mentor, someone I can be vulnerable around.

 

I've never heard anyone express these emotions before, though. Does anyone else experience this?

[human bean]

17 hours ago, ItsAlwaysPrideDay said:

I have a similar experience. What’s strange is I feel I have 4 types of attraction and none of them are sexual or romantic 😐. One of those is kinda what I you were describing. The only difference is I don’t have any desire for physical touch (except maybe a hug) and no aesthetic attraction (I guess it’s kinda different). I often experience this with people I think of as older people that actually care. One of my strongest examples was my 8th grade teacher (If you think of it as a crush, that sounds REALLY weird but it was different than that). It was more like I wanted her to be the adult that I could tell everything and I wanted to do everything right when I was in front of her. I hope you get what I mean, I wasn’t very organized in my writing.

Older people who actually care, yeah that's how I would describe it as well. I think we're experiencing the same thing, I just sometimes feel it a lot stronger. I only get the desire for physical touch if I'm close to them and they're only 2-3 years older than me (just hugging, not kissing or anything). 

[Guest]

I've had and still sorta have this with an art teacher in my life. I saw him more as a mentor figure and refused to blur any lines towards a father figure because whilst we connect, we aren't close. Not in a way that would warrant that sort of view. I never really had adults in my life that I felt comfortable sharing my interests with. I never had a close relationship with my father. Not interest wise. I could never be his son and my gender is still a cut off from a lot of different things.We can have emotional moments but we're just so different and he lacks so much of what I need from someone. My art teacher understood and listened to my problems with religion. We both have interests in different cultures and whatnot and generally he was so creative when it came to engineering. It was so fascinating because much of my art is emotionally fixated. Basically I paint and draw, occasionally dabbling in wood carving. I had this desire to learn from him and bond over ingenuity. He made this cool pottery wheel out of a tire bead rim, a motor, bicycle chain, etc. I wanted to imagine having anime nights with him where I introduce him to a bunch of different ones and we talked about characters. I wanted to drink expensive oolong tea that I left in the art room. It would taste like clay dust because his classes were 3D art but it would still have good memories. He had a French press he busted and I wanted to surprise him with a new one than was even more vintage than the last one. I wanted to learn about the plants he kept in the art room (our 2 art rooms in high school are sun rooms)  and grow some with him. I wanted to sit on the dusty ass couch he had and just talk. 

 

I dreamed of this for a short time while he was still my art teacher and goddamn it's still a nice dream I think off occasionally. So you're not alone with wanting some older figure in life. Granted the idea of being protected sounds more patronizing to me than anything as I prefer to protect the ones I love. 

[Homer]

🙄

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Homer said:

🙄

??? 

I know obsessive labeling isn't either of our things but no need to throw what they experience under the bus lol. I will admit though there's no need to actually label that sort of attraction though. Many humans experience it. 

[human bean]

23 minutes ago, KrysLostInSpace said:

??? 

I know obsessive labeling isn't either of our things but no need to throw what they experience under the bus lol. I will admit though there's no need to actually label that sort of attraction though. Many humans experience it. 

Plus it's not really the label that matters, it's just that I wanted to know if other people felt some emotions that I've felt. I agree that the label is unnecessary, it's not like I'm planning to ever use it.

[Homer]

1 hour ago, KrysLostInSpace said:

??? 

I know obsessive labeling isn't either of our things but no need to throw what they experience under the bus lol. I will admit though there's no need to actually label that sort of attraction though. Many humans experience it. 

Just to be clear - I'm 100% certain that there are people who feel that way. Even more so in uncertain times like this. I just don't know what this has to do with LGBT+ stuff. It's baffling that they would have something like that in their Wiki.

[itsmeelysemarie]

@human bean, I too feel this on a spiritual level. You’re not alone.