Phantasmal Fingers Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 I have a stone tortoise. Enough said. Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted May 24, 2020 Author Share Posted May 24, 2020 And if you don't understand how this thread works, just ask @Skycaptain! 🙃 Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 1 hour ago, Moderne Jazzhanden said: And if you don't understand how this thread works, just ask @Skycaptain! 🙃 Let me guess... find clever ways of admitting that one's pet is actually the master of the house? Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted May 25, 2020 Author Share Posted May 25, 2020 1 hour ago, Jon A. said: Let me guess... find clever ways of admitting that one's pet is actually the master of the house? Yep. I'm merely a tennant, it's that stone tortoise who's in charge. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 Tenannts donn't like paying rennt 😋😋 Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 My roommate is really high right now after going to the dentist. He pulled his bandages off with his teeth. And he won't take his medicine unless I mix it with gravy Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 My roommates expect to be carried around the house on a cushion Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 My room mate wanders into my room and humps my duvet in ecstasy Link to post Share on other sites
ClaryFray1984 Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 One of my room mates came home in a box today. My other room mate wasn't happy I cut his hair and is currently lying on my knee. He snores. Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted May 28, 2020 Author Share Posted May 28, 2020 On 5/25/2020 at 10:00 AM, Skycaptain said: My roommates expect to be carried around the house on a cushion And I should hope you defer to them by so doing! 23 minutes ago, ClaryFray1984 said: One of my room mates came home in a box today. My other room mate wasn't happy I cut his hair and is currently lying on my knee. He snores. Okay. But how do you defer to him? Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted May 28, 2020 Author Share Posted May 28, 2020 On 5/25/2020 at 7:21 AM, Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion said: My roommate is really high right now after going to the dentist. He pulled his bandages off with his teeth. And he won't take his medicine unless I mix it with gravy Which you do, of course? Link to post Share on other sites
50 rats in a trenchcoat Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 my roomate keeps trying to have sex with the blankets, despite the fact he's had a vasectomy. Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted May 29, 2020 Author Share Posted May 29, 2020 13 hours ago, 50 rats in a trenchcoat said: my roomate keeps trying to have sex with the blankets, despite the fact he's had a vasectomy. Perhaps he doesn't want children but does enjoy comfort sex? 🤔 Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 Nah! It's an instinct inbedded in their brain Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted May 30, 2020 Author Share Posted May 30, 2020 Perhaps. But it's only the blankets. At least there isn't a sheet on the bed! Link to post Share on other sites
Piggy Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 My roommate shouted out my window behind me at nothing while I played Pathfinder over Zoom. Link to post Share on other sites
ClaryFray1984 Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 My room mate threw up on the bedroom floor and crapped on my PJ bottoms....he was sat on me at the time.... Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted June 9, 2020 Author Share Posted June 9, 2020 19 hours ago, ClaryFray1984 said: My room mate threw up on the bedroom floor and crapped on my PJ bottoms....he was sat on me at the time.... Sheer class! 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 Ten ants are easy to control though. Once there are thousands of them, you done fucked up. (So a 'stone tortoise' isn't just a euphemism for a particularly difficult contribution to the poop thread?) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 My room mated forgot the bathroom was outside. A family member ended up stepping on it and thus carried the bathroom stuff into my room. But my roommate must be feeling better now. Link to post Share on other sites
ClaryFray1984 Posted January 27, 2021 Share Posted January 27, 2021 This morning my room mate woke me up heavy breathing, took a whizz in the garden. Came back and jumped around until my mum put him on my bed. Then tried to dig a hole in my foot. It was 5.30am. Now hes hogging my bed. Link to post Share on other sites
MollyDMA Posted October 21, 2021 Share Posted October 21, 2021 Last night, my roommate crawled onto my nightstand and knocked over an empty glass onto the floor. He woke me up and spooked my other roommates Link to post Share on other sites
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