The perfect single me vs me feeling alone.

[The Abhorred]

What I'm about to describe to you is probably gonna be a new kind of mental disorder with no cure and I wonder if anyone else has it. I am forever alone but deep down I want to have that special relationship with someone. On the same time I have idolize the forever alone, cool and independent me. Even the fictional characters I relate to or my virtual me is single and find repulsive the thought of them being with a partner. 

 

If I could name my syndrome I would name it the "Estelle" syndrome from the character of Charles Dickens. Why her? I do feel coldhearted unable to return any affection shown by others and to the rare occasion I have feelings for someone I see them as a kind of weakness so I just try to strangle them.

Today I was thinking that I want to grand all my wishes for my simshelf, buy her my dream car, go on vacations but the thought of her even accepting flirt (she is unflirty anyway) feels like ewww no. Is not  easy even to admit how much I long for affection, care or silly stuff like a hug or how lately this is all I can think about. There are a thousand reasons why I can't have that irl, like how much I detest the idea of dating or how I never had any strong feelings for a real person but the above, of me has to be single is the most hard to beat. This has truly became my Achilles heel... arghh I'm confused.

 

Is there anyone else like me and  so... not right in the brain?

[Galactic Turtle]

If it's really causing you a lot of distress... such as you are in relationships and actually want to have sex/kiss/whatever but can't manage to express yourself the way you'd like, you could have a fear of intimacy which I have been told there are multiple ways to tackle with the right assistance.

 

But if you're more or less fine being single even if you can recognize the benefits of having a partner... it's just that your version of partnership makes it a pretty unlikely outcome or you find yourself not being interested in people in general anyway... then congrats! You're like probably most people on this website.  

[GlamRocker]

@The Abhorred, it sounds like you are afraid of being vulnerable to other people, while at the same time wishing you had someone you could share love with. You also seem to think that you would be stupid/weak to let your guard down. This is a very normal feeling, lots of people have it, and it's nothing you're doing wrong. Also, there's nothing wrong with your brain. It's much more likely that there is something right with it... in that you have learned the TRUTH somewhere along the way... that truth is that many people are not trustworthy and have a tendency to try and manipulate, using any vulnerability they have learned of. And you often can't tell this kind of person from anyone else, as everyone goes out of their way to seem cool at first. In fact, some of the worst ones go out of their way to seem cool longer than the others, because they KNOW they are trying to manipulate others. Also, it seems that trustworthy, truly cool people are not so common. However, one day, you may meet a truly cool person, and if this happens, eventually you will probably feel safe and natural when sharing a deeper emotional and possibly physical (doesn't have to be sex) connection. I think you are right to be careful about who you might "let in," though. 

[The Abhorred]

1 hour ago, Galactic Turtle said:

If it's really causing you a lot of distress... such as you are in relationships and actually want to have sex/kiss/whatever but can't manage to express yourself the way you'd like, you could have a fear of intimacy which I have been told there are multiple ways to tackle with the right assistance.

I haven't been even near to that.

1 hour ago, Galactic Turtle said:

But if you're more or less fine being single even if you can recognize the benefits of having a partner... it's just that your version of partnership makes it a pretty unlikely outcome or you find yourself not being interested in people in general anyway... then congrats! You're like probably most people on this website

Cool! I just wondering about the part about where I don't allow even to my imaginary self being in a relationship. 

 

34 minutes ago, GlamRocker said:

Also, there's nothing wrong with your brain

No one else yet, can relate to what I'm saying, so I guess there must be. Or others are still scare to come out about that, as I am.

 

36 minutes ago, GlamRocker said:

it sounds like you are afraid of being vulnerable to other people, while at the same time wishing you had someone you could share love with. You also seem to think that you would be stupid/weak to let your guard down. This is a very normal feeling, lots of people have it

Thing is I have no clue if this is a matter of trust. I might have trust issues, as you said is really common. To help you understand I have never date anyone or met anyone who I'd like to date. I have been rejected and hurt by others just as much or way much I have rejected and hurt others who liked me. 

 

41 minutes ago, GlamRocker said:

Also, it seems that trustworthy, truly cool people are not so common. However, one day, you may meet a truly cool person, and if this happens, eventually you will probably feel safe and natural when sharing a deeper emotional and possibly physical (doesn't have to be sex) connection. I think you are right to be careful about who you might "let in," though

These people are rare indeed, even if I'll meet one by then I would probably have grown a second skin shield and won't care. Also 🤘🤘

[Caessura]

This is not an uncommon sentiment among aromantic (or along the spectrum, i.g. demi- or grey- romantic) aces. I have also struggled with a similar feeling of being extremely averse to the idea of a relationship, but still wanting some form of connection (even to the point of not even imagining a relationship for myself or any character I felt a connection to, like you described).
Humans are social creatures and we all have an innate need to connect and share experiences. It may be worth looking into something like a QPR (queer-platonic relationship) to see if that’s something you’d be more comfortable with. 
And if you’re uncomfortable with any type of relationship, that’s still okay! You aren’t alone in that! But surrounding yourself with people who you care about and who care about you is the key to a happy life, as cliché as that sounds. Be cautious defining yourself by loneliness; vulnerability can be difficult, but it can also enrich your life in the long run. 
 

[The Abhorred]

21 hours ago, Caessura said:

This is not an uncommon sentiment among aromantic

I didn't know that, I was hoping to be able to talk about this and how others deal with it but no one has come forth. How about you? 

 

21 hours ago, Caessura said:

But surrounding yourself with people who you care about and who care about you is the key to a happy life, as cliché as that sounds

Is this helping you with your desire to form a special kind of connection with someone?

 

21 hours ago, Caessura said:

Be cautious defining yourself by loneliness;

Would like to explain some more, what this means. I said that this issue of mine is my Achilles heel for many reasons, no one really knows that.

 

Also welcome to the forum! 🍰