How to know if you are also aromantic

[wundermatch]

Does anyone have any signs that helped them realized they are actually aroace? Even any experiences could be very helpful

[LegolasAroAce]

Hi! I know for me the main sign of being aromantic was ironically, when I thought honestly about what my ideal date would be I realized that what I wanted was just hanging out with all romantic components removed. I noticed that when I really admired someone and thought I had a crush on them, I just wanted a close friendship. I also noticed a disconnect whenever a friend would have a crush on me and I tried to reciprocate. I felt like their emotions were genuine whereas I was just acting the way I thought I should. I hope that was helpful and that you find the info you are looking for.

[wundermatch]

Yes! Thank you! I just recently broke up with my boyfriend and I while I was exploring aromanticism I came across this list: 
https://www.google.com/amp/s/anagnori.tumblr.com/post/69145328274/you-might-be-aromantic-if/amp
 

and I realized these are very true for me, relationship wise:

 

21. When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable.

23. Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are.

25. You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back.

26. You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong.

 

I felt all of this even if I didn’t realize it then. 

[LegolasAroAce]

I'm glad I could help at all. Wow, that list seems to sums up a lot of what I've experienced as an Aro. I get what you mean about "signs that you may be aromantic" being true without realizing it. I tried to date three different times and in hindsight I was feeling most of the ways described on the list, but I had no language for what I was experiencing and so I thought the issue was with me not trying enough. AVEN actually helped me a lot before I even joined because I could see various descriptions of orientations all over the Aro and Ace Spectrums, 

[Miggs]

On 5/27/2020 at 12:43 AM, wundermatch said:

Yes! Thank you! I just recently broke up with my boyfriend and I while I was exploring aromanticism I came across this list: 
https://www.google.com/amp/s/anagnori.tumblr.com/post/69145328274/you-might-be-aromantic-if/amp
 

and I realized these are very true for me, relationship wise:

 

21. When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable.

23. Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are.

25. You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back.

26. You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong.

 

I felt all of this even if I didn’t realize it then. 

I broke up with my SO last year. I felt all of the things on this list. 

 

I felt there were other factors that led me to decide to breakup. But honestly, if none of the romantic stuff was there, I would have been able to keep up the relationship. I wanted to be friends with this person afterward. But this didn't work out. 

 

While I was disappointed I understood that for some people it is all or nothing. 

 

I could not connect with him. 

 

I have another partner. Although our relationship can be hard to define in terms of heterosexual/romantic relationships. 

 

Currently my partner is my friend. We are not romantic. They have known me since I was 14. We have been friends a long time. But we live together and are very supportive of one another. And I have to say I have never been happier. Of course we have our differences. But they are demi-ace and potentially aromantic. 

 

But we just get along and care about one another so much that none of that makes our relationship any less valuable. 

 

 I would say that sometimes I will have a sudden spark of romantic interest, but ultimately that doesn't change my feelings or how I want to express them. 

 

The most important thing is, I don't feel pressured, trapped or misunderstood. 

[Gifted With Singleness]

There was a girl I thought was cute (aesthetically). She was nice, and I wanted to hang out with her. But I was so used to hearing the idea that men and women can't be friends that I assumed I had to ask her out. So I did. She said no, and I felt RELIEVED.

 

This confused me massively at the time. I'm not supposed to be relieved. I'm supposed to be devastated that the girl of my dreams rejected me. Why do I feel relieved? What's wrong with me?

 

I hadn't even heard the term aromantic at that point, but the gears started to turn in my brain. At some point, I realized that romance just felt like a massive burden to me. A bunch of rules to follow, rather than something to be excited about. That's why I felt relieved; I didn't have to carry that burden anymore.

[Brittany_1]

I guess I could say that I'm aromantic. I've never been in a relationship and I've never wanted to. I also don't understand what it means to like someone romantically. It's a foreign concept to me.

[Skycaptain]

@Brittany_1
 that's a good description for someone who identifies as aromantic, 🎂🎂

[wundermatch]

On 5/28/2020 at 7:36 PM, Miggs said:

I wanted to be friends with this person afterward. But this didn't work out. 

I also want to be friends with him, but I'm not sure how that will go. We only broke up 3 weeks ago. I feel like if we only stayed friends from the beginning, everything would be fine and I only realized two weeks ago that he was my squish lmao. I cannot believe I actually ended up in a relationship with my squish. When we talked about out relationship and while we were breaking up (it was on good terms) he said that the first two months were amazing and he got this positive vibe from me, but the more time passed and the more 'obligational' relationship stuff was supposed to be happening, he felt I was getting colder. I didn't realized that but I remember thinking 'wow, shouldn't we go to 2nd base already' but then I felt relieved we didn't lol. That really should've let me know I'm asexual but yeah. 

[Miggs]

39 minutes ago, wundermatch said:

I also want to be friends with him, but I'm not sure how that will go.

I thought we had ended on good enough terms. But I ended it, not we. So you might have an easier time keeping up the relationship. But if there are things you genuinely want to do with him, ask him and leave room in your schedule for him. That's another thing that drove me and my guy apart. I was also busy and absent from the relationship. 

 

41 minutes ago, wundermatch said:

I cannot believe I actually ended up in a relationship with my squish.

Me too! We just kind of grew into it. 

 

44 minutes ago, wundermatch said:

I didn't realized that but I remember thinking 'wow, shouldn't we go to 2nd base already' but then I felt relieved we didn't lol. That really should've let me know I'm asexual but yeah. 

I am so glad I realized I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't know the why at the time. But I am glad it ended before I forced myself to do something I would have hated later. I didn't know I was Ace until months afterward.