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Asexuality and me


Tilda127

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Hello everyone!😄

Hope you all are keeping safe in these weird times. Being stuck inside has lead me to be stuck in my head a lot, and being largely closeted in my real life I thought it would be cathartic to sit and write about my asexual journey so fae. This is a long post so if you read it I really appeciate it but don't feel obliged. For a bit of context I'm 18 and live in the UK.

 

Throughtout my life I've not really mixed with the types of people who are obsessed with relationships, so the times I was put on the spot about who I "liked" were few and far between. The first time I remeber feeling uncomfortable came in year 6 when my class decided to become obsessed with which girls liked which boys and vice verser. My answer that I didn't "like anyone" wouldn't go down well, even when I pointed out we were 10 and 11. I just figured everyone was just being extra and left it at that.

 In Secondary school i was able to separate myself from the types of people who were obsessed over relationships. I spent the five years not having to deal with too much pressure about who I had a crush on ect. I do remember serveral occations in yr 11 however, where I would be friendly towards boys in my classes, only to have people tease me or imply I had a crush on them. I am pretty good at handeling most social situations, however I would usally find these situaltions embarrassing, leading me to go red in the face, which acted as a form of proof for whoever was hounding me that their suspicions were right, when in reality I was just deeply uncomfortable.

I've been fortunate enough to always feel quite self confident even if I wasn't always the most socially excellent, so i assumed all would come to me in good time. 

Now this takes me to the last few year in 6th form (16-18 years old)  where my friendship group became smaller but far more intimate and honestly it's been the closest and happiest I've been with a group of friends ever. I clocked something was different when my friends started to become more intreated in boys and girls. I had always clung onto the idea that we were too young to really know what we want, yet being 16, and turning 17 I realised maybe something was up. For some reason I had always assumed that realising your sexuality was some big moment, but I hadn't had this big moment so i guessed I must be straight. However as time went on my friends' intreast in people and their sexuality became more evident. People were in relationships and I realised how old I was and how little I had thought about or interacted with the idea of my own sexuality.  Luckly for me I started watching Bojack Horseman  and was educated about what asexuality actually was, and while I didn't have my lightbulb moment until later, I was now aware of what asexualality was. I think the pin finallly dropped for me when I decided to google what sexual attracting was like, and how little I related to it. 

Eventually I decided to look into asexuality a  bit more, and and learning about the nuances of it made me realise that maybe this is what I identified as.  Over the following months I grappled with the idea in my head, eventually plucking up the courage to tell a friend that I actually was asexual. I chose to tell her becuase she knew  what asexuality was and understood the fears of coming out. I later told my older sister, who hel0ed encourage me to tell our parents (who I knew would be supportive). I did it over text and I am fortunate enough they were 100% supportive in my realisation.

So now we come to today where unusually I'm out to my parents but not to most of my friends. I think my main fear is wanting to change my identity down the road but feeling trapped by the label. I might turn out to be gray ace, demi or aromantic or something completely different, I'm still younge and have lots still to experience, so labeling myself as asexual panromantic (while is how I currently identify) feels daunting. However I do want to tell my friends and I hope I pluck up the courage to do so some point this year. Lockdown is the ideal opportunity after all, it's just a daunting concept.

If you made it to the end of this ty so much for sticking with this. I've never knowingly spoken to another asexual individual so AVEN is a brilliant place for me to find asexual content ect. I hope you have a good day and you know that you are valid in your sexuality!

 

 

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WaywardHeroine

Thank you for sharing, and welcome to AVEN!  

 

I would offer you a piece of cake, but I don't actually know how to add an image to a post.  Let me just describe it to you:  It's chocolate raspberry, with white frosting and little pink frosting flowers on the top! (never mind that it also says "happy birthday" on it.  It was already written when I picked it out from the display case.  I'm sure it tastes fantastic anyway!)  ^_ ^

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5 hours ago, WaywardHeroine said:

Thank you for sharing, and welcome to AVEN!  

 

I would offer you a piece of cake, but I don't actually know how to add an image to a post.  Let me just describe it to you:  It's chocolate raspberry, with white frosting and little pink frosting flowers on the top! (never mind that it also says "happy birthday" on it.  It was already written when I picked it out from the display case.  I'm sure it tastes fantastic anyway!)  ^_ ^

Aww thank you so much, i do like birthday cake even if it isn't my birthday🙂

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NickyTannock

@Tilda127 Welcome to AVEN!

 

The way you came out to your parents mirrors the way I had.
Except, instead of a text, I wrote a physical note.
I wish you luck finding the courage to come out to your friends!

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a "Todd" cake (all edible),

https://www.reddit.com/r/BoJackHorseman/comments/es6ykt/hooray_a_todd_cake/

r1uktmdne9c41.jpg

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7 hours ago, MichaelTannock said:

@Tilda127 Welcome to AVEN!

 

The way you came out to your parents mirrors the way I had.
Except, instead of a text, I wrote a physical note.
I wish you luck finding the courage to come out to your friends!

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a "Todd" cake (all edible),

https://www.reddit.com/r/BoJackHorseman/comments/es6ykt/hooray_a_todd_cake/

r1uktmdne9c41.jpg

Omg that cake is AMAZING. Thank you so much, i hope i muster up the courage too 😊 

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21 hours ago, Lichley said:

Welcome! Hello from Gatport Airwick :D You might like to use this to help you explain when coming out :) 

http://www.asexualityarchive.com/a-parents-guide-to-asexuality/

pancakecake.png

Thank you so much for the link, I'll cheak it out! Also that cake slice looks real good 😍

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