Too closed off or aromantic

[Guest]

I've never had the ability to form close emotional and romantic relationships. I only have one good friend (female) who I still have trouble opening up to emotionally. I am very open when it comes to talking about my problems but I always have trouble expressing and navigating my emotions. I grew up with parents in a loveless marriage and no one in my family was close to one another, except I grew close to my mother. She is the only one I can open up to emotionally. 

 

I never understood how others are so easily able to express romantic interest and love toward one another, and I am always in a state of fear when it comes to opening myself to love. Any time I am interested in someone, I can never express it. I never try to get close to them and if I am ever around them I act like a nervous fool. Then everything just goes south for me. I never get to that next stage of going out with someone who is as interested in me as I am in them. I treat my crushes so platonically I feel like I'm sabotaging any possibility of having a relationship. It's not that I feel platonic feelings for them, it's just that I treat them as friends and keep them at a distance to avoid confronting my feelings. I wonder if I am really this closed off or if I am actually aromantic and never want relationship in the first place. I'm doing a great job at maintaining a single life lol

[Guest]

2 hours ago, LibraGirl said:

Any time I am interested in someone, I can never express it. I never try to get close to them and if I am ever around them I act like a nervous fool.

Oh that's really common for romantic people!!! Many are able to push through those feelings of course, but some cannot.

 

Being romantic or aromantic isn't about whether you have relationships or even whether you can express feelings, it's about whether you have those feelings in the first place

 

From your posts about crushes I definitely think you have those feelings, you just hold yourself back from expressing them is all, and self-sabotage etc. Which definitely is sad :c heck I dont think I would talk to someone I wash crushing on in person either, if I crushed on anyone. That thought is terrifying to me!!

 

[Rynn]

Not wanting a relationship is different from not experiencing romantic attraction. Aromanticism is about that second thing.

 

I think maybe it would be good for you to practice being more open about your feelings with people, push yourself out of your comfort zone, and I don't just mean romantic feelings, but all feelings. It's not easy, but it gets more manageable the more you do it. The more positive reactions you get (even to inconsequential feelings that you express), the less scared you become of expressing them, eventually. This does take a long time.

 

Maybe also try treating yourself like you would treat a friend. If you're thinking 'oh no I can't say that because they may react like this or this', think about how you would react to a friend telling you the same thing. It's probably not as negative.

[Guest]

17 hours ago, PanFicto. said:

From your posts about crushes I definitely think you have those feelings, you just hold yourself back from expressing them is all, and self-sabotage etc. Which definitely is sad :c heck I dont think I would talk to someone I wash crushing on in person either, if I crushed on anyone. That thought is terrifying to me!!

It's more than that too. I try to associate the person with negative things to convince myself that they are awful and wrong lol. When I do talk to a crush I make sure there is good distance between us and there is this refusal inside of me not to connect with them emotionally. I often think that because I am unable to express feelings that they do not exist in the first place.  

 

7 hours ago, Laurann said:

I think maybe it would be good for you to practice being more open about your feelings with people, push yourself out of your comfort zone, and I don't just mean romantic feelings, but all feelings.

This is such a great suggestion. Even my last therapist told me to do that lol. I'll try to open up more about my feelings - any feelings - towards others. Thank you for the advice