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Newly discovered asexuality (tmi possible)


yentruoc88

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yentruoc88

My boyfriend and I have struggled with intimacy for our entire relationship. He does not express love by touch, and I respect that. (I do.) Once we started living together it became a point of contention that he never wanted sex. If I touched him, he would have an excuse or be barely able to hide his repulsion. I questioned his sexuality. I questioned his faithfulness. Someone else must be meeting his needs. I've never been with someone who didn't enjoy receiving oral sex. Maybe he liked to be with men. In an argument about sex one day, he said "a hole is a hole". And I was so disgusted by the callousness of it. I thought, he has to be bi. And he's more gay than straight? We have been trying to have an open relationship, which has awakened me to the idea that not everyone is disgusted by me physically. Not always disgust, but at most tolerated like an annoyance or chore. I desire him, but he does not desire me. He is afraid I am looking for his replacement. I'm not. I just can't live without being desired. I need someone who knows where to put it, and wants it. Or who will let me put it. I don't know how I will find someone who wants to have sex with me without forming a partnership. No starting a family. Just pause everything while we have a strictly sexual relationship most other women won't tolerate sharing. The dating pool for that at my age is probably going to be sociopaths or come with STDS. Or, who would want to have a friend that they aren't allowed to love or move to the next level with? I'm just really confused. I love him very much. Thank you for creating this forum. I enjoy reading what others have experienced. Please reply with long term fixes.

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My, that sounds like it's been incredibly painful and rough for you.  I'm sorry you've been through this - it's always difficult when there's such a desire disparity.

 

Have you read some about the open/poly community?  There's several good books out there - I hear good things about More Than Two.  There's also The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory.  There are definitely people out there who understand unconventional relationships, and it would probably be incredibly useful to be able to talk with communities that understand.

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