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I like the idea of sex, but when it comes to it I feel nothing


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I like the idea of sex and want to do it with my partner, but when I do I feel nothing and I don't know what to do...

 

I was with my last boyfriend for 2 years before we first had sex. I'd never really had the urge to have it and that confused a lot of people. They thought I was weird. The idea of sex scared me a bit because of it. I never felt that sexually attracted to anyone,. I loved him a lot, but only had sexual feelings towards him sometimes; even then it was fleeting. When we did had sex, I felt nothing at all. Nothing emotionally or anything, it felt awful and I was sure something was wrong with me. I never talked to anyone properly about it. He thought he was doing something wrong, and I found it hard to explain to him how it felt to me; he just got frustrated with me.

 

I thought maybe it would change as I got older, but with my new boyfriend it was the same. I love him loads, but again I don't feel much at all during sex or have many sexual urges. When I've spoken to people about it, they brushed it off and say it'll go away. 

 

I don't know what to do and don't know whether I'm asexual. I want to make my partner happy and I like the idea of sex and kissing, but when it comes to it it's like kissing a wall and I don't feel much at all. 

 

Does anyone have any advice? Thank you xxx

 

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Scottthespy

In your case, checking into your hormone levels might actually be worthwhile, since you're wanting a physical response to this and suffering from the lack of it. You may also be one of those people who simply has a fetish that you can't be aroused without, so looking into those and seeing if anything stirs that spark in you could be another avenue. 

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StephenLewisreuw

Unsatisfactory sex can also be a side effect of taking anti-depressants or the result of fatigue or psychological issues such as guilt, anxiety, past trauma or depression. Conflict in relationships, infidelity, lack of technique and intimacy may also contribute to people not enjoying sex.

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