Marty1962 Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 What a horror, has anyone tried it? I'm open to a new relationship - non sexual so I'm on some asexual dating sites. I think the sites are for people who have died or are impotent for health reasons rather than true asexual. I've started a few conversations, they haven't replied for many months and when they do it's one line, nobody wants to meet up just talk online once in a blue moon. I don't do talking for months online, I do meeting up so I don't waste months on someeone who is clearly unsuitable so I like to meet up quick but this apparently isn't on, they all run away and I never hear from them again. The ones I've spoken too all seem to have no motivation whatsoever to do anything, I may have no sex drive but I have life drive, I want to go out, do things, get on at work, go to festivals whatever. i don't think I'd get any of this lot out of their rooms. What's wrong with everyone? Link to post Share on other sites
wood_pots Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 Hello Marty1962! It's a car crash. I was on ace dating sites for 2 years. The guys I talked to don't want to go outside (pre-covid, I'm talking), no drive in life, boring, no conversation skills, no creativity. 😅 It was worth a try though. No doubt someone will come along and say I have not had these experiences and they somehow know better, but I'll leave that to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Muledeer Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 Are you really looking for a relationship or just good friendship? Dating sites have the expectation of finding a realationship. What if you just attended some meetups with like minded people of similar interests - whether asexual or not - and see who you meet and what develops. I've looked at some groups on Meetup.com, but never really pursued going to an actual meetup. I believe there needs to be much more in common than just being asexual to develop a friendship or relationship, although that is easy for me to say as an aromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
PansyP Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 Hi, I'm a newbie so just chucking my tuppence worth in! I actually didn't know these dating sites existed. I made the terrible mistake of joining POF, frightened the bejesus out of me, some of the messages I got were horrible. So, I joined Meetup and found a local group about 3 weeks before Uncle Boris decided we couldn't go out to play anymore! Just my luck, but I'm hoping to be able to reconnect with them all at some point. I am so glad I found this forum, it's making me think very hard about my previous relationships and also about my future. Link to post Share on other sites
Low End Things Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 I've had success on every site I've tried so far, and I've probably been in every site/app you can think of that would cater to aces. I've found that being extremely direct with my history and what I'm looking for, along with being patient enough to wait until I match with people who share my interests, have worked well for me. I had to do a lot of soul searching to figure out exactly what I'm looking for beforehand, though. Living in a very large, diverse city with a wide range of personalities helps immensely as well. Personally I prefer either Meetup or connecting directly through sites like this. I've had the strongest connections meeting people these ways. Actually...just remembered that the one place I couldn't make work was POF. I don't trust that app at all though, waaaaayyyyy too many ads to be legit. Link to post Share on other sites
Cavy Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 On 6/4/2020 at 3:52 PM, Low End Things said: I've had success on every site I've tried so far, and I've probably been in every site/app you can think of that would cater to aces. I've found that being extremely direct with my history and what I'm looking for, along with being patient enough to wait until I match with people who share my interests, have worked well for me. I had to do a lot of soul searching to figure out exactly what I'm looking for beforehand, though. Living in a very large, diverse city with a wide range of personalities helps immensely as well. Personally I prefer either Meetup or connecting directly through sites like this. I've had the strongest connections meeting people these ways. Actually...just remembered that the one place I couldn't make work was POF. I don't trust that app at all though, waaaaayyyyy too many ads to be legit. Could you list some of the sites, please? I’m new to online dating and am currently on PoF. The whole thing is very strange and I regularly think of deleting my account. I have no idea how to even approach the topic of demi or gray sexuality as some people will never talk to you again if you say something about not being a very touchy feely person. Any advice is appropriated. Link to post Share on other sites
