Somewhat unhopeful about the dating thing

[CodyRandom]

Hello everyone,

 

I've been single my entire life (26 on 7/11) and I'd say I'm a decently attractive/slightly above average in looks on a good day. I've never been on a date and the only "relationship" I had was one sided and she didn't put in any effort. Throughout my life I've always wanted to be in a relationship and I believe it started at the age of 12 when I started wanting to be in a relationship with someone. I've longed to go on a date with someone and honestly I have gone on 17 "dates" but unfortunately not one person showed up, I know it may be sad getting stood up 17 times but I guess I shouldn't get my hopes up. I want to have a family one day and to be honest I don't think I'll ever really be in a relationship due to me being on tinder, POF, bumble, and a few others and not getting any matches or replies. I always said that if if I wake up one day and I'm 30 and I'm in the same boat (never having a relationship/gone on any dates) I'll be giving up completely with my relationship life. it makes me sad to think that the saying "there's someone out there for everyone" is slowly fading on my life and even though I've bettered myself with hobbies and etc I hope I can find someone who'll be interested in me and actually want me.

 

[RoBoZaKi]

Have you tried asexual dating sites? I've never dated anyone ever in my life cause it can be pretty intimidating to date in a sex positive culture. But try to reach out to fellow aces, you may find your match.

[Chloe88]

3 hours ago, CodyRandom said:

"there's someone out there for everyone"

And that "someone" could be the biggest shit that you've ever met.

 

3 hours ago, CodyRandom said:

I've bettered myself with hobbies

A lot of girls that I know prefer guys who are boring and useless. 

 

 

Don't worry. A lot of people are single and a lot are in unhappy relationships. Hetero/ace, everyone! Don't ever equate a relationship with happiness.

As for being stood up, that happens but you've had it particularly bad so you may be being tricked by an on-line idiot.

 

You can be single and be very happy!

 

[Eutierria]

6 hours ago, CodyRandom said:

bettered myself with hobbies and etc I hope I can find someone who'll be interested in me and actually want me.

If you choose hobbies based on what you think will attract potential partners, there is a chance you'll attract the wrong people. Choose hobbies you genuinely enjoy or want to try out of curiosity & really enjoy yourself in the process. Any potential partners who may come your way will become a bonus. 

 

Additionally, you're not worth more when In a relationship.  You are enough as you are. 

[twooarsoneace]

13 hours ago, RoBoZaKi said:

Have you tried asexual dating sites? I've never dated anyone ever in my life cause it can be pretty intimidating to date in a sex positive culture. But try to reach out to fellow aces, you may find your match.

Do you have any suggestions? I haven't had much success finding one.

[Low End Things]

7 hours ago, twooarsoneace said:

Do you have any suggestions? I haven't had much success finding one.

OKCupid is probably your best, just be really specific about who you are and what you're looking for.

 

For the OP: you're doing this already, but do the things you want to do in your life and meet people through those activities. It's harder being ace, but you have to keep trying.

[Zosia]

[Someone Else]

Okcupid has changed recently, almost forcing you to pay or play their matching double take.  For instance, I could have a dozen messages waiting for me, but I haven't seen them because I didn't yet randomly "like" the people who sent them, so the messages remain invisible.  It's really bad.  

[Pyroglifix]

On 5/31/2020 at 4:08 AM, Someone Else said:

Okcupid has changed recently, almost forcing you to pay or play their matching double take.  For instance, I could have a dozen messages waiting for me, but I haven't seen them because I didn't yet randomly "like" the people who sent them, so the messages remain invisible.  It's really bad.  

I just signed up for okcupid today and I'm thinking of deleting because of this bs

[Someone Else]

Yeah, for all I know, I could have dozens of messages (unlikely, but still.)  But because I didn't look at their profiles completely by random chance and "like" them, I may not even see it.  
And yet, there are so many people saying, "I don't see likes, send me a message."  But they may not ever even see my message if they don't play the like game.  WTF
Most online dating sites require money or are basically dead, these days.  It;s a real shame, many many years ago I liked okcupid and it worked better than anywhere else online, at least for making online friends.

[Low End Things]

On 5/31/2020 at 6:08 AM, Someone Else said:

Okcupid has changed recently, almost forcing you to pay or play their matching double take.  For instance, I could have a dozen messages waiting for me, but I haven't seen them because I didn't yet randomly "like" the people who sent them, so the messages remain invisible.  It's really bad.  

Isn't that the point though? Why read a message from someone you don't like without needing a nudge to like them?

 

Also, OKCupid does show you messages in Doubletake if someone has sent one. It shows up right under their profile pic on the app, and right above their description on the computer. They don't always show who has liked you, but again if you're not swiping right on a profile on your own volition, why would it matter if they liked you or now?

[Someone Else]

Lots of people don't play double take or use the like feature, they're saying "I don't see likes, I do't use likes, just send a message." But they won't see my message because they do't play double take.
A lot of people just swipe everyone in double take just to see who sent them a message.  I know for sure, as I've tried talking to people who "liked me" but definitely did not actually like me, in fact they were like "fuck off, why are you bothering me?"  
I am ok with seeing almost anyone's friendly messages.  It doesn't take that much.  It's a rare person who I have to block.  Can you imagine if Aven required you to like someone before you could read their posts?  I'd have never even known most of the people here existed.   I don't necessarily "like" or dislike most of the people here that I talk to on the forums, but I don't mind being able to see their messages without randomly finding their profiles.  You're going to say that aven and okcupid are different, and today they are, but once okcupid was a forum/journal system like aven, just with an included matching system.    I want to go back to those days when the system actually really worked and it was so easily to communicate.  

Look, okcupid, just unlock my mailbox and let me see who wants to talk to me.  
It's also not an app for me, it's a web page.  Ugh, phone users have changed my internet.  

[Low End Things]

I guess the way I see it is, these sites are essentially tools, and there are certain ways to use those tools, and if someone wants to use the site outside of the way it's meant to be used...well, they're going to have a bad time. If doubletake is the only way to see messages and you want to find people, you're out of luck. I'm assuming they made it this way in response to the intense harassment (mainly) female users of the site were getting through unsolicited messages.

 

I would have loved to have seen the site when it was more like this; I've been on and off OkCupid since 2013 but I know the site's much older than that. I'm guessing I'm the generation right after you (I was born in the very early 90s), but forums definitely suit me more as well.