Low End Things Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 48 minutes ago, Cavy said: Could you list some of the sites, please? I’m new to online dating and am currently on PoF. The whole thing is very strange and I regularly think of deleting my account. I have no idea how to even approach the topic of demi or gray sexuality as some people will never talk to you again if you say something about not being a very touchy feely person. Any advice is appropriated. The recent ones I've used, which are still be updated, are: OkCupid (computer and mobile) ACEApp (mobile) Asexualitic.com (desktop) Asexuals.net (desktop, new) ace-book.net (desktop) Hinge (mobile) I've successfully met people through all these sites/apps, except ace-book.net (I didn't spend enough time on the site to meet anyone). I've met Aces through Meetup.com before quarantine, and through other sites not designed for dating but where I could still meet people I could relate to. I firmly believe Tinder, PoF, and sites similar to PoF aren't good for aces as they really cater to quick sex. (which is totally fine). You can meet other aces or people who are ok with being with an asexual through them, but it's much, much harder compared to the sites/apps I listed. Link to post Share on other sites
Gazz83 Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 Hi there! You know I actually recently deleted my profile on asexualitic. I felt it was a total waste of time personally. POF has been described well further up the thread.. A car crash. I think that my attitude to meeting someone online maybe has something more to do with that tho. I can't say I have checked the others mentioned but they do ring a bell. The little experience I have had with online dating tho has been similar to the opening post. A few short messages then you don't hear from these people again. I wouldn't give up looking however. The things that Marty1962 is looking for in people, these people are out there! Link to post Share on other sites
CaramelCoffeeCake Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 *I think the sites are for people who have died* *I may have no sex drive but I have life drive,* *I made the terrible mistake of joining POF, frightened the bejesus out of me* Oh dear, these made me laugh, sorry. I'm with you, OP and have had similar experience on dating sites (although a while ago and not ace). Think I checked out one ace one recently and it looked dodgy, deregistered afterwards. I've sort of decided to not bother with these sites because as someone mentioned, it can cater to 'dating' rather than forming friendships and/or companionship which is what I prefer. I've also decided to join different specific forums such as these and hopefully connect with like-minded people just by hanging out. Not sure I'll find someone who has everything I want in one place, seeing as I'm not exactly part of the 'norm' in society, so connecting with different kinds of people in different places for specific things will do for now or will just be what I need. Either way, I'm not actively searching anymore but open if it comes. On the other hand, I haven't given Meetup a good go yet, it seems like a lot of pressure to do something right off the bat but I might be wrong. As an introvert, I also enjoy doing things, going out, etc but I can easily connect with someone online as well (if there's something to connect to). I don't mind online communication (I prefer writing anyway ) till we both feel comfortable enough/the urge to meet and for me, I prefer meeting someone in a "Finally! Here you are my online friend. Let's go here/do this and explore some of those things we've already talked about" than "Hello, stranger, I'm a stranger too. Let's grill each other till we have some facts about one another and determine if we can meet again". The latter feels 'job-interview-ish' to me. Quite uncomfortable but I know it's not the same for everyone. This isn't the same as someone who has no intention of meeting anybody and is just passing time online. I know there are people like that and I suppose everyone should be upfront about what they want/can do, instead of wasting people's time. I know I always try to be. In summary, online dating sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Cavy Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 On 6/9/2020 at 5:24 AM, Ellash said: On the other hand, I haven't given Meetup a good go yet, it seems like a lot of pressure to do something right off the bat but I might be wrong. As an introvert, I also enjoy doing things, going out, etc but I can easily connect with someone online as well (if there's something to connect to). I don't mind online communication (I prefer writing anyway ) till we both feel comfortable enough/the urge to meet and for me, I prefer meeting someone in a "Finally! Here you are my online friend. Let's go here/do this and explore some of those things we've already talked about" than "Hello, stranger, I'm a stranger too. Let's grill each other till we have some facts about one another and determine if we can meet again". The latter feels 'job-interview-ish' to me. Quite uncomfortable but I know it's not the same for everyone. In summary, online dating sucks. I relate to this so much. I signed up for some online dating/ hanging out thing thinking yeah...that’ll be cool. Meet some new people, do some stuff...nothing serious. Well, it turns out I have no interest in meeting 99% of the people I chat with. Some are perfectly nice, but I just don’t feel any need to actually meet them. I’m not sure what it is. Maybe I’m not ready to date or maybe I’m actually more of a demisexual than I realized. I have to have some sort of mental connection with the guys and I rarely do. Some can’t hold a conversation and some go straight to some weird sexual talk. Then I’m out. I thought I could go into it with no pressure, no expectations, but I don’t want to meet somebody from a dating site, that I have no interest in actually dating. I’m ready to quit or at least try some other sites, although I doubt they’re better. Link to post Share on other sites
Memento1 Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 I find OkCupid decent, and I come right out and say on my profile that I'm demisexual and have no interest in sex. I still get plenty of interest, and that way I don't have to worry about what their expectations are or if they're going to pressure me for sex. Link to post Share on other sites
LHan Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 I had to look up what PoF is lol haven't been on dating sites/apps since 2016 but I've heard of hinge and bumble or something.. Link to post Share on other sites
Caryne Posted June 17, 2020 Share Posted June 17, 2020 As a tech geek, I’ve been thinking about setting up an Asexual Dating website - one that’s different from the plethora of dating sites out there. Feedback welcome on how to make it work welcome. For one thing, it would be free! I also co-run a Meetup for lesbian and started recurring zoom Happy Hour calls. Wonder if that would work. Link to post Share on other sites
CaramelCoffeeCake Posted June 18, 2020 Share Posted June 18, 2020 On 6/14/2020 at 3:17 AM, Cavy said: I relate to this so much. I signed up for some online dating/ hanging out thing thinking yeah...that’ll be cool. Meet some new people, do some stuff...nothing serious. Well, it turns out I have no interest in meeting 99% of the people I chat with. Some are perfectly nice, but I just don’t feel any need to actually meet them. I’m not sure what it is. Maybe I’m not ready to date or maybe I’m actually more of a demisexual than I realized. I have to have some sort of mental connection with the guys and I rarely do. Some can’t hold a conversation and some go straight to some weird sexual talk. Then I’m out. I thought I could go into it with no pressure, no expectations, but I don’t want to meet somebody from a dating site, that I have no interest in actually dating. I’m ready to quit or at least try some other sites, although I doubt they’re better. Exactly. There has to be some sort of connection first and I suppose because some aren't serious, some are just looking to meet immediately so don't bother with trying to connect. I can't go meet a complete stranger (mentally). If I can't connect with you online and get some sort of rapport going however briefly, it's going to be an awkward meet in person. Link to post Share on other sites
CaramelCoffeeCake Posted June 18, 2020 Share Posted June 18, 2020 20 hours ago, Caryne said: As a tech geek, I’ve been thinking about setting up an Asexual Dating website - one that’s different from the plethora of dating sites out there. Feedback welcome on how to make it work welcome. For one thing, it would be free! I also co-run a Meetup for lesbian and started recurring zoom Happy Hour calls. Wonder if that would work. This is a very good idea. I've been thinking about this for ages too but have no way of carrying it out myself. I'd like a site that isn't so focused on pictures but more on getting to know each other through interests, personalities, etc for a better match but one can choose to share their picture with the person they're chatting with and vice versa. Meeting is also up to them. I personally don't like having my pictures out for all and sundry to scroll past but will happily share it with the people I'm talking to. Link to post Share on other sites
IceQueenn Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 I had no luck with asexual dating ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Quito Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 I feel past dating sites of any kind. It's too large a pool of individuals for me to wade through in order to find someone with whom I share common ground. I believe I will meet friends by joining meetup or other groups like outdoor associations, arts, or toastmasters etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Caryne Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 On 6/18/2020 at 12:58 PM, Ellash said: This is a very good idea. I've been thinking about this for ages too but have no way of carrying it out myself. I'd like a site that isn't so focused on pictures but more on getting to know each other through interests, personalities, etc for a better match but one can choose to share their picture with the person they're chatting with and vice versa. Meeting is also up to them. I personally don't like having my pictures out for all and sundry to scroll past but will happily share it with the people I'm talking to. If you’re interested in making it work I am a web and mobile development so could form a ‘project team’ to get it right. Link to post Share on other sites
